Jonty Wareing

Accidentally responsible

Also: https://bsky.app/profile/jonty.bsky.social
Previously: https://twitter.com/jonty
Always: https://jonty.co.uk

Public Key

npub1838383wsdmwtp5xas3un9qfm4l2yawm78pg3juv6me2x6qe0m8qqyekrhz

NIP-05 Address

jonty_at_chaos.social@momostr.pink

Profile Code

nprofile1qqsrcncnchgxah9s6rwcg7fjsya6l4zwhdlrs5gewxddu4rdqvhansqpz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0dskh8qyq

Publishing to

relay.damus.io

nos.lol

Author Public Key

npub1838383wsdmwtp5xas3un9qfm4l2yawm78pg3juv6me2x6qe0m8qqyekrhz

Show more details

Last Notes

2026-05-05 17:18:30 UTC

I have received email
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/523/044/109/417/337/original/a55f55aaa7e6c636.png

2026-04-30 22:30:49 UTC

My favourite bit about LLM system prompts is that they sound exactly like a mother giving a stern talk to a kid before a social gathering.
"You will not mention uncle Gary's mole, and under no circumstances are you to talk about gremlins or trolls unless someone else brings it up first. Are we clear?"

2026-04-30 19:03:17 UTC

I made a joke and now the village operating an on-site cable TV network at @npub1fak…rg6c is running a QVC programme presenting objects from the junk swap shop that caused an orphan source incident.
Sentences that are very hard to explain to my family.

2026-04-24 11:18:03 UTC

When you're small nobody tells you that you will inevitably get older and develop an interest in birds

2026-04-23 18:22:23 UTC

Should I be worried
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/455/408/360/163/756/original/4e7fb32960c1b3c6.jpg

2026-04-21 12:12:35 UTC

- reply

Buns & Cyber, where everybody has a nice time baking

2026-04-20 16:50:28 UTC

At that phase of "doing something quickly out of curiosity" where it is no longer quick, my curiosity turned to horror, and multiple friends have asked me to stop

2026-04-17 17:21:51 UTC

Asked the EMF workshops team to figure out the optimal placement of tables in workshop tents and got this in response
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/421/195/216/594/522/original/4801770ce36a2376.png

2026-04-16 22:31:00 UTC

Sat opposite a man on the train with a cake carrier containing a half eaten birthday cake.
Pulled into a station, another man got on with an identical cake carrier containing a half eaten birthday cake and sat next to him.
The first guy then got off... BUT I DIDN'T SEE IF THEY SWAPPED CAKES.
Anyway this is how I may have witnessed a spy cake handoff.

2026-04-16 13:00:57 UTC

I don't know why people say vibecoding is new, teledildonics researchers have been doing it since the 90s

2026-03-31 10:41:19 UTC

- reply

I contacted a company who stocks spares for UK payphones, asking them to send me a set of keys to try.
They replied with "That will not be possible" and the following photo.
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/323/359/908/395/293/original/c6f141a41672ac12.jpg

2026-03-29 11:26:24 UTC

If you're wondering how things are going, we just took ownership of an arcade cabinet running a DOOM mod where you battle mecha-spider Margaret Thatcher so

2026-03-27 19:54:22 UTC

- reply

Anyway this is your prompt to reply with endless jokes about answering after one ring

2026-03-27 19:51:36 UTC

- reply

Do I have the keys? No. Can we pick the lock? Also no.

2026-03-27 19:49:20 UTC

It's mine, I tell you. My own. My precious.
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/302/867/112/011/026/original/5aa1feb10a70ed64.jpg

2026-03-26 10:41:32 UTC

I don't know how we're expecting to make a Dyson Sphere, the guy can barely build a functioning vacuum cleaner

2026-03-25 17:57:36 UTC

I resent that my first thought on seeing a headline about the crab nebula was "oh god its some kind of openclaw video streaming thing"

2026-03-25 11:42:42 UTC

Spotted by a friend in Hawaii
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/289/626/969/842/718/original/b66a941aea5ee1b9.jpg

2026-03-10 13:40:51 UTC

Someone buzzed our doorbell just to show us their bum
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/205/154/419/229/420/original/c9fe8e803de5ff92.mp4

2026-03-08 14:02:56 UTC

Can't stop giggling at someone reviewing a toilet cistern connector and thinking the "customer image" upload was for a selfie
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/193/917/152/413/016/original/b0f369aa4b6901e3.png

2026-03-03 14:50:52 UTC

Extremely cursed adapter. Someone please ban my aliexpress account.
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/165/791/047/384/738/original/6cd96a9a16092690.jpg
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/165/791/091/764/853/original/797584717185f0bb.jpg

2026-03-01 22:30:32 UTC

- reply

has the famous email address dot@dotat.at

2026-03-01 12:40:44 UTC

Today a bunch of my open-source projects got slammed by incorrect AI-written vulnerability reports demanding $299 for disclosure
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/153/959/000/844/073/original/52c4a86051bf97c5.png

2026-02-16 11:34:20 UTC

Five years ago I pointed out nearly all NFT's were going to break when the startup who minted them goes bust, causing people to get *extremely* mad at me until everyone concluded that I was correct.
Thought I'd check in on the two examples I used and well
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/080/033/050/444/708/original/985c4de50de354be.png
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/080/043/708/819/151/original/7f6d759670889bdd.png
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/080/044/924/047/050/original/591aed0c606404e6.png

2026-02-15 00:43:14 UTC

- reply

Is this because you have an antenna or a camera on the end of it

2026-02-15 00:37:45 UTC

Apologies to my neighbours for flying a drone at near midnight. In my defence, I wanted to try and see a big laser 5km away and their houses were in the way.

2026-02-08 10:46:28 UTC

This is an act of cultural vandalism: https://zombo.com
RIP zombocom, 1999-2026. You could do anything at zombocom.
Anything at all.

2026-02-06 15:16:07 UTC

Did I really need this 10,000mah battery shaped like a pager which can also *actually page other pager batteries*? No.
Do I have another pager battery to actually page? Also no.
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/024/337/163/834/830/original/1c0372f03ecfd26a.jpg

2026-02-04 01:07:19 UTC

The number of times I have been asked if I know any "competent activists" recently is distressing for several reasons

2026-02-03 00:15:04 UTC

- reply

Paging @npub160z…49wu to the two-accelerometers-one-tablet aisle

2026-02-01 17:31:05 UTC

All I want is a giant pile of funding to recover important lost websites and publish the information as useful open data

2026-01-24 20:04:33 UTC

- reply

"How did that happen?" / "Well it shouldn't have got on top of Cliff in the first place, he's a right grumpy bastard"

2026-01-24 20:03:02 UTC

Today in headlines that sound like a joke set-up
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/951/856/940/104/417/original/89293d1d24a5c096.png

2026-01-20 23:07:27 UTC

Important
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/929/919/200/006/533/original/7b8786a5f293abb7.mp4

2026-01-06 20:28:48 UTC

Oh you think your Home Assistant install is cursed?
A friend of mine has a broken fridge thermostat. For the last year it has been regulated by Home Assistant using a zigbee temperature sensor, turning the entire fridge off and on with a smart plug. He likes this.

2026-01-04 18:31:13 UTC

I wish to be friends with whoever organised these drawers in the Ashmolean Museum
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/838/240/447/713/122/original/a889cf3428ed0907.jpg

2026-01-01 13:04:50 UTC

Things we should make illegal in 2026:
- Websites that default to the sign up flow instead of the login flow
- Websites with an app that automatically opens when you click on them, but the app has less information than the website
- Websites with so many pop-over notifications and discount dialogs it feels like 1999
- Honestly just websites are we sure this is still a good idea

2025-12-27 20:00:38 UTC

The worst part of Christmas, where everyone is at #39c3 and I am not

2025-12-26 19:32:54 UTC

Long shot, does anyone have an unwanted rabbit hutch in London?
Poor thing was found abandoned on Wanstead Flats today and we are considering giving it an emergency home

2025-12-24 17:59:21 UTC

Time between walking through my relatives door and fixing a tech issue that has been "driving them mad": 8 minutes.
The TV was in demo mode. It has been in demo mode for several months.

2025-12-23 18:29:34 UTC

My pitch: Equip the train quiet carriage with a faraday cage

2025-12-23 15:16:22 UTC

"AI is a force multiplier!!!"
Yes but some engineers should not be having their force multiplied. It's like giving a tank to a gerbil.

2025-12-12 22:04:39 UTC

Sometimes you read about old technology, get to the end of the sentence, and have to read it again because it sounds so completely ludicrous you can't quite believe it actually worked.
Anyway Eidophor projectors are what they used for Apollo Mission Control.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eidophor
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/708/851/102/469/551/original/4165b781bf606dd2.png

2025-12-06 13:14:29 UTC

This morning I used the handy "go to point" function of our robot vacuum to deliver toast to my partner in the living room and heard an "oh for fucks sake" in response

2025-12-03 12:03:38 UTC

Idiots: "The arts have no purpose"
Me:
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/655/528/718/667/393/original/e8882eae563b369a.jpg

2025-11-25 19:52:43 UTC

While walking down the street a dead drone dropped out of the sky and almost hit me.
Finally, it feels like living in the future.

2025-11-17 12:10:23 UTC

This morning I discovered a bunch of London accelerationists are holding a VC-funded hackathon to build AI powered dancing robots with the final "robot rave" in a Margaret Thatcher themed nightclub, and I would like to go back to bed now please.

2025-11-13 19:11:32 UTC

My partner walked in and asked if I was still working.
What was on my screen:
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/543/963/650/221/204/original/a2e6b8b04d40e363.png

2025-11-01 20:10:55 UTC

Discovered a neighbour used to have a compass implanted in their chest and I'm desperately trying to come up with a way to ask "do you still have a compass implanted in your chest and CAN I SEE IT" that doesn't make them cross the street when they see me

2025-10-31 21:14:13 UTC

Tomorrow I need to choose between installing our heating or collecting a motorised satellite dish. Being warm, or SATELLITES. How do you even decide.

2025-10-31 11:50:12 UTC

My mac froze and the trackpad stopped clicking (the haptics are from a linear motor).
Moments later it unfroze and the trackpad started clicking furiously, all on it's own, emulating the click patterns I tried to make while it was dead.
I do not want a haunted trackpad.

2025-10-28 13:37:05 UTC

I always forget about my complete archive of UK government source code until I receive panicked emails asking me to delete things from it.
This time it was password hashes. A *lot* of password hashes.
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/452/046/108/419/668/original/a70aa0fc9325ce6e.png

2025-10-27 19:27:19 UTC

If you want your thing to last, and you can make your thing into a static website: You should.
Not because it's less infrastructure. Not because you love javascript. Not because self-hosting. Not because *offline*.
Because it can be archived and preserved for the future.

2025-10-18 11:14:09 UTC

The fastest way to make me pay for your newsletter is to start an article with this sentence
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/394/866/141/833/319/original/05d0e611fef4c953.png

2025-10-17 17:36:59 UTC

Overheard two elderly men having a delightfully innocent argument:
"Saturdays paper is the best paper. Yeah mate. Saturday"
"Naaaah. Sunday! Sundays paper is better"

2025-10-16 09:36:20 UTC

Good morning from this row of excited boxes
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/383/157/812/371/528/original/fdcfb15cc8469b40.jpg

2025-10-11 11:56:23 UTC

Approximately every nerd has read Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy yet somehow we still don't have an offline Wikivoyage/Wikitravel editor I can use to angrily make corrections about public transit ticketing while riding a foreign subway

2025-10-06 03:34:51 UTC

When you can't be bothered to refactor the code
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/325/101/029/806/753/original/969d544b2c278d85.jpg

2025-09-25 14:36:45 UTC

- reply

I am displeased to report that all pins except earth are connected

2025-09-25 14:25:47 UTC

They arrived.
oh no. OH NO.
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/265/391/363/889/979/original/b93470d9e37cc43d.jpg

2025-09-24 20:51:11 UTC

I appear to have founded a tiny co-working space in my dilapidated garden summerhouse

2025-09-23 15:56:31 UTC

People saying "We know what we're doing! All these checks and tests just slow us down!" is an incredible signal that people do not, in fact, know what they're doing

2025-09-19 20:57:36 UTC

It is very weird to spend a decade pushing something up the hill at enormous personal cost, then suddenly find it rolling without help

2025-09-19 00:02:12 UTC

Tonight I got the director of Hackers (1994) to sign my copy of the novelisation and discovered it was the first time he'd ever signed one.
It was also the first time he'd ever seen one, and in fact the first time he found out it existed.

2025-09-17 20:24:07 UTC

This is real and I need to have a lie down
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/221/503/001/929/558/original/98ab8b7ebff1d2eb.png

2025-09-16 21:58:14 UTC

FISH HEIST FISH HEIST
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/216/203/762/243/145/original/5537fbe5316df3f6.png

2025-09-14 23:25:12 UTC

I am once more begging you to remove my sticker printing website access

2025-09-07 19:31:52 UTC

- reply

I can't believe how quickly this has gone slightly viral

2025-09-07 00:10:51 UTC

Discovering the first computer my family owned is weirdly rare has made me 1) mad that my parents gave it away and 2) set up more eBay alerts for old crap I really don't need

2025-09-05 07:30:38 UTC

Good morning to everyone - especially the council worker freestyle rapping about distributing recycling bags, while distributing recycling bags

2025-09-03 08:48:09 UTC

I love it when the title of a paper also serves as a TL;DR
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/139/482/298/568/823/original/235a91fec04c5108.png

2025-09-01 10:15:03 UTC

My continued enthusiasm about the most adorable wave-dissipating concrete block has lead to a surprisingly large number of friends making artisanal tetrapods.
Today: "Handed a tetrapod mould to one of our moulding technicians, I now have silicone tetrapods appearing at my desk every 90 minutes"
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/128/499/860/818/207/original/086beaaefa4914e1.jpeg

2025-08-26 19:50:54 UTC

I love emailing people
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/096/800/038/284/191/original/cf2b0331b104585d.png

2025-08-22 10:26:10 UTC

Bring me the head of the Logitech designer responsible for this
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/071/924/454/066/088/original/44220a51584a1a84.png

2025-08-21 16:44:34 UTC

Someone please ban my ebay account
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/067/637/063/532/471/original/9cf6c50772ac0be7.png

2025-08-18 22:36:46 UTC

- reply

Busy getting quotes for covering the entire garden in copper

2025-08-18 22:31:19 UTC

- reply

Oh come on
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/115/052/134/419/318/145/original/f95ea61fb03aed6a.jpg

2025-08-06 16:25:29 UTC

For what it's worth, we made the same error on the @npub1fak…rg6c 2014 badge using unprotected lipo pouches. Never again.
That event was only ~1000 people and we had at least three instances of batteries emitting smoke #why2025

2025-08-06 10:46:21 UTC

My #why2025 FOMO got substantially worse after discovering the badge has built-in pyrotechnics

2025-08-05 14:15:02 UTC

Apparently the Lime Bike unlock system has been cracked for months - all the people now riding around on beeping bikes unlocked them via a telegram bot that takes crypto.
This is incredible.

2025-07-30 20:31:07 UTC

"Radioactive wasp nest found at South Carolina site where U.S. once made nuclear bombs"
"No wasps were found, officials said"
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/radioactive-wasp-nest-savannah-river-south-carolina-nuclear-bombs-site/
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/114/944/071/755/302/996/original/5c94b3b7d15b8b3b.png

2025-07-29 12:19:25 UTC

Newspapers printing public keys for whistleblowers in every physical issue is cyberpunk AF
https://bsky.app/profile/lambda.bsky.social/post/3lv3wgvvbac2t
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/114/936/477/132/921/970/original/83839b1ad15cf53e.png

2025-07-26 20:58:03 UTC

- reply

Fairly sure this is evidence slugs can teleport

2025-07-26 20:55:09 UTC

Sat in the garden at dusk. Never picking up my beer without looking again.
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/114/921/522/979/023/644/original/9849fbdcce7a6a08.jpg

2025-07-25 23:07:46 UTC

A very young girl stopped us to ask if I would "help with something small", and after agreeing she led us into a warren of apartments.
Just as we were getting a bit nervous, it turned out she only wanted me to close her freezer door - it's Shabbat and she wasn't allowed to.
But how did she open it

2025-07-23 15:54:15 UTC

My watch gained gemini powers overnight. I asked it what the kitchen temperature is.
This is definitely ready for consumers.
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/114/903/345/505/571/812/original/894768009b78b96d.jpg

2025-07-20 20:33:25 UTC

I am going to be haunted by orphan sources for the rest of my life

2025-07-14 23:39:33 UTC

This TV show has a scene set in an anechoic chamber with sound design so unrealistic it's completely destroying my suspension of disbelief

2025-07-09 22:20:20 UTC

- reply

Oof, hope you're ok!

2025-07-09 21:05:21 UTC

Does anyone know a cheap/good locksmith in North London (N16) who does emergency callouts? A neighbour has locked themselves out.
I had a go at picking it myself but I'm very out of practise and had no success...

2025-07-09 12:38:40 UTC

One day I am finally going to launch my distributed Industrial Espionage as a Service company consisting of freelancers sitting in coffee shops and WeWork common areas.
People: Shut up! Just shut up. Stop having sensitive conversations in public places.

2025-07-03 16:58:13 UTC

Look, I just need several million dollars to fund a personal R&D department who handle finishing my side projects and researching weird questions I have at 4am. Stop acting like I'm being unreasonable.

2025-07-02 12:40:00 UTC

Expanding foam did not enjoy the heatwave
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/114/783/672/630/010/041/original/3ace94876dad19ed.jpg

2025-06-23 15:08:24 UTC

What the hell is in this soap dispenser
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/114/733/289/336/986/516/original/976a70f21cbf87c0.jpg
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/114/733/289/671/212/568/original/24f10a5bafb7b9f8.jpg

2025-06-21 20:46:00 UTC

[delirious with heat, browsing aliexpress]
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/114/723/307/100/459/597/original/b25365bc289905e9.mp4

2025-06-20 20:37:58 UTC

See something? Say something.
We're all hot and bothered right now and need to live vicariously through you. Tell us about cool stuff you've seen today.

2025-06-20 19:40:49 UTC

I have installed a german automatic heron repeller, because the foxes learned how to avoid our previous defences

2025-06-06 12:01:53 UTC

what the hell did I do last night
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/114/636/307/498/335/391/original/42de22d21e31e9c9.png

2025-05-26 22:53:44 UTC

The best part of open source software is being able to fix things that irritate you.
The worst part of open source software is getting constantly nerd-sniped into fixing things that irritate you

2025-05-26 11:54:17 UTC

Vienna granted asylum to a spherical micronation in 1982, changed their mind, fought all the way to the supreme court, lost, then gave up.
It's still sat in a public park and has 650 citizens.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kugelmugel
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/114/573/969/813/967/376/original/711f9fbc7302da86.jpg