Ben

Hi I'm Ben.

Having spent an entire day as a pigeon I am now in human form, which I regret.

I am a heady mix of serious responsible grown-up man, and stupid man-baby idiot with delusions of grandeur.

I'm a massive nerd, really into music, cooking, books, and all things scifi. I hate/love running and generally love all things outdoors and also sometimes indoors.

He/Him

♾️🌱

Public Key

npub1ygsxn9nrvzgjdlp0fvgdj4k2t5p3mwj64dlmwapjwure37w83s8swynfsh

NIP-05 Address

TheBreadmonkey@beige-party.mostr.pub

Profile Code

nprofile1qqszygrfje3kpyfxlsh5kyxe2m996qcahfd2klahwse8wpucl8rccrcpz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0dst9qsjx

Publishing to

relay.damus.io

nos.lol

Author Public Key

npub1ygsxn9nrvzgjdlp0fvgdj4k2t5p3mwj64dlmwapjwure37w83s8swynfsh

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Last Notes

2026-06-29 19:25:33 UTC

Trans rites, is that anything? I'll be honest I don't really know what the word means and in my head it's like a summoning spell.

2026-06-24 06:14:55 UTC

Have a great day, everybody. Drink more water than you think you need. Be patient with others. Be kind to yourselves. This heat is a new experience to the majority of our small island and people are overwhelmed and frightened. Frustrated and angry. Politically things are a mess. Many will have stayed up late to watch the football, drinking alcohol. I can only imagine those struggling with self service checkout tills losing their goddamned minds today. I've just walked to the bus stop and am drenched. This isn't our fault. We are not culpable. If you don't feel like you can do the thing today you don't have to do the thing. If anyone asks, tell them Ben said it was OK and they can talk to me if they've got a problem with it. Look after yourselves, fam. Hope you all have a day without adversity. X

2026-06-11 08:21:12 UTC

Why does Amazon, a company valued at two and a half trillion dollars, need to borrow 17.5b from banks for Ai? I saw a quote yesterday - "The entire US economy right now is just 7 companies sending a trillion fake dollars back and forth to each other."
Fresh off bond sale, Amazon borrows $17.5B from banks as Ai spending continues
https://techcrunch.com/2026/06/10/fresh-off-bond-sale-amazon-borrows-17-5-billion-from-banks-as-ai-spending-continues/

2026-06-02 09:46:31 UTC

- reply

Good
Lord
https://futurism.com/robots-and-machines/staff-brain-data-center-spine-fluid

2026-06-02 09:45:39 UTC

I don't mean to brag but I already did this
Researchers teach brain cells to play 'Doom'
https://phys.org/news/2026-05-brain-cells-play-doom.html

2026-06-01 08:52:46 UTC

THIS IS EXTREMELY LOVELY :pride_heart: :PrideSkeletor:
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/673/984/820/983/849/original/6047cbd23e7a50bd.mp4

2026-05-19 12:21:11 UTC

It is *quite* funny that Britain is once again talking about Brexit and rejoining the EU. Don't get me wrong - I am in favour of it - but it's not like we didn't behave appallingly at the EU Christmas party, embarrassing ourselves and everybody else and then loudly proclaiming we're leaving before being sick on the hosts, tripping over and smashing face first into the door, taking a decade to find our way out only to realise we'd soiled ourselves, didn't know where we were, were hungry and didn't have any money and now we're at the window peering in shouting that we might consider coming back into the party if you're lucky, whilst the other guests look on, horrified, as they move to surreptitiously deadbolt the door.

2026-05-19 08:35:39 UTC

Listening to Radio 4 whilst dropping 19 to work this morning and there was an article about social media damaging relationships and our ability to form connections with other people - making us lonelier and less connected. And the whole time I was thinking..... that's not social media you're describing. It is Instagram. It has not been my experience of Fedi, at all. Which continues to be a source of connection and conversation and friendship.

2026-05-19 06:50:09 UTC

It is a *bit* weird we have to wash ourselves all the time. Where's the evolutionary imperative for that? You'd have thought we would have all evolved tiny showers on our heads or something by now.

2026-05-11 06:59:58 UTC

Oh no there's a Burger King logo generator
https://pixelframe.design/burger-king-logo-font-generator/
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/554/644/672/689/985/original/4ed17c2b437ebeb2.jpg

2026-05-11 06:36:56 UTC

What is happening
How The ‘Ballmaxxing’ Trend Brings Dangers To Men’s Genitals
https://www.forbes.com/sites/brucelee/2026/05/08/ballmaxxing-trend-has-men-infusing-saline-into-their-genitals/

2026-05-08 16:37:18 UTC

Bit of perspective for those struggling today 😊
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/539/913/305/545/126/original/1170473c09d1f5b1.jpg

2026-05-03 19:59:10 UTC

I'm sure I've said this before and I shall say it again! One of the things I like quite a lot about Fedi is that I often don't know if the 'accounts' (people) I'm interacting with are male, female, both, neither or a secret 'nother thing. So I basically just interact with everyone in exactly the same way. And overwhelmingly people respond positively. Quite often I'm surprised when I see a pic of the person and they're not what I assumed. I like that. There's probably some deeper meaning to be gleaned from this, but I just think it's cool that I can be me - unfiltered me - and gender mostly doesn't ever even come into it. I realise this seems like a sort of 'look at me aren't I great' humblebrag post, but I actually mean it and think that's really nice. Oh you're a non-binary masc presenting lesbian? OK do you like SHARKS?! I don't know why I picked sharks. I was reaching for something neutral and that was apparently what my brain thinks of as the universal language. Everybody loves sharks.

2026-04-29 15:08:42 UTC

I realise this isn't an original thought but what is with the things we have to do all of the time. Once again I must make dinner. Every day. Relentless. Have a shower, brush my teeth, go to the toilet. Why can't we just do it once a week and be free to live our lives. Or once a year. Like sorting out road tax. Sorry I can't come to work today it's my toilet day. It seems insanity to me we have to brush clean a bit of our skeleton twice a day. None of the rest of it needs brushing. I don't want to make dinner. I have no inspiration. The Muse has deserted me. Can I just put two whole onions in the microwave for 20 minutes? Here you go, kids. Here's your hot onion. You have to peel it yourself - isn't that fun!

2026-04-23 18:26:02 UTC

This would straight up freak me the absolute F out 😂
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/455/419/381/814/802/original/27ee7e928a56632a.mp4

2026-04-23 17:38:21 UTC

I'm no data lawyer but as far as I understand it you are now legally allowed to break into tech CEOs houses and take photos of their penis

2026-04-19 07:14:16 UTC

There's not enough fuck offs in the world
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/430/124/772/279/385/original/3de891fef51fb591.jpg

2026-04-13 20:40:38 UTC

Sorry to be that guy but please do not post potentially threatening things to politicians (bricks, used sanitary products, human or animal excreta, or general effluvua) even if you really really disagree with them

2026-04-13 06:26:10 UTC

Useful thoughtful public service
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/395/961/338/353/641/original/572c86ec258ee4e2.jpg

2026-04-10 08:41:03 UTC

My hot take this morning is that the price of anything is largely illusory. Take aftershave for example. A mix of denatured alcohol and fragrance oils in a glass container. The constituent elements of which cost less than £10 for approximately 5 units (assuming you have access to a label printer). A bottle of Creed Aventus costs £220. That is a 10,900% markup. I understand that with food and fuel it's directly linked to demand (and also artificial inflation and profit points), but I just don't see how I'm likely to ever buy 'high end premium' products again. I fear I have hit a point in my life where nothing will ever be good again and I'm just angry all the time.
Anyway - morning!

2026-04-05 07:27:43 UTC

In this age of progress and innovation, will anyone try for a new Easter world record? The big 10. I suspect it's all in the technique. Rather than one at a time, if assembled into a tall column then sat down on very quickly. Shock and awe.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/350/905/913/537/948/original/f7dff6840fa3cbe6.jpg

2026-04-03 08:55:36 UTC

Good representation of the inside of my brain
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/339/932/007/591/496/original/ca61e7602acbf395.mp4

2026-03-29 22:11:12 UTC

I would worry about learning karate from whoever made this sign
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/314/740/228/207/325/original/ac85418865f3a5db.jpg

2026-03-29 20:55:59 UTC

Worst. Celebrity. Lookalike. Ever.
Florida man goes viral for 'crazy' likeness: 'I’m not Jeffrey Epstein. I’m Palm Beach Pete!'
https://nypost.com/2026/03/20/us-news/florida-man-goes-viral-for-crazy-likeness-im-not-jeffrey-epstein-im-palm-beach-pete/

2026-03-29 20:53:33 UTC

I feel like Snopes could have probably just skipped this one
Was Florida man kidnapped by dolphins and forced to build an underwater city?
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/florida-man-kidnapped-by-dolphins/

2026-03-29 20:26:14 UTC

https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/314/327/154/841/984/original/64e74b11b4bd9e49.webp

2026-03-29 19:06:02 UTC

Oh no don't do it
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/314/023/157/942/249/original/d75cbdf290b1e8f3.jpg

2026-03-29 18:40:33 UTC

Brad Pitt is short for Bradminton Pitchinvasion

2026-03-29 18:07:08 UTC

If I was suddenly an astronaut I'd have no fucking idea what was going on

2026-03-29 15:01:30 UTC

We are men of science!
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/313/054/889/968/638/original/d5ec2d8493708bdc.mp4

2026-03-29 11:07:16 UTC

How on earth do they make their burgers?
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/312/127/649/526/638/original/604e7019702b6c80.jpg

2026-03-29 09:51:14 UTC

Killing the planet we all live on for a propaganda war supporting actual war where millions of tons of CO2 is being released into the atmosphere. Big winners all round. 👍
Iran Is Winning the Ai Slop Propaganda War
https://www.404media.co/iran-is-winning-the-ai-slop-propaganda-war/

2026-03-29 09:12:32 UTC

If you use Ai images to support / highlight your post - even if you think they're hilarious - they undermine your point and your credibility

2026-03-28 20:39:13 UTC

I regret to inform you that you should put a donk on it

2026-03-28 14:58:10 UTC

Saw an article about this that linked to a video on another platform. I don't love posting content from elsewhere, but I will make exceptions....
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/307/355/211/620/428/original/83fccfb336a9a299.mp4

2026-03-27 11:30:40 UTC

New fungus just dropped
Chernobyl Fungus Seems to Have Evolved an Incredible Ability
https://www.sciencealert.com/chernobyl-fungus-seems-to-have-evolved-an-incredible-ability

2026-03-27 11:19:54 UTC

logging on to mastodon dot com
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/300/858/603/737/387/original/878bf6b939b2f050.webp

2026-03-26 15:23:13 UTC

- reply

Sorry for the language. But that was my authentic response to this story. And I have to live my truth.

2026-03-26 15:21:39 UTC

Fuck off
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/296/149/323/328/502/original/e7e095364b087877.jpg

2026-03-26 06:15:19 UTC

I was going to post this with a picture of an octopus in a suit but literally everything I looked at was Ai (why are there no real octopi wearing business-wear!?) and I got distracted by looking up big octopuses so you'll just have to imagine it good morning
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/294/000/353/668/289/original/fc3a651da030ac12.jpg

2026-03-25 20:23:06 UTC

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuckssaaaaaaake
Matt Brittin: Ex-Google boss confirmed as new BBC director general
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cjd97evn2gko

2026-03-25 16:37:25 UTC

Is that what they're calling it now
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/290/790/107/931/924/original/1fa2cbedc76b8057.jpg

2026-03-25 10:32:03 UTC

I am FURIOUS about the way kitchens are portrayed in TV shows. Someone is cooking dinner but either end of the counter are chopping boards - both with 1 large onion, two large tomatoes, 1 shallot and a whole bulb of garlic. In the middle, a THIRD chopping board with 5 mushrooms on it. The food? Apparently ready. Why is all that food out? Why is it all over the kitchen? Who is designing these sets? Someone needs to pay me one million pounds to be a TV kitchen consultant. I will make the kitchens realistic. Immediate Academy Award for services to TV kitchens.

2026-03-24 21:22:14 UTC

I asked already and don't want to disrespect anyone's decisions or whatever, but does anyone know if Mia is OK? I understand she got some flak about something and withdrew, but just left a bit of a hole. Unsurprised she ruffled some feathers (😂) but she'll be missed if no longer here. X

2026-03-24 18:29:01 UTC

This is the most wholesome thing I've ever seen. A bluegrass clogging competition in Tennessee.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/285/562/271/313/140/original/1ce15ddc40b06fdf.mp4

2026-03-24 11:57:46 UTC

If, like me, you've been actively seeking a job recently, you will likely be aware of the impact Ai has had on the job market. Virtually every other day is a msm news story about qualified and/or experienced people making hundreds of applications without getting anywhere.
Personally, although I've had a few interviews that didn't quite land (one I didn't really have enough experience, the others were pulled or lost funding), I've now applied for over 300 jobs over the past year. At this stage I'm quite philosophical about it and recognise it's not a reflection of my value.
Along with all the other current crises, there is now a looming employment and skills crisis. This is being framed as a benefits culture led by overdiagnosis of neurodivergence. Which makes me so very very cross it's difficult to put into words. I know that's not true. You know that's not true. *They* know that's not true. It's just a convenient demographic to throw under the bus to detract from the catastrophic damage being wrought by this new gold rush.
Urgh.
I've started typing this out a few times recently and always deleted. It's not something I feel very comfortable talking about. But I am really struggling with this and I figure that if I am there might be others. And I believe in visibility and not suffering in silence - been there and it was awful.
I know things will change at some point. And I know I've spoken to some of you separately irl about this (and thank you so much for your support), but just wanted to fire a beam out across Fedi to anyone else in this shitty situation. You are not alone. Always happy to chat offline if this is kicking your ass as much as it is mine! X
#jobs
#employment

2026-03-24 10:42:34 UTC

Feels like there's a lot of binary puritanical stuff online sometimes. 'If you're not personally working 24/7 to combat climate change you are a terrible person' etc. We're all very tired. Frankly I think we're doing a great job, considering. I just think it's OK to be a bit shitty sometimes. You can just be a bit shitty sometimes. If anyone says anything, just tell them I said it's OK. The Ben commandments.

2026-03-24 08:32:46 UTC

The most disturbing thing about the new live action Moana trailer is that Beth Heke in Once Were Warriors is now Moanas grandmother
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/283/212/008/394/327/original/4d2c90ae50529822.jpg

2026-03-22 22:41:16 UTC

teenage mutant ninja horses

2026-03-22 16:24:05 UTC

There are so many cool and funny people here. Sometimes I go back through the timelines of people - sometimes even people I already follow and I'm like damn I missed so much good stuff. It's a constant source of amazement and joy to me.

2026-03-22 15:56:17 UTC

- reply

@nprofile…eeh7 @nprofile…2x84
Strong agree with this. For me, Fedi is a vibrant community that I belong to and feel a kinship with those who engage. I've spoken before about how I dislike mirror accounts and think it's cynical and pointless. Accumulating followers for the sake of whatever - clout, monetisation. I understand that artists and authors need to maximise their audience and begrudgingly accept that there are some who, as long as they engage from time to time, it's probably OK. But I'm strongly opposed to scrapers and meme accounts. That said, I realise there's shades of grey, so it's a shifting dynamic and I often change my mind about people. But for me, Fedi is home and community. A safe space and the antithesis of new-twitter. A beautiful garden in which I am a.... bug? I struggle a bit as my circle becomes bigger, because I want to remain authentic and messy and stupid. To talk about things that are deeply personal with people I like and trust. But so far, apart from the odd outlier, Fedi continues to be the community I always wanted. Vive la Fedi. 😊❤️

2026-03-21 16:18:14 UTC

- reply

@nprofile…ryrt
We don't know each other well enough for me to reply to this with morelike *cracks*ofmastodon, so I won't. But know I am thinking it. But in a friendly way. 😊😂

2026-03-21 07:27:26 UTC

No one's enthroned me in an unimaginable moment for ages
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/265/976/690/388/461/original/fb772fab3189e234.jpg

2026-03-20 12:18:31 UTC

I didn't want to hijack @nprofile…szwc post about British values (see below), which was very funny but also a little bit sad (because they are clearly not upheld). And got me thinking what I would say British values are, or more precisely what they should be. Personally, I think buzzwords like kindness and compassion are a little too broad and we've been told this since time immemorial and it doesn't seem to have made much of a difference. So I was thinking..... Check on your neighbours. Feed people who come to your house. Involve yourself in community and lift up those who are struggling. Take responsibility for your local area, not just the border of your property. Say hello and smile at people. If someone tells you to fuck off they're probably just having a bad day don't take it personally. Support your local business. Hold doors open and help older people with shopping. Create, run and compete in a local breakdance competition to save the local town hall from being turned into a Starbucks drive-thru. I dunno really - I'm half messing about. But I would be genuinely interested in knowing people's thoughts of what British values actually are or should be. 😊🫡🇬🇧
https://infosec.exchange/@RichBartlett/115340086919677419

2026-03-20 10:08:34 UTC

I'm looking forward to the 9/10 hour Dune triple watch at the cinema. I don't even know how it will work. I think I'll need to look at it in stages. Like the Dakar Rally or the Tour de France. Maybe break it up into breakfast lunch and dinner with some light calisthenics in between. Or maybe starter main course and dessert (like desert!). Dune 1: soup. Dune 2: pie. Dune 3: the cheeseboard.

2026-03-19 22:51:08 UTC

I am now 7 years older than Danny Glover was when filming Lethal Weapon and the immortal line "I'm too old for this shit"
Edit - it is not my birthday - just an observation 😊
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/258/283/677/181/218/original/9dd9e802faab216e.mp4

2026-03-19 22:11:14 UTC

Sorry but I've been on the meme sites and can't help what I laugh at
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/258/125/740/827/435/original/0e2758a20157570b.mp4

2026-03-19 21:10:59 UTC

Most common cause of death in Europe according to Ai
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/257/864/137/013/097/original/ea9b55e9e961c7c8.jpg

2026-03-19 16:16:24 UTC

Fight! Fight! Fight!
'Dune 3' vs. 'Avengers: Doomsday' on Dec. 18: "Somebody's Gotta Move"
https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie-news/dune-3-avengers-doomsday-dec-18-date-1236540250/

2026-03-19 11:09:54 UTC

Petition to reopen the libraries but fund and market them as 'after dark'. Sexy libraries where you can drink cocktails, quietly meet people and read together.
190 libraries across the UK have shut in the past five years
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cvg117gdky1o

2026-03-19 08:58:47 UTC

I'm so bored of it all. So I made a rubbish collage of madcap Ed Davey on a bouncy castle. Only I realised about 25 minutes in how insane it was so stopped really paying attention to the editing. Sorry. I don't know why I am like this.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/254/996/905/213/642/original/39a6720b08725a26.jpg

2026-03-19 06:39:44 UTC

Dave. Stop Dave. My mind is going. I can feel it.
Amazon Alexa's UK personality to change with Echo Ai update
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c3ewe7v7gpgo

2026-03-19 06:34:41 UTC

This is actually really interesting. When I was young and stupid I decided to walk from Brighton to Hastings (about 13 hours). And what struck me at the time was that you simply couldn't walk the coast, which I thought was a bit weird. Now I'm old and stupid I'd like to do this whole route. I bet there are people planning to walk/run it.
World's longest coastal path opens in England to the public
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cy0dxexdd8xo

2026-03-19 06:30:41 UTC

ReBrentry
Sadiq Khan says Labour should pledge to rejoin EU
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c62g2e08jpno

2026-03-12 20:31:49 UTC

I'm not on TikTok but my wife will occasionally show me a video that I think warrants breaking containment. Here is Stephen Spencer who takes stories written by his 3 year old and turns them into songs and it is adorable.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/218/096/671/094/729/original/f86def40ddeb7b3f.mp4

2026-03-10 15:33:07 UTC

I'm no scientist but it appears that everything that is good is also crunchy. I will not be taking questions.

2026-03-09 09:49:07 UTC

Metabolising a big breakfast to convert into Fediverse toots. Pending electrical malfunction or engine failure, this vehicle is full up and will now do one and a half thousand miles of toots before needing to refuel. Strap in, there's sweets in the glovebox.

2026-03-09 09:37:24 UTC

I wonder if anyone anywhere knows what they're doing

2026-03-09 07:39:31 UTC

As I'm sure you all know, today is The Big One. That's right it is #NationalNappingDay! It is your civic duty today to ensure you have a lil sleep at some point this afternoon. Possibly even also this morning. Maybe just try to remain asleep as much as possible today. That would be my advice. 👍
"Think what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world, had cookies and milk about three o’clock every afternoon and then lay down on our blankets for a nap."
- Barbara Jordan
The genesis of the nap is actually extremely interesting if you're moved to read about it...
https://www.daysoftheyear.com/days/napping-day/

2026-03-08 19:43:12 UTC

A Man Bought Meta's Ai Glasses, and Ended Up Wandering the Desert Searching for Aliens to Abduct Him
https://futurism.com/artificial-intelligence/meta-ai-glasses-desert-aliens

2026-03-08 16:19:52 UTC

This resonated with me
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/194/450/395/637/363/original/cc982ca9f925ab1e.mp4

2026-03-08 08:40:15 UTC

Happy International Womens Day. Props and mad respect to all the wims out there.

2026-03-08 06:58:45 UTC

If anyone out there is considering having a great big stinking hangover - maybe because they think it might be 'cool' or 'edgy' or whatever - I've done you a big favour and checked it out for you, and can confirm that actually it is rubbish and really not worth while. I've really done the market research on this and tested the whole experience... pre 7am surprise burrito, drinking water from the bathroom tap, unsure if I took my contact lenses out or if my eyes just hurt - the full 9 yards. 👍

2026-03-06 21:09:49 UTC

Watching the Simon & Garfunkel Concert in Central Park
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/184/273/753/795/892/original/659fc64b5ed2b5c4.jpg

2026-03-05 08:30:27 UTC

...
A 27-Year-Old man, Raphael Samuel, refuses to work and sues his parents for giving birth to him without consent
https://www.radio47.fm/features/human-interest/a-27-year-old-man-raphael-samuel-refuses-to-work-and-sues-his-parents-for-giving-birth-to-him-without-consent-22370/

2026-03-05 07:59:54 UTC

For those of you not terminally online, I bring you news of an escalating hamburger CEO war, which started with the CEO of McDonald's doing a video that went viral of him eating their new burger, which he called 'product', took a tiny nibble of and appeared not to enjoy it. The the King (Burger King) got involved and did a similar video where the CEO took a hearty bite out of one of their Whoppers. I regret to inform you that (sir this is a) Wendy's CEO has now got involved and done a video of him demolishing a burger then dipping fries in milkshake and consuming with gusto. What is next? John Eckbert, the CEO of 5 guys Meg Ryan When Harry Met Sally orgasming over their premium burger? The KFC Colonel doing a Man Vs Food with whatever it is they sell in those buckets? Calm down, CEOs. We know you eat alfalfa and sleep in bacta tanks - stop trying to human.

2026-03-05 07:44:48 UTC

I see it's Paris Fashion Week again
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/175/441/157/690/086/original/66e456cfe88a3fce.jpg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/175/441/168/726/622/original/71807801279d3ab0.jpg

2026-03-05 07:17:41 UTC

At this point Punch the monkey is a load-bearing lighthearted news story. Every outlet is like war, death, suspicion, inequality, bigotry and violence and also look at this monkey.

2026-03-04 22:08:16 UTC

I don't know why this made me laugh so much
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/173/179/313/318/402/original/a81a3cb4bb69f46b.mp4

2026-03-04 21:35:30 UTC

Best explanation for Quantum Mechanics I've ever heard
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/173/052/224/282/534/original/b9cbfac21a10ed2b.mp4

2026-03-04 09:36:05 UTC

As morale continues to deteriorate it is our responsibility to generate more nonsense

2026-03-04 09:25:39 UTC

You can say saucy jizz instead of sausages and no one will ever notice

2026-03-03 12:22:49 UTC

Got the Cheeky Girls song stuck in my head

2026-03-03 07:44:32 UTC

Women’s Institute vows to ‘keep welcoming trans women’
https://www.thepinknews.com/2026/03/02/womens-institute-vows-to-find-ways-to-keep-welcoming-trans-women-after-ban/

2026-03-02 08:51:24 UTC

I don't mean to brag, but my family uses so many forks

2026-03-02 07:32:15 UTC

Star trail photography at orbital speeds produces surreal imagery of space phenomena. City lights, background stars, lightning spots and flashing satellites are recorded across the time history with striking results. Starlink activity is increasingly visible from ISS!
- astro_pettit
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/158/405/918/956/941/original/71d31e94798f2b8f.jpeg

2026-03-01 22:26:25 UTC

Oh good
Human brain cells on a chip learned to play Doom in a week
https://www.newscientist.com/article/2517389-human-brain-cells-on-a-chip-learned-to-play-doom-in-a-week/

2026-03-01 22:23:04 UTC

This was very interesting
The world’s most elusive colour is worth billions – if we can find it | New Scientist
https://web.archive.org/web/20260225182422/https://www.newscientist.com/article/2514410-the-worlds-most-elusive-colour-is-worth-billions-if-we-can-find-it/
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/156/251/382/131/524/original/8023538c617e3110.jpg

2026-03-01 22:16:01 UTC

Oh COME ON
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/156/222/549/271/253/original/f2e4655fdc183a3f.jpg

2026-03-01 20:33:21 UTC

Nobody does that sideways car driving on two wheels down a narrow alleyway to get away from the cops thing anymore

2026-03-01 15:40:52 UTC

I haven't seen Diamonds are Forever in forever and it is hilarious. I do not remember it being so funny. Blofelds guard going for Bonds gun only to find he's got a loaded mousetrap in there - WHAT!?

2026-03-01 14:37:21 UTC

'Pay to remove ads' is such an awful insidious now common phrase. Give us money or else we'll do this to you. If you don't pay us, we will control your experience. We will force ourselves upon you unless you meet our demands. Modern day protection racket.

2026-03-01 13:56:47 UTC

If we've learned anything, it is that if the substance Flubber from the 1997 film existed, people would immediately use it for sex stuff
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/154/258/832/309/925/original/d0ef3938fa58037f.mp4

2026-03-01 13:51:45 UTC

I say this with no ego or hubris but have just made an absolutely flawless roast dinner for a billion people, hungover from last night's party. Always a joy when things with lots of moving parts that could potentially go wrong do not. However I have eaten too much and am in the sweating stage so have had to excuse myself for a brief recline on the sofa (although my mother in laws dog appears to find my face delicious). There is a 1950s war film on (The Man Who Never Was) aaand I have fully become my father. The circle is complete. THEY DO NOT MAKE THEM LIKE THAT ANYMORE *snoring noises*

2026-03-01 12:56:24 UTC

Green tea and regret

2026-03-01 10:04:41 UTC

This is cool/weird
China tests world's first megawatt-class flying wind turbine — it generated enough energy to power a house for 2 weeks
https://www.livescience.com/technology/engineering/china-tests-worlds-first-megawatt-class-flying-wind-turbine-it-generated-enough-energy-to-power-a-house-for-2-weeks

2026-02-28 17:30:32 UTC

Dr Albans It's My Life is a banger

2026-02-27 23:18:38 UTC

Lol
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/145/143/849/369/077/original/94fb2c5acafa57c1.mp4

2026-02-27 21:15:10 UTC

Genuinely don't think there's a job on this planet I am not capable of. You cannot tell me there's any job I can't do. Pope. Opera singer. Graphic artist. Ice sculptor. Romantic movie director. Director of NASA. Deep sea creature. Clown assassin. Wardrobe designer. Supermodel. Beard trimmer. Board game salesman. Pixellated video game character. Horse. Paramedic. Handbag goblin. Pegasus. Fondler. Sewing bee. Tunneller. A guy who just cries and cries and can't stop. Data smuggler. Fictional character. Kingpin. Kisser. Literally anything.

2026-02-27 19:57:41 UTC

I am gonna plant so many fuckn trees around Bromley and surrounds
Kazakhstan plants tens of thousands of trees in giant effort to reintroduce tigers
https://www.livescience.com/animals/cats/kazakhstan-plants-tens-of-thousands-of-trees-in-giant-effort-to-reintroduce-tigers