BuddyTex

splish splash, your opinion is trash

Public Key

npub122e40nfqgfmpcxleclk639zazahkeszq2ltwqpwh5ql23hw9ztuq4pmxnv

NIP-05 Address

BuddyTex_at_nicecrew.digital@mostr.pub

Profile Code

nprofile1qqs99v6he5syyasur0uu0mdgj3w3wmmvcpq904hqqht6q04gmhz397qprpmhxue69uhhyetvv9ujumn0wdmksetjv5hxxmmdmf36v3

Publishing to

relay.noswhere.com

Author Public Key

npub122e40nfqgfmpcxleclk639zazahkeszq2ltwqpwh5ql23hw9ztuq4pmxnv

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Last Notes

2024-08-08 22:57:26

lobbying the harris/walz ticket to come out against banning personal cars because it would damage the gas station dick pill market

2024-08-08 11:47:05

clerk: and would the little guy like a sticker?
me:
https://media.nicecrew.digital/65baa1644f70103bd46ea5a2879a273bc1e6139e4f88be69603a754c3fb93296.jpeg

2024-08-08 11:21:25

the year is 2024. all "AI assistants" are underpaid workers from sri lanka. all "chat with a real person" tools are large language models.

2024-08-08 01:15:17

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mutants or not, those two are definitely banging before rescue comes

2024-08-08 01:12:42

me and @npub1kce…nezs opening for the jd vance rally
https://media.nicecrew.digital/d0d6c9ec448ceb0a3b3a05e50bcfc2ff2ad1b91b7c0427db432fec0829edf688.jpeg

2024-08-05 23:21:19

↗️ promoted gab advertisement ↗️
a coarse toilet seat that exfoliates your butt. for the man on the go

2024-08-04 23:02:15

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you guys had me going with thinking sex was real until dan implied the british also have it
"oi govna stick yer wotsit up me twat" <- no one can be horny after hearing this

2024-08-04 22:04:52

these open border policies really get my goat (el chupacabras)

2024-08-03 19:41:27

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your wikipedia excerpt is mostly right except it fails to mention i also had a side hustle franchising arbys locations

2024-08-03 14:56:49

the essay portion of the olympics gender test is what trips a lot of people up

2024-08-03 14:08:54

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https://media.nicecrew.digital/0ea51700bb1afa20102964d9308c933c9d931a5903914ee9f2f79badfac23f5a.jpeg

2024-08-03 14:08:06

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*slurping suspiciously*

2024-08-03 03:28:03

you don't hate Mondays, you hate capitalism
you don't love Fridays, you love vaping in the bathtub

2024-08-01 01:51:50

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YouCorn.com

2024-07-28 14:49:01

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im assuming for a girl?

2024-07-28 14:48:04

Alexa, does Passion of the Christ have a mid-credits scene?

2024-07-28 13:53:57

combining "i could fix her" and those Rubik's cube competitions where @npub13v6…hy07 shows up and is presented some inscrutable artsy anime fan girl with a band t-shirt and i start the timer on a stopwatch.

2024-07-28 13:51:10

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i just felt like they stole a lot of inspiration from The Wall with that sermon, but when i read the sleeve they didn’t give any credit to Pink Floyd. kind of a dick move tbh

2024-07-28 13:46:16

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gonna wait til they release the Snyder cut before i re-listen to the Sermon

2024-07-28 13:09:36

[hipster guy who was at the sermon on the mount] yeah, you really had to see him live, it was much better live, the gospels don't really do it justice, none of those guys can really capture what it was like to be there, he actually asked me to be a disciple but I didnt really want to get involved in that whole scene, you know

2024-07-28 11:16:08

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Gleaming the Cube, Antitrust, and Hackers are part of the same extended univers but sadly GtC does not have a mid-credits scene

2024-07-27 22:48:09

*inspecting the tracks left on the federal timeline*: ..reply guys were here.

2024-07-25 23:17:58

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^ just as the Bibble commandeth

2024-07-24 23:24:43

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tfw my gigantic ass finds a good scratching post

2024-07-24 23:23:36

(@BostonFren_88 as a superhero. trying to explain why his outfit says 'SUCC TOES’ in huge letters) um actually this means 'hope' on my home planet

2024-07-24 23:21:37

@npub1aay…lxte left NCD because i insist on pronouncing bible as bibble

2024-07-24 22:58:50

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i highly doubt he bought any soap while he was there

2024-07-24 12:16:24

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interns get paid in likes and boosts

2024-07-24 01:46:13

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me and the milves breaking into ICAHN to patch the crowdstrike outage
https://media.nicecrew.digital/2e56f66156fb0394eb5f8ea941ac2a98edd1c59a0572c1765ea47999129ef202.jpeg

2024-07-21 21:46:14

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pack the tomb.
with poasts.
like the cask of amontillado
(content)

2024-07-21 21:46:14

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pack the tomb.
with poasts.
like the cask of amontillado

2024-07-21 02:41:53

me: yeah lemme get uhhhh some ummmm executive function
my brain: our house. In the middle of our house. Our house. In the mi

2024-07-21 02:39:48

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instructions unclear

2024-07-20 23:42:54

RFK Jr.: "My worm situation has no effect on my ability to dispose of office"
the worm situation:
#note1yql…96kt
https://media.nicecrew.digital/742257a85b9fd249fb18e11f7dbe9b3679537732c307a85c461b389b4aeae0ad.jpeg

2024-07-20 23:41:32

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*getting my dick and balls caught in the crowdstrike server fan. the osha rep @npub1zg4…zp5g looking at me slowly shakes his head and writes something on this clipboard*

2024-07-20 23:39:38

trump almost had a bullet in his brain but RFK Jr. is on record having worms in his brain

2024-07-20 23:26:55

sorry, i caused the crowdstrike outage by getting my gigantic ass caught in a server rack

2024-07-20 13:31:05

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alexa: *explodes*

2024-07-20 13:30:17

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DARKNESS IS SPREADING

2024-07-20 13:20:06

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quick how to pronounce “sin“ AP math teacher is laughing

2024-07-20 13:18:24

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*phone notification that you replied*
*long draw into my nostrils. quietly impatient exhale*

2024-07-20 12:39:06

ya know if you put your foot right through the computer monitor, that will not patch the crowdstrike issue itself, but it will make a very satisfying sound.

2024-07-16 00:42:47

in order to uncover who was behind trump’s attempted assassination you have to understand who stood to gain the most from his death: airbrush t-shirt artists

2024-07-16 00:41:05

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Q penetrated this.

2024-07-15 23:19:47

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forbidden food concepts

2024-07-15 23:09:56

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i think the GSG campaign would have elicited a more desirable response had you not used a stock image passed as your own

2024-07-15 23:06:57

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nice argument. unfortunately, i’m with your mom right now. you should call her more often, but she busy right now so hold off a few hours

2024-07-15 22:58:01

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lol didn’t you larp some fake “I’m stuck in Canada during COVID” givesendgo campaign for shekels once? grift and glass houses and such

2024-07-15 11:38:02

trump: gotta hand it to those boys in blue
the boys in blue:
https://media.nicecrew.digital/f820f54d6640ec02458d1ecc7d382261884cd485fb888356d3e1b41342c9097f.jpeg

2024-07-15 11:34:39

*every phone conversation when boarding a plane*
“I’m sick and tired of being dicked around on these invoices, Pete. I told the guy, I said it’s gotta be 50 or we can’t do it and he comes back at 75. What am I supposed to do? The aluminum alone... yeah, no, that’s what I said to him.”

2024-07-15 11:33:19

if you haven't seen me poasting much recently, it's because i’ve been spending a lot of time on the Internet of Things. for example, i just found out that my thermostat is a total milf

2024-07-14 23:28:40

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im sorry to interrupt but i had the exact same question

2024-07-14 23:27:52

*me before 100 followers* gosh, everyone one here is so funny and insightful boost boost boost boost!
*me as i approach 300 followers* my long-held resentment contorting every post i make into a confusing barb long-since divorced from anything anyone would find appealing: why do my followers, who i despise, not boost my posts? they gleefully boost any amount of dross from other users, many of whom i also follow, all of whom i also despise

2024-07-14 22:33:30

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sounds terrific

2024-07-14 22:31:33

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you know my position on preferred liquor for an old fashioned

2024-07-14 22:30:43

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old fashioned again, i see

2024-07-14 22:03:12

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ENOUGH’S ENOUGH! A radical member of ANTIFA who was running from the police ran into a hole in a tree, and when one of our Boys in Blue stuck his rifle into the tree, the barrel came out of another one and cartoonishly blew up his bottom

2024-07-14 22:02:23

bullets.
#note1y6f…5067

2024-07-14 21:25:11

so get this! - i’m hollering at my followers on stage, minding my own business, having a rally, being a duck and all, when out of nowhere i am beak to muzzle with this dudes gun. and then bam, he fires and, i swear to god dude, my beak goes all they way around my head. no joke, secret service had to grab it from the back and straighten it out

2024-07-14 15:27:19

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and he who can stick his gift into the debris receptacle shall be named “l’il dicky”

2024-07-13 23:12:58

broke: Civil War (2024)
woke: Ernest Finds A Gun (2024)

2024-07-13 22:23:47

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lol CNN headline: “trump falls onstage at rally; unclear what is happening”

2024-07-13 21:08:19

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pro tip to fit in fast here: sell based spices and runs and scream at everyone

2024-07-13 21:01:14

i don’t pay attention to who unfollows me. you’ll come around missing my bullshit eventually *loses 2 followers* COME BACK YOU COWARDS

2024-07-13 14:05:18

what happened to nef anyway? sniffing some dude’s thong probably

2024-07-13 14:01:25

gab user: my mom said the vibes went to a big farm where they get to run around and play with the other vibes all day and be happy

2024-07-13 13:26:34

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username checks out

2024-07-13 12:35:40

@npub1zg4…zp5g help me send the mosquitos back to valhalla- what’re your tips?

2024-07-13 01:57:48

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i grab the toilet paper like a football, holding it aloft, calculating the distance, then launch it into a perfect spiral--the roll lands dead center into beefis’ shopping cart as he attempts to bypass the self checkout. the store supervisor‘s mouth is agape

2024-07-13 01:38:28

shoot for the moon. even if you miss, you’ll land 1000s of miles before the first known star and immediately combust well outside of the earth’s protecting atmosphere

2024-07-12 23:14:34

dimming the lights and creating an adult contemporary playlist on spotify for my enjoyment, and also to deal significant damage-per-click to zoomers in the area of effect.

2024-07-12 23:06:48

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“i call bitch!”

2024-07-12 02:16:19

i get knocked down, and i stay down for awhile. it’s comfortable down here

2024-07-11 03:41:22

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is it true the canadian dollar smells like maple syrup?

2024-07-11 03:38:57

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server: and what potato would you like for a side? mashed potatoes or french fries?
canadians: but wait…what if we…

2024-07-11 03:37:39

*trying to speak over baby crying* "--JUST SPITBALLIN' HERE, BUT MAYBE HE WANTS A GUN??"
#note1y73…utee

2024-07-11 03:36:08

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don’t try to church it up mapleheads, it’s ham

2024-07-11 03:35:07

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we are all capable of change

2024-07-11 03:31:00

babies: waaaah
my 7-ft tall wife: do you want food? do you need changing? are you tired?
me: do they want a ps5?

2024-07-09 11:55:00

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my 7-ft tall wife scheduled us for a BIG BOY couples therapy session

2024-07-09 02:11:01

*Tex hands the obnoxious MAGA milf account (and obviously a honeypot) a gun*
*she readies it and aims it at Tex*
Tex: you can't kill me. nobody can kill me. i’m too hot to die."
(silence followed by f*cking)
FBI Agent on the other end of the wire: "Damn. He IS too hot to die."

2024-07-09 01:31:57

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https://media.nicecrew.digital/ee1f575916a44721fd240d733412beff53be64fe6549cbccb4619ba1df32c2a8.jpeg

2024-07-09 01:26:59

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“were already lashed, we can’t get lashed any farther!”

2024-07-08 21:13:37

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*drives by an arbys*
“just went to full mast”

2024-07-08 01:24:27

a decaying joe biden lurching down the street, hungering to slurp the carbon monoxide from my stove

2024-07-08 01:15:22

captain beefheart: tropical hotdog night
me: what exactly are you a captain of?

2024-07-08 01:12:07

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the OG
https://media.nicecrew.digital/136ae03f5433e62b6a0948fc57530fe96778e5d2c0cbcbe7ecf9a0551eb5d63f.jpeg

2024-07-08 01:09:14

skateboarding is the most f*ck around and find out sport

2024-07-07 16:21:53

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SHOT THRU THE HEART
BY A STINGRAY,
YOU GAVE YOUR LIFE
TO WILD GAME

2024-07-07 13:44:03

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sometimes i wonder if those whole racket of selling letterman jackets to Al-Qaeda is even worth it

2024-07-07 13:42:34

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each morning I assess the losses and have to dig up a new batch of goons because he keeps defeating them easily. my zip recruiter commissions are out of hand

2024-07-07 13:40:22

one of the hardest calls i have to make as the ceo of the mob is when one of my top assassins kind of underperforms on a single job and now i have to cut them off & send 100 goons to try and kill them

2024-07-07 13:31:48

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i don’t know but holding in a fart as a courtesy on a 4-hr flight seems mildly adjacent

2024-07-07 13:27:19

Haste makes waste? Ummm ok. Lots of things make waste why are you cherry p-
*my submersible implodes violently, turning my body into horrible goo*
https://media.nicecrew.digital/402a094349b5f74501324601d3263ce56b1c3fb52b6558074f1c8771a36c4faa.jpeg

2024-07-07 13:25:19

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who really knows just making a bit

2024-07-07 13:23:38

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Sorry if my posts are causing you to become mentally ill.

2024-07-07 13:20:52

"If they don’t charge for image uploads, then how is gab supposed to make money?"
Frankly, that's not my problem to figure out. i’m not the one trying to work with a trash business model.

2024-07-07 13:19:42

Start your engines, hoes

2024-07-07 10:41:34

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well…did it?

2024-07-06 15:34:52

wow i can't believe it's “dress up like a firefighter, and pose myself as if i’ve just walked in on you crying over your daddy issues, to tell you you’ve left the roast in and it's burning the place down but we have enough time to f*ck before everything explodes” saturday already!