Kaja :AuPan:

AuDHD, pan, polyamorous, cis woman (she), fluid in gender and personality, Xennial. I love nature, music, dancing, reading, laughing and deep talk. Anarchist in all aspects of life. I am German, but usually post in English.

Header and profile pic contain illustrations in red, pink, orange and white. Header shows a crow's head, profile pic a white woman with numbers on her face.

#ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #Neurodivergent #Queer #Disabled #Autigender #Intersectionality

Last Notes

2026-07-27 05:38:39 UTC

As a feminist, who has been in many different kinds of relationships with cis, hetero men, after decades of analysing the patterns of them, I found a common theme and I know that I am not the only woman who came to that conclusion. In my experience this is true for all cis, hetero men, not matter if you are neurodivergent, progressive, even call yourself a feminist.
You are all way too comfortable with women doing all the work for you, while not even being aware of it, while not even acknowledging it, at least not to the full extent. In my experience there are no exceptions to this.
This is the reason why the song "Labour" by Paris Paloma resonates with so many women, this one of the many reasons why women simply give up on dating cis, hetero men.
#feminism #intersectionality #neurodivergent

2026-05-01 09:14:47 UTC

For me and many other disabled people, purely existing, having hope and experiencing joy is the only form of protest we can take part in and that's totally valid.
Happy MayDay ✊
#disabled #MayDay #ActuallyAutistic

2026-04-30 11:52:29 UTC

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Yes. The distinction between personal autonomy in inter-dependant connections and independence, how it is understood in patriarchy and capitalism is important.

2026-04-30 05:38:12 UTC

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Thank you so much for this important post, that makes us think and write about individualism, community and disability, for pointing out, that needing support doesn’t mean that we are not independent.
Similar to @npub1s5p…dhkx I don´t see the root cause for this individualistic view of independence in autistic black and white thinking, but in capitalism and white supremacy culture. The personal is very much political here. Capitalists believe that the one who hoards the most resources and exploits the most people is the most independent, which is nonsensical in itself.
For us as autistic people “normal” often doesn’t work, because we are different, we experience the world differently, process information differently and communicate differently. For that reason, we have a strong drive for autonomy, we like to do things our own way, which is then pathologized as PDA.
Your conclusion, that autistic people feel bad for needing support, because of our black and white thinking, reminds me a bit too much of the trope of the stubborn disabled person. This is how we are portrait in media so often, that we are the problem and that there’s a happy end as soon as we just accept the support, that is offered to us. It shifts the responsibility for lack of support to the individual instead of understanding it as a systemic issue.
But the truth is, that most of us do not have access to the support we need and that we have to give up our autonomy for the little support we get.
So, for me as an anarchist your heartwarming story about this old lady shows that we do not need a state, that makes us prove over and over again how disabled we are, which not only costs us energy, but is also a waste of resources, but that we need community. It’s part of my bottom up thinking as an autistic person.
Unfortunately for us autistic people finding community is even more difficult, because of our differences, which makes us being even more isolated and in danger of our autonomy being taken away from us by a system that frames us as the problem. Capitalism takes peoples capacity for mutual support away and then sells it back to us, which makes access to support a privilege, a class issue.

2026-04-17 06:27:17 UTC

As an autistic woman, who experienced SA herself and as an intersectional feminist, I reject the trope that most men are monsters, that men are inherently bad and women inherently good. This approach is the opposite of helpful, it’s highly problematic for all genders and leads to the terf, fascist, religious extremism pipeline.
It’s not the gender, that corrupts people, it’s power.
For that reason, Feminism and Anarchism are strongly intertwined. Because we are not talking about physical power here. If you can train a huge dog, that could kill you with a bite, not to touch his food until you allow him to do so, we as a society can teach men not to rape a woman during her sleep.
The problem is, that we don’t do that. Living in patriarchy means, that a poor black girl has to take more responsibility and is held more accountable than a rich white man.
Patriarchy limits men’s possibilities for personal growth, it makes most of them become weak cowards, who exploit women and are easy to control. That is why oppressors created this system in the first place. This is what intersectional feminists mean, when they say, that men suffer under patriarchy too.
It also means, that not all women are safe for other women. As a marginalized, autistic woman, I might feel safer with an autistic man, than with an allistic woman. Not only because internalized misogyny is a thing, but because patriarchy is a hierarchical system, that gives some women power over others, it makes them compliant.
For me personally it means that despite all the bullshit men did to me, women were the ones, who deeply traumatized me over and over again. It means, that I will choose the people I trust not based on their gender, but based on their ability for critical thinking, personal growth and the power structures inside and outside of my relationship with them.
#feminism #intersectionality #ActuallyAutistic

2026-04-10 14:39:27 UTC

For me being AuDHD means constantly living with the feeling of being too much for everyone. Today I am in the mood of losing hope that I will ever find someone similar to me, someone who loves and accepts me as I am. I am sad. 😢
#ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #neurodivergent #mentalhealth @npub1pce…geep

2026-03-23 10:55:45 UTC

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Some time ago, I watched this amazing video about rain man that points out all the autistic traits Tom Cruise as Charlie, the brother of Dustin Hoffman as Raymond shows. Yes, you understood it correctly, the autistic traits of Charlie, the younger brother.
Spoiler:
There are a lot of them.
So many, that it's a stereotypical presentation of autism with lower support needs. So rain man is actually a story about two autistic brothers.
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGduCstw7/
#ActuallyAutistic #neurodivergent #AuDHD

2026-03-16 07:01:56 UTC

Thinking about switching from Windows to Linux yesterday created a cascade of thoughts in me I didn’t expect and I would liket to tell you a bit about it, about me. I am an AuDHD cis woman (she), somewhat fluid in gender (autigender) and personality, I constantly grow and adapt.
I am a Xennial and worked as a concept developer and PM in tech during my 20s until my first huge burnout, that made me spend several months on an almost empty island in Thailand and in India and quit my job. During my 30s I worked as a yoga teacher, but I never really recovered from the burnout. Because of that and other health problems, I have been unemployed for several years by now. I live together with beagle Lumi, a rescue from animal testing.
Since I found out that I am autistic 4 years ago, things slowly improved, but I cannot change the fact that I am an autistic, disabled person in an allistic, ableist world. Because of my sensory issues and other aspects of my disability, I can barely exist in the outside world. Besides my daily walks with Lumi and very few planned activities, I spend most of my time at home, so it’s almost impossible for me to meet like minded people IRL. The fact that I live in a very conservative country, city and neighborhood doesn’t help with that either.
As an Anarchist I believe in community and mutual support, but switching to a new operating system with only the online-community here on Mastodon as support is scary. I have an IRL friend who is a sys-admin, but he is specialized in Windows and very busy. I am a fast learner and have exceptional analytical skills, but I am not a programmer, my math skills are extremely limited and the burnout affects my capacity for learning new things. I have a very monotropic mind, am very attached to objects and change can be difficult for me as autistic person.
But currently I feel the need for change, for tidying up my life, my data, myself.
I still have my information architect and project manager skills and I already have a list in my mind of all the things that will be affected by the change and I have a lot of questions. I will write about that in another post, probably several other posts.
Thank you for reading this, thank you for helping me, boosts are welcome.
#ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #neurodivergent #Linux

2025-12-21 05:17:46 UTC

Like many other autistic and/or disabled people I will spend Christmas on my own and while I appreciate my alone time and the atmosphere and the silence of it, I know it can be difficult and hurtful.
So I would like to connect with other people who spend Christmas on their own or experience feelings of loneliness during these days, by interacting with this post.
That can be just leaving and receiving a virtual hug or telling each other about the gifts you received or gave yourself during the year, maybe share a piece of music, write about your favourite video game or any other special interest. You can do this in private mode (English or German), I know that interacting with groups can be difficult, impossible sometimes, but every now and then I write posts like this during a moment of bravery and I already found amazing online friends by doing so.
Let's support each other in a world that makes building connection so difficult and feelings of loneliness so common.
Boosts are very much appreciated. Thank you.
#ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #disabled #ChronicallyIll #neurodivergent #MentalHealth

2025-10-16 13:10:58 UTC

Dear friendly aliens,
can you please ignore your Prime Directive and help us with these horrible people, who destroy our planet?
PLEASE
I am looking very much forward to meeting you.
a friendly human
#StarTrek #ClimateChange #antifacism

2025-10-10 11:57:25 UTC

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I think I am like an LLM in the sense that I can process huge amounts of data very fast, and can provide useful overall concepts in clear and kind words, but I miss details and fill in the gaps of missing information with fantasies my brain creates. And this takes a lot of energy so it might be draining to my environment.