Col

Midlands, UK. Humour and interesting stuff. My toots may not all be original. I follow views without necessarily endorsing them, and I unfollow most non followers. I block those who just want to argue or abuse. Ex Cop. LCFC.

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Last Notes

2024-09-25 12:09:18 UTC

The Ministry of Defence is ramping up plans for a mass evacuation of British citizens from Lebanon, amid intensifying rocket fire and airstrikes between Hezbollah and Israel. Around 700 troops are deploying to nearby Cyprus to assist the roughly 10,000 Britons who live in Lebanon, all of whom have been told to leave immediately.

2024-09-21 07:49:15 UTC

Larry the Downing Street cat, according to the Secretary of State for Scotland, is “the most miserable animal you’ll ever meet in your life”. Ian Murray said he and his cabinet colleagues were desperate to get a picture with the famous feline when they first arrived in No 10, but couldn’t get him to play ball. “Without putting too fine a point on it,” he said, “Larry the cat is a little shit.”

2024-09-18 13:58:54 UTC

Sarah Vine in the Daily Mail, says hours after it emerged that Keir Starmer had failed to declare on time that his wife Victoria received more than £5,000 worth of clothes paid for by a Labour donor she sat on the front row at London Fashion Week “dressed head-to-toe in swanky clobber”. It had been loaned to her by a designer but at a time when your husband has just taken away the winter fuel allowance for millions of low-income pensioners “No wonder she’s been dubbed Lady Victoria Sponger.”

2024-09-18 13:52:36 UTC

Millions of teenagers will have their Instagram accounts changed as part of an overhaul to improve safety and mental health. In the next two months, all users between 13 and 17 in the UK, US, Canada and Australia will be migrated to private “teen accounts”, which have parental controls as well as content and messaging restrictions. Sadly a lot of children, under 13, knowing they had to be 13 yrs old, stated they were. If this was a few years ago they now appear to be 18 yet are still 15/16.

2024-09-12 12:19:51 UTC

Two astronauts conducted the first-ever privately funded spacewalk this morning. Billionaire businessman Jared Isaacman and mission specialist Sarah Gillis were each outside their Space X capsule, Crew Dragon, for 12 minutes. “From here,” said Isaacman, “Earth sure looks like a perfect world.”
Wouldn't he see a more perfect Earth if he spent his huge fortune on poverty and abuse, etc, instead of wasting it on self gratifying and rapacious thrills?

2024-09-11 07:02:58 UTC

Over 90% of the things you worry about, never happen.
Which proves worrying really works.

2024-09-08 15:28:21 UTC

Nobles from across the Holy Roman Empire met for crisis talks on a summer’s day in 1184, but they literally ended up in the toilet. Between 60 and 100 members succumbed to a spectacularly foul demise in an ancient church in Erfurt. The ageing floor beneath their feet suddenly gave way, sending them plunging into the building’s noxious cesspit below. Many drowned in liquid excrement, others were fatally wounded in the fall, while several were asphyxiated by the evil-smelling odour.

2024-09-04 13:03:11 UTC

This year’s Social Attitudes Survey shows over the past decade, the proportion of people who say they are proud of Britain’s history has fallen from 86% to 64%. Perhaps praising the Royal Navy for helping end the slave trade, rather than having been involved in it in the first place or we should marvel at our role in the Industrial Revolution instead of castigating ourselves for “being the perpetrators of global warming”, might help to change that.

2024-09-03 06:38:39 UTC

I always prefer the English spelling of "diarrhea", which is "diarrhoea" because it really looks like you've lost control of your vowels.

2024-09-03 06:37:49 UTC

Sometimes you have to hug the people you don't like, just in case you need to know how big to dig a hole in the woods.

2024-09-01 07:49:52 UTC

The US election may require some interpretation, says Nesrine Malik in The Guardian. At the Democratic National Convention, Nancy Pelosi was introduced as the “Mother of Dragons” – a reference to Game of Thrones. Kamala Harris herself has been anointed as “brat”, in homage to pop star Charli XCX’s album of the same name. Then there are the “wife guys”: men like Harris’s husband, Doug Emhoff, and her running mate Tim Walz who are “not ashamed to talk up their wives” and “take a back seat”.

2024-08-31 06:32:14 UTC

Me: I will go to the end of the world for you.
Her: Can you stay there!

2024-08-30 14:26:25 UTC

- reply

☹️🥺

2024-08-30 07:08:31 UTC

There are two types of people:
Those who have lunch at 1pm and those who have breakfast at 1pm.

2024-08-29 12:16:46 UTC

AI could soon be marking children’s homework. A new £4 million government scheme aims to train artificial intelligence tools to grade pupils’ assignments, freeing teachers to use their time more productively. They may be pushing at an open door: according to a survey by Teacher Tapp, almost half of teachers are already using AI to help get through their daily to-do lists. The Department for Education says it will make a store of training data available to AI firms.

2024-08-27 11:57:53 UTC

The late Christopher Lee holds the world record for most deaths in an acting career, says Mental Floss: he croaked in at least 61 movies. A whopping 34 feature films have been called Broken, making it the most common title of all time. The James Bond film Spectre wins the prize for the largest stunt explosion, with nearly 2,224 gallons of kerosene used for the 7.5-second blast. A fake broadsheet known as The Recurring Newspaper is the most reused prop, appearing more than 10,000 times to date.

2024-08-23 11:56:08 UTC

One of the world’s great divides is between people who can afford to go on holiday and those who can’t, says Simon Kuper in the FT. For most, since history began, it was normal to be born, live and die without ever venturing far from home. There were exceptions. Victorian mill workers went to the beach every Wakes Week. But from the 1840s, the coming of the railways began democratising long distance travel. Suddenly ordinary Britons could take “excursions” to see the battlefield at Waterloo.

2024-08-18 19:09:01 UTC

I try very hard to contain my anger, but the lid just keeps popping off.

2024-07-31 07:50:13 UTC

I asked my mate to pass me the phone book. He laughed, called me a dinasour and handed me his iPhone.
Well, the bug is dead, and so is the iPhone now!

2024-06-28 10:45:41 UTC

The Trump and Biden debate was hilarious, Biden wanted the debate (the earliest presidential debate ever) because he was trailing Trump in the polls and thought he could win over floating voters with his sharp mind. Surely, he has now fallen even further behind the weakest opponent he could ever wish to debate. There used to be a joke that to win a debate against Trump, all you have to do is let him talk. Well, all Trump had to do was stand back and let Biden dribble.