Lesbian Death Bed

Cartoonist & text game guy, founder of the Midnight Society @midnight_pals Genderfluid transvestite goblin 🏳️‍⚧️👺 He/Him, She/Her. Three (3) x Hugo Nominee. www.midnightpals.com

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bitterkarella_at_sfba.social@momostr.pink

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nprofile1qqszy6ecq4xy0d504t9hxhzv2tmcnxnx88s7v24rdknqruwjr58hw4spz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0ds9ma7az

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relay.damus.io

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Last Notes

2026-05-27 21:18:18 UTC

- reply

8
Tolkien: well well well
Tolkien: now look who's laughing!
Tolkien: hmm hey clive
CS Lewis: what
Tolkien: remind me, has the archbishop of whatever ever quoted aslan?
Lewis:
Tolkien: i'm sorry i can't hear you
Tolkien: what was that again?
Lewis: no
Tolkien: ha ha that's what i thought!

2026-05-27 21:18:06 UTC

- reply

7
GRR Martin: hey jirt did you hear
JRR Tolkien: what?
Martin: you got quoted by the pope
Tolkien: i got quoted by the pope?
Martin: yeah
Tolkien: THE pope?
Martin: yeah
Tolkien: the pope in rome?? the holy pontiff??? god's ambassador on earth????? THAT pope???????
Martin: yeah

2026-05-27 21:17:53 UTC

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6
Blatty: what
Pope Leo: dat's right
Pope Leo: in da immortal word of gandalf da gray
Pope Leo: "It is not our part to master all the tides of the world, but to do what is in us for the succour of those years wherein we are set"
Pope Leo: think about it

2026-05-27 21:17:40 UTC

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5
Pope Leo: now second of all
Pope Leo: i gots some words about all this here AI
Pope Leo: in fact it reminds me of a quote by da smartest guy i've ever known
Blatty: ah yes yes
Blatty: you speak of Jesus Christ of course
Pope Leo: nope
Pope Leo: i'm talkin' gandalf
Blatty:

2026-05-27 21:17:25 UTC

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4
Pope Leo: ok listen up yous guys
Pope Leo: da chicago pope is talkin'
Pope Leo: first of all, be it known through alla da whole world of catholicism
Pope Leo: dat the only way to eat a dog is wit' tomato wedges an pickled peppers
Pope Leo: ketchup is heresy
Blatty: very wise, very wise!

2026-05-27 21:17:13 UTC

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3
Pope Leo: eyyy listen i got somethin' ta say
Blatty: listen up people! the pope's got something to say!
Poe: oh he's got an encyclical?
Pope Leo: dat's right
Pope Leo: yeah i got your encyclical right here!!

2026-05-27 21:17:00 UTC

- reply

2
Blatty: c'mon everyone, show some respect!
Blatty: it's the pope!
Barker: cool, good for him
Blatty: oh my god
Blatty: he doesn't mean that, your holiness
Pope Leo: eyyy its all good
Blatty: [geneflecting intensifies] oh my god, he's got the patience of a saint!

2026-05-27 21:16:47 UTC

1
Pope Leo: eyyy its me, da chicago pope
William Peter Blatty: gasp! your holiness!
Blatty: what an honor! i
Blatty: i just
Blatty: i just
Blatty: wow!
Blatty: [geneflecting wildly] just wow!

2026-04-18 14:03:11 UTC

1
TL Bodine: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of neverest
Bodine: as in
Bodine: never rest on mt Everest
Bodine: a little mountaineering safety tip for ya all

2026-04-17 15:23:32 UTC

1
JK Rowling: my empire crumbless around me!
Rowling: Julia Donaldsson taking my bestsseller sspot
Rowling: KA Applegate sstealing my thunder
Rowling: the amazing digital circuss trailer topping harry potter
Rowling: and alwayss that confounded diane duane in the ventss!
Diane Duane: free masons run the country!
Rowling: [pounding on wall] i know you're in there!!

2026-04-14 16:57:53 UTC

1
JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: I'm very excited that the trailer for the new harry potter isss the number one trailer right now
Poe:
King:
Lovecraft:
Koontz:
Barker:
Rowling: i can tell by your awkward sssilencce that i musst be correct

2026-04-13 15:54:48 UTC

1
John Wiswell: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the dare
Wiswell: what if the internet was used as a tool for social good
King: wow! i love science fiction!

2026-04-09 17:49:53 UTC

1
Stephen King: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the heroic cat
King: it's about a cat who saves a little girl from an evil troll
King: and also two other completely unrelated stories

2026-04-08 21:23:53 UTC

1
Andy Weir: hey dudes and dudebros
Weir: did you hear about the hot new marketing genre that's taking the literary world by storm?
Weir: we call it MANtasy
Weir: it's like fantasy
Weir: but for HIM!

2026-04-06 17:52:18 UTC

- reply

3
Dickens: you didn't let me finish
Dickens: grip died and i suspect
Dickens: foul play
King: what are you saying?
Dickens: i think she was murdered

2026-04-06 17:52:02 UTC

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2
Poe: NOT GRIP!!!!!
Poe: NOT GRIP!!!!!! ANYONE BUT GRIP!!!!
King: edgar really liked grip
Poe: WHY COULDN'T IT BE ME?!?!?!?
Dickens: yeah i can see that
Poe: I DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN THIS WORLD ANYMORE
Dickens: ok you know what, turn it down a notch why dontcha
Dickens: sheesh

2026-04-06 17:51:40 UTC

1
Charles Dickens: i come to you today with solemn news
Dickens: my raven, grip, died today
King: oh no, charles, i'm so sorry
Koontz: that's awful :(
Barker: yeah, condolences
Lovecraft: i'm sorry
Poe: NO!!
Poe: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!

2026-04-04 18:22:57 UTC

1
Stephen King: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this Elon Musk: [rising from bushes] eyyy stephano king
Barker: look, steve, it's your friend ha ha King: you say that every time clive
Barker: yeah it never gets less funny
King: yes it does clive

2026-04-01 17:29:12 UTC

1
L. Ron Hubbard: hello friends it's me
Hubbard: your old pal, Honest Ron!
Hubbard: and have i got a deal for YOU!
King: wow! a deal for me??
Poe: careful steve Poe: we've been burned before on one of honest ron's deals

2026-03-31 17:11:09 UTC

1
[at space coven]
Andy Weir: beep boop submitted for the approval of the space coven, i call this the story of the martian
Weir: it is a story about the cold triumph of science, with no distracting theme or motif
Weir: only science
Weir: beep boop

2026-03-30 18:27:28 UTC

1
CJ Cooke: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the nesting
Cooke: it's about this woman whose hyperfixation is norway
Cooke: she loves norway as much as dean loves dogs
Cooke: and we all know how much dean loves dogs
Koontz: it's true, i do :)

2026-03-25 17:16:43 UTC

1
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i have exciting newssss
Rowling: there'ss a new harry potter out
King: a new harry potter?!?!?!
King: OMGG I AM SO EXCITED!
Poe: steve, no!
Poe: we discussed this
Poe: you know what the harry potter profits are used for
King: i
King: yes of course
King:
King: but

2026-03-24 15:50:20 UTC

1
Michelle Heller: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the sour doe
Heller: it's about a deer that's real fucked up
Heller: a veritable sour doe, if you were
King: oh!
King: oh ha ha!
King: i get it!
King: ah ha ha ha!

2026-03-23 15:29:32 UTC

1
Gooseworx: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the amazing digital circus
King: oh that doesn't sound scary at all!
King: it sounds kinda fun and whimsical, in fact
Gooseworx: it is very fun and whimsical
Gooseworx: SO very fun and whimsical

2026-03-22 19:28:50 UTC

1
Stephen King: submitted for the approval of the midnight
Elon Musk [rising from bushes]: eeyyyyy stephano king
Barker: hey look steve it's your best friend
King: goddamnit clive
King: we're not
King: elon what do you want this time

2026-03-21 16:28:48 UTC

- reply

13
Patterson: luckily, stephen king is aided by a very cool and smart and sexy detective named james patterson
Poe: is the detective based on you?
Patterson: on moi???
Patterson: what about this cool, smart, sexy detective would give you THAT idea? ;D

2026-03-21 16:28:42 UTC

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12
Patterson: this deranged fan is stalking stephen king using events and characters from his own books!
Patterson: as if the monsters he's written about are coming to get him!!
Chuck Tingle: that's a real problem, old chum!

2026-03-21 16:28:32 UTC

- reply

11
Patterson: what if there was a deranged fan who wanted to kill stephen king to usurp his throne as the king of horror
Patterson: because that's how it works
Patterson: if you kill the top horror author, you become the top horror author
Patterson: it's the same advancement system as the klingon empire if you think about it

2026-03-21 16:28:21 UTC

- reply

10
Patterson: real cool that you didn't all just abandon me and force me to claw my own way to freedom
Patterson: real cool
Barker: you're welcome
Poe: i think he's being sarcastic clive
Barker: yeah i know

2026-03-21 16:28:09 UTC

- reply

9
Poe: this uh
Poe: seems a little passive aggressive
Patterson: no no not at all!
Patterson: it's all in good fun
Patterson: we're totally pals
Patterson: thanks for coming to rescue me from mr beast by the way

2026-03-21 16:27:55 UTC

- reply

8
Patterson: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the murder of stephen king
Patterson: it's about stephen king getting murdered
King:
Poe:
Koontz:
Lovecraft:
Barker: AH HAH HA HA
King: it's not funny
Barker: oh it's pretty funny

2026-03-21 16:27:32 UTC

- reply

7
Patterson: hey it's my old pal stephen king!
King: i hate this guy
Patterson: ha ha what a kidder!
Patterson: don't listen to him, we go back real far
King: no we don't
Barker: boy you're real popular steve
King:

2026-03-21 16:27:20 UTC

- reply

6
James Patterson: hey everyone
Poe: james!? you're alive?!
James Patterson: yeah i won't bore you with the details of my miraculous escape from mr beast's lair
Patterson: except to say that i wrote another 12 books during my day of captivity

2026-03-21 16:27:07 UTC

- reply

5
King: look, i'm sorry
King: i just don't like james patterson
Poe:
Koontz:
Barker:
Lovecraft:
King: i mean, have you read his work?
Poe: steve, mr beast is going to kill him
King: yeah but
King: i mean have you read his work?

2026-03-21 16:26:55 UTC

- reply

4
Poe: yes but
Poe: we can't just NOT rescue him
King: hmm
King: couldn't we?
Poe: steve! this is so unlike you!
Poe: of course we have to!
Barker: now now now let's hear steve out

2026-03-21 16:26:42 UTC

- reply

3
King: uh huh
King: and how much is this going to cost?
Poe: steve!
Cussler: some would say that money is no object when a life is in the balance
King: oh jeez
King: THAT much?!

2026-03-21 16:26:28 UTC

- reply

2
Cussler: badasses, every one of them
Cussler: the ultimate badass team, if you were
Koontz: what about mary?
Cussler: what
Koontz: you can't have a badass team without mary?
Mary Shelley: fuck that, i work alone

2026-03-21 16:26:13 UTC

1
Clive Cussler: to save james patterson, i've assembled this team of crack commandos who escaped from a maximum security prison to join the Los Angeles underground
Cussler: special agent Lee Child
Cussler: fixer F. Paul Wilson
Cussler: and master of disguise Jim Butcher

2026-03-20 15:14:30 UTC

1
James Patterson: hi i'm james patterson
Patterson: you might remember me from such book as 'Dial D for Danger' and 'In the Realm of the Electric Medusas'
Patterson: today I've got an even more exciting story for you
Patterson: i'm teaming up with Mr Beast
King:
Poe:
Barker:
Koontz:
Lovecraft:

2026-03-11 14:49:30 UTC

1
Dawn Kurtagich: so as i was saying genderswapped renfield
Bram Stoker: no! no! no!
Mary Shelley: i dunno, i think i might be into it
Stoker: no! no!
Shelley: yeah
Shelley: i think i might be into it

2026-03-10 15:18:44 UTC

1
Dawn Kurtagich: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the madness
Kurtagich: it's about a fantasy that turned to madness (Has turned to madness)
Kurtagich: And all my goodness (And all my goodness)
Kurtagich: has turned to badness (Has turned to badness)

2026-02-24 16:19:24 UTC

1
Luc Besson: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of incel dracula
Besson: so dracula goes to a party, but a courtesan laughs at him!
Besson: like, she doesn't even care about his amazing perfume or his $500 gucci sunglasses
Besson: fuckin' femoid!!!

2026-02-23 16:07:33 UTC

1
Francis Ford Coppola: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of bram stoker's dracula
Bram Stoker: no it's not!
Stoker: this is not my dracula!
Stoker: i don't recognize this horny stranger!
Stoker: this is not my chaste, dry-dicked son!

2026-02-21 17:08:47 UTC

1
Cordwainer Smith: as everyone knows, there's nothing hotter than a woman who has both cat ears and a cat tail
Junji Ito: nyah! =^____^=
Frank Belknap Long: i can think of something hotter
Smith: oh?
Long: have you ever considered Long: going further?

2026-02-18 17:04:53 UTC

1
Allison Mick: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the humboldt cut
Mick: it's about this woman who returns to the forests of humboldt county for the funeral of her godmother
Mick: but discovers a terrible secret in the forest
Brian Keene: is it bigfoot

2026-02-17 18:46:07 UTC

1
King: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of
Elon Musk [rising from bushes]: eyyyy stephano king
Musk: dida you know da pure aryan race issa gonna be outbred by da mongrel jews anna saracens?
King:
Barker:
Koontz:
Poe:
Lovecraft:
Lovecraft: let's hear him out

2026-02-11 17:39:31 UTC

1
Lor Gislason: bloop bloop time for goop
Stephen King: actually lor, you're supposed to say 'submitted for the approval of the midnight society'
Mary Shelley: naw let them say their own thing
Shelley: i kinda like it
King: goshdarn it mary
King: you know if we let lor do it, everyone's gonna want to do it
Koontz: i think if you tell a goop story, you should get it say it
King: goshdarnit!

2026-02-09 16:37:42 UTC

1
[circle of love]
Nora Roberts: ok ladies we've got a new storyteller here tonight
Roberts: everyone say hi to Coral hart
Coral Hart: oh that's not my real name
Hart: i have to keep my real name secret because readers hate anything its associated with
Roberts:

2026-02-06 17:42:09 UTC

1
Stephen King: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the dead zone
King: it's about this all-american guy named johnny smith who's always telling corny jokes and just all round being a lovable goofball
King: in fact you might say
King: that he's in
King: the DAD zone

2026-02-03 23:17:43 UTC

1
King: boy those Epstein emails
King: it's really sobering to see how money and power allowed sex predators to operate
Neil Gaiman: hello everyone
Gaiman: i'm back
Barker: oh boy
Barker: oh boy you sure picked a time

2026-01-31 17:46:27 UTC

1
King: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the
Elon Musk: [rising from bushes] heeeeeey stephano king!
Musk: i gotta greata business proposition for you
Musk: how you lika ta maka some real money
Musk: i gotta opening atta grok
Musk: but you gotta be a real epic to get it

2026-01-29 17:18:39 UTC

1
Charles Dickens: ho ho ho it's me, Mr Christmas!
Dickens: time for more Christmas cheer!
Poe: it's january, charles
Dickens:
Dickens:
Dickens:

2026-01-27 17:24:16 UTC

- reply

11
Bitter Karella: now that all those wacky dan bongino jokes have got your attention
Karella: i want to remind you that i, bitter karella, am now on the long list for a stoker award
King:
Barker:
Lovecraft:
Koontz:
Poe:
Karella: it's kind of a big deal

2026-01-27 17:24:02 UTC

- reply

10
King: boy!
King: everything in the world is so heavy right now
King: it would be nice if we could get back to some light hearted japes
Bitter Karella: I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY
Mary Shelley: oh great, this little shit again

2026-01-27 17:23:43 UTC

- reply

9
Bongino: eyyyy its da dan bongino podcast
Bongino: eyyy getcha bacon-flavored dick pills right he'e, i gottem right he'e
Bongino: braised wit da farts straight from da anus of da god king himself
Bongino: dis is way easier dan a real job!
Bongino: i shoulda done this long ago!
Bongino: oh wait i guess i kinda did

2026-01-27 17:23:29 UTC

- reply

8
Dan Bongino: eeeeey its me dan bongino, bada bing bada boom!!!
Bongino: i used ta be da FBI deputy director, new york's finest, back da blue baby!!!
Bongino: but turned out runnin' da FBI was alotta work an i ain't about dat
Bongino: so i quit to dedicate myself to my real passion
Bongino: podcastin', baby!!!!

2026-01-27 17:23:14 UTC

- reply

7
Barker: what the fuck??
Barker: you're telling me those are two different guys!?
King: yeah i had the same reaction
Barker: jesus christ
Barker: next you're gonna tell me they got some guy called bob boobino running the nsa or something

2026-01-27 17:23:01 UTC

- reply

6
Barker: hey there's a bright side to all this
Barker: now that he's been fired, bovino's got plenty of time to have more twitter beefs with steve
King: that wasn't ICE oberkommandant greg bovino
King: that was former FBI deputy director dan bongino
Barker: WHAT
King: yeah, you know, the guy from the song

2026-01-27 17:22:29 UTC

- reply

5
George Romero: it's far from over
Romero: only when the people understand the reality of their power can the regime be defeated
Romero: the people united will never be divided
Shelley: yeah, see, this guy? i like the cut of his jib

2026-01-27 17:22:15 UTC

- reply

4
Shelley: i'm not done
Poe: now?
Shelley: no
Shelley: also [redacted]
Shelley: and [redacted]
Poe:
King:
Barker:
Lovecraft:
Shelley: oh, and [redacted]
Poe: yeah
Poe: yeah that's fair

2026-01-27 17:21:58 UTC

- reply

3
Poe: whoa! Mary!
Poe: you can't
Poe:
Poe: well
King: she's not wrong
Poe: i didn't say she was wrong
Poe: it's just
Poe: there might be mods around
Poe: but yeah she's not wrong

2026-01-27 17:21:44 UTC

- reply

2
Poe: it looks like the regime is letting up
Mary Shelley: how do you figure that
Poe: they demoted greg bovino
Mary Shelley: not good enough
Shelley: i want him [redacted]
Shelley: and also [redacted]
Shelley: [redacted]

2026-01-27 17:21:26 UTC

1
Poe: boy
Poe: boy it's sure been a year, hasn't it?
King: edgar, it's January

2026-01-15 18:08:12 UTC

1
Poe: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of eureka
Poe: this is going to be a little different from my usual stuff
Poe: it's actually a scientific meditation on the nature of the universe
Barker: is this one of those things where you have to be high to get it
Barker: cuz if it is, i want to know now

2026-01-11 19:16:18 UTC

- reply

13
Shelley: how about you nerds read another book
King: mary, that's not fair
Shelley: no, it's easy
Shelley: there's loads of other books
Shelley: i wrote some of them
Shelley: hell, YOU wrote some of them, steve

2026-01-11 19:16:10 UTC

- reply

12
Mary Shelley: sup fuckers?
Poe: joanne was just comparing the iranian protesters to gryffindors
Shelley:
Shelley:
Shelley: yeah sure whatever you say

2026-01-11 19:15:58 UTC

- reply

11
Rowling: keir sstarmer is like the whomping willow
Rowling: venezuela is hagrid
Rowling: Issrael is sseamuss finnegan
Lovecraft: actually i'm starting to get a little confused
Rowling: China is Cho Chang
Lovecraft: ok never mind, i'm back on the trolley!

2026-01-11 19:15:44 UTC

- reply

10
Rowling: if you map global politicss onto harry potter, it all makes ssensse
Rowling: Donald Trump is bassically like Goderick Gryffindor
Rowling: netenyahu is like professsor mcgonnigal
Rowling: maduro is like butterbeer
Rowling: greenland is like hogssmeade

2026-01-11 19:15:29 UTC

- reply

9
Rowling: now in my mental sschema of the geopolitical world
Rowling: it'ss important to remember that the rissing tide of the global far right iss like dumbledore'ss army
Poe:
King:
Barker:
Koontz:
Lovecraft: yeah
Lovecraft: yeah i'm kinda following the logic
Lovecraft: this makes sense!

2026-01-11 19:15:14 UTC

- reply

8
Rowling: look, it's easy
Rowling: when western governmentss do oppressssion, that'sss good
Rowling: when sswarthy foreignerss do oppressssion, that's bad

2026-01-11 19:15:02 UTC

- reply

7
Rowling: no, the americanss are hufflepuffs because, actually, their tyrannical government is good and ought to be obeyed
Rowling: also i heard ssome of them have pronounss

2026-01-11 19:14:49 UTC

- reply

6
Rowling: now meanwhile, in america
Rowling: i would ssay americanss are more like hufflepuffss
George Romero: is it because americans trust in the dead promises of electorialism while eschewing the necessary direct action to cause actual regime change
Rowling: what? no!
Rowling: jesus christ what are you even talking about
Romero: am i the only one around here who reads theory?

2026-01-11 19:14:33 UTC

- reply

5
King: i was just too excited
King: i don't get to talk harry potter much these days
King: no one wants to talk potter with me anymore
Barker: yeah i wonder why

2026-01-11 19:14:19 UTC

- reply

4
Rowling: ssee, it'ss very brave of the Iranian people to ssstand up to their tyrannical government
Rowling: and-
King: BRAVERY IS THE DEFINING TRAIT OF A GRYFFINDOR!!!
King: i'm sorry i tried to hold it in

2026-01-11 19:14:02 UTC

- reply

3
Barker: so joanne
Barker: what exactly does that mean
King: oh! i know what it means!
Barker: i know you know what it means steve, i want to know if she knows what it means

2026-01-11 19:13:45 UTC

- reply

2
Poe: i thought it was gonna be about
Barker: you thought it was gonna be about trans women?
Poe: yeah i really thought it was gonna be about trans women
Poe: this is kind of a pleasant change
Poe: a little odd but pleasant

2026-01-11 19:13:26 UTC

1
JK Rowling: hello children
Poe: oh hi joanne
Poe: do you have something to
Rowling: I have sssomething to sssay
Poe: is it about
Rowling: iran ssseemss to be unusssually full of gryffindorsss
Poe: oh!
Poe: oh i was not expecting that

2026-01-04 19:22:38 UTC

1
[white house]
Trump: so we're bombing venezuela now
Trump: no reason, really, just because
Trump: we just had all these bombs lying around
Trump: and we thought
Trump: why not
JD Vance: masterful gambit, sir

2025-12-30 17:19:15 UTC

1
Damon Knight: holy machine learning process! it seems that people don't AI slop being elligible for the nebula!
Knight: what to do?
Knight: i'll feed the question into the bat computer
Erin Underwood: never fear, erin underwood is here!

2025-12-28 20:04:08 UTC

1
Charles Dickens: holy shit you guys
Dickens: turns out everyone really loved a Christmas carol
Dickens: this whole Christmas ghost story idea is a gold mine!
Dickens: i'm gonna write a new ghost story for EVERY Christmas!
Dickens: and each one is gonna be BIGGER than the last!
Dickens: don't believe me? just watch!

2025-12-19 22:35:31 UTC

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[scottish castle]
JK Rowling: ugh! i'm tired of all thesssse people online making fun of my black mold!
Rowling: that'sss it!
Rowling: today isss the day that i do sssomething about it

2025-12-11 17:38:42 UTC

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King: you know we haven't seen JK Rowling in a while
King: is she still tweeting?
Barker: ha ha ha oh steve
Barker: ha ha ha ha ha
Barker: ha ha ha ha ha ha
King: what's so funny?
Barker: ha ha ha!
King: c'mon i want to know the joke

2025-12-09 18:44:50 UTC

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Graham Joyce: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of some kind of fairy tale
Joyce: it's about a girl who gets kidnapped by fairies
Joyce: and i know what you're thinking
Joyce: but my fairies are different

2025-12-03 17:05:23 UTC

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Colleen Hoover: anyway i have a fun, sassy little romance for you that i think you'll all love
Hoover: it's totally normal and NOT fucked up in any way
Poe: ok this is really not assuaging me
King: let it go, edgar
Barker: yeah i'm getting real excited for this one
Barker: too fucked up for the romance writers campfire?
Barker: yeah this is gonna be a doozy

2025-12-02 18:46:22 UTC

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Colleen Hoover: well golly
Hoover: i don't know why everyone's so scared of lil' ol' me
Hoover: i'm just a girl, after all
Hoover: just a harmless girl

2025-11-12 21:20:15 UTC

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King: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the
Elon Musk [rising out of bushes]: eyyyy stephano king Musk: itsa me, elon!
Barker: hey it's your pal
King: he's not my pal!!
Barker: look everyone it's steve's pal
Poe: that's enough clive
Poe: you're going too far

2025-11-06 18:51:45 UTC

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Stephen King: hey guys guess what?
King: the blue wave is back!🌊🌊🌊
King: it's curtains for DRUMP!
King: end of the line for mango mussolini!
King: no more orange julius caesar!
King: i haven't been so excited since we finally defeated bu$hitler back in '09!

2025-11-06 04:14:31 UTC

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Clive Barker: hey steve where's your friend elon
Stephen King: he's not my friend
Barker: yeah sure so where is he?
Barker: haven't seen him allllll day
Barker: wonder what's up with that
Barker: sure hope he's not having a bad time
Barker: ha ha ha ha

2025-11-02 18:29:57 UTC

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Vivian Moira Valentine: [descending into frame on a black parasol] hello lovelies of the night!
Valentine: I've got a fun flirty little tale for you, as sweet and spooky as a dark chocolate truffle
King: wow! i don't know what this is, but i'm sold!

2025-10-30 17:51:14 UTC

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[at unicorn fuck club]
Elon Musk: [rising from bushes] eyyyy it'sa me, elon!
JRR Tolkien: elon musk?!
Tolkien: my word! I don't think we've ever had you at OUR campfire before!
Tolkien: you're usually over there with that
Tolkien: [grumbling] midnight society

2025-10-26 15:59:57 UTC

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Hailey Piper: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the game in yellow
Piper: what if there was a book that, if you read it, it made you go insane
Piper: but also it made you super horny
Piper: would you take that chance?
Barker: i don't know why you're even asking lol

2025-10-23 16:12:00 UTC

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Charlie Jane Anders: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the lessons in magic and disaster
Anders: sometimes having a relationship with your parents is difficult
Joe Hill: don't i know it!
Stephen King: what's that, joe?
Hill: nothing

2025-10-21 17:12:56 UTC

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Sir Kenneth Branagh: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of Sir Kenneth Branagh's Mary Shelley's Frankenstein
Branagh: it's the Frankenstein film most to the vision of its original creator
Branagh: me, sir Kenneth branagh

2025-10-20 17:13:04 UTC

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Dean Koontz: you know what you guys?
King: now dean you know you've got to say the words
Poe: oh it's dean, steve
Poe: let him have this
King: saying the words is part of the fun, edgar
King: besides he's got to learn sometime

2025-10-14 17:54:16 UTC

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Jennifer McMahon: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the girl who gets kidnapped by fairies
Arthur Conan Doyle: ah yes yes yes
Doyle: as the resident expert on fairies and fairy behavior
Doyle: i can say that's pretty standard fairy behavior

2025-10-09 17:21:47 UTC

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M. Lopes da Silva: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of what if elon musk got [censored]
Aubrey Wood: ah yes what if melon husk got unalived, hypothetically, in Minecraft
Wood: lol just kidding!
wood: …. unless?

2025-09-12 16:38:32 UTC

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HP Lovecraft: before we begin tonight, i'd like to observe a moment of silence for the victim of gun violence
Barker: you mean victims?
Lovecraft:
Lovecraft: no
Lovecraft: just the one
Koontz: which one?
Lovecraft: oh you know the one i mean
Barker: oh yeah we know the one i mean

2025-09-05 22:08:02 UTC

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[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i want you all to give a warm welcome to graham linehan
Rowling: i've decided that it's high time we welcome him back into the mainssstream of the gender critical movement
Rowling: he'sss definitely very normal and not unhinged

2025-09-03 17:43:52 UTC

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[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: tonight i want to talk about the ssscourge of ssslightly taller than average department sstore clerksss
Rowling: when will we be free of thiss long national nightmare?
Kathleen Stock: a just question, my liege!

2025-09-02 18:25:56 UTC

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Tabitha King: did listening to lou bega’s mambo no 5 incessantly on loop for hours help inspire you to write?
Stephen King: it did!
Stephen King: but why wound readers’ brain with words?!
Stephen King: when I can set their souls on fire with a slanderous mambo?!?