Aria 🏳️‍⚧️ :therian:

❗Moved to @aria❗

Artist, streamer, and friendly neighborhood Kthrai dracogryph.

🏳️‍⚧️ :therian: :over18:

She/her

💙💙@topaz💙💙

plural critter sharing a headspace with @zoranu

sporadically updated website: https://kthrai.info

tips/commissions: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/indirectferret

Warnings:
There will be NSFW stuff here from time to time.

Sometimes I'm in a bad place and post dark thoughts without a CW

Public Key

npub1zltw247y7uhsefmerdmwkxnghqh34kfmru6kdje4lu5pwnewuwfs069sce

NIP-05 Address

indirectferret_at_furries.club@mostr.pub

Profile Code

nprofile1qqsp04h92lz0wtcv5au3kahtrf5tstc6mya37dtxev6l72qhfuhw8ycpz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0dsx0vdcf

Publishing to

relay.damus.io

nos.lol

Author Public Key

npub1zltw247y7uhsefmerdmwkxnghqh34kfmru6kdje4lu5pwnewuwfs069sce

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Last Notes

2023-12-27 23:36:49

Is break time for critter :dragn_mlem:

2023-12-27 09:14:09

*enters the nest and does that walking around in a circle thing like a dog before flopping down*

2023-12-27 08:33:07

I feel like it's been a while since I've done a "Kthrai dracogryph fact of the day", so here's a few.
Ears.
Kthrai have decent hearing, about on par with any other large predators.
Unlike most of the dracogryph, they're covered in small feathers, not fur.
Outside of things directly involving the genitals, preening of the ear feathers is about the sexiest thing one can do to a dracogryph.

2023-12-27 08:15:03

Objective complete: consume soup ✅

2023-12-27 07:52:05

Critter has made it home

2023-12-27 06:10:56

Critter is free from the confines of work!
[bouncing_dracogryph.gif]

2023-12-27 03:09:48

:dragnconfused:

2023-12-26 07:13:59

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@npub1x58…prha
heeey~
*drapes a wing over in a loose wing-hug*

2023-12-26 07:05:36

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@npub1x58…prha
Well hello there 💙
*purrs and shuffles closer*

2023-12-26 06:57:02

...maybe the critter will just lie down in her nest, just in case she falls asleep...

2023-12-26 04:28:25

Some of these side effects of drugs being advertised on tv are wild.
"Feeling disconnected from space and time"
WHAT?
Are you sure this is a prescription drug and not something bought from a shady dude in a dark alley?

2023-12-26 02:30:26

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*more bored critter noises*

2023-12-26 02:29:57

mrrrarrawrrr

2023-12-25 18:52:34

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@npub1x58…prha
Being out of bed is overrated anyway :dragn_mlem:

2023-12-25 18:47:39

I guess maybe I should actually get out of bed.

2023-12-25 06:40:15

-.=.-
nope.
drawing motivation is just... gone.
again.

2023-12-25 06:05:27

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ahem.

2023-12-25 06:03:30

ARGAEEGEGGGRGHHHH!!!
ITS AFTER MIDNIGHT

2023-12-25 05:48:21

hmm. I had intended on drawing something, but I'm kind of lacking ideas right now...

2023-12-25 05:05:05

Anyway, that's enough messing about with other things. Time to power up the Mountain of Monitors and draw something.

2023-12-25 04:52:36

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Intel Atom Z3740 @ 1.33ghz, 2GB ram and 64GB storage

2023-12-25 04:48:54

For anyone curious, it's an Asus T100TA

2023-12-25 02:20:05

Saw a Bluetooth thermal printer in the store and almost bought it. Read the package and found that it only works through an app :dragn_sad:

2023-12-25 01:57:59

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Will I regret those later? Probably.
But right now critter is having a good time.

2023-12-25 01:56:30

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A couple of cups of coffee didn't hurt things either.

2023-12-25 01:52:39

Ok I take back my earlier comment.
Salted caramel banana pancakes were exactly what the critter needed.

2023-12-25 01:13:42

:dragnconfused:

2023-12-25 00:16:23

I think I follow enough feathery critters on here to know the answers to this already.
https://furries.club/system/media_attachments/files/111/638/173/707/127/241/original/13b04acaede9c7dd.jpg

2023-11-30 05:42:58

anxiety levels peaking.
have no choice but to say something tonight. she'll be thoroughly pissed if i wait until tomorrow to say anything about going.
not going to be happy about it tonight.
should have said something yesterday. anything at all. even just a simple "hey i've got plans this weekend" didn't have to go into detail. now there's going to be so many questions. when did you plan this, why didn't you say something sooner, what is it you're going to...
*panicking dracogryph noises*
:dragn_sad:

2023-11-26 03:11:46

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@npub143c…tlh5 she's always commenting about I "make good money at that job" and how it's weird that I'm always broke. I've tried explaining, but she doesn't get just how much I have to spend on things every month. I pay all the bills here, except electricity, and roughly half of the food. Phone, internet, tv, insurance, gas, are all me. Plus I'm still paying utilities for my old place (though that's not much since I'm not there, it's easier just to pay a small amount every month than the outrageous reconnect fee if/when I go back)
If I wasn't taking care of things here, I could afford to be on my own, but that's not how things are going.

2023-11-26 02:52:15

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@npub143c…tlh5 the problem is that, with my current living situation, it's just not possible to start. I'm not in a good place financially to be on my own, and she's not in a position financially or from a physical health standpoint to be on her own.
As much as it kills me every day to be here, I also can't bring myself to abandon her like that.

2023-11-26 02:43:18

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So I've been holding back the real me for 17 years now. I don't know that I can hold on until I get to a better place, and at the rate things have gone for me in the last year, I don't know that I can get to that better place at all anymore, no matter how hard I try.

2023-11-26 02:39:26

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I had a window, when I was about 22, that I could have told my mother, and she would have been fine with it. She was finally drifting away from the conservative attitudes, and being more open minded about things.
I missed that window.
When my brother died, she did a complete 180 and leaned hard into those conservative beliefs. She said his death was "god punishing her for not being religious enough"

2023-11-26 02:33:18

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Looking back at my life, I've had feelings that have leaned in a trans direction since I was about 6 or 7. I've *known* that I was since I was about 16. I spent years assuming there was nothing to be done (thanks to growing up in a conservative Christian household) and forcing my way through. The last few years have been the roughest, because now I know there are options and I just can't reach them.

2023-11-26 02:23:24

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Then there's those saying "it's never too late to transition. Just wait until you're in a better place to get started."
What if I never get to that place?
...what if i never make it there because i couldn't hold on long enough?

2023-11-26 02:18:17

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What if it doesn't help?
What if, after all of time and effort, I'm still the same broken soul, just in a slightly different shell?

2023-11-26 02:12:30

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What if I never make any progress in my life because I'm too afraid of the "what ifs"

2023-11-26 02:10:24

I don't know what to do anymore.
I feel... empty, and borderline worthless.
Like, I have goals, but nothing ever seems to get me closer to them. Hobbies I used to enjoy just fill time now. I try to change career to something I think I might like more (or at least hate less) than my current job, but I can't because I've never done anything to "prove my worth" regarding any skills.
Then there's the other side of my depression. The one powered by fear and anxiety. Most of this is around transitioning. Not a fear of the actual process, although I think I've got a reasonable amount of nervousness about that as well. No, it's mostly about the "what ifs"
What if I lose what's left of my family because of it?
What if I abandon it because I'm afraid of losing them?
What if something completely unforeseen happens after starting, and (like so many other things I've held dear in my life) it gets ripped away from me? Could I even keep going after something like that?

2023-11-23 03:18:44

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and it wasn't simply about the money. It's the whole collection of things that have happened in the last few days that nearly pushed me past the point of no return. I can only take so much at once, and my limit recently is far lower than it used to be.

2023-11-23 03:02:36

Overwhelmed doesn't even begin to describe my current state. I should have known life would find a way to fuck me even harder than it already had.
I checked my bank this morning to see if all of the unexpected early bills had cleared yet, and see how much I had left. I wasn't expecting that more bills had posted while I was asleep.
I thought overdraft was disabled. No, that was "only for debit transactions" and "for your convenience, ACH transactions will still be processed"
Thanks, really fucking convenient.
So now, I'm not sure what I'm going to do.
Like I said before, I'm not asking all of you for any help this time. You've done far too much for me already. This is more of an informational post, so you know what's going on.
https://furries.club/system/media_attachments/files/111/457/540/009/555/174/original/87c118948534a1b4.png

2023-11-22 07:10:47

deep breaths critter... don't scream...
https://furries.club/system/media_attachments/files/111/452/941/774/763/580/original/03d3cc5f20f188ea.jpg

2023-11-11 10:42:25

Hi.
I got distracted. Forgot I was supposed to stream tonight. Also forgot about time apparently, as it's now... 4:40am... Whoops.
Going to bed now.
Stream tomorrow hopefully? If I don't forget. Sorry about that.
Anyway, night y'all. :dragon_heart:

2023-11-10 07:36:31

Finally done with everything. If I were to start setting up the stream right now, I could be live in about 15 minutes. Going to the time that I originally planned on ending, that would make the stream...
About 10 minutes.
So, yeah...
Hopefully tomorrow works out better.

2023-11-10 06:23:49

Sorry, stream isn't going to happen tonight.
Going to try again tomorrow night, if I'm not at work too late.
-.=.-

2023-11-10 03:57:05

Stream won't start for another two hours, minimum. If that makes any difference to anyone.

2023-11-10 03:06:45

I think I want to do an nsfw art stream. Ideas?

2023-11-09 02:48:29

Despite my earlier concerns, today has actually not been too bad.

2023-11-05 07:14:05

Off to bed now.
Actually getting to bed before 1:30
(Yes it's the second 1:30 of the night, but it still counts damnit)
Night y'all :dragon_heart:

2023-11-04 19:31:15

Not a big fan of how the only medicine that actually helps also knocks me out for 4-6 hours.

2023-11-04 05:06:48

Work has ended.
Physically, feeling worse now. Was definitely not recovered enough to come back.
Emotionally, meh. Could be better, could be worse.
So tired.
Just want to go home and go to bed.

2023-11-04 02:14:10

Still at work.
Still 3 hours left.
Still feel like crap.

2023-11-03 08:56:16

Good night, you wonderful creatures.
I'm going to go cry myself to sleep and resume this dumpster fire I call a life in the morning.
:dragon_heart:

2023-11-03 02:36:47

the green owl has been defeated for another day

2023-11-01 17:28:58

Oh hey, it's November now...
*throws peanuts*
It's fine, they're not nuts, they're legumes.

2023-09-17 17:32:23

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Gboard knows what a gryphon is. Make it a standard emoji that everyone can use.
https://furries.club/system/media_attachments/files/111/081/675/129/773/616/original/109e67ae96a172db.png
https://furries.club/system/media_attachments/files/111/081/676/190/505/584/original/51df9d2779ae0e16.png

2023-09-17 09:07:12

Apparently with the upcoming emoji 15.1 revision, there will be a phoenix emoji. That's cool and all, but where are the gryphons at?