Lesbian Death Bed

Cartoonist & text game guy, founder of the Midnight Society @midnight_pals Genderfluid transvestite goblin 🏳️‍⚧️👺 He/Him, She/Her. Three (3) x Hugo Nominee. www.midnightpals.com

Public Key

npub1yf4nsp2vg7mgl2ktwdwyc5hh3xdxvw0puc42xmdxq8cay8g0watqqhesj3

NIP-05 Address

bitterkarella_at_sfba.social@momostr.pink

Profile Code

nprofile1qqszy6ecq4xy0d504t9hxhzv2tmcnxnx88s7v24rdknqruwjr58hw4sprpmhxue69uhhyetvv9ujumt0d4hhxarj9ecxjmntahrhe7

Publishing to

relay.momostr.pink

Author Public Key

npub1yf4nsp2vg7mgl2ktwdwyc5hh3xdxvw0puc42xmdxq8cay8g0watqqhesj3

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Last Notes

2026-04-18 14:03:11 UTC

1
TL Bodine: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of neverest
Bodine: as in
Bodine: never rest on mt Everest
Bodine: a little mountaineering safety tip for ya all

2026-04-17 15:23:32 UTC

1
JK Rowling: my empire crumbless around me!
Rowling: Julia Donaldsson taking my bestsseller sspot
Rowling: KA Applegate sstealing my thunder
Rowling: the amazing digital circuss trailer topping harry potter
Rowling: and alwayss that confounded diane duane in the ventss!
Diane Duane: free masons run the country!
Rowling: [pounding on wall] i know you're in there!!

2026-04-14 16:57:53 UTC

1
JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: I'm very excited that the trailer for the new harry potter isss the number one trailer right now
Poe:
King:
Lovecraft:
Koontz:
Barker:
Rowling: i can tell by your awkward sssilencce that i musst be correct

2026-04-13 15:54:48 UTC

1
John Wiswell: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the dare
Wiswell: what if the internet was used as a tool for social good
King: wow! i love science fiction!

2026-04-09 17:49:53 UTC

1
Stephen King: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the heroic cat
King: it's about a cat who saves a little girl from an evil troll
King: and also two other completely unrelated stories

2026-04-08 21:23:53 UTC

1
Andy Weir: hey dudes and dudebros
Weir: did you hear about the hot new marketing genre that's taking the literary world by storm?
Weir: we call it MANtasy
Weir: it's like fantasy
Weir: but for HIM!

2026-04-06 17:52:18 UTC

- reply

3
Dickens: you didn't let me finish
Dickens: grip died and i suspect
Dickens: foul play
King: what are you saying?
Dickens: i think she was murdered

2026-04-06 17:52:02 UTC

- reply

2
Poe: NOT GRIP!!!!!
Poe: NOT GRIP!!!!!! ANYONE BUT GRIP!!!!
King: edgar really liked grip
Poe: WHY COULDN'T IT BE ME?!?!?!?
Dickens: yeah i can see that
Poe: I DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN THIS WORLD ANYMORE
Dickens: ok you know what, turn it down a notch why dontcha
Dickens: sheesh

2026-04-06 17:51:40 UTC

1
Charles Dickens: i come to you today with solemn news
Dickens: my raven, grip, died today
King: oh no, charles, i'm so sorry
Koontz: that's awful :(
Barker: yeah, condolences
Lovecraft: i'm sorry
Poe: NO!!
Poe: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!

2026-04-04 18:22:57 UTC

1
Stephen King: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this Elon Musk: [rising from bushes] eyyy stephano king
Barker: look, steve, it's your friend ha ha King: you say that every time clive
Barker: yeah it never gets less funny
King: yes it does clive

2026-04-01 17:29:12 UTC

1
L. Ron Hubbard: hello friends it's me
Hubbard: your old pal, Honest Ron!
Hubbard: and have i got a deal for YOU!
King: wow! a deal for me??
Poe: careful steve Poe: we've been burned before on one of honest ron's deals

2026-03-31 17:11:09 UTC

1
[at space coven]
Andy Weir: beep boop submitted for the approval of the space coven, i call this the story of the martian
Weir: it is a story about the cold triumph of science, with no distracting theme or motif
Weir: only science
Weir: beep boop

2026-03-30 18:27:28 UTC

1
CJ Cooke: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the nesting
Cooke: it's about this woman whose hyperfixation is norway
Cooke: she loves norway as much as dean loves dogs
Cooke: and we all know how much dean loves dogs
Koontz: it's true, i do :)

2026-03-25 17:16:43 UTC

1
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i have exciting newssss
Rowling: there'ss a new harry potter out
King: a new harry potter?!?!?!
King: OMGG I AM SO EXCITED!
Poe: steve, no!
Poe: we discussed this
Poe: you know what the harry potter profits are used for
King: i
King: yes of course
King:
King: but

2026-03-24 15:50:20 UTC

1
Michelle Heller: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the sour doe
Heller: it's about a deer that's real fucked up
Heller: a veritable sour doe, if you were
King: oh!
King: oh ha ha!
King: i get it!
King: ah ha ha ha!

2026-03-23 15:29:32 UTC

1
Gooseworx: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the amazing digital circus
King: oh that doesn't sound scary at all!
King: it sounds kinda fun and whimsical, in fact
Gooseworx: it is very fun and whimsical
Gooseworx: SO very fun and whimsical

2026-03-22 19:28:50 UTC

1
Stephen King: submitted for the approval of the midnight
Elon Musk [rising from bushes]: eeyyyyy stephano king
Barker: hey look steve it's your best friend
King: goddamnit clive
King: we're not
King: elon what do you want this time

2026-03-21 16:28:48 UTC

- reply

13
Patterson: luckily, stephen king is aided by a very cool and smart and sexy detective named james patterson
Poe: is the detective based on you?
Patterson: on moi???
Patterson: what about this cool, smart, sexy detective would give you THAT idea? ;D

2026-03-21 16:28:42 UTC

- reply

12
Patterson: this deranged fan is stalking stephen king using events and characters from his own books!
Patterson: as if the monsters he's written about are coming to get him!!
Chuck Tingle: that's a real problem, old chum!

2026-03-21 16:28:32 UTC

- reply

11
Patterson: what if there was a deranged fan who wanted to kill stephen king to usurp his throne as the king of horror
Patterson: because that's how it works
Patterson: if you kill the top horror author, you become the top horror author
Patterson: it's the same advancement system as the klingon empire if you think about it

2026-03-21 16:28:21 UTC

- reply

10
Patterson: real cool that you didn't all just abandon me and force me to claw my own way to freedom
Patterson: real cool
Barker: you're welcome
Poe: i think he's being sarcastic clive
Barker: yeah i know

2026-03-21 16:28:09 UTC

- reply

9
Poe: this uh
Poe: seems a little passive aggressive
Patterson: no no not at all!
Patterson: it's all in good fun
Patterson: we're totally pals
Patterson: thanks for coming to rescue me from mr beast by the way

2026-03-21 16:27:55 UTC

- reply

8
Patterson: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the murder of stephen king
Patterson: it's about stephen king getting murdered
King:
Poe:
Koontz:
Lovecraft:
Barker: AH HAH HA HA
King: it's not funny
Barker: oh it's pretty funny

2026-03-21 16:27:32 UTC

- reply

7
Patterson: hey it's my old pal stephen king!
King: i hate this guy
Patterson: ha ha what a kidder!
Patterson: don't listen to him, we go back real far
King: no we don't
Barker: boy you're real popular steve
King:

2026-03-21 16:27:20 UTC

- reply

6
James Patterson: hey everyone
Poe: james!? you're alive?!
James Patterson: yeah i won't bore you with the details of my miraculous escape from mr beast's lair
Patterson: except to say that i wrote another 12 books during my day of captivity

2026-03-21 16:27:07 UTC

- reply

5
King: look, i'm sorry
King: i just don't like james patterson
Poe:
Koontz:
Barker:
Lovecraft:
King: i mean, have you read his work?
Poe: steve, mr beast is going to kill him
King: yeah but
King: i mean have you read his work?

2026-03-21 16:26:55 UTC

- reply

4
Poe: yes but
Poe: we can't just NOT rescue him
King: hmm
King: couldn't we?
Poe: steve! this is so unlike you!
Poe: of course we have to!
Barker: now now now let's hear steve out

2026-03-21 16:26:42 UTC

- reply

3
King: uh huh
King: and how much is this going to cost?
Poe: steve!
Cussler: some would say that money is no object when a life is in the balance
King: oh jeez
King: THAT much?!

2026-03-21 16:26:28 UTC

- reply

2
Cussler: badasses, every one of them
Cussler: the ultimate badass team, if you were
Koontz: what about mary?
Cussler: what
Koontz: you can't have a badass team without mary?
Mary Shelley: fuck that, i work alone

2026-03-21 16:26:13 UTC

1
Clive Cussler: to save james patterson, i've assembled this team of crack commandos who escaped from a maximum security prison to join the Los Angeles underground
Cussler: special agent Lee Child
Cussler: fixer F. Paul Wilson
Cussler: and master of disguise Jim Butcher

2026-03-20 15:14:30 UTC

1
James Patterson: hi i'm james patterson
Patterson: you might remember me from such book as 'Dial D for Danger' and 'In the Realm of the Electric Medusas'
Patterson: today I've got an even more exciting story for you
Patterson: i'm teaming up with Mr Beast
King:
Poe:
Barker:
Koontz:
Lovecraft:

2026-03-11 14:49:30 UTC

1
Dawn Kurtagich: so as i was saying genderswapped renfield
Bram Stoker: no! no! no!
Mary Shelley: i dunno, i think i might be into it
Stoker: no! no!
Shelley: yeah
Shelley: i think i might be into it

2026-03-10 15:18:44 UTC

1
Dawn Kurtagich: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the madness
Kurtagich: it's about a fantasy that turned to madness (Has turned to madness)
Kurtagich: And all my goodness (And all my goodness)
Kurtagich: has turned to badness (Has turned to badness)

2026-02-24 16:19:24 UTC

1
Luc Besson: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of incel dracula
Besson: so dracula goes to a party, but a courtesan laughs at him!
Besson: like, she doesn't even care about his amazing perfume or his $500 gucci sunglasses
Besson: fuckin' femoid!!!

2026-02-23 16:07:33 UTC

1
Francis Ford Coppola: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of bram stoker's dracula
Bram Stoker: no it's not!
Stoker: this is not my dracula!
Stoker: i don't recognize this horny stranger!
Stoker: this is not my chaste, dry-dicked son!

2026-02-21 17:08:47 UTC

1
Cordwainer Smith: as everyone knows, there's nothing hotter than a woman who has both cat ears and a cat tail
Junji Ito: nyah! =^____^=
Frank Belknap Long: i can think of something hotter
Smith: oh?
Long: have you ever considered Long: going further?

2026-02-18 17:04:53 UTC

1
Allison Mick: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the humboldt cut
Mick: it's about this woman who returns to the forests of humboldt county for the funeral of her godmother
Mick: but discovers a terrible secret in the forest
Brian Keene: is it bigfoot

2026-02-17 18:46:07 UTC

1
King: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of
Elon Musk [rising from bushes]: eyyyy stephano king
Musk: dida you know da pure aryan race issa gonna be outbred by da mongrel jews anna saracens?
King:
Barker:
Koontz:
Poe:
Lovecraft:
Lovecraft: let's hear him out

2026-02-11 17:39:31 UTC

1
Lor Gislason: bloop bloop time for goop
Stephen King: actually lor, you're supposed to say 'submitted for the approval of the midnight society'
Mary Shelley: naw let them say their own thing
Shelley: i kinda like it
King: goshdarn it mary
King: you know if we let lor do it, everyone's gonna want to do it
Koontz: i think if you tell a goop story, you should get it say it
King: goshdarnit!

2026-02-09 16:37:42 UTC

1
[circle of love]
Nora Roberts: ok ladies we've got a new storyteller here tonight
Roberts: everyone say hi to Coral hart
Coral Hart: oh that's not my real name
Hart: i have to keep my real name secret because readers hate anything its associated with
Roberts:

2026-02-06 17:42:09 UTC

1
Stephen King: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the dead zone
King: it's about this all-american guy named johnny smith who's always telling corny jokes and just all round being a lovable goofball
King: in fact you might say
King: that he's in
King: the DAD zone

2026-02-03 23:17:43 UTC

1
King: boy those Epstein emails
King: it's really sobering to see how money and power allowed sex predators to operate
Neil Gaiman: hello everyone
Gaiman: i'm back
Barker: oh boy
Barker: oh boy you sure picked a time

2026-01-31 17:46:27 UTC

1
King: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the
Elon Musk: [rising from bushes] heeeeeey stephano king!
Musk: i gotta greata business proposition for you
Musk: how you lika ta maka some real money
Musk: i gotta opening atta grok
Musk: but you gotta be a real epic to get it

2026-01-29 17:18:39 UTC

1
Charles Dickens: ho ho ho it's me, Mr Christmas!
Dickens: time for more Christmas cheer!
Poe: it's january, charles
Dickens:
Dickens:
Dickens:

2026-01-27 17:24:16 UTC

- reply

11
Bitter Karella: now that all those wacky dan bongino jokes have got your attention
Karella: i want to remind you that i, bitter karella, am now on the long list for a stoker award
King:
Barker:
Lovecraft:
Koontz:
Poe:
Karella: it's kind of a big deal

2026-01-27 17:24:02 UTC

- reply

10
King: boy!
King: everything in the world is so heavy right now
King: it would be nice if we could get back to some light hearted japes
Bitter Karella: I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY
Mary Shelley: oh great, this little shit again

2026-01-27 17:23:43 UTC

- reply

9
Bongino: eyyyy its da dan bongino podcast
Bongino: eyyy getcha bacon-flavored dick pills right he'e, i gottem right he'e
Bongino: braised wit da farts straight from da anus of da god king himself
Bongino: dis is way easier dan a real job!
Bongino: i shoulda done this long ago!
Bongino: oh wait i guess i kinda did

2026-01-27 17:23:29 UTC

- reply

8
Dan Bongino: eeeeey its me dan bongino, bada bing bada boom!!!
Bongino: i used ta be da FBI deputy director, new york's finest, back da blue baby!!!
Bongino: but turned out runnin' da FBI was alotta work an i ain't about dat
Bongino: so i quit to dedicate myself to my real passion
Bongino: podcastin', baby!!!!

2026-01-27 17:23:14 UTC

- reply

7
Barker: what the fuck??
Barker: you're telling me those are two different guys!?
King: yeah i had the same reaction
Barker: jesus christ
Barker: next you're gonna tell me they got some guy called bob boobino running the nsa or something

2026-01-27 17:23:01 UTC

- reply

6
Barker: hey there's a bright side to all this
Barker: now that he's been fired, bovino's got plenty of time to have more twitter beefs with steve
King: that wasn't ICE oberkommandant greg bovino
King: that was former FBI deputy director dan bongino
Barker: WHAT
King: yeah, you know, the guy from the song

2026-01-27 17:22:29 UTC

- reply

5
George Romero: it's far from over
Romero: only when the people understand the reality of their power can the regime be defeated
Romero: the people united will never be divided
Shelley: yeah, see, this guy? i like the cut of his jib

2026-01-27 17:22:15 UTC

- reply

4
Shelley: i'm not done
Poe: now?
Shelley: no
Shelley: also [redacted]
Shelley: and [redacted]
Poe:
King:
Barker:
Lovecraft:
Shelley: oh, and [redacted]
Poe: yeah
Poe: yeah that's fair

2026-01-27 17:21:58 UTC

- reply

3
Poe: whoa! Mary!
Poe: you can't
Poe:
Poe: well
King: she's not wrong
Poe: i didn't say she was wrong
Poe: it's just
Poe: there might be mods around
Poe: but yeah she's not wrong

2026-01-27 17:21:44 UTC

- reply

2
Poe: it looks like the regime is letting up
Mary Shelley: how do you figure that
Poe: they demoted greg bovino
Mary Shelley: not good enough
Shelley: i want him [redacted]
Shelley: and also [redacted]
Shelley: [redacted]

2026-01-27 17:21:26 UTC

1
Poe: boy
Poe: boy it's sure been a year, hasn't it?
King: edgar, it's January

2026-01-15 18:08:12 UTC

1
Poe: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of eureka
Poe: this is going to be a little different from my usual stuff
Poe: it's actually a scientific meditation on the nature of the universe
Barker: is this one of those things where you have to be high to get it
Barker: cuz if it is, i want to know now

2026-01-11 19:16:18 UTC

- reply

13
Shelley: how about you nerds read another book
King: mary, that's not fair
Shelley: no, it's easy
Shelley: there's loads of other books
Shelley: i wrote some of them
Shelley: hell, YOU wrote some of them, steve

2026-01-11 19:16:10 UTC

- reply

12
Mary Shelley: sup fuckers?
Poe: joanne was just comparing the iranian protesters to gryffindors
Shelley:
Shelley:
Shelley: yeah sure whatever you say

2026-01-11 19:15:58 UTC

- reply

11
Rowling: keir sstarmer is like the whomping willow
Rowling: venezuela is hagrid
Rowling: Issrael is sseamuss finnegan
Lovecraft: actually i'm starting to get a little confused
Rowling: China is Cho Chang
Lovecraft: ok never mind, i'm back on the trolley!

2026-01-11 19:15:44 UTC

- reply

10
Rowling: if you map global politicss onto harry potter, it all makes ssensse
Rowling: Donald Trump is bassically like Goderick Gryffindor
Rowling: netenyahu is like professsor mcgonnigal
Rowling: maduro is like butterbeer
Rowling: greenland is like hogssmeade

2026-01-11 19:15:29 UTC

- reply

9
Rowling: now in my mental sschema of the geopolitical world
Rowling: it'ss important to remember that the rissing tide of the global far right iss like dumbledore'ss army
Poe:
King:
Barker:
Koontz:
Lovecraft: yeah
Lovecraft: yeah i'm kinda following the logic
Lovecraft: this makes sense!

2026-01-11 19:15:14 UTC

- reply

8
Rowling: look, it's easy
Rowling: when western governmentss do oppressssion, that'sss good
Rowling: when sswarthy foreignerss do oppressssion, that's bad

2026-01-11 19:15:02 UTC

- reply

7
Rowling: no, the americanss are hufflepuffs because, actually, their tyrannical government is good and ought to be obeyed
Rowling: also i heard ssome of them have pronounss

2026-01-11 19:14:49 UTC

- reply

6
Rowling: now meanwhile, in america
Rowling: i would ssay americanss are more like hufflepuffss
George Romero: is it because americans trust in the dead promises of electorialism while eschewing the necessary direct action to cause actual regime change
Rowling: what? no!
Rowling: jesus christ what are you even talking about
Romero: am i the only one around here who reads theory?

2026-01-11 19:14:33 UTC

- reply

5
King: i was just too excited
King: i don't get to talk harry potter much these days
King: no one wants to talk potter with me anymore
Barker: yeah i wonder why

2026-01-11 19:14:19 UTC

- reply

4
Rowling: ssee, it'ss very brave of the Iranian people to ssstand up to their tyrannical government
Rowling: and-
King: BRAVERY IS THE DEFINING TRAIT OF A GRYFFINDOR!!!
King: i'm sorry i tried to hold it in

2026-01-11 19:14:02 UTC

- reply

3
Barker: so joanne
Barker: what exactly does that mean
King: oh! i know what it means!
Barker: i know you know what it means steve, i want to know if she knows what it means

2026-01-11 19:13:45 UTC

- reply

2
Poe: i thought it was gonna be about
Barker: you thought it was gonna be about trans women?
Poe: yeah i really thought it was gonna be about trans women
Poe: this is kind of a pleasant change
Poe: a little odd but pleasant

2026-01-11 19:13:26 UTC

1
JK Rowling: hello children
Poe: oh hi joanne
Poe: do you have something to
Rowling: I have sssomething to sssay
Poe: is it about
Rowling: iran ssseemss to be unusssually full of gryffindorsss
Poe: oh!
Poe: oh i was not expecting that

2026-01-04 19:22:38 UTC

1
[white house]
Trump: so we're bombing venezuela now
Trump: no reason, really, just because
Trump: we just had all these bombs lying around
Trump: and we thought
Trump: why not
JD Vance: masterful gambit, sir

2025-12-30 17:19:15 UTC

1
Damon Knight: holy machine learning process! it seems that people don't AI slop being elligible for the nebula!
Knight: what to do?
Knight: i'll feed the question into the bat computer
Erin Underwood: never fear, erin underwood is here!

2025-12-28 20:04:08 UTC

1
Charles Dickens: holy shit you guys
Dickens: turns out everyone really loved a Christmas carol
Dickens: this whole Christmas ghost story idea is a gold mine!
Dickens: i'm gonna write a new ghost story for EVERY Christmas!
Dickens: and each one is gonna be BIGGER than the last!
Dickens: don't believe me? just watch!

2025-12-19 22:35:31 UTC

1
[scottish castle]
JK Rowling: ugh! i'm tired of all thesssse people online making fun of my black mold!
Rowling: that'sss it!
Rowling: today isss the day that i do sssomething about it

2025-12-11 17:38:42 UTC

1
King: you know we haven't seen JK Rowling in a while
King: is she still tweeting?
Barker: ha ha ha oh steve
Barker: ha ha ha ha ha
Barker: ha ha ha ha ha ha
King: what's so funny?
Barker: ha ha ha!
King: c'mon i want to know the joke

2025-12-09 18:44:50 UTC

1
Graham Joyce: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of some kind of fairy tale
Joyce: it's about a girl who gets kidnapped by fairies
Joyce: and i know what you're thinking
Joyce: but my fairies are different

2025-12-03 17:05:23 UTC

1
Colleen Hoover: anyway i have a fun, sassy little romance for you that i think you'll all love
Hoover: it's totally normal and NOT fucked up in any way
Poe: ok this is really not assuaging me
King: let it go, edgar
Barker: yeah i'm getting real excited for this one
Barker: too fucked up for the romance writers campfire?
Barker: yeah this is gonna be a doozy

2025-12-02 18:46:22 UTC

1
Colleen Hoover: well golly
Hoover: i don't know why everyone's so scared of lil' ol' me
Hoover: i'm just a girl, after all
Hoover: just a harmless girl

2025-11-12 21:20:15 UTC

1
King: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the
Elon Musk [rising out of bushes]: eyyyy stephano king Musk: itsa me, elon!
Barker: hey it's your pal
King: he's not my pal!!
Barker: look everyone it's steve's pal
Poe: that's enough clive
Poe: you're going too far

2025-11-06 18:51:45 UTC

1
Stephen King: hey guys guess what?
King: the blue wave is back!🌊🌊🌊
King: it's curtains for DRUMP!
King: end of the line for mango mussolini!
King: no more orange julius caesar!
King: i haven't been so excited since we finally defeated bu$hitler back in '09!

2025-11-06 04:14:31 UTC

1
Clive Barker: hey steve where's your friend elon
Stephen King: he's not my friend
Barker: yeah sure so where is he?
Barker: haven't seen him allllll day
Barker: wonder what's up with that
Barker: sure hope he's not having a bad time
Barker: ha ha ha ha

2025-11-02 18:29:57 UTC

1
Vivian Moira Valentine: [descending into frame on a black parasol] hello lovelies of the night!
Valentine: I've got a fun flirty little tale for you, as sweet and spooky as a dark chocolate truffle
King: wow! i don't know what this is, but i'm sold!

2025-10-30 17:51:14 UTC

1
[at unicorn fuck club]
Elon Musk: [rising from bushes] eyyyy it'sa me, elon!
JRR Tolkien: elon musk?!
Tolkien: my word! I don't think we've ever had you at OUR campfire before!
Tolkien: you're usually over there with that
Tolkien: [grumbling] midnight society

2025-10-26 15:59:57 UTC

1
Hailey Piper: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the game in yellow
Piper: what if there was a book that, if you read it, it made you go insane
Piper: but also it made you super horny
Piper: would you take that chance?
Barker: i don't know why you're even asking lol

2025-10-23 16:12:00 UTC

1
Charlie Jane Anders: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the lessons in magic and disaster
Anders: sometimes having a relationship with your parents is difficult
Joe Hill: don't i know it!
Stephen King: what's that, joe?
Hill: nothing

2025-10-21 17:12:56 UTC

1
Sir Kenneth Branagh: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of Sir Kenneth Branagh's Mary Shelley's Frankenstein
Branagh: it's the Frankenstein film most to the vision of its original creator
Branagh: me, sir Kenneth branagh

2025-10-20 17:13:04 UTC

1
Dean Koontz: you know what you guys?
King: now dean you know you've got to say the words
Poe: oh it's dean, steve
Poe: let him have this
King: saying the words is part of the fun, edgar
King: besides he's got to learn sometime

2025-10-14 17:54:16 UTC

1
Jennifer McMahon: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the girl who gets kidnapped by fairies
Arthur Conan Doyle: ah yes yes yes
Doyle: as the resident expert on fairies and fairy behavior
Doyle: i can say that's pretty standard fairy behavior

2025-10-09 17:21:47 UTC

1
M. Lopes da Silva: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of what if elon musk got [censored]
Aubrey Wood: ah yes what if melon husk got unalived, hypothetically, in Minecraft
Wood: lol just kidding!
wood: …. unless?

2025-09-12 16:38:32 UTC

1
HP Lovecraft: before we begin tonight, i'd like to observe a moment of silence for the victim of gun violence
Barker: you mean victims?
Lovecraft:
Lovecraft: no
Lovecraft: just the one
Koontz: which one?
Lovecraft: oh you know the one i mean
Barker: oh yeah we know the one i mean

2025-09-05 22:08:02 UTC

1
[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i want you all to give a warm welcome to graham linehan
Rowling: i've decided that it's high time we welcome him back into the mainssstream of the gender critical movement
Rowling: he'sss definitely very normal and not unhinged

2025-09-03 17:43:52 UTC

1
[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: tonight i want to talk about the ssscourge of ssslightly taller than average department sstore clerksss
Rowling: when will we be free of thiss long national nightmare?
Kathleen Stock: a just question, my liege!

2025-09-02 18:25:56 UTC

1
Tabitha King: did listening to lou bega’s mambo no 5 incessantly on loop for hours help inspire you to write?
Stephen King: it did!
Stephen King: but why wound readers’ brain with words?!
Stephen King: when I can set their souls on fire with a slanderous mambo?!?

2025-09-01 18:06:09 UTC

1
Stephen King: alright, time to get to work
King: gotta get some writing done
King: and that means
King: i gotta put on
King: SOME TUNES
[King rolls a fedora down his arm & pops it on his head in one fluid motion]
King: [flailing wildly] A LITTLE BIT OF RITA'S ALL I NEED

2025-08-27 17:07:22 UTC

1
Bitter Karella: well well well
Karella: guess who's got her debut horror book coming out next week
King:
Poe:
Lovecraft:
Barker:
Koontz:
Karella: c'mon guess
King:
Poe:
Lovecraft:
Barker:
Koontz:
Karella: it shouldn't be this hard

2025-08-25 17:13:14 UTC

1
Edgar Allan Poe: ok guys so kind of a thing tonight
Poe: GRR Martin is coming over to talk
Poe: and i need you all to NOT ask him about finishing game of thrones
Poe: i'm looking at you clive
Barker: yeah i'm just gonna ask him
Poe: don't deny it clive, i know you're thinking-
Poe: oh

2025-08-24 16:38:12 UTC

1
[at space coven]
Hugo Gernsback: I've had enough of this!
Gernsback: for too long, my precious hugos have been besmirched by scandal and controversy!
Gernsback: but no more!
Gernsback: i'm taking charge now

2025-08-17 17:51:39 UTC

1
David Barnett: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of withered hill
Barnett: its about this woman who gets trapped in this weirdly horny british village
Barnett: for being too big a slut
Mary Shelley: lol no such thing

2025-08-04 20:45:57 UTC

- reply

10
Shelley: and it smelled just like cleaning fluid and made me wanna like WAX THE FLOOR. So like can someone tell me like, is this concert for real, or it it just another rip off?
Barker: I dunno about this, mary, nobody seems to be buying these "I survived the rock bottom remainders" T-shirts

2025-08-04 20:45:49 UTC

- reply

9
Reporter: Stephen King's promise to rewrite rock history was prematurely and tragically interrupted last night when Ronald Malfi beat him in summoning a rock and roll demon. Survivors described the destruction as "evil," "spooky," and "wow, bad karma, man."

2025-08-04 20:45:38 UTC

- reply

8
Ronald Malfi: well well well if it isn't stephen STINK and the rock bottom REJECTS
King: [narrowing eyes] malfi
Malfi: you might as well give up right now
Malfi: we're gonna summon a rock and roll demon LIVE
King: what?! no! that was MY bit!
Malfi: [throwing devil horns] ROCK AVENGERS RULE!!!!