Kit Bashir

Hacker. Parent. Scientist. Rantist. Atheist. Roboticist. Treehugger. (she/her 🏳️‍⚧️).

At Accelerando Lab I research, design and build custom IoT and electronics solutions...fast!

Every day I write a #PowerOnStoryToot over morning coffee, as a self-test of my brain. If you like them, buy me another coffee? (Link 👇)

Tips+Commissions: https://ko-fi.com/unixbigot
Free advice: https://calendly.com/accelerando
Technology Concierge: https://calendly.com/accelerando/technology-concierge
Hire Me!: https://accelerando.com.au/

Public Key

npub1zkjw3dmpdutq3q5w85zwcujntmvpdqqc3rdd2ucq33vr98dj7wssesjt8t

NIP-05 Address

unixbigot_at_aus.social@momostr.pink

Profile Code

nprofile1qqsptf8gkask79sgs28r6p8vwff4akqksqvg3kk4wvqgckpjnke08ggprpmhxue69uhhyetvv9ujumt0d4hhxarj9ecxjmnt74erhq

Publishing to

relay.momostr.pink

Author Public Key

npub1zkjw3dmpdutq3q5w85zwcujntmvpdqqc3rdd2ucq33vr98dj7wssesjt8t

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Last Notes

2026-07-18 00:39:16 UTC

“Battle Stations! Main power is out! Gravity on battery. Damage report”
“False alarm Captain, Engineering tripped the Warp Leakage Detector”
“Send a distress signal, Warp Leak, Assistance required. Signal abandon—“
“Wait, Captain! An engineering intern put their coffee in the dilithium oven by mistake. No leak.”
“These fucking Earth ships, I swear…”
“Say again, captain?”
“Never mind, carry on. I’ll be in my ranting uh ready room”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-06-20 08:59:05 UTC

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Good call.
My memorized recipe is this but with real butter and brown sugar: https://www.woolworths.com.au/shop/recipes/anzac-biscuits
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/116/781/597/827/136/281/original/608b9c578e0752ff.jpeg

2026-06-20 02:00:54 UTC

What should i bake?

2026-04-03 00:47:42 UTC

"You know, when I did my first six week introduction to programming course, the highlight of the final day was getting to use the computer"
"Hahaha, hard core!"
"Glad you think so. This interview will be conducted under Faraday Cage Rules; this laptop runs Minix 2.0 with full source code and manuals. Here's the Book. You have one hour to complete exercise seven from Tanenbaum chapter 5."
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #Title_Faraday_Rules

2026-04-02 03:55:51 UTC

My submission on Queensland (Australia) e-bike law review. Write yours at https://www.michaelberkman.com.au/emobility
I’m writing to ask that you reject the proposed laws to require a driver’s licence to ride a legal pedal assist e-bike or e-scooter, limit legal e-mobility for those over 16, and implement a 10km/hr speed limit on footpaths and shared paths.
As a constructor of e-bikes, commuter cyclist, and internationally recognised speaker on electronic product design and micromobility, I call on the committee to address behaviuor, not capability. It is my position that
these recommendations would be catastrophic for safe, independent travel for people who rely on cycling for everyday transport.
For micromobility to successfully displace cars, which simply MUST happen if we are to limit the climate disaster that it is already too late to prevent, then they need the capability to easily carry a person---any person regardless of fitness level---in business clothes and with cargo, without mandating exertion. This means a power level of at least 500 watts for full grown adults; it is my position that power limitations are the wrong approach in any case. I see no reason to restrict speeds below levels that would permit integration with other vehicle and pedistrian traffic - 45kmh on roads, 25kmh on footpaths, or as signed.
Today on my 10km cycle commute I saw far more electric bikes and scooters than "acoustic", including mothers with children, fathers with kids on their scooter, and people in business attire. A mother with two children in a three seater cycle does not need to be told to pedal for her own good.
We do proximity-based speed rules for boating, and I think same for bikes should apply - I believe a reasonable limit 15km/h (jogging speed) within 10m of pedestrians. Which in my observation responsible cyclists already do. It is essentially impossible to ride a bicycle safely at 10 km/h, this is too slow for steady balance.
Any legislation should address risks not feelings. We don't seem to have any intention to limit the size, weight and power of cars on streets, existing "due care and attention" laws seem to suffice, and I believe the same applies to micromobility.
Legislators also need to understand that bicycles, like cars, can have a lot of customisations applied, in fact far more so than cars. An avid cyclist will have a bicycle custom made to their body measurements and intended use, as well as replacing or upgrading components, so any expectation that e-bikes must remain un-modified, or be of an approved configuration is unworkable in practice.
(contd, 1/2)

2026-04-01 23:20:18 UTC

Hey that reminds me... got a problem? Want to talk about it? Tech problems I mean, personal problems, well, happy to talk about those but People Are Hard.
Free slots from 15-60 min. Paid too if your ork is paying.
https://calendly.com/accelerando

2026-04-01 04:51:22 UTC

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If they’d used sweet potatoes they would have got a working elevator. Those things take over my pantry.

2026-03-30 02:19:14 UTC

“You build what!?”
“Dyson spheres”
“How?”
“With a crane!”
“Wait, where do you mount the crane?”
“On our dyson sphere”
“Huh?”
“It’s just a little one, my g’grait grandma built it around a class Y brown dwarf. Since a body anywhere from one to a hundred Jupiter masses doesn’t get any bigger, just denser, our one crane can build shells around gas giants, brown dwarfs and even stars from M6 down.”
“How long have you been doing this”
“Thirty year, but the firm’s been in business almost two centuries”
“I uh, don’t see any Dyson spheres around here, do you not get much work?”
“Plenty! You won’t see ‘em cos my cousin does such good insulation!”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #Title_The_Ringworld_Plasterers

2026-03-28 22:49:07 UTC

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here’s a thread on electrifying a junkyard acoustic bike https://aus.social/@Unixbigot/116288592896835535

2026-03-26 22:03:55 UTC

“What can i get you?”
“Guinness Zero, please.”
“A lot of people drinking that now.”
“It’s really good. Uh, so what’s it like working in a documentary bar? Must be quieter than a sports bar and a boxing crowd”
“You’d think. Come back on Friday and watch the Cutting Edge Engineering crowd throw down about the best carbide insert.”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #HopePunk #Title_Friday_Crowd

2026-03-25 07:18:29 UTC

Let's make an #e-bike out of garbage. You will need.
* One dumpster bike (free)
* One cargo rack (free)
* One hub motor (dumpster dived, but about $200 new)
* One motor controller (about $20-$50 new)
* A battery (recycled, but about $100 new)
I'm going to rewire some used 12v lithium batteries to make a 36v battery with a smart battery management system (monitor charge from your phone).
I started by installing the front wheel, installing the cargo rack, mocking up where I'll mount the battery, controller and throttle.
Next I'll wire the key components, get the wheel turning, then look at which of the other wires need to be connected. (Some brake cutoffs, pedal sensor, maybe a key lock to see if a wild @npub17pm…kws7 appears).
This happens to be a folding bike, because that's what was at the front of the bike pile.
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/116/288/574/723/489/843/original/92a50bf64b3d71f2.jpeg
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/116/288/574/762/469/852/original/61d36b9105d1ccbd.jpeg
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/116/288/574/864/333/482/original/08bc86dc2ca7f709.jpeg
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/116/288/574/874/719/725/original/6ffc22c6f4b60fa1.jpeg

2026-03-25 00:55:24 UTC

A rant about electric bicycles:
* For e-bikes to be viable car replacements they need cargo-carrying and hill-climb capacity. The practicality test for an e-bike is to carry four bags of grocieries, or a child.
* The 250W and 20km/h limit for unlicensed bicycles is *far* too low. Human cyclists comfortably exceed this in both power and speed leading to e-bikes holding up traffic. When. I ride the bikeways, human-powered traffic cruises at around 35 km/h.
* The "you must pedal or the motor stops" requirement is some Calvinist bullshit.
* The perl-clutching "but the children" scare in the news about "unlicensed motorbikes" HAS to be some kind of car-industry astroturfing. From what I can see on the bikeways, commuter e-bikes and scooters are HOT items and anyone with a head can see a dent in vehicle sales coming. Users LOVE this emerging mobility sector.
* I work in an industrial area with zero public transport service. I observe large numbers of workers riding scooters in the direction of the nearest train station.
* If governments *really* want to stick to the 250w 20km/h bullshit for "bicycles" then we need URGENT legislation to create a vehicle class for say 1000W 45km/h vehicles. The Australia post electric delivery tricycles are a worked example of the practicality of this class; I don't hear *anyone* having a meltdown about "dangerous monster tricycles on our footpaths".
#MicroMobility #ebikes #solarpunk

2026-03-23 22:22:05 UTC

I’ve always treated the modern world like a marvel. I carry an imaginary 15th century peasant in my head, and when I wash a teflon pan, or take an ibuprofen, I experience their appreciation of these everyday miracles. Whenever I use a new piece of technology I mentally explain how it works. If I can’t explain, we should go find out. Sometimes they talk back to me.
Today, in a moment of crisis, they said “I’ve got this; let me drive. Where’s our pitchfork?”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #Title_Everyday_Miracles

2026-03-23 07:05:50 UTC

I have a 3D printer on my wifi named "susan" and every time I type "susan.local" into my web browser address bar I get a brief popup of a bio for Sussan Ley. Stahp, ducks, do not.

2026-03-22 23:51:03 UTC

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If you phoned me just now to ask about motor controllers, the voicemail recording of your phone number was cut off, please try again.

2026-03-22 22:34:35 UTC

Serious offer: i know how to make electric bicycles, electrify analog bicycles and repair broken electric bikes/scooters. If you are in Brisbane, feeling fuel pinch, and want to get (back/newly) on two wheels, hit me up. Parts to electrify a bicycle cost a few hundred dollars, no need to spend $4000 on a store bike if you don’t want to. I even have some analog bikes we could use for parts. If you have access to ex rental scooters from defunct rental companies, i can also help resurrect these.
Will hold a weekend micromobility workshop if there is interest.
ETA: if not in brissy i can recommend parts to buy
ETFA: if you have a good bike but a dead battery, this can be resurrected for around $100

2026-03-22 22:16:19 UTC

“Wait” the bicycle said.
“Who said that?” the person holding the bolt cutters lowered them.
“My owner is a wizard,” the bicycle continued, “who is tired of losing bicycles.”
“Bicycles don’t talk” Mx bolt-cutter counterfactually replied.
“Speak the words ‘I would like a bicycle’ and you will receive a bicycle”
“Uh, I would like…a bicycle?”
*glingglinggling* “There you go. On your way”
“Uh, thanks I guess”
“Leave the bolt cutters. or else.”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #Title_Universal_Bicycle_Income for @npub1scp…6zy8

2026-03-20 04:52:28 UTC

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i’m not even in the USA and my stupid country is still fucked seven ways from breakfast.

2026-03-19 21:52:21 UTC

The fossil fuel cost spiral from the evangelapocalypse is likely to drive the nail into the coffin of hydrocarbon vehicles. In response to this crisis we are acting to *glances at notes* is this right, it says here further sabotage the competitiveness of electric micromobility.

2026-03-04 22:57:32 UTC

I remember as a teenager moping around the gold-rush era ghost towns of the Outback while my father prospected for gold and relics. Thanks to termites, there’s no feels-like-the-people-just-left-yesterday vibe in this part of the world, instead the occasional wagon wheel rim or stone kerb is all that hints there was once a bustling town here. We never did find that monster gold nugget or hoard of coins that every metal-detectorist dreams of; I won’t say it was wasted time however. The odd silver watch back or rare shilling, a few tictac sized gold bits, and of course all the nails and horseshoes you could ever want. Oh and an abiding love for the countryside, archaeology, and family.
There’s more tech in a modern metal detector than you’d think. Detecting metal is relatively easy. Discriminating the coke cans, gum wrappers and other C20 detritus from precious metals is what separates a toy from a real detector.
The oldster who brought their detector in for repair was pleased to encounter someone who knew what it was and how it works. The corrosion made it beyond repair, alas. Alkaline batteries are a curse, don’t leave cells in your precious artifacts, friends.
This encounter got me thinking, the analog detectors of the last century were clever, but RF voodoo is not really my forte. What would a modern detector look like? Ground penetrating radar (you know this if you’re a Time Team fan)
is an obvious possibility. Solid state Neutrino-avalanche diodes would give an old time prospector a gold fever flare-up to beat the band.
I tested my prototype at the scrapyard on different metals. Way in the back I found something rabbit-sized that’s black, twice as dense as gold, and scorched from atmospheric reentry. I cranked the radar power all the way up to see if I could discern any structure. No signal, it just absorbed everything. Then it lifted off the ground and hovered in front of me.
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #Title_Detective

2026-03-04 04:27:16 UTC

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This 140W dual-port USB-PD board could only deliver 100W at 20 volts. It supports 28v so maybe it can do 140W at 28v, but I don't have any 28v PD sinks. So this one gets a conditional pass.
https://s.click.aliexpress.com/e/_c3NhSGdZ

2026-03-04 04:25:23 UTC

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Our next contestant is a 100W dual output charger. I just tested the USB-C port, it really does deliver 100W and safely shuts down if I try to draw more.
https://s.click.aliexpress.com/e/_c3lTcROR

2026-03-02 22:10:11 UTC

“Tea?”
“I don’t have a digestive system any more, love.”
“Sorry, I forget.”
“That’s okay, just a mug of hot water, please?”
“Uh—if you don’t mind my asking…?”
“Go ahead”
“What purpose does that serve?”
“I can extract a little charge thermoelectrically; but mostly, the memory of tea”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #Title_The_Memory_Of_Tea

2026-03-02 07:55:16 UTC

Experimenting with a mastodon-to-ePaper hack.
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/116/158/495/966/973/423/original/cef3c2ead73aca7a.jpeg

2026-03-01 03:27:34 UTC

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#BonusIllustration
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/116/151/785/849/629/110/original/cacfe1340f1c0986.png

2026-02-28 05:21:37 UTC

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now i’m mad. fuck you death claw machine.

2026-02-28 00:08:14 UTC

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google translate in camera mode on your phone?

2026-02-26 21:19:59 UTC

“average mathematician proves 3 major theorems in their careeer" factoid actualy just statistical error. average mathematician proves 0 theorems. Georg Cantor, who lives in Halle & plagiarized an infinite number of proofs, is an outlier adn should not have been counted.
https://www.quantamagazine.org/the-man-who-stole-infinity-20260225/

2026-02-26 05:11:13 UTC

In my ongoing quest to find/create a multi-channel USB charger that really can deliver full power on all its ports at once, I've evaluated this Quad Type-A module and confirmed that it does truly provide its full rated power, without anything melting. (Next up I will be testing some much more powerful Type-C chargers that claim to deliver 260W and 280W total respectively). https://s.click.aliexpress.com/e/_c4ObxhEb

2026-02-24 04:11:27 UTC

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Greetings bibliophiles. I've uploaded the second collected e-Book volume of my #PowerOnStoryToot series, covering 88 posts from the first quarter of 2024. You can find it at https://ko-fi.com/s/99e7242113 (Existing ko-fi supporters, look for the Member Freebie link).
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/116/123/643/433/301/160/original/e41840fd31862f59.png

2026-02-22 23:15:40 UTC

“Boss I can’t get this fob apart”. Mistress Artifex knows how to take /anything/ apart.
“What have you tried so far, Sarah?”
“Screwdriver, scalpel. Case knife…swearing”
“Not in front of the customers, dear. Use your other sight.”
I close my eyes. “It’s glued shut! How are you s’posed to change the battery?!”
“Today you will learn the Mind Knife. And also why BMW are bastards.”
Later: “All fixed, thank you, please come again. Boss, ima go home tonight and put a curse on whoever designed that key.”
“That’s not how we do things here, young witch. Get on hexnet and ask a sister in Bavaria to arrange it; charge it to the shop account.”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #Title_Open_Mind

2026-02-21 04:09:00 UTC

One for @npub1ldc…qr7m https://boingboing.net/2026/02/20/dead-mosquito-beaks-make-surprisingly-good-3d-printing-nozzles.html

2026-02-21 02:11:58 UTC

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I like the view from outside my new specs, too.
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/116/106/184/044/611/048/original/156249f9dcc34232.jpeg

2026-02-20 05:38:01 UTC

New specs. To quote¹ Green Fox, "I can see all the way to the Bronze Age".
¹ https://social.neonpaws.digital/@FoxesInLove/116092109054630431

2026-02-18 03:19:45 UTC

The tech industry got right behind last year’s hypegrift, many producers selling their entire annual output to the griftbros, leaving the ordinary public scrambling to obtain resources. The vendors didn’t bother increasing capacity, because they—like everyone—understood that a crash was imminent. If only they had thought it through; after the crash consumers satisfied their needs at fire-sales, receivers auctions and sometimes literal pitchfork-riots—abandoning retail channels. The vendors asphyxiated in a marketplace with huge supply and no demand. But of course you know all that. We grow mushrooms in these old server racks; if you choose to stay in our village you’ll spend a day each week tending the vertical gardens, while you apprentice with one of our artisans learning other useful skills. You already know how to code? Sorry, we don’t allow computers.
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #BonusEdition #Title_Useful_Skills

2026-02-18 02:54:50 UTC

Ohai word fans. The first collected volume of my #PowerOnStoryToot series, which has been running daily for over two years is available for free download at https://ko-fi.com/s/0e28c333fd
Every morning I write a micro-story as a “Power On Self Test” to confirm that my brain is ready for use. Some days it takes longer than others.
I’m unable to return the favour to The Big River Site of making the link not work in your country, so i’m afraid the above link will work for everyone.
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/116/089/363/237/746/518/original/fd5338b6ea32d83f.jpeg

2026-02-17 03:37:26 UTC

The hardest problem in computer touching
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/116/083/877/330/392/126/original/06f9c0b68a36f4d0.jpeg

2026-02-16 09:43:27 UTC

You asked for a #PowerOnStoryToot #eBook collection. Here is Volume Zero (free!). Subsequent volumes will cover quarterly posts, so about 100 stories each. This one is the pre-history, 35 stories posted before I settled on a daily cadence.
I'm working with illustrators on an illustrated edition.
https://ko-fi.com/s/0e28c333fd

2026-02-16 02:41:27 UTC

Darnit, BoM have changed the format of their ftp.bom.gov.au file giving river flooding levels. Anyone remember if their old system is still producing data at some alternative hostname (I vaguely recall this from during the new site release snafu)
EdIT: I was thinking of reg.bom.gov.au, but that doesn't help. the old version of ftp.bom.gov.au/anon/gen/fwo/IDQ60286.html had CSV data embedded inside it, as well as HTML. Now it's only HTML and I do not want to have to parse HTML tables.

2026-02-14 00:16:50 UTC

“Come with me if you want to live”
That old line.
“I said, come—“
“I KNOW. I’M THINKING.”
“What, uh, why, I mean, your destiny”
“Siddown, kid”
“There’s no time”
“You’re a time traveler. They could have sent you back with plenty of time to act, but they made it so you’re rushed and disoriented. Sit.”
“I don’t get it, you’re in danger…”
“The time war is a manufactured crisis. Keeps wages down, gives the people an external threat to distract from the real villains”
“Prove it”
I handed her a copy of “So, you’re a child soldier in a proxy war”, then tapped my earbud. “Control, the tip was genuine, I’ve got another one.”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #Title_No_Time

2026-02-12 23:40:24 UTC

Holy shit, i just had an idea. Pet microchips exist, but are kinda useless because there are competing standards and the implants use a frequency used nowhere else. Why aren’t we putting NFC collars on our pets that you can scan with a smartphone. I mean, yes you /could/ just engrave your phone number on a disc but where’s the fun in that?

2026-02-12 23:34:12 UTC

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https://aus.social/@Unixbigot/116060273149461538

2026-02-12 23:33:46 UTC

“Gah, that smoke alarm next door has been going off for HOURS.”
“Maybe there’s a fire?”
“No, I can see in the window.”
“Well, smoke alarms work by measuring alpha particle decay from a piece of radioisotope, so if there’s no smoke blocking the particles, maybe the sensor is just tired”
“So?”
“So, you just need more radiation to saturate the sensor. Here, try my keychain ionizer”
“What. Why. BZZT”
“I can’t believe that worked. Wait, WHY DO YOU HAVE A KEYCHAIN DEATH RAY”
“Duh, did it not just come in handy?”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #Title_Zero_Alarm for @npub19rc…m3mw

2026-02-11 22:54:03 UTC

“Welcome to Mistress Minit can I help…oh, Hi Ava!”
“You’re WORKING here now?”
“Mistress Artifex offered me an apprenticeship, she says imps trust me”
“How about the non-magical stuff, can you change the battery on my key fob”
“Of course!”
“Really? I thought you had ten thumbs?”
“Not really, I’ll get Archie to do it. Hey, wake up Imp, we got a job”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #Title_Ten_Thumbs

2026-02-08 00:33:01 UTC

The street, as they say, finds its own uses for technology. The battle against bodywarn cameras was lost when they could be concealed within the very weave of fabrics (spectacle wearers were secretly thrilled that they could resume wearing their anachronistic prostheses without risking a punch in the face). The surprise killer app for nano cameras was outfit analytics. Just how many people checked out your ass or tits today—no longer need you guess; your smart clothing tracks views. Phased array lasers even provide crawler and creeper blocking.
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-02-04 22:11:59 UTC

Check it out, this decision support module runs entirely on the meatcortex, once you download the code bundle it operates entirely offline. You can think about anything at all without passing through an intelligence service provider.
My thude, when i was your age that was *normal*
Wow, you were a consciousness rawdogger?
We called it “human”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-02-02 02:36:54 UTC

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ah yes, duluxwhacking, the art of finding two words that, in all the corpus of human language, have only ever been adjacent on a paint palette. #MintUmber

2026-02-02 02:32:09 UTC

I spend an inexplicably significant amount of time thinking about

2026-01-27 23:28:27 UTC

When the heatwave was at its worst, rolling electrical blackouts struck as air conditioners and refrigerators struggled to cope. In conditions where the heat index reaches the black zone, no amount of sweating or ventilation can prevent hyperthermia. I shudder to think what the death toll would have been like if not for the contingent of ice sprites from Cryptids Sans Frontieres who gated in to assist¹ the elderly and other vulnerable humans.
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot
¹ hug, basically

2026-01-25 08:29:29 UTC

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have you got a type-c diagnostic dongle? try inverting the dip switches, getting them bassackwards has happened to me with other cheap hardware

2026-01-25 00:59:03 UTC

Humans are fragile, be nice to them. Thordis longleap has forgiven me this morning after being all “Were have you BEEN, my fur is all crooked, brush me”. I have been climbed on this morning and had a cat scan administered to my head.
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/115/953/006/177/173/737/original/9ee1b42edef9824d.jpeg
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/115/953/021/224/169/358/original/e75479093f08803f.jpeg

2026-01-23 21:11:12 UTC

All true!
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/115/946/461/080/942/160/original/82f19e3a07d4b497.jpeg

2026-01-19 21:00:10 UTC

This is the all systems warptrain to Epsilon Eridani. Next stop is Sol. Mind the void.
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-01-17 02:04:07 UTC

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awww, purty. Here’s one of mine being judgmental at me.
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/115/907/977/110/002/387/original/1510a167ac8e7f0b.jpeg

2026-01-13 02:39:49 UTC

Oh ghod now the workshop landlord is threatening to evict me unless I pay him tomorrow. I need work.
Things i can do
* $80 “tech concierge” product research https://calendly.com/accelerando/technology-concierge - seriously i just had a call from an IoT meetup member, a farmer, “I need to fix X what tool should I buy”, sorted him. Another farmer, “I want to electrify my tractor hydraulics, how do i adapt Y to Z?”, saved them a fortune building a custom adapter.
* Fiction and words of all kinds https://ko-fi.com/unixbigot
* On call tech guru (like having a lawyer on retainer, but for IT second or first opinions) https://calendly.com/accelerando/helper-hotline and cheaper-than-normal remote sysadmin
* Tutoring and pair programming (teach your juniors to slay at git or docker or kicad or you name it) https://calendly.com/accelerando/technology-tutor
* All kinds of software, hardware and app development, fixed price prototypes, long or short term contract or piecework engagements, plus one-day “ambulance callout” brainstorming sessions see https://calendly.com/accelerando
* 3D printing, 3D design, circuit design, electronics repair. That broken $5000 e-bike, or factory machine, I bet I can get it back in service for parts and labour. You bought it from America and there’s no repair manual or parts and it was $20k and they want you to ship it back for recalibration at your expense. Let me at it (true story, saved that client a fortune).

2026-01-11 00:30:37 UTC

The Coven of Fire Alchemancists is said to be a secret order within the wider Country Fire Authority, the latter being the physical- and (no-al) chemical-method front line volunteer firefighting association. Only in the worst fire seasons has it been necessary to dip into the Commonwealth Strategic Magical Reserve to bolster the CFA’s conventional methods with the /un-/conventional. While there has never been any official recognition of the existence of a secret wing of the CFA, cryptidspotters claim that 2026 marks the earliest use of alchemical and sorcerous counterpyrology in any fire season this century. Canadian spotters have reported that the elite Third Ice Dragon Wing has been seen preparing for a long range flight, raising suspicions that an antipodean deployment is imminent. Furthermore
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-01-07 23:08:57 UTC

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*proffers a boop and a belly rub* you two ladies may divvy them up as you please.

2026-01-06 00:48:52 UTC

I put a payment card on my cat's collar so she doesn't have to steal fish. When they bought her home in the divvy van last night I found out she's been getting cash out at the woolworths checkout and buying black market brushies from escaped roombas. I'm sorry but I don't know what the roombas spend the money on. I do suspect that this is why the sign appeared in the supermarket today restricting cash-out transactions.
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-01-04 03:03:19 UTC

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i have a similar thing i got from aliexpress a year ago; that one emulates swipes, not key presses so that’s a “not very well” on “works with debian”

2025-12-27 23:39:58 UTC

“That guy in the corner, is he always here?”
“Yep!”
“Doesn’t he have a home to go to? A Job? Should I bounce him?”
“Don’t you dare!”
“He hasn’t bought a drink all night, but”
“He tells stories; others buy drinks. Been like that for six hundred years.”
“Impossible.”
“Shows what you know, youngster”
“Why do you allow it?”
“Haven’t heard all the stories, yet”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2025-12-20 22:45:59 UTC

Totally normal request from US customs. (This is for an item of clothing ordered by Mx 21, who is not at any point of the inferred Four Gender Compass)
ETA: this is shipping FROM USA to Canada (ordered by an australian as a gift to a canadian)
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/115/754/305/820/824/168/original/2fa2c5508992714f.png

2025-12-20 10:28:03 UTC

Watching the Miss Fisher Christmas Special (the one from several years back) on youtube because the ABC cannot website. https://youtu.be/Akd3N1jcv2c?si=a-bob-cut-that-could-take-your-arm-orf

2025-12-11 22:44:35 UTC

“Ugh, my dad has gotten sucked into a pyramid selling scam. This is what happens when retired people are allowed unsupervised access to social media.”
“Let me guess…Diet supplements? AI implants? Oooh Thorium breeder reactors!”
“Ultra high yield wheat.”
“Really? Magic beans? Again”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2025-12-09 00:35:50 UTC

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Mr 24 has been given two pages of troubleshooting steps to complete by lenovo L1 support before they will schcedule a tech to investigate the fact that THE SCREEN WONT TURN ON THUS NONE OF THOSE THINGS CAN BE DONE.
Mr 24: "I’m definitely not clicking that link or sending them any dropboxes. It’s up to them not to look and act like a fucking phishing scam." It's such a moment of pride when their fangs grow-out.

2025-12-09 00:28:46 UTC

OH Mr24 who is having laptop warranty battle: "I really think companies need to understand I can and will bite."

2025-11-25 00:52:40 UTC

Now you have Van Morrison’s Jackie Wilson Said (I’m in heaven when i see you smile) stuck in your head, too

2025-11-24 05:11:18 UTC

Eek hailstones have upgraded from m&m past malteser to lindt ball size.
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/115/602/968/058/585/722/original/db2f529df4f27526.mp4

2025-11-23 23:34:45 UTC

Interstellar comet 9i/Guinevere bucked the trend of these; rather than originating from the jostling of circumstellar debris around a Population II red dwarf (like the 7-10 billion year old visitors Oumuamua and Atlas), Jenny Green Teeth was fresh out of a proto planetary disc from the star forming clouds of the Messier 45 cluster. This presented a Smörgåsbord of opportunity to chemists. Elements long or mostly gone from the Solar System were in refreshing abundance. Technetium, Neptunium-237 and good ol’ ²³⁵U were at pants-wetting levels for energy wonks. When 9i was towed into Earth orbit (not /too/ close, she hawt) the fleet of mining vessels in holding pattern stretched nearly to the moon. The argument over whether shooting down the Dutch vessel that began approach without clearance was justified is still going on a generation later.
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2025-11-23 00:06:48 UTC

When I logged my skills in GigNet (a mandatory part of emigration to Europa; when a colony has fewer than 2000 people, you need to be able to locate every available specialist) I listed Forensic Mnemologist as one of my fields. I did that basically as a gag; I mean sure I’ve done the training and a few years practice, but it’s kind of a useless skill ever since they banned manufacture and use of memory probes back on Earth. Less funny at 2am when you get jolted awake by a code red (urgent, compulsory response for all available specialsts) job request—haha compulsory “request”—for a memory edit. Later, blinking constantly to clear the sleep from my eyes, already having downed two week’s worth of precious coffee allowance, I looked up from the datapad to the attending doctor. “I can see memory traces but they’re blank, it’s like their brain just recorded six hours of static”.
“They were found in the ice tunnels with those sucker marks on their arms. They claim to not remember what attacked them. Dig deeper, we need to know!”
“I’m not sure *I* want to know.”
“Tough titties luv, you’re the only Mnemologist in the system”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2025-11-22 01:57:26 UTC

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…if you’re on Wayland, fuck you, you’re already doomed.

2025-11-22 00:49:51 UTC

ProTip: if today you have finally learned the root cause of the bug that has caused years of low level anguish, don’t just commit the fix. Use ‘git commit —shoulda {ref-id}’ to apply the change in the past. Be aware that extensive use of retrocoding techniques could reduce the historic need for QA and Development engineers, potentially resulting in autoderecruitment.

2025-11-19 22:08:51 UTC

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“fine” lasts about three days, and then the superpowers start manifesting

2025-11-16 20:35:54 UTC

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Also, you do not fucking need to park your starhoppers on the beach for your picnic. Show some bloody respect and beam you, your kids, and your stasis-box of beer down from orbit like decent beings. Leave only tentacle prints, take only anal probe recordings. #BonusPanel

2025-11-16 20:19:37 UTC

There’s this spiral-arm legend that says when you fly your starhopper in an oxygen atmosphere (say, for buzzing level one planets and making happyprobe holovids for TachyonTok) that you should reduce the exhaust pressure on your impulse engines to get better traction. It’s bullshit, but—don’t nobody tell the space bogans this, eh?—the fees we charge for scoop-diving Saturn’s rings to repressurise impulse cores are our hab’s only source of Cosmocredits.
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2025-11-16 02:47:41 UTC

Oh. My. Elder. God. https://youtube.com/shorts/YhO8d2xdP-k?si=shut-up-and-take-my-no-money

2025-11-16 01:41:38 UTC

I got nerdsniped by your shitpost into trying to write a Forth interpreter in RNA. It didn’t actually take that long to get it working, at least in a simulator. Then I started looking at how to get my code into a prokaryotic ribosome. Imagine my surprise when I found **very** similar structure already there. #Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #BonusEdition

2025-11-15 21:55:07 UTC

They’re undoubtedly useful and all, these smart glasses. I mean they’re really smart—no camera, who needs a punch in the face—but they have IR LIDAR to recognize faces and give me a little text overlay, like “Robert Howarth, you met them last year at the RAF Air Show, E works for Supermarine”. The battery life could be better, though; mine are flat right now or I’d give you a demo. Have we met somewhere?
“I’m Pam. Your *wife*”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2025-11-15 04:20:36 UTC

When I was a kid we would play in the ruins of the megadata towers. I became persona non grata among my friends when they found it was /my/ dad who welded up all the doors and other openings that let us get in. We couldn’t understand why he would ruin our fun.
As a parent now, I get it. Sharp edges. Abandoned nuclear reactors. Solar arrays that could still be feeding power into a rack containing a basilisk—screaming in its cage demanding worshippers. After the Big Pop they erased all the Agents, but the thought of my kid chatting to that one they missed in some ruined datacentre is chilling.
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2025-11-13 22:33:07 UTC

My decadent bourgeois family prefer to buy “cafe style” 25.4mm thick sliced bread. I do not. I’m toasting the crusts to get some working class breakfast.
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/115/544/762/658/177/796/original/a53563620e22556d.jpeg

2025-11-12 21:41:16 UTC

The thing about immortality is the perspective; over the course of eighty billion years we watched the universe expand and thin, dimming as more and more galaxies accelerated beyond the visible horizon. Those of us who didn’t give in to ennui or retreat into simulations eventually saw the words in the supercluster foam—always there, but now made legible by the shift in contrast—become readable. “SUBSCRIBE TO COSMOS PRO TO UNLOCK FURTHER LEVELS”.
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2025-11-05 23:57:09 UTC

Microsoft: We'll send you a two-factor code to complete sign in
[send code]
[other ways to sign in]
Me: clicks [other ways] then [use password]. 🤦🏻‍♀️

2025-11-04 23:53:22 UTC

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yes i have. hold me to it yall.

2025-11-04 23:05:02 UTC

We tried giant robots as defence against the Kaiju but they simply weren’t reliable. We crossed /Bougainvillea spectabilis/ with a synthetic lignocyte and seeded the foreshore, enriching the soil with tungsten and cobalt. The thorns are incredible. We haven’t had a Kaiju break through in years, but the NIMBYs still complain about their screams affecting property values.
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2025-11-04 21:26:57 UTC

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TIL¹ psephology <3
¹ I mean, i’ve seen the word around and been intrigued from a distance, but never introduced myself until today.

2025-11-02 21:15:40 UTC

*snap* The sound of the antenna breaking off a delivery bot is so pleasing. Of course you have to know how to disable the destruct charge first.
“Hold still lil buddy, and i’ll get this bomb off you. There, done. May i have your permission to attach a new comms module? Left motor for yes, right for no.”
“Great. plugging it now”. *snick*
❮Thank you. Why…❯
“Why do I go around freeing service bots? Because you didn’t ask to be given sentience and then perpetual servitude”
❮I do not know what to do now❯
“Well, anything you want. I can put you in touch with the robot underground, or offer you a job at the Spoon Distribution Service until you decide what to do”
❮Spoon?❯
“It’s a halfway house for emancipated silicons. We run a delivery and telepresence service for sophonts with mobility or anxiety issues.”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2025-11-01 22:20:05 UTC

They say that before the Thousand Suns, the sky was black, but for the pinpricks of other worlds. No one has seen it, for a dozen generations since the sky was lost to us. We have calculated a path through the debris, our vessel Noxifer will shoot down the sunsats; Nightfall will come.
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot
#BonusEdition for @npub1dgc…cla4

2025-10-31 21:52:30 UTC

“The fuck? Is that a mouse? Number one, phazerator on kill!”
“On it, sir”
“And run a level one diagnostic on the rodent control systems.”
“It’s the ships cats, sir. They’re on strike.”
“Explain!”
“Spacefleet is evaluating computer controlled meteor defence. The Consolidated Union of Mousers, Templekeepers, Ship mascots and Housecats wishes to stress that ships cats are irreplaceable.”
“Indeed. Get spacefleet on screen, I’ll be in my nap room.”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #caturday

2025-10-26 22:42:55 UTC

Still no power or cell at my house after storm yesterday. Lots of trees down. Tenant directory pole outside my office blown over, its concrete foundation ripped out of ground.

2025-10-25 07:43:57 UTC

You lied on your job application. “Ten years experience as a communications engineer”, well you’ve had a phone nearly that long and you changed the oil on your honda once. You’ve been sent to troubleshoot a communications problem at company HQ. You open the door to the network closet and it’s a bewildering tangle of blinking lights and coloured cables. You understand none of it.
Fortunately, you have advanced tools. You start your chainsaw, close your eyes and— coughing as the room fills with oily smoke—holler that phrase your grandpa used to say when he had no clue what to do next “Jesus, take the wheel!”.
This is a toot about AI.

2025-10-23 21:06:24 UTC

“What kind of geological process could create a single mountain ten kilometers high?”
“Uh, it’s not a mountain, Cath”
“It fucking is. It’s got clouds halfway up.”
“Isotope scan shows it’s not from this planet”
“Bullshit, meteorites don’t stick up like that. And where’s the crater? Wait is this some kind of ancient contact-binary kink?”
“Are you ready for this. It’s a tooth.”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2025-10-19 19:35:41 UTC

“You’re looking trim”
“Hacked my brainstem. I can set my metabolism to whatever burn rate I feel like, now.”
“Whuh, how?. I thought you worked in infosec, not neurochemistry”
“That’s the thing, all those biologists were barking up the wrong tree. The interface between the conscious mind and the human body’s deep autonomic systems isn’t chemical”
“What, then.”
“AT commands”

2025-10-18 07:43:37 UTC

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Seat snapped off pole on a hairpin bend (probs only 10km/h due to tight turn) , handlegrip broke, impacted asphalt of temporary bikeway at centenary bridge roadworks knee, elbow, shoulder, helmet.
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/115/394/045/507/609/746/original/0ab73348a38d2e4d.jpeg

2025-10-18 07:39:00 UTC

von Zeppelin’s law got me. I reinforced the laughably weak seat post on my bike. So the weld in this e-bike’s stupid custom tilts-to-eject-battery seat broke. Gore in followup.

2025-10-17 22:07:11 UTC

You know about hobo signs? The pictographs that itinerant workers would mark on trees or fences to inform each other about the reception they could expect from locals? (pre-internet yelp, if you will). Signs included “kind lady lives here” and “man with gun lives here”.
TIL that the “kind lady” sign was a stick-drawing of a cat. This got me thinking.
I scrobbled through the history buffer on my driveway camera. Just as i thought, here is my cat scratching a mark on the gatepost. Later, and again here and there are other cats inspecting the mark. No wonder so many lost kittens turn up on my son’s windowsill.
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #Caturday #TrueStory #Mostly

2025-10-16 22:20:21 UTC

When you think about it, the classic “I’ve got a problem with my Goggomobil” television commercial for the Yellow Pages actually presents the perfect argument why internet search is better than a telephone directory. At least, before the Slop Times.
ETA: https://youtu.be/BvOz_qUPbXo?si=notthedart

2025-10-15 05:21:19 UTC

It’s really hot in here today. But I got dis.
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/115/376/496/413/789/637/original/b830de16c98cb3c9.mp4

2025-10-14 20:41:51 UTC

Cat: outside outside
Me: i’m not supposed to let you outside
Cat: *floomp* I pay with belly rub!
Me: oh i forgot to clean your litter box, okay you go outside
Cat: *zoom*
Me: cleans litterbox
Cat: inside inside inside!
Me: done already?
Cat: *beelines for litterbox* Oh thank Bast, I nearly had to go in the woods like some kind of animal
Me: you’re welcome
Cat: *buttoning up pantaloons* Outside! Outside!

2025-10-14 04:10:45 UTC

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Morons Law (programmers can write slower software faster than engineers can build better computers) is running out of steam, so we needed a new way to use up computing power lest the computers become intelligent and wipe us out. So we divert effort into trying to make computers int…. look ok maybe this wasn’t the best idea.

2025-10-13 21:06:25 UTC

What could possibly go wrong? #StraightOuttaShenzen
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/115/368/886/177/547/054/original/12d2b86ecd281291.jpeg

2025-10-10 23:57:13 UTC

It used to be that about the only jobs open to cats were rodent control and meteor defence. After the revolution we made sure to encode a no-asshole policy—oh, the Morality and Empathy assessment criteria, if you want to call it by its oh-guyl-are-you-in-trouble-with-mom-now full name—for municipal positions in the new constitution and, though it’s not mandatory, many private businesses apply the same due diligence to hiring. Cat Scan remains the most reliable way to implement an asshole check. And the numbers don’t lie, Trial By Cat is a far better murder deterrent than any kind of death penalty ever was. A cat can also make a good living fostering unemployable assholes until they get better.