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Last Notes

2026-01-05 19:42:06 UTC

- reply

it is very hard to work ~with~ tho
because for me: i want a song to be part of a post and stay there.
like: this post has this song vibe attached. they go together.
the music statuses are not that.
they just dox what you are currently playing and change with each new song and disappear when you switch it off
so it is a little hard to work with to kinda sorta get it to do what i want it to do at the time, and yea it doesnt last so if someone comes to read a post later, it is too late. so it is hard to figure out what is going on.

2026-01-05 19:35:53 UTC

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yes it worked at the time!

2026-01-05 00:08:54 UTC

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not that song hold on.

2026-01-05 00:08:24 UTC

ok so i just turned music statuses back on damus
i bought a song on itunes for this
so hopefully this shit works

2025-09-26 00:58:08 UTC

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nope

2025-09-25 07:00:22 UTC

down to listen to stuff in full not so down to read
pretty firmly committed to not reading the literature actually
able to.
a necessary extenuating circumstance scenario, sure. would.
elective? as an elective?
no, i dont think i will.
still dont know what stacking sats means
on a fundamental level for all i know its an injoke i just dont have context for

2025-09-24 22:16:55 UTC

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thank you i listened to it in full

2025-09-24 13:56:16 UTC

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im trying to imagine nice reasons 😌

2025-09-24 13:55:59 UTC

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people who refuse to be christian zionists? people who refuse to egg genocide on? people who refuse rapture?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_Zionism

2025-09-24 13:53:00 UTC

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maybe for some people
finding out about this guy?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Nelson_Darby

2025-09-24 13:51:14 UTC

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maybe the sweet threads of the vestments?
the ostentatious?
the ceremony?

2025-09-24 13:50:19 UTC

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idk im riffing on whatever it could be from a genuine calling place
i simply dont know cos im not there so i dont know what it is

2025-09-24 13:49:30 UTC

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ive suffered enough
ive suffered into hallucinating artwork
ive been nailed to crosses
i might as well become catholic?
if my refuge doesnt at least mean a cathedral im not gonna make it?
i dont have enough peace for a barren tiny humble room so protestant wont do

2025-09-24 13:46:58 UTC

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im saying, limited gamut
like gamut style small chat commentary
for the baptised catholic non practicing adults it is funny as hell
like first of all: this is not that serious
secondly, we welcome everyone
but third of all, whatever you are going on about isnt catholic
so .. are you in the wrong place? like not kicking you out just.. math isnt mathing
idk maybe it takes time?
maybe its clout catholics

2025-09-24 13:44:19 UTC

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im saying its funny as hell
to larp what is not genuine like
fundamentally very fundamentally
cant lie in your heart

2025-09-24 13:43:27 UTC

listen, i love melting pots
i love remix i love
i so love

2025-09-24 11:57:13 UTC

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like, i dont have another place to put it
except to say this thinking corresponds to that for me
the angel that hates human beings for being vile

2025-09-24 11:56:16 UTC

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what if we killed all the hyenas
then the water buffalo will have peace
type thinking
i, me, i do not understand where this frequency comes from except the angel of genocide ala those prophecy b
movies

2025-09-24 11:54:36 UTC

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like how peta would prefer to euthanize all pets because all pets are enslaved

2025-09-24 11:54:01 UTC

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vegan ethics:
im trying to imagine inhabiting the thought process of the human people who want to stop hyenas from eating water buffalo

2025-09-24 11:52:40 UTC

spark notes:
someone is playing with their food
if that food is someone too
where the mercy
what is mercy
to be swift about it?
to fuck around like a cat with a mouse
when wolves take down a bison thats not 1 on 1
thats pack vs herd to single that herd to 1
pack vs 1 then
is that unfair
does it have to be fair

2025-09-23 21:40:29 UTC

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😲
the sounds
the pouring water
the bubbles
the wood the embers
oh my goodness

2025-09-23 14:15:28 UTC

"For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation. I hold this to be the highest task for a bond between two people: that each protects the solitude of the other."

2025-09-22 18:33:25 UTC

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so like: commercials: no
billboards: no
i like to make my stuff by hand for me
i dont need a huckster to sell me shampoo
i know how i like to take care of my hair
that used to be a pretty baseline understanding
america was the land of hucksters but america had savy consumers. americans like a good deal.

2025-09-22 18:29:04 UTC

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i get, as best as i can get, that typing stuff into places can mean:
i patched this
or like: here is a better bug free update
i mean that with all due respect
the intelligence it takes to type things into places to know what to type etc i cannot comprehend to fathom
i get that that reinforces speed
all i can offer is all i know of irl if you find an irl person that comes up to you like: hey wanna try my new product?
the answer is no

2025-09-22 18:25:15 UTC

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like tell me one time
an immediate quick fix was the lasting generative nourishing solution to anything

2025-09-22 18:24:37 UTC

do quick fixes work in therapy or is that cia
is cbt good for you
or is that cia
#note1d7a…vk86

2025-09-22 18:23:37 UTC

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it is cool to experiment with eating & health & create your own custom thing
i am not speaking to that at all
im saying big societal problems like:
"maybe what vitamin is america maybe deficient in that is exacerbating this badly?"
sun light matters
fresh air matters
clean water matters
what vitamin? like some esoteric thing that can be found & bought & sold & exploited to smithereens? a cure-all just take 2 in the morning knock it back?
lol how long is America gonna do hucksters
i know thats very americana im not slagging americana
im saying, we all knew what hucksters were in the 1800s

2025-09-22 18:19:43 UTC

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this is beyond beyond like bare minimum obvious
to the point where if someone is like
but maybe its overmilled flour
its like
very hard to be gracious
& not be like
r u for fucking real

2025-09-22 18:18:21 UTC

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hormones
stress hormones
lonely hormones
disconnected hormones
phermone alteration
like, everything is kinda everything
the whole thing is fucked

2025-09-22 18:15:55 UTC

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the most holistic view of the earth is the whole system
the most holistic view of the body is the whole body on the whole earth
thats toes
thats how many kisses
thats what breakfast can be
that's an island full of trash in an ocean
that's denial meaning someone else is carrying both sides alone & its not light cos feelings are heavy sometimes & feelings are allowed to be heavy feelings are free
that's epigenetics
that's trauma stored in the body
that's reflections of advertisements that intrude w/o consent on billboards, as commercials, as spam email, reinforcing that fat people are fucking disgusting
that's past memories of fatphobic family & or friends & or ex's
it all has cost

2025-09-22 18:10:42 UTC

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i am sorry
by all accounts, like very honestly, i really thought we would
i did not anticipate such a reward system the more emotional maturity is dismantled
i didnt account for that societally
my view of the world doesnt often account for stuff like that
like: what if as people grow older they get younger & can handle less cos phones
was not inside my
imagination of things

2025-09-22 18:08:09 UTC

the emotional maturity does not exist to tackle this problem on this earth at this time
#note1e0u…vrfe

2025-09-22 18:01:11 UTC

yes thank you
https://image.nostr.build/09ecd707abfb06e9f2738e023c78c85d0074407e9a6ea63911d0a6f6c5fd4fb1.jpg

2025-09-22 16:46:10 UTC

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2025-09-22 16:28:25 UTC

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nice! i got a lb of rice that means so much to me from Minnesota!

2025-09-22 16:05:59 UTC

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riffing w/o context
planning to meet up at the grocery store?
& one person is saying,
sorry if you dont mind cant make it today. tomorrow?
cos thats normal to me
what are irl friends for?
isnt it hanging out & then being like:
i gotta get the dry cleaning, you staying here or tagging along?
i dont understand how this is an illustration of an attempt
that can be declined as a wrong ask
it doesnt sound like that from the words
those arent opening volley from
random nowhere words unless it is a spam number
to me anyway, entirely out of context
anyway, idk
no pressure,
but if you want to elaborate,
im curious as to what im misunderstanding😅

2025-09-22 15:24:19 UTC

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silence & gazing at the hudson
yes
that's why im here
catch ya later nostr ✌️

2025-09-22 15:22:38 UTC

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not in the mood for gnosis
not in the mood to play
not in the mood for music

2025-09-22 15:19:28 UTC

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need? never
want to? sure
i opened to a random page
the words look good
but im not in the mood for a story

2025-09-22 15:16:57 UTC

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do i need to read it if i read this quote
https://image.nostr.build/e9e46a72598dee8922ddc5f447b1cb977602791ea44fd594be6cb3ad26069fc4.jpg

2025-09-22 15:12:51 UTC

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just sat down on a good bench with a poetry book

2025-09-22 15:11:37 UTC

22 9 25 hudson river
https://image.nostr.build/3134c3d8d7b6a60f24de38645e33c143c6f9e9da8126217392293ba8372485b3.jpg

2025-09-22 14:45:52 UTC

to me, jónsi sings with vega

2025-09-22 14:29:21 UTC

unison by bjork
this cover slaps
i love singing it

2025-09-22 14:24:24 UTC

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hello in farsi?
no
just handsome

2025-09-22 14:20:28 UTC

si
#note1wt9…50xg

2025-09-22 14:19:53 UTC

1,000 numbers in mohawk you can say
but handsome you cannot say
but you can say handsome in farsi

2025-09-22 12:55:12 UTC

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i cannot bear to throw away any food scraps or biodegradable things especially with anyone anywhere suffering starvation
so i have a compost pile in a trashcan with holes drilled in it at the bottom
i throw all my scaps in there with dirt
i barely turn w/ a shovel or water it
it has a lid
it breaks down in its own time

2025-09-22 02:57:54 UTC

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🐢

2025-09-21 11:14:56 UTC

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this friend called me & said: i know this is gonna really upset you to hear. but you need to know that this is what this moderator experienced & this is where they are at emotionally
so that heralded the ending of that
not once, not even ~mildly~ did i have a single wish for harm. there was no sentence i wrote where i was like: yea lemme say this & fuck them up
not once
i wasnt writing from anger
i was strenuously advocating for better protections for users in unsafe conditions getting rocked
when pleading w/ power on the backfoot w/ no leverage you can only make a case
i explicitly wasnt writing to activate shadow
& yet
a human being across the atlantic, professionally working. sees clients.
had a bloody nose
& that, to them, wouldnt have been the case without my words
thats fucking nauseating

2025-09-21 11:07:13 UTC

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even that is fraught
a professional working psychologist & moderator in one of those groups
once got so twisted up by me, by my words, strenuously advocating for moderation adjustment because of unsafety & abuse of power,
that later that evening he got a bloody nose
decided that was me
& called my friend to her i was a demon

2025-09-21 11:04:34 UTC

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story: so the boundary limits, interacting in safety with strangers online, the moment someone starts going there
im on lifeguard duty like: fyi: you dont have access to see what you are saying
or i just bounce out
like i just find it highly irresponsible when i dont know the other person's grounding paradigms
a place that once didnt need lifeguards, where people were explicitly there to shadowbox with eachother in knowingness of that, were a handful of jungian groups on fb years ago

2025-09-21 10:59:04 UTC

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suffice to say, most of my writing time keeps always in awareness this primary idea so i spend time calibrating to explicitly not do that
i like being honest
i will never & have never said im in the bath in the dark as metaphor for effect
i mean as fact i am in the dark in a bath with my phone
like know thats the locational origin of this set of words
i like being honest => thats tradeoffs held in tension with respect to shadow im not aiming to set off in others onto me

2025-09-21 10:52:59 UTC

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that's shadow
that's the workings of shadow & that's very fraught territory that deserves speaking about with a lot of respect & care so im not gonna elaborate on that here & now cos out of purpose relevance to this story

2025-09-21 10:50:30 UTC

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back to the story, weaving back into relation to rorschachs,
there's a level reached thru investment
where projections battle projections, & thats such a spooky trippy thing online
like if you fully give in to projection like im just gonna run with who i know you are (ie: total fantasy, delusion) there is something about the math of that where swallowed by that, people can start to say pretty fucking psychic seeming things

2025-09-21 10:45:50 UTC

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& thats ok, cos i literally lived it out already in that post & got downvoted to such a level as a demographic fact those werent all ndns

2025-09-21 10:44:43 UTC

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now, saying this,
that can never make me crazy again obvi
cos thats a security risk
so i am a greyrock forevermore

2025-09-21 10:43:33 UTC

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nothing makes me fucking crazy like the combination of:
artificial insemination
genetic testing
surrogates
blood quantum
& ndn country

2025-09-21 10:41:46 UTC

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like im that pissed
like this doesnt even require that you can truly toss it
& im like: no
im literally taking me with me
that level? like absurd levels of fuck you
it was this post

2025-09-21 10:39:35 UTC

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like if you wanna see
the shit that gets me to detonate so
much shit
like bro what do you mean toss the grenade i'll just pull the pin & stand there holding it

2025-09-21 10:37:36 UTC

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there was a post written there
account history not a participating member
that happens alot whatevs no bigs but noted
but if you said
yo whats gonna get a rise out of you at lightspeed
like if i wanna see the fucking worst of you, what is it
i could be like: here, check out this post

2025-09-21 10:33:39 UTC

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some moved to bluesky
i check in when i miss them accountless
they barely speak there
some just on ig now
the same, barely speaking
suddenly ndn country reddit is much more important

2025-09-21 10:31:30 UTC

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that's a good practice, so this largely works for me
but, as things do in 10 years, Teutonic plates by inches, mountains terraformed, other worlds like fb & twitter decisions, shape, cross over, are in dialogue/relation
specifically: what allowed for the battle of deaddog lake is gone
NDN country doesnt exist on what was once twitter, now x anymore
scattered, displaced, fractured migration

2025-09-21 10:25:44 UTC

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i dont talk on reddit really
part of it is the genesis of this
i was never on reddit
until a friend posted his music video there
& i wanted to support him thinking it was an entire one off
so i made an identifiable username
like yo it's me
just giving a shout to you
me to him
not my safety in obscurity
cos i wasnt gonna stay
this was 10 years ago
& afterwards, i enjoyed that limitation
like every time i was on reddit: wow, you should make a new account. nah, just say nothing. like reinforcing no matter what set me off, not a word, keep moving

2025-09-21 10:20:49 UTC

rorschachs gathering up potentials
i know what they meant
i know what she means
i know what this is about
this person is talking about this
i have a story related

2025-09-21 00:46:16 UTC

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the aromantic glooms of the realsies
belonging to adult aloneness as one belongs to their life?

2025-09-21 00:40:31 UTC

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whats the antithesis of fake & gay?
real & sorry?
actual & asexual?

2025-09-21 00:26:41 UTC

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the answer to cornbread is always yes
im cooking too for my dadddddd

2025-09-20 20:02:30 UTC

entirely effortless
https://image.nostr.build/d90e6dcf90646c8146000beb179e9c3a0527cdd34a0ca031c97b4318141d14b3.jpg
#note1zap…cfpg

2025-09-20 14:13:15 UTC

circular economy

2025-09-20 14:04:54 UTC

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i like leaning over a countertop when i need a change from being sedentary. that's my height preference. ive never felt natural in front of desks designed to be higher & idk it reminds me of a high tension moment at mission control or something. like you are standing cos you cant sit for this which stresses me out
i also have better light in the kitchen so resting my arms makes some sewing stitches more precise

2025-09-20 08:38:48 UTC

https://image.nostr.build/ea2951767449aab467053bd3042095f5aa9043a45ce3550018fef54a2a8cd593.jpg

2025-09-19 19:24:47 UTC

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reading about boiling frogs hits different after reading eskow's article from 2013
https://ourfuture.org/20130724/tom-friedman-a-new-ayn-rand-for-a-dark-digital-future
thankyou for sharing im glad i read it
🐸💋🐢
🦎💚🦖

2025-09-19 11:48:04 UTC

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my 2nd flagship toe merkin 😊
100% fabric + thread + dyed deer tail fur. handsewn by yours truly
https://image.nostr.build/064045de2c2d75c98982c91edf0cd351780bb85cf93c531ccd594b90df16e7c1.jpg
https://image.nostr.build/7c2c950d1eebafb8bf5a9b672a8c84000c86c84fd2efe88ab4c32e3ae8a3c39e.jpg

2025-09-19 04:26:07 UTC

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as a cook, not a baker🥲😅 yet anyway
i bow before this loaf & their baker
a lotus not being enough? 🪷
im not sure ive heard that one before
more oven spring i understand but as not a baker, i dont have recommendations but i wish you luck with it!
to me, it's beautiful

2025-09-19 02:16:44 UTC

7 years or so
on average
for people
in the entire totality
of themselves
what all caught up to speed is
slower music? idk, i dont think so
but il be more observant now & circle back if i observe anything interesting
#note1ntt…p3yw

2025-09-18 22:20:27 UTC

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https://image.nostr.build/6ee2f23bd0e65a2af46478c2e3163d809b9fa639a69e13cd31302c0aad6d0ff8.jpg

2025-09-18 22:02:25 UTC

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why 😭 what did i miss
why are we turning will into an actor
when did he hire you as a development coach
i am so out of loops 😂

2025-09-18 21:51:08 UTC

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i 🖐️ vote will does not stream
if we are polling
i am registering my vote in advance
down time chillin doesnt need harvestin while under gaze cos that sounds like not a nice stress free time

2025-09-18 17:10:27 UTC

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who wants to be a rockstar in a music industry like this
beds in vans & motels in cities that blur together. luckily now gas station food has a few more options
who still wants to be a rockstar
in this year of our lord
in this economy
& why
if someone offered: wanna be the next u2
who says yea & signs a contract
except someone hostage already
or someone who didnt pause to think
or didnt have an informed loved one to pull them back out of tunnel vision & remind them of priorities
the music industry is a degraded over ravaged landscape. restorative soil work is needed there.

2025-09-18 16:35:44 UTC

i think people try their very best at all the times
i think their very best is subject to change depending on conditions, environment & circumstances
as someone who has suffered depression for durations long enough that it ate my dream of motherhood because i didnt want my children to ever suffer the fear of a sick mom, & that's a personal thing, that's not, my recommendation or advice,
im simply saying as someone who has been there, while i dont think i would make a good depression counselor or group discussion leader, my offering to these tweets was to immediately think of this song as a poem
ultimately to say: let the perfectionism rest awhile. lay it down here beside me. the very best is not asked of you. nor is the very hard. neither is 'at all times'
try easy for now. simply try easy. rest. before you grind your teeth away to dust.
https://image.nostr.build/3a7bd4727efb26e9034b452b23ed36399a1b22fc7ba1bbb6aadaca4949ee61c0.jpg
https://image.nostr.build/c4ba8763e5f814111dacdfda999cdd92dbd5143835ff217539fd40a5bafcf96e.jpg
https://image.nostr.build/ab03be1ec0c1ab8ce367bd928692a5c728c2a6eaa60380f4c87ab45b5f955353.jpg

2025-09-18 11:03:52 UTC

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i think compersion psychologically plays a part in neoliberal late state capitalism & the emergence of social media
compersion as the feeling of joy for another person's joy, however ephemeral cos this isnt thru direct relating but rather, parasociality. "coined by poly communities in the 1990s, the concept has older roots in the Buddhist practice of mudita, or sympathetic joy" according to search engine ai results
i think its an attempt to resolve some of the cognitive dissonances of witnessing power-to-the-powerful dynamics of the western capitalism mythos in tension with bootstraps & 'hard work is rewarded' talking points

2025-09-18 05:18:10 UTC

this infographic launders proof-of-stake which isnt a thing by any metric that actually counts for anything on a personal level after death im pretty sure
idk tho im not a certified soul economist
#note1cvn…utp4

2025-09-17 22:52:09 UTC

for a lady of exquisite taste maybe?
a demure merkin to cover her toe?
#note1uar…0dua

2025-09-17 22:49:30 UTC

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my first nostr offering ☺️
my 🚢flagship toe merkin
in bitcoin orange
🧡🎃🍊🐅🍑🥕
perhaps for the discerning ginger gentleman?
100% fabric + thread + dyed sheep neeps. handsewn by yours truly
price available upon request
https://image.nostr.build/8bc6ae0e3aa4fc67a65867e6b889987c42f4fac30346b53d252f3086cf83f205.jpg
https://image.nostr.build/6421936ce0acbf2824e8c3d95004708ba93eb901264641681971e8914e1eb051.jpg

2025-09-17 19:22:49 UTC

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lol a place for losers never sounded so good

2025-09-17 16:25:57 UTC

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i'd wait for later fall depending on where you are located or very early spring letting the tree go dormant first
preference reigns: can prune for a single trunk or leave it for a multi-trunk tree but i wouldn't wait for it to grow more, that isnt part of the equation, i would just wait for it to go dormant
experience: oaks, not specifically burr oaks tho so i confirmed in a search engine

2025-09-17 14:21:47 UTC

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there may even be a special edition with a velociraptor-esque claw 🦖
but no firm promises on that cos i've never been a sculpture before
one thing at a time
3 proof of work toe merkins for nostr
precisely slowly gently merrily

2025-09-17 14:18:11 UTC

like how toe rings were a thing & remain one in some places
introducing toe merkins made of either sheep yarn, feathers, or deertail fur
vegan options available
when the flagship for each kind is finished, i'll share each image below

2025-09-17 13:19:10 UTC

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i had one years ago. recorded phonecalls & was pretty effortless to upload & edit those files. super easy to make a soundcloud podcast thru the phone that way. only canceled the subscription cos i wasnt in the podcast place. just talking out a couple ideas with friends casually that we wanted to keep hold of.
https://image.nostr.build/a69918b351d48672329a35d3b04f32f9e324dfb15698c13e11b95b3707f71786.jpg

2025-09-17 13:06:58 UTC

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fluff for days on the valais blacknose
☁️☁️🐑☁️☁️☁️
https://image.nostr.build/4fc568a0132f5f42a355bc6b9d46bf0a9e5ba816e1bfc3e391ddb45236b0ad6e.jpg

2025-09-17 12:58:34 UTC

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idk cows
im learning about sheep tho
was just at a sheep thing this past sunday. was looking forward to it for months cos the state of my life is riveting.
wanna chat sheep?

2025-09-17 11:35:53 UTC

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a wonderful way to spend 9 minutes before 8am 🎶 thankyou

2025-09-17 11:17:33 UTC

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a year later is wild & i love that for the 3 of us

2025-09-17 10:02:20 UTC

wanna share about my reluctance to return to nostr & why
as in: my thoughts on my memories of this terrain these last few weeks
i am here now
but one of the places i considered was bluesky
until my friend in gaza
had her new account deleted within a single day
where palestinians are not allowed to be
i will never be
#note1cct…x26h

2024-08-31 14:54:12 UTC

https://youtu.be/2nOxSeBhQAA

2024-08-23 19:20:48 UTC

https://electronicintifada.net/content/unpublished-genocide-diaries-refaat-alareer/48436

2024-08-16 13:20:43 UTC

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introduced last night on my way home thanks to the radio https://www.newsounds.org/story/4775-portraits-land-sea-and-underworld

2024-08-16 12:58:29 UTC

https://youtu.be/HKqVKEVpQ-U