Mati | The Autistic Coach

I’m Mati (he/they) and I build neuro-affirming autistic communities by empowering my fellow #ActuallyAutistic humans with advocacy methods & self-care tools for navigating an NT world based on productivism.   My personal interests include #History #Autism #Whales #Jazz #Baseball #Korea #Oasis #Judaism #Dogs #THFC & I’m passionate about pizza, coffee, and Jewish deli.    Check out my various links and work in the About tab

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Last Notes

2026-05-28 08:12:34 UTC

A lot of autistic burnout recovery advice is just “how do I become productive again as quickly as possible?”
This is hugely problematic and misses the point.
The question is “how I build a life that stops destroying me?”

2026-05-02 18:03:28 UTC

A lot of autistic folx think they don’t have boundaries.
But often what they mean is that we were punished every time we tried to have them.
So we learned to call their needs “too much”, to call discomfort “being difficult” & to call self-abandonment “coping.”
But it’s not too late.

2026-04-28 15:17:08 UTC

value disabled people's contributions to the world - whether or not you personally find it valuable

2026-04-27 12:40:51 UTC

If you need more support from your spouse, parents, siblings, or friends - share my upcoming workshop with them
https://www.theautisticcoach.com/allies-autistic-adults-workshop
@nprofile…h65c
https://media.neurodifferent.me/media_attachments/files/116/476/716/082/003/830/original/d6f535684038119b.png

2026-04-26 11:07:44 UTC

You can’t self-regulate your way out of
a system that keeps dysregulating you.
You can learn tools - but if the environment doesn’t change, you will keep hitting the same wall.
This doesn’t make you a failure.
Tools are helpful, but ultimately we need systemic change.
You’re not at fault.

2026-04-23 07:00:41 UTC

A lot of people think growth as an autistic adult means no meltdowns - no shutdowns - no overwhelm - no dysregulation
But I think growth looks more like recognising them earlier, recovering smoother, and not hating yourself after
That’s real growth and I think more sustainable and realistic

2026-04-18 15:55:26 UTC

Autistic Masking isn’t just “hiding who you are” or “pretending to be NT”
It’s watching your face
Editing your tone
Bracing for reactions
Suppressing your needs and thinking you have none
Performing safety
Putting yourself last
All at once.
All the time.
You wonder why you’re tired

2026-04-15 18:00:53 UTC

do my fellow autistic comrades feel unheard?
unseen?
both?
@nprofile…h65c

2026-04-04 08:08:29 UTC

A lot of autistic adults say they “mask too much”
What you mean is that you had to survive - and not even realise.
All the
“Act normal.”
“Fix your face.”
“Why can’t you just…”
So we built a version of ourselves that could stay safe and now so many of us don’t always know where it ends.

2026-03-29 21:02:09 UTC

Not all autistic meltdowns are visible.
Some of them look like smiling, nodding, “I’m fine.”
All while your body is on fire.
Internalised meltdowns don’t disappear.
They get redirected - into dissociation.
Into self-blame.
And because no one sees them, no one believes how much they cost.

2026-03-22 18:11:37 UTC

when i'm dysregulated, i need pizza
when i'm regulated, i need pizza
pizza

2026-03-22 13:41:16 UTC

Do my autistic comrades like to play with their food?

2026-03-08 08:00:36 UTC

Autistic burnout and binge eating are often connected.
But not for the reasons people assume.
It’s not always about “self-control.”
It’s about a nervous system that has been pushed past capacity.
When you’re burned out you interoception gets less pronounced - your regulation goes out the window.
You forget to eat all day.
Then suddenly your body is starving.
Or you’re so dysregulated that food becomes the fastest way to ground your nervous system.
Sugar, salt, texture, fullness.
Instant regulation.
From the outside it looks like a binge.
From the inside it’s often a body trying to survive chronic overwhelm.
A lot of autistic people aren’t struggling with willpower.
We’re struggling with Autistic Burnout.
Yet it's not being seen by those who support us.
Shame ensues.
@nprofile…h65c

2026-03-04 13:54:37 UTC

where are all the autistic folx in the fedi these days?

2025-10-26 08:14:35 UTC

How many towels do my autistic comrades need to use after the shower?

2025-10-07 12:53:22 UTC

Most autistic people think they’re “getting worse”.
You’re not.
You’re burning out - from masking, overthinking, and trying to earn safety in a system that withholds it.
You can recover.
But only by learning how to stop negotiating with a world that keeps asking for your disappearance.

2025-08-02 10:42:58 UTC

Just because I looked calm doesn’t mean I was safe.
Sometimes stillness was shutdown.
Sometimes quiet was fear.
Sometimes smiling was survival.
Autistic dysregulation isn’t always loud.
It’s not always visible.
The performance of calm is what got rewarded.
Erasure.
@nprofile…67cd

2025-07-30 14:32:51 UTC

what do my autistic comrades need the most support with?
@nprofile…67cd #ActuallyAutistic

2025-07-27 07:27:34 UTC

You think I’m hard to be around?
Try being me.
Try being a bodymind that doesn’t regulate the way you want it to.
A mind that notices everything and can’t let go.
A heart that feels too much and is still told it’s not enough.
Try begging for support and being told you’re too articulate to need help.
Try masking your entire existence just to survive a work meeting.
Try collapsing from burnout and then blaming yourself for not recovering fast enough.
I’m not hard to be around.
I’m exhausted.
And still here.
Still trying.
Still showing up.
You call that a problem?
I call that a f***ing triumph.
@nprofile…67cd #ActuallyAutistic

2025-07-15 14:46:24 UTC

Not all meltdowns look like screaming or tears.
Some meltdowns go inward.
The spiral.
The pacing, the numbness, the silent rage.
The feeling of being trapped inside your bodymind with no exit.
That’s still a meltdown.
We just don’t get care for it - because it’s not visible.
We don’t rest after.
We blame ourselves.
We call it “a bad mood” or “being dramatic.”
But it’s a nervous system collapse.
It’s our bodymind saying "this is too much".
When we only define autistic distress by how it looks to others, we abandon ourselves in the moments we most need support.
Internalized meltdowns are real.
They need care, not shame, and certainly not erasure.
@nprofile…67cd #ActuallyAutistic

2025-04-20 06:48:01 UTC

Neuronormative people get so angry about autistic people existing because we remind them of everything wrong with the system that they’re too confused and cowardly about to do anything about

2025-03-28 10:35:54 UTC

Autistic burnout isn’t a rough patch.
It’s a shutdown of the bodymind after years of masking, unmet needs, and constant demand.
It can last months or years.
It’s not personal failure - it’s survival catching up.
A hard reset.
Recovery isn’t linear.
And it’s not your fault.
@nprofile…67cd

2025-03-22 18:17:26 UTC

I don’t believe that autistic humans have an “inherent sense of justice” that can be read as a positive force, per se.
I do believe many of us have a sense of what *we* perceive as correct and “just”, but that is not at all uniform whatsoever.
Being autistic doesn’t make us better.
One only needs to look at some prominent far right autistics of our day, or historic autistics like Melvil Dewey or Francis Galton to see this is the case.
For those of us who DO fight for justice, this intense value of ours can be used to fight the good fight. For the far right, the opposite.

2025-03-03 08:50:00 UTC

good morning autistic comrades
how are you entering the week?
@nprofile…67cd

2025-02-18 18:13:53 UTC

Autistic Burnout isn’t just exhaustion - it’s chronic, systemic, and fundamentally different from career or parental burnout.
It happens after years of masking, unmet needs, and relentless sensory, emotional, and social demands.
It can last months, years, or even decades.
Burnout isn’t inevitable, but in a world that refuses to accommodate us, it often feels like it is.
The solution isn’t just ‘"rest" - it’s structural change.
Autistic humans don’t burn out because we are autistic. We burn out because we are forced to exist in environments that don’t support us.
We need to shift the conversation from ‘how do we recover from burnout?’ to "how do we stop forcing autistic humans into it in the first place?"
@nprofile…67cd

2025-02-14 08:27:39 UTC

Being autistic isn't synonymous with being a bigot.
EM and KW aren't horrible because they're autistic.
Men who abuse others and are violent aren't like that because they're autistic.
To those using their being autistic as an excuse for being a shmuck - STOP
To those citing the above men and abusive people as a reason why autistic people are dangerous and should be eradicated from the earth - OPEN YOUR EYES
you're justifying your autistiphobia and bigotry by essentializing autistic people.
STOP

2025-02-09 19:53:39 UTC

Autistic minds most often see past the noise and nonsense of society.
This makes us dangerous.

2024-12-14 17:49:17 UTC

It doesn't matter if your stim is pacing in circles, playing with a toy, tapping, or anything else - your body and the way you move it is YOURS and no one else's.
NO ONE has a right to tell you how to listen and use your body.
@nprofile…67cd

2023-10-22 08:11:48 UTC

- reply

@npub1w64…fg5w @npub14qt…4ml2 @Eiregoat@nicecrew.digital typical white “religious” Christian antisemitic response ✔️

2023-10-18 10:12:01 UTC

A synagogue was bombed today in Berlin.
Another plot foiled in Rome.
Kosher restaurants ransacked in NYC.
Don’t you dare tell me that Jews aren’t being targeted and having revenge taken against us due to what’s happening in Israel-Palestine.
Stop holding us collectively responsible.

2023-10-14 21:02:28 UTC

Do you have Jewish friends?
They’re very likely not feeling great today. It doesn’t matter what side of the political spectrum or the Zionist spectrum they are.
I promise you, virtually none of them are OK right now.
Reach out. Just say hello. Be a space.

2023-10-11 10:45:06 UTC

As many of you here, and as all of you who have met or worked with me, know, I am an Israeli.
I’m also a life long peace activist for Israel-Palestine.
Unfortunately, MANY of you have taken the last few days to attack me, call me a murderer, lecture me about the world I grew up and lived in for 35+ years of my life, dare to speak down to me and over me, erase my history and lifelong dedication for Palestinian rights, and even wished me to die.
Others of you have taken the opportunity to call me an antisemite, a race traitor, a horrible person, a hypocrite, a terrorist, and erase my history and lifelong dedication to Jewish life and making Israel a better place to live.
Yet, VERY FEW of you have asked how I am. How is my family? How are my friends? How are YOU?
Well, no. I have my family & friends in deep crisis. Many have lost their own other family and friends, parents, siblings, kids and lovers - some by bullets, others by fire, others by kidnapping. A comrade of mine lost his parents. An other had their 16 year old son taken into Gaza. Too many people I know or am connected to have been murdered or taken. And I use the word murder, not killed, because sleeping civilians in their home or at a party are not military combattants. Babies aren’t targets.
I also have Palestinian friends who have lost families in Gaza from the bombs currently falling from IDF planes. My heart aches for them too as theirs does for me.
But many of you only care about death when one side fits your own narrative and unformed and ignorant beliefs.
So no, I’m not OK. I’m not OK at all.
Keep reading in the next post
@npub1mew…tau6 @npub1n7a…2v5p

2023-08-19 18:28:19 UTC

NO.
Your needs are NOT too much.
NO.
Your needs are NOT silly.
@npub1mew…tau6

2023-08-18 18:41:29 UTC

- reply

@npub1rax…8p4w @npub1mew…tau6 thank you for sharing your story!

2023-07-05 11:42:42 UTC

Have you heard my interview on the Today's Autistic Moment podcast on the importance of creating healthy boundaries as an #ActuallyAutistic person?
https://www.theautisticcoach.com/autism-blog/self-care-through-creating-good-boundaries-my-appearance-on-todays-autistic-moment-podcast
@npub1mew…tau6 @npub1s0d…jpq8

2023-05-09 15:15:57 UTC

- reply

@npub19ax…k85v @npub1nes…4chl @npub1mew…tau6 @npub1s0d…jpq8 that makes total sense to me

2023-05-09 14:26:16 UTC

- reply

@npub19ax…k85v @npub1nes…4chl @npub1mew…tau6 @npub1s0d…jpq8 thank you!