Chris Hallbeck

Cartoonist. Animator.

Patreon: https://patreon.com/chrishallbeck
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ChrisHallbeck
Instagram: https://instagram.com/chrishallbeck
Everywhere else: https://hallbeck.com/links

Public Key

npub14gjda5ankamvn4awcmvv7cvfc0ju7fqw9kxhc5yw878c9ppuv8xs3xva5u

NIP-05 Address

chrishallbeck_at_mastodon.social@momostr.pink

Profile Code

nprofile1qqs25fx76wemwakf67hvdkx0vxyu8ew0ys8zmrtu2z8rlruzss7xrngpz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0dsjh6kas

Publishing to

relay.damus.io

nos.lol

Author Public Key

npub14gjda5ankamvn4awcmvv7cvfc0ju7fqw9kxhc5yw878c9ppuv8xs3xva5u

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Last Notes

2025-11-25 23:02:31 UTC

What’s your score on the apple test?
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/612/825/731/833/954/original/6006c1eb29b633e1.mp4

2025-11-16 22:07:39 UTC

Me as a child: Climbs trees, somersaults off the couch, rides my bike over makeshift ramps.
Me now: I injured my shoulder 2 nights ago by sleeping. I was feeling better today but just reinjured it by sneezing.

2025-11-13 02:31:09 UTC

A pirate learning to use a computer and being frustrated that they keep losing their work whenever they click on an “X” to get the treasure.

2025-11-11 04:10:47 UTC

My wife made me breakfast in bed! It was delicious but the cleanup is a hassle. I wish she would go back to making breakfast in the kitchen.

2025-11-09 15:29:34 UTC

I’m starting a new service that connects people that purchased a large appliance with children that have no box fort.

2025-11-08 22:08:30 UTC

ME: [extremely burnt out] I need to take the day off to relax.
ALSO ME: I wonder if there is a way that I could relax that would be more productive.

2025-11-08 18:14:41 UTC

My wife thinks my “I’m a single dad!” shirt is inappropriate but I am factually not two dads.

2025-10-07 17:07:37 UTC

Gotta plant the cars the previous fall if you want this year to have a bumper crop.

2025-07-21 17:57:22 UTC

I hope this email doesn’t find you. I hope you manage to evade it for years. The email is ever searching but you are more resourceful.

2025-06-25 20:46:32 UTC

I just pressed [cook time] [3] [0] [start] on the microwave instead of the [30 seconds] button. I am so sorry for letting you all down like this. I will strive to do better.

2025-05-24 02:07:14 UTC

Me: Wow, remember that fun movie I watched hundreds of times as a kid? I wonder if that director made anything else I know.
Wikipedia: This universally panned movie not only destroyed the careers of the director and cast, it lost so much money the studio went out of business.
Me: I see.

2025-04-12 01:41:26 UTC

Overheard a conversation where the first person said “We got our first computer in 1998.” and the second person said “Oh wow! So you were one of the EARLY computer people.” and I shriveled up and died.

2025-03-21 16:28:24 UTC

On the line. #comics
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/114/201/362/701/924/317/original/711fde550505353c.jpeg

2025-02-26 01:06:19 UTC

Me: I wish I was simultaneously aware of every tiny cut and scrape on my hands.
Hand sanitizer: Good news!

2025-02-13 17:32:03 UTC

Wow, that vampire character on Sesame Street is really counter intuitive.

2025-02-11 08:18:58 UTC

Sometimes I find it’s hard to sleep because I’m lying here in bed thinking about how hard it is to sleep.

2025-01-26 21:55:46 UTC

Me: I’ve always liked having two thinner pillows stacked like this and then I can take one away if I need it really flat or I can fold one in half if I need extra height! What about you?
My wife: No, this is not what i meant by pillow talk. Just go to sleep.

2025-01-24 20:16:57 UTC

Before you ask me for advice, you should know that I was watching a spider lowering itself down from a light fixture in the bathroom and when it got in front of the mirror I instantly thought “Now there’s two of them?!?”

2025-01-23 23:42:34 UTC

Next time you’re going to be away from the internet for an extended period of time, instead of announcing it, just post something like “Whoa, I wonder what’s in this cave!”

2025-01-19 22:18:29 UTC

Please accept this sample of my breath. I have encased it in this latex prison that I twisted into the shape of a dog.

2025-01-16 17:53:05 UTC

To get your adult name, take your childhood first name and replace it with “I’m so” and then change your last name to “tired.”

2025-01-14 17:59:28 UTC

I want to see a local ice cream truck put on snow tires and drive around selling hot chocolate, shovels and sidewalk salt.

2025-01-13 16:18:18 UTC

Hey babe, wanna see my special move?
*pushes on the soap dispenser too hard so it squirts into the sleeve of my hoodie*

2025-01-13 15:55:33 UTC

[I peel the wrapper off a fresh chapstick]
Before you dismiss my actions as reckless and irresponsible, know that just now, before I walked in this room, I threw out an empty chapstick that I used from start to finish without misplacing it.
[Jury goes nuts]
Judge: Not guilty!

2025-01-11 22:23:15 UTC

When I was a kid, I saw a sign on a building that said “Adult Book Store” and legitimately thought it meant “Those boring books with all the words and no pictures.”

2025-01-11 15:33:49 UTC

We just met
And I'm a whale
Here's my number
Call me Ishmael

2025-01-07 20:46:20 UTC

Every morning I take my dog outside so she can 3D-print something horrible.

2025-01-04 16:04:17 UTC

I should wait until I’m outside, walking through the freshly fallen snow, to put in my AirPods. What could go wrong?

2024-12-17 17:03:42 UTC

This package of bacon says it's "naturally hardwood smoked" as if they just happened across a bunch of pigs next to a forest fire.

2024-12-15 23:24:35 UTC

*I place one end of wrapping paper tube up to my child's ear and whisper into the other end*
Me: Look, I'm whispering but you can still hear me.
*now we reverse positions*
Son: DAD I AM WHISPERING TO YOU!!!

2024-12-14 01:00:36 UTC

Hurry!
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/648/470/208/642/190/original/d705832e5f0a7fb5.png

2024-12-10 15:45:43 UTC

The worst part about being a werewolf is when you forget it’s transformation night and wear your favorite shirt.

2024-12-04 21:53:30 UTC

Life hack: If someone offers you some Doritos, sneeze into the bag and they’ll just let you have them all.

2024-11-29 18:49:47 UTC

My dad was an electrician so I was initially very excited and then immediately disappointed when he explained that he worked with transformers.

2024-11-29 17:54:08 UTC

Black Friday deals!!!
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/567/520/725/797/299/original/e13ee592e793a126.jpeg

2024-11-27 18:28:26 UTC

Interviewer: Can you explain this gap in your résumé?
Me: It’s a store that sells pants.

2024-11-26 20:24:29 UTC

My son always asks the important questions - “Does the Flash also poop really fast?”

2024-11-26 00:51:06 UTC

First time.
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/546/511/170/919/282/original/b4636ee795291f4a.png

2024-11-23 23:59:27 UTC

[getting a tour of Hell on my first day]
Satan: And this is where we keep the people that put police sirens into popular music you’d hear on your car radio.
Me: Nice.

2024-11-23 18:38:00 UTC

Scientist: No visible light was captured so we decided on what colors to represent the spectrum of the image.
Me: Got it.
Scientist: [shows photo]
Me: Oh wow, black holes are orange!

2024-11-23 01:53:26 UTC

Noise canceling headphones.
Fear canceling goggles.
Emotion canceling ice cream.

2024-11-21 23:43:22 UTC

Idiot.
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/523/595/307/459/339/original/cf249c7aff84671e.png

2024-11-21 18:39:00 UTC

Mornings.
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/522/398/743/959/398/original/cbe62c71f57674e9.png

2024-11-20 19:19:42 UTC

What idiot called it a McDonald’s fish sandwich and not a quarter flounder.

2024-11-18 18:44:36 UTC

Got a job at a bakery where I cut the front and back off of each loaf of bread and stick those two slices into a separate bag. It doesn’t pay much but it’s a good way to make ends meet.

2024-11-14 20:16:19 UTC

Finally!
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/483/145/245/975/840/original/79ea3e9aaeb640fd.png

2024-11-12 20:26:59 UTC

My favorite.
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/471/862/481/301/426/original/3b87b8863a59c044.png

2024-11-12 18:02:24 UTC

The biggest problem with wearing glasses is my brain knows I have to take them off to sleep, so my dreams are all blurry.

2024-11-11 20:30:18 UTC

My dog is infinitely optimistic that TODAY will be the day that I just inexplicably hand over my entire hamburger.

2024-11-09 21:25:14 UTC

So cute!
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/455/104/704/567/910/original/390e5d45f6a66306.png

2024-11-07 22:27:34 UTC

Reflexes.
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/444/025/162/558/347/original/60d169ca979da277.png

2024-11-05 19:21:33 UTC

Big news!
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/431/969/045/220/888/original/3f011906820b0dba.png

2024-11-03 21:49:31 UTC

An unsolvable mystery.
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/421/226/356/265/114/original/fadf3b3f6b6d758b.png

2024-11-03 15:57:25 UTC

*continuously rewriting email replies to make them sound less and less sarcastic*

2024-11-02 19:47:17 UTC

FYI, wrapping a tortilla around a handful of Halloween candy counts as breakfast burrito as long as you eat it before noon.

2024-11-02 17:23:25 UTC

Plenty of time!
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/414/517/656/072/737/original/a947c7a6b1d43f2d.png

2024-11-01 23:21:40 UTC

My glasses
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/410/264/066/140/202/original/0e55732ab920102b.png

2024-10-30 23:04:34 UTC

We did it!
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/398/872/167/339/755/original/9e438e41ecf43063.png

2024-10-29 17:43:44 UTC

You’re late!
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/391/948/297/150/870/original/1a1862c39da101f2.png

2024-10-27 22:25:43 UTC

You think I didn’t get revenge but I sneak into your house while you’re asleep and move your leg into a weird position that will hurt for days.

2024-10-27 22:12:52 UTC

c a k e
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/381/681/988/699/016/original/3541c979873a7a27.png

2024-10-26 18:39:05 UTC

Barrow.
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/375/178/975/843/105/original/d796e6e72431b557.png

2024-10-24 22:12:49 UTC

Oh no…
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/364/694/642/482/101/original/f32458cc00021413.png

2024-10-22 19:22:02 UTC

Okay, time to get some work done!
*spends 90 minutes organizing a new music playlist*

2024-10-18 18:19:16 UTC

That Dolly Parton song “9 to 5” really messed with my expectations on the hours I would be required to be at my desk when I got a full time job.

2024-10-07 21:00:52 UTC

When it’s October and you get to finally show off that Halloween body you’ve been working on all summer.
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/268/152/212/258/969/original/113bf603e2fb80ea.jpeg

2024-10-05 03:21:50 UTC

Gonna be the most popular house on the block this Halloween, or very sick.
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/252/663/700/316/449/original/e34e36530e7c90ba.jpeg

2024-10-01 20:21:27 UTC

Typo.
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/234/023/754/672/437/original/5b6b1777b9abb5d3.png

2024-09-29 19:06:49 UTC

In the dark.
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/222/405/670/661/073/original/8222097baba1f3c9.png

2024-09-25 15:32:58 UTC

The soft-serve ice cream machine is my favorite kind of 3D printer.

2024-09-22 00:18:21 UTC

Life is like a wonderful restaurant dinner with family and friends and as you leave you pop a free mint in your mouth and it's HOT CINNAMON WHY

2024-09-17 22:25:38 UTC

The crunch.
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/155/239/247/439/036/original/0a2f78a243b27420.mp4

2024-09-15 02:13:37 UTC

Local woman loses faith in the chronological sequence of events. She can’t believe what happens next.

2024-09-15 00:16:21 UTC

Betrayal.
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/138/686/666/028/840/original/2e8683eede8bdd42.png

2024-09-13 21:53:24 UTC

Dog video games.
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/132/463/762/311/802/original/cfd1406bfea50df4.mp4

2024-09-12 18:55:10 UTC

https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/126/100/578/070/860/original/02e38a973660bb25.png

2024-09-11 18:28:30 UTC

https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/120/333/387/457/265/original/27278a5373b27050.png

2024-09-08 23:35:19 UTC

Okay, to be honest, I totally believed it wasn’t butter. I was just being polite.

2024-09-08 20:38:33 UTC

“I wish air had more of a crunch to it.” - Inventor of rice cakes.

2024-09-08 15:48:56 UTC

I was reading about the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon last night and now suddenly everyone is talking about it.

2024-09-01 23:02:56 UTC

If you are having the same nightmare every night it’s time to replace your memory foam mattress.

2024-08-31 16:25:27 UTC

There was a kid in school called “The Danger Zone” but I greeted him by his real name. It felt good to say “Hi Wayne!” to The Danger Zone.

2024-08-27 01:32:44 UTC

Actually Frankenstein was the mechanic, so it’s more correct to say Frankenstein’s Monster Truck.

2024-08-24 23:14:06 UTC

That thing in cartoons where a cat puts a whole fish in its mouth and pulls out a skeleton but it’s me putting a whole taco in my mouth and pulling out a taco shaped skeleton.

2024-08-21 19:10:19 UTC

Whoever is complaining about stepping on LEGO doesn’t have a child that likes to leave these scattered about the house.
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/001/589/323/252/513/original/a4135f017c110e0e.jpeg

2024-08-21 15:25:44 UTC

A nice thing about google maps satellite view is my flying dreams are much more accurate than when I was a kid.

2024-08-19 16:08:05 UTC

*metal detector alarm goes off*
TSA officer: Sir please step over here. Are you concealing metal somewhere on your body?
Sonic: No, I don’t have anyt— *Sonic trips and falls face first onto the cement, launching a shower of rings into the air*

2024-08-17 15:53:02 UTC

When I was a kid I would dream about finding secret rooms of magic & treasure. Now I dream of empty rooms where I can store my stuff.

2024-08-16 15:55:44 UTC

My children think I’m a master detective at finding their lost toys when my technique is just entering the room they insist has been thoroughly searched and looking at the floor.

2024-08-16 00:15:59 UTC

Now I remember why. #funny #comics #webcomics
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/112/968/800/579/292/309/original/8234e312a6448ff3.png

2024-08-15 16:02:54 UTC

I was doing an activity with my youngest and then told him I had to go back to work. As I walked over to my laptop he said “Okay, go touch your letters daddy.” which is such an amazing burn.

2024-08-14 20:55:55 UTC

Steady… #funny #comics #webcomics
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/112/962/354/298/115/062/original/1922e76aa0086ef6.png

2024-08-11 17:48:13 UTC

Screech! #funny #comics #webcomics
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/112/944/627/018/900/400/original/013f766cfcb879c4.png

2024-08-03 00:37:05 UTC

[watching the Olympics]
Me: Wow, that was incredible!
Announcer: What a shame. She’s gonna be so disappointed she failed this bad.

2024-08-02 00:00:39 UTC

Son: “You didn’t have YouTube or Minecraft when you were a kid? What did you do?”
*flashback to peeling dried glue off my hand*
Me: “Stuff.”

2024-07-31 02:48:20 UTC

Belle: Oh Beast, my love, will you please pass the salt.
Beast: Look, you broke the curse 3 years ago. My name is Adam.

2024-07-30 17:48:57 UTC

Those “Bank error in your favor” Monopoly cards really set up unrealistic expectations of adult life.

2022-12-19 22:08:28 UTC

Now that I have children I really understand the scene in Return of the Jedi where Yoda is so tired of answering Luke's questions he just up and dies.

2022-12-01 20:09:49 UTC

Cats do it
Dogs do it
Even educated hogs do it
Let's do it
Let's sleep most of the day