aqua • ♥️

he • they
16 • perma16 , perma2021, permateen • aam
. . .
hiiii ! i love video games , anime manga , cosplay + more !! pls talk to me or feel free to reach out !
. . .
traumagenic system • 30+
more labels : permavictim , permagroomed , transkidnapped , cisabused , cisharmed , cisprogrammed , boyfluff
♣️♦️

Public Key

npub1sctpkuhjxp2ndrdsfc9svpf7v89my0ae8v2djjd5srjss62v5xhsjycu5f

NIP-05 Address

pasteldollie_at_doll.salon@momostr.pink

Profile Code

nprofile1qqsgv9smwterq4fk3kcyuzcxq5lxrjaj87unk9xefx6gpeggd9x2rtcpz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0dsgppewr

Publishing to

relay.damus.io

nos.lol

Author Public Key

npub1sctpkuhjxp2ndrdsfc9svpf7v89my0ae8v2djjd5srjss62v5xhsjycu5f

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Last Notes

2026-10-16 02:55:31 UTC

half this place is gone …

2026-10-16 02:54:59 UTC

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you giving up on me makes no difference … but that’s not very motivating now is it ?? sadly i dont do many things without direction depending on what it is , as I’m very used to being told what to do..

2026-10-16 01:05:39 UTC

despite doing 30k+ steps a day basically i haven’t lost any weight under 1300c I wonder if it’s the meds:(((

2026-10-16 01:04:50 UTC

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psys..:((

2026-10-15 01:38:57 UTC

i wish he would love us:(((( i wish he would love me!!!!!! it’s not fair not fair not fair not fair we were supposed to live together have a life together and now he hates me!!!!!

2026-10-05 01:48:46 UTC

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ummmm like how to do makeup and stuff like physical grooming? wait who r we talking about ?? ;O

2026-10-03 23:15:08 UTC

i want a guy to offer me thousands of dollars invite me out infantalize me so I regress way too little and get fuzzy as he rapes me ehehe i wanna be used and i wanna be dicked down so it hurts to walk the next day and people are worried asking if I’m okkkk

2026-09-18 00:14:02 UTC

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oooh , changing ?? I’m super curious !! I suppose we should , I’ll try 2 be online more !! :>> im excited to see the new rules eheheeee

2026-09-18 00:11:27 UTC

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i have not, no! i suppose i tend to think thoughts like that versus typing them out here, whereas I tend to post my usual more dark thoughts <333 or whine!

2026-09-16 17:52:18 UTC

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i am always thinking of you, aco. even when im not here! this was two days ago, but I hope aco is okay…

2026-09-13 02:28:38 UTC

i wish someone would molest me in public…rrghhh!! brush your hand against me and watch me freeze up instantly as your hand palms around my ass & you slowly lead me to a secluded area where u make me ur little kid slut and destroy my cunnie like I deserve until I’m nothing more than a brainwashed empty sex doll for you ;33

2026-09-13 02:21:39 UTC

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i do photography as a hobby ! actually today i was doin my friends senior photos ;33

2026-09-09 14:12:37 UTC

if anyone wants makeup and skincare tips lmk hehe !!

2026-09-07 12:34:06 UTC

i am sooo hungry for some reason even though I ate @ 9pm??? it’s ok though guys. immm gna have froyo today ;33 anddd im seeing a movie! I wanna wear jirai skirt outfit but i feel like people will see my recent cut scabs & think im showing it off…do i succumb to pants or wear skirt?

2026-09-03 23:44:25 UTC

i love when i feel fuzzy and sleepy and my cunnie is tingling for no reason !!

2026-09-03 20:34:57 UTC

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hmmm okay , I’ll do my best !! i do makeup every after all, so i can definitely do something like that !! i feel self conscious about posting more full body photos though because i don’t feel small enough :<<

2026-09-02 22:53:00 UTC

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i guess it’s a thing to pick how i best serve you? i was very focused on aco the man and the…hegemony? the idea and concept that drives everyday thought and action to be rooted in aco. i thought, “this is very curious…” and it made me wonder about you in daily life..
i understand to be a doll is to expect nothing, and to serve with you in mind. i see this! i am never expectant of aco’s responses, nor do i think ill be able to impact your feelings and view of me anymore, so i can accept that with ease..!

2026-09-02 22:11:30 UTC

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i did, yes!

2026-09-02 19:34:16 UTC

feel like I’m hurting everyone today…i love my mom i love everyone i love everyone im sorry…

2026-09-02 15:20:47 UTC

i don’t think I’m human. I’m nothing but an object. I feel the teeth biting me over and over and through each scream I wonder if anyone can hear..

2026-09-02 09:22:28 UTC

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hmmm , that definitely sounds like something that would make me nervous to do! mostly because outside of here i present an image that I’m not associated with spaces like this . well, kinda ?? i guess it depends . . . i have posted stuff about wanting to be assaulted and stuff on my pages. but with my face sounds…a little unpleasantly odd . . . i see what you mean ! i’m morbidly curious but def not ready for something like that ..

2026-09-02 04:10:06 UTC

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how would I sacrifice my anonymity? my irl reputation ? what does that sort of thing look like for you?

2026-09-02 04:08:05 UTC

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im very scared of my reputation irl getting messed up … online? i mean you can always change accounts and stuff like that, but I guess it depends on what sort of things you’d want me to do that are exciting for you…

2026-09-01 07:48:13 UTC

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no …. i have no idea how to do that stuff . i mean vpn yeah but on mobile no …

2026-09-01 07:30:34 UTC

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what does opsec mean ? it’s true … i do look pretty distinctive ..

2026-09-01 07:00:59 UTC

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it would scare me … but I’m aware it can be done, and i know actions have consequences . but if someone knows me irl they already knowi get a lot of the thoughts i post here about being assaulted and stuff …only my close circle knows about my chronically online stuff , but the only one who really knows I poked the radqueer spaces with a stick is our partner system . mostly . so im not sure …

2026-09-01 06:20:58 UTC

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i am very afraid . i am not very brave . my reputation irl is SO bad . i don’t think anyone could do anything worse 2 it

2026-09-01 06:03:06 UTC

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can being delusional be a skill ??? uhhh … hmmm … makeup … travel & planning it … cosplay ..

2026-09-01 06:01:53 UTC

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idk .. I’m a system so we all sound different , we can sing well , we do photography & speak advanced japanese & art stuff … write poetry in fanfiction , japanese lang culture major so good at ummm research stuff ? fashion sense & styling ? idk … mostly artistic stuff … we are not skilled at remembering things , we’ve done a lot of selling content , collecting stuff ?

2026-09-01 05:54:06 UTC

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hmmmm what skills for example ? idk if I have any functional online ..

2026-09-01 04:43:22 UTC

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hmmmm, my other thought was ‘coat rack’ , because i have to come up with something that wouldn’t come up in … whatever happens ? not sure though …

2026-09-01 04:27:03 UTC

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how about ‘box’ ? or is that too might use it ?

2026-09-01 03:08:30 UTC

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I’ll do my best !! uhhh … i gotta think of one …

2026-09-01 02:53:09 UTC

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did i do it?

2026-09-01 02:52:28 UTC

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i will figure out how that works….

2026-09-01 02:22:56 UTC

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hmmm … i think i tend to say im more compassionate and cognitive . i can never put myself in other people’s shoes . they always say, “what would YOU do if you were in my position begging you to stop all this?” and my answer is “i would not beg at all because i would sit and listen to the person vent or complain about their situation, knowing if they have said they don’t want help out of it, they don’t want that and im not going to force that on them” and then they get mad … because i would act differently . i see !

2026-09-01 02:13:12 UTC

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it’s interesting you can detach your empathy but you can still utilize my wellbeing to ur advantage ! but it’s a good skill to have to be able to control where you use ‘empathy’ or where you , at best , pretend to have it (or even assert as you did you do not have it , and therefore are solely motivated by personal agenda) ! ill still hope i can be useful for you , since it prioritizes your will !

2026-09-01 01:53:34 UTC

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definitely ! i yearn for worse, and it’s only bad if i don’t consent .. well , uhhh, we’re kind of bad at it due to a history of SA anyway …? i guess we’d make a safe word , but even the one time i ever did something with a safe word .. i was a little nervous to use it ! i feel like im a burden a lot so it’s hard for me to speak up in actual cnc scenarios due to the whole nc thing… ofc it would be more evil and sinister to not have a safe word ! but that’s probably a bad idea, right ..?

2026-09-01 01:49:48 UTC

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oh no, i actually think that’s quite kind of you! i think of the people who hurt me though as kind usually though , even if they hurt me because i think everyone has goodness . i think it would be quite nice to not be trapped trapped, only a little trapped, in theory ? whatever a little is…

2026-09-01 01:43:18 UTC

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noooope , not at all … not what I meant by incite !! i meant more I purposefully seek people out…though usually this is online and most I’ve run into have been in person, but i do vent about my abusers…well, kind of ? honestly more the most recent one . but id never want to ruin the careers or give a record to someone i care about , and its always been people I’ve been attached to…so even if they hurt me, I’d feel bad doing it back

2026-09-01 01:40:36 UTC

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something like that !! it needs to be abusive , i need to be hurt, i wish i didn’t even have to incite it or talk to weird people i just wish they’d come to me more !!! i wish it wasn’t partially my fault … though admittedly it isn’t usually , im just the one who doesn’t leave and things get worse..

2026-09-01 01:32:32 UTC

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my limits…i don’t want to die, i don’t want extreme pain but i can tolerate it, i don’t want to be pregnant. i am indeed tired ! ive had people try to stop me, ive had people leave me cuz i dont leave abusers because they’re my friends and I care about their wellbeing and hope eventually they’ll do better, and people say I should not have that faith in people. but I always do. i tried to meet my mister who my mom cancelled my flight to rallied her friends contacted everyone she knew & insisted i wus being trafficked. so now i try 2 keep everything secret bc people intervene . it’s not that i don’t want to heal or stop seeking out pain, it’s more like: the pain isn’t enough. my trauma responses do not justify the trauma. i need the worst of the worst. the worst, to me, is a pedophile taking a younger child and using them as a sex doll and pimping them out , maybe even when people around them don’t even notice . but because nothing happened until i was 10 and it was someone my age it didn’t feel enough . and it never did and never does . i just want to finally feel like ive had ‘enough’ , i feel like im not allowed 2 heal or whatever until i have had the climax, the worst of the worst. ideally a life worth living to me is just to be a child forever . the only reason i want to die is because i never want to be an adult . if pedophiles like me i can’t be an adult … if i don’t do this or that i can’t be an adult if i die i can’t be an adult . even if morally i believe otherwise i accept the morally wrong to me because i deserve hurt i haven’t had enough hurt and i want more hurt . i guess ..?

2026-08-31 04:55:21 UTC

i see people online get dmed rape threats & get jelly bc why don’t they do that to meeee i deserve it i want it i just want to be in my own world infantalised and dissociated while im being used for the purpose of pleasing whoever wants to use me

2026-08-31 04:50:00 UTC

im watching my fav youtuber while my friend makes cookies in the bg !

2026-08-30 21:53:58 UTC

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entice you? i see some people say on here how they want you to rape them and stuff but…i feel like that’s just so direct and classy! like i might think that, but?? i don’t get the urge to say it…but then i think, well how do i position myself as seeming more useable…? or something like that. but who knows!

2026-08-30 21:47:40 UTC

hello everyone :))

2026-08-30 02:05:24 UTC

cunnie is rlly tingly … no idea what’s gonna happen to the front !! im thinking abt because of the stuff we hide our partner system doesn’t trust us & is scared for us but !! at the same time they think it would be healthier if we just wanted to get better & stopped talking to freaks or peds & stopped trying to get worse and worse trauma …
but part of me wants to get worse, i want to be the eternal victim , no sense of time or access to clocks , kept in an apartment to be infantalized and used and bruised and marked and starved and only fed toddler portions from toddler ware … anything but time moving … anything but that … existential thoughts of wanting that & to be programmed more and more until it’s bad enough…

2026-08-27 19:53:05 UTC

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i know you believe community…and love, and crafting something greater…I think it’s really the sticking together thing and coming together and loving one another while making something greater thing !

2026-08-27 19:49:54 UTC

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okay !!

2026-08-27 19:47:10 UTC

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i tried again!!

2026-08-27 19:40:47 UTC

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i did it !! did I do it right?

2026-08-27 19:31:15 UTC

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embody…things? i can try but the only thing i really embody for my own personal code is loyalty…
this is a community, it’s very nice and tightknit! i want to care for the others here like people are kind to me !

2026-08-27 15:44:38 UTC

i want to be raped and used until the user is satisfied until mister is happy & have my cunnie battered & be beaten and bruised until they’re done with me…that’s what i deserve for hurting them ..!!

2026-08-27 15:42:21 UTC

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hmmm .. i didn’t know what it meant ! that would be fine with me , even if I’m not chosen I’m not worth anything at all and I’m practically useless at that point (unless I’m being used for my body ??) sooo I get it !! i already understand im entitled to nothing 💕

2026-08-27 04:10:23 UTC

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it’s very true !!! we ‘re just vry subby & pathetic & just get ourselves into situations & can’t leave !!! sosoo its so cool .. we have a pain holder who’s juss a larper masochist .. cuz we actually hate pain … cry really easily !!! i got bit onetime over & over we screamed and cried ..

2026-08-27 03:46:00 UTC

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i would totes shave 4 someone (ummmm my abuser shaved me it was an inchresting experience …) but i didn’t know what some of the words meant !! im not a masochist but i let people hurt me all the time andand ummm im scared 2 die !! im also not as skinny as i wus last year but im tryna lose weight !! totes get if im not UR type tho !! >:333
https://doll.salon/files/webpublic-30662cfd-cc4f-4479-a3a3-4164d208c71f.jpg

2026-08-27 03:37:50 UTC

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heheee do u want me to fill it out collectively or for me specifically ?? >:33

2026-08-27 03:35:35 UTC

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don’t worry !! i love being used !! we have a servant in our system though bcbc of that !! im not the servant specifically but i def have experience being for someone’s use !! <333 it’s not my type but i def can’t say me nor some others in my system don’t enjoy servitude !

2026-08-27 03:30:52 UTC

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my type ?? not sure if I have one !! i didn’t even notice ;O im sure you’re totally my type !! any guy who’s twice my age , bonus points if you’re older though , i don’t mind any gender piercing on me as long as their a freaked up adult !! i rlly like the people who shower me in attention and spoil me and are super duper sweet when using me or outside of it !

2026-08-26 21:47:21 UTC

anyway this is bc i wanna be groomed soooo bad oooooo im just a vulnerable tween loli who needs protecting bcuz im so easily brainwashable ohhh nooo !!

2026-08-25 21:24:27 UTC

guys what’s like rp.o and matrix and all that stuff

2026-08-25 12:48:56 UTC

i wish someone would kidnap me (brainwash style not being tied up or shoved in a trunk !!) and then use me as their confused little kiddie slut & everyone in my life would be concerned looking for me why I wasn’t responding and once they finally found me I’d be broken beyond repair and they’d have 2 drag my naked bruised up cum soaked body out & when they ask me what happened hours later I just babble confusedly. when they try to get someone else to front, it’s only sunny who’s regressed and tries to go back because he’s scared. they’re confused, but I am too…