Mishell Baker gladly

Enjoy life. Be someone you would love. Make things better.

World Fantasy, Nebula, Tiptree finalist repped by Russ Galen. Curator of happiness. Gamer, parent, computer science student, language nerd, cancer brat. Whatever pronouns you like.

My header shows my urban fantasy trilogy - BORDERLINE, PHANTOM PAINS, and IMPOSTOR SYNDROME, against a downtown L.A. backdrop. My profile pic shows an androgynous middle aged white person with buzzed hair, smiling warmly but perhaps a little shyly.

Website: http://mishellbaker.com
Gaming Posts: https://mstdn.games/@shellgames
Gaming Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@mishellbaker
Cancer updates: https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/mishellbaker

Public Key

npub19kn456d37jy6tg47mtcmgqtldlmcgxya4ecg2909q8wjzse09wkqk3rt7q

NIP-05 Address

mishellbaker_at_wandering.shop@momostr.pink

Profile Code

nprofile1qqszmf66dxclfzd952ld4ud5q9lklauyrzw6uuy9zhjsrhfpgvhjhtqpzfmhxue69uhk7enxvd5xz6tw9ec82cspz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduvy6tkz

Publishing to

offchain.pub

relay.damus.io

nos.lol

Author Public Key

npub19kn456d37jy6tg47mtcmgqtldlmcgxya4ecg2909q8wjzse09wkqk3rt7q

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Last Notes

2025-04-08 16:44:53 UTC

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I can't wait to see it in a few months 😊

2025-04-08 16:43:24 UTC

As promised, a few shots of my newly planted Secret Garden in progress.
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/114/303/330/699/320/550/original/620e931e8d01586d.jpeg
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/114/303/330/704/265/647/original/cc3483ecf40f5bb3.jpeg
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/114/303/330/712/122/418/original/5fce5212f336d10c.jpeg

2025-04-01 19:54:19 UTC

Pretty soon I am actually going to have some Bloomscrolling photos from my OWN YARD. Living the dream.

2025-02-07 00:30:14 UTC

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How do I live with this? How do I forgive myself?
This is not a rhetorical question. Please help.

2025-02-07 00:29:55 UTC

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I'll admit that this time I have a reasonable excuse, i.e. I didn't know I had cancer when I started the program.
The first time, I screwed it up for myself beyond hope of salvaging, but I can still excuse myself because of my then-untreated BPD.
But the second time, I had a chance and I was just too lazy. I just decided I'd "rather not." That's the one that kills me. I'm having trouble forgiving myself.
I'm going to die without a college degree, and it's my fault.

2025-02-07 00:28:14 UTC

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If I weren't going to chemo every other week during all this, maybe I could handle the stress better, balance everything better.
But something has to go, and this is currently my largest source of stress and smallest source of satisfaction.
The one obstacle remaining is how much I can't stand the IDEA of dropping out of college a third time. I start crying every time I even contemplate it. It seems like such a final judgment of me as a human.

2025-02-07 00:26:50 UTC

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I didn't mind the work. I didn't even REALLY mind the times when I hit a mental wall and couldn't wrap my head around new information. It stressed me out but I generally got through it and felt proud when I mastered something difficult.
What I can't handle is when I do the work and because of the ungodly complexity of the System, that work just vanishes into a void and I'm treated as though I did nothing at all. Not only does it keep me from moving forward but it UPSETS me.

2025-02-07 00:24:44 UTC

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The last straw was checking my student record and seeing that I apparently failed my Intro to Programming class because they didn't count work that I absolutely did and turned in and have completely moved on from.
Some glitch in the system or some misunderstanding on my part of how to make sure my work was counted made it appear that I didn't do the work, apparently, and they just marked it zero and moved on without even notifying me.
THIS is what I can't deal with.

2025-02-07 00:23:01 UTC

This is so difficult. I promised myself I would finish out this semester before deciding if I was going to stop working on this degree program. I am still going to finish out this semester, no matter what.
But part of me hoped that actually doing my best this semester would show me it was in fact possible to keep going. It hasn't.
It still seems like a lot of stress and frustration that isn't giving me much back. I could get this knowledge by less stressful means.

2025-01-06 13:53:06 UTC

Looking for a #JavaScript tutor, preferably in #LosAngeles and willing to drive to Mid City. If in person (preferred) must be willing to mask and wash/sanitize hands as I'm on chemo. Will pay for interview time, as well as mileage if you're local.
Desperate enough to listen to pitches from anywhere on how you can help from afar. I just don't want to have to learn some whole new screensharing app or something as I'm having enough trouble just learning to code while on chemo. 🤣

2024-12-22 23:33:00 UTC

Having a wild surge of optimism that I am going to pass another set of midterms.
Can it be?? Am I MAD????

2024-12-07 02:33:34 UTC

I've taken to playing Stellaris on super easy mode to calm and center myself. Looking at galaxies and nebulas and stars reminds me how much beauty there is that cannot be diminished by anything we do.

2024-12-03 15:53:25 UTC

Someone's signature on a gaming forum I frequent had the following quote:
"You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy."
That's it. That's my philosophy in a nutshell, simply and plainly worded.

2024-11-28 15:00:23 UTC

#3ThingsILove today:
1) The electric foot warmer Matt got me. It's SO COZY.
2) Epic, vivid dreams. (Last night I was at some kind of massive convention/party at the coolest place that never was.)
3) Comfortable silence.

2024-11-23 03:47:30 UTC

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(You Might Remember Me)

2024-11-23 03:46:37 UTC

My older daughter (bigtime Simpsons fan) had the EXACT reaction I did when she first heard the title of Phil Hartman's biography: she let out a little surprised laugh and then went quiet, putting a hand over her mouth as her eyes slowly filled with tears.
Honestly, best biography title ever, not even a close second.

2024-11-18 17:45:28 UTC

Got an email from my favorite California governor candidate that got me thinking. "Resist" is not the right message.
What we need to do is ignore/evade and BUILD. Create what we want to see, to whatever extent we have the power. If we waste all our energy fighting, there's nothing left to build with. Pretty sure they're counting on that.

2024-11-14 03:48:58 UTC

Please send me your favorite photo that's on your device right now (that you're willing to share). The one that makes you happiest.
No commentary or explanation please - let me enjoy quietly figuring out for myself why you chose it.

2024-11-06 05:18:55 UTC

Yesterday, today, and tomorrow there are only three things you need to do. They have not changed and will never change.
1. Enjoy life.
2. Be someone you would love.
3. Make things better.
Every act, every word, every breath that is not one or more of these things is wasted. And there is not a single day in which you are not capable of all three.

2024-10-29 17:59:11 UTC

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I don't understand why anyone questions why others do or don't like any kind of food. Ever. Of all the subjective things in the universe, food may be the very most subjective.

2024-10-29 00:43:44 UTC

Fun fact: though it is now well and throughly my name after 20 years' use, Mishell Baker began as an anagram of my birth certificate name, Rebekah Mills.
I didn't intend to change my name. It started as an anonymity thing, but soon more people knew me as Mishell than as the other.

2024-10-23 20:53:54 UTC

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Yes. I have a venn diagram taped to my home office door that has "things that matter" on one side and "things you can control" on the other, and an arrow pointing to the intersection saying "What you should focus on."

2024-10-23 16:58:37 UTC

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I could spend all day telling myself, "I have a terminal disease. I will be dead before my parents. My end will be painful and undignified." This is all true.
I could also spend all day telling myself, "Today I feel good. I'm great at learning new things. This tea tastes amazing. I know exactly how to help my daughter right now." These things are also true.
Which one makes me more likely to make things better for myself and others, to create a legacy?

2024-10-23 16:53:30 UTC

Nothing I've learned in my life has been so useful to my mental health as learning that my state of mind is a direct result of the things I say to myself, and that those words can be rewritten to reflect any facet of life's complex truth that I choose.
We can only hold so much truth at once - why limit yourself to the worst?
The zeitgeist is to focus on the darkest of innumerable facets and claim they are the only truth - that life and the world are defined entirely by them. I reject this.

2024-10-22 17:06:25 UTC

https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/113/352/163/230/986/412/original/d63f779bcffa6d00.png

2024-10-15 21:03:40 UTC

https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/113/313/456/328/121/204/original/6295bccedbcac0ed.png

2024-09-23 15:01:45 UTC

How does Wendy's get sorted to the "Focused" inbox and my child's school to "Other"?

2024-09-16 15:19:51 UTC

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OMG LOVE ITTTTT

2024-09-16 13:55:09 UTC

It's chemo Monday. Requesting messages about good things, beautiful things, funny things, victories, miracles, bonuses, doodads, anything that currently gives you undiluted joy.

2024-09-16 04:12:30 UTC

To my friends/colleagues in the professional fantasy field: writers, artists, programmers, anyone whose job involves making fantasy worlds and telling stories therein:
Please help me spread the word on your various socials that I'm looking for collaborators to help me develop an IP I've been working on. (1/?)

2024-08-31 13:46:50 UTC

The Universe(ity of London) apparently loves me. The bureaucracy of a school with thousands of students doing a newish experiment with online degrees found their way to having pity on one U.S. cancer patient and made a personal exception for me - I get to delay my CS exam by one week.
This is a project the tech team had to make possible; I have been told multiple times that it wasn't possible. Yesterday they decided to find a way. For me.
T.T
Consider me loyal to U of L for life.

2024-08-11 17:20:41 UTC

In a sense, my Mastodon timeline of boosts is like a locker collage or a mood board - the parts of the world I most want to see.
We all choose where to point our mental cameras. We cannot see all at once, and none of it is any more or less real than any other. When it's not time for helpful action, you have the right to return to a slice of reality that feels like home to you, so you can remember why taking action is worthwhile.