Fesshole 🧻

Official Fesshole account on Mastodon - Rob Manuel reads your 100-400 confessions submitted a day and chooses what to post.

A https://B3ta.com production

Add fess: https://b3ta.com/addfess
Live Tickets: https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
BOOK(s): https://amazon.co.uk/s?k=very+best+of+fesshole&tag=b3ta-21
Podcast: https://audioboom.com/channels/5133334-fesshole-the-podcast

Last Notes

2025-10-02 10:20:07 UTC

I was shocked to accidentally discover that my husband is a fan of "scat" porn. But I pride myself on being a try anything once kind of girl, so I agreed to participate. I spent 20 minutes completely unable to poo while he watched. Very odd way to discover you're constipated.

2025-09-09 07:20:06 UTC

Every couple of months about 6 old gits meet up for beer and eat. I never have cash, the rest do, so I pay the bill & complain about the service, quality and items we shouldn't be charged for. I always get the bill discounted so I end up with spare cash and a free meal.

2025-09-04 19:20:06 UTC

Played a cow in the Nativity in the 70s & was furious I hadn't got a speaking role. The boy playing Joseph soiled himself with explosive diarrhoea in assembly so I had to step in. Since then I've acted in TV dramas, a famous soap and countless adverts; thank you God of shitting.

2025-09-02 18:20:07 UTC

I run a shop. I didn't process a single cash transaction for 3 weeks and did under 20 for the whole year. So I decided to go electronic only as it's so much cheaper. Suddenly everyone's up in arms. Maybe if they actually used cash they could complain. But they don't.

2025-08-30 19:20:05 UTC

My nose, when slightly congested, makes a sound like an iPhone vibrating with a silent notification. My wife and I would check our phones until I realised. I have now mastered the skill and do it in any quiet room. Sorry but it's just funny to have people pull out their mobiles.

2025-08-21 07:20:08 UTC

Petty fess: work for a UK business that has a decent sized US office, I absolutely refuse to adjust the date configuration from day/month to month/day for them in any collaborations.

2025-08-20 15:20:05 UTC

Great Scott! I just depressed myself so thought I'd take a few of you with me. On phone, random scrolled a pic of Christopher Lloyd, stupidly then checked to see how old he was as Doc in first Back to Future film. 46. I'm 48 and have never felt old until now.

2025-08-19 08:20:07 UTC

Guy took me on a date to Nando's. In his defence I'm fairly chilled and love a Nando's. However he ordered a butterfly chicken in lemon and herb spice. Never been so turned off in my life. Informed him the second he ordered the date was over

2025-08-18 09:20:05 UTC

My gf likes buying stuffed toys. She has about 30 scattered about the house. Every so often she thinks she has too many and ask me to take some down to the charity shop. I can't do this, as I can't face the betrayal in their beady little eyes. So I have about 100 of them stored.

2025-08-13 17:20:06 UTC

I am well aware that, if there was a fire in our home and my wife had to choose between saving me and saving the dog, she'd choose the dog. But that's OK - I'd choose the dog over her too. We both really fucking love that dog.

2025-06-08 15:25:05 UTC

Always annoyed by extra long laces and the massive bunny ears once you have tied your shoes. Googled why & discovered ways to lace up your shoes to make loose ends shorter. This is the most astounding thing I have seen & I am a 56 yr old physics professor at a major university.

2024-11-03 19:25:02 UTC

When I was a kid I loved sitting on the top deck of buses with my arms and head over the periscope, so the driver couldn't see what was happening. I feel guilty now.

2024-07-08 22:25:02 UTC

When I was 16, my then girlfriend previously dated somebody who signed a professional football contract. I brought him on championship manager and made his life hell. Fined him 2 weeks wages every week, never played him and depreciated his value. Young love aye

2024-06-29 09:25:02 UTC

Wife left me some leftover lasagne to eat while she went out with her girlfriends for the evening, I really fancied a curry but didn't want her to know so I chucked the lasagne in the outside bin and went out for a curry. Got food poisoning and she thinks her lasagne did it.