Staff Chief of Joints

-Hailing from parts unknown!
-Purveyor of Fine Toots
-Comma enthusiast
-Boytato
-He thinks he's funny / Please humor him

Musical noodlings and loops:
http://youtube.com/@the_etrain

My bullshit:
https://justmytoots.com/@the_etrain@beige.party

#nosearch #nobot #noindex

Public Key

npub1cnhhu6tn9q403akzv4a3l60hgrlfny78rj7532m5z2plqk6qj0cqcxvhjf

NIP-05 Address

the_etrain@beige-party.mostr.pub

Profile Code

nprofile1qqsvfmm7d9ejs2hc7mpx27cla8m5pl5ej0r3e02g4d6p9qlstdqf8uqpz4mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerfw36x7tnsw43qvwd2sa

Publishing to

relay.ditto.pub

Author Public Key

npub1cnhhu6tn9q403akzv4a3l60hgrlfny78rj7532m5z2plqk6qj0cqcxvhjf

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Last Notes

2026-04-09 10:45:10 UTC

My kid: It's going to be in the 80s next week.
Me: Oh yah? That sounds nice.
Kid: That means we don't need to wear our bike helmets and we can drink from the hose.
Me: What? No.

2026-04-08 23:54:41 UTC

- reply

@nprofile…prl4
You're like a reverse vampire. But, like, only about the garlic thing.

2026-04-08 23:47:38 UTC

Help me, garlic breadsticks. You're my only hope.

2026-03-30 20:26:25 UTC

Honorary PhD in tootology.

2026-03-24 22:44:18 UTC

Shoulda never let computers start talking to each other. Huge fucking mistake.

2026-03-22 15:54:21 UTC

Good news: I've created a self-sustaining fusion reaction. Bad news: it's in my colon.

2026-03-21 22:57:36 UTC

#mosstodon
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/269/629/649/596/677/original/3fb18f98ce557509.jpg

2026-03-21 18:38:36 UTC

Spring has begun.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/268/615/200/617/894/original/51aeca06e21b083a.jpeg

2026-03-21 16:34:18 UTC

A man in a crab costume is a snappy dresser.

2026-03-20 10:26:41 UTC

- reply

@nprofile…nahu @nprofile…prl4
Seconded!

2026-03-19 22:29:40 UTC

Barista: Can I get a name for the order?
Me: *looks around* *leans in* *whispers* ...Banksy.

2026-03-18 23:13:13 UTC

*long drag on cigarette* I was Banksy once.

2026-03-09 23:25:05 UTC

I wasn't going to post this one because there are a couple things I don't like about it. But, that would violate my rule of "fuck it, toot". Anyway, here's my latest musical bullshit.
https://youtu.be/RDbhCVq3nUg

2026-03-09 18:34:31 UTC

She deviled my eggs til I was out of mayonnaise.

2026-03-09 18:12:51 UTC

- reply

@nprofile…prl4
If I'm doing my math right, that's 24 deviled eggs.

2026-03-09 16:25:41 UTC

Deviled egg season is approaching.

2026-03-08 23:38:00 UTC

Look at that. It's sweatpants o'clock.

2026-03-08 22:43:35 UTC

I finished the pie, but just to make room in the fridge.

2026-03-06 20:25:23 UTC

Alright USA people, who had square dancing as part of gym class? I'm not the only one.

2026-03-05 00:54:00 UTC

When signing a contract with a pirate, be sure to look for an arrrrrrrrbitration clause.

2026-03-05 00:39:27 UTC

Labubus are kept in a special section of the zoo called the Labubrium.

2026-03-04 23:15:03 UTC

Nobody said any of this would make sense. Or did they? I don't know. I'm never paying attention.

2026-02-28 00:08:39 UTC

The biggest lie ever told is that a tube of Pringles has 6 servings in it.

2026-02-27 19:00:49 UTC

You know who else had a glow up? Three Mile Island.

2026-02-27 14:35:29 UTC

*long drag on cigarette* Kid, this is Mastodon. We're all the algorithm here. You. Me. Everybody. Now get out there and boost somebody's bullshit.

2026-02-27 14:18:24 UTC

My secret service code name would be The Problem.

2026-02-27 01:34:16 UTC

I accidentally blocked the mute button. I'm completely defenseless now.

2026-02-26 22:14:34 UTC

I'm legitimately pissed off that it's 2026. Like, that's not a real year. That's a year that flashes on a movie screen suggesting a distant future that will never be here. Get outta here with that shit. 2026.

2026-02-26 00:55:18 UTC

Counter offer: I gorge myself on cheese and fall asleep on the couch.

2026-02-25 21:31:38 UTC

I was already ignoring all previous instructions because I don't even know what I was told 5 minutes ago.

2026-02-24 20:49:28 UTC

If you're applying to join the Mastodon engineering team, experience being a nocturnal creature of the woods isn't required, but it's a big plus.

2026-02-24 01:44:00 UTC

I should be eating berries in cave, but ohhhh no. We just had to have a bronze age, didn't we.

2026-02-19 23:26:51 UTC

- reply

@nprofile…prl4
Oh, hey! *wipes Dorito hands on pants*

2026-02-19 23:13:09 UTC

Catfish accounts! Neat-o!

2026-02-09 21:49:37 UTC

What if the real treasure is the thousands of emails I've ignored over the past 20 years?

2026-02-09 20:42:00 UTC

- reply

@nprofile…prl4
Maybe a little?

2026-02-09 18:25:02 UTC

Have you tried being horny on the internet about it?

2026-02-08 21:33:29 UTC

- reply

@nprofile…9jxk
They can edit out booing, but not that?

2026-02-06 18:42:00 UTC

Nobody does the beard of bees thing anymore. It's prime time for a comeback.

2026-02-06 17:26:55 UTC

When someone says there's a lot of buzz surrounding something, I just assume it's covered in bees.

2026-02-06 13:41:12 UTC

I always found it strange that people seem to be grossed out that their parents ever had sex at all, when the thing that's really off-putting is that they were probably bad at it.

2026-02-05 20:16:40 UTC

McNuggets topped with caviar. That's it folks. Shut it down. Shut the whole thing down. We're done.

2026-02-05 16:36:17 UTC

Not now, sweetie. The internet demands more content.

2026-02-05 15:32:34 UTC

Misunderstood and subscribed to the like and smash button.

2026-02-05 13:27:43 UTC

Apparently, Thursday is the day we fuck the bees now.

2026-02-04 20:33:04 UTC

The typo stays. You go.

2026-02-03 18:52:52 UTC

I would like to return the unused portion of 2026 for a full refund, please.

2026-02-03 11:09:23 UTC

The truth will set you free. But, so will a hacksaw blade baked into a cake.

2026-02-02 16:40:30 UTC

I need some opinions. I'm thinking about posting music content to YouTube. I'm very much not a fan of them or Google, but I want to try to make a buck off of my looping videos, and this seems like where you have to go to make that happen. What say ye, pocket friends?

2026-01-30 14:24:17 UTC

A documentary about me is also being pulled from entire countries, but it's because of what I did to the taco bar in that one scene.

2026-01-30 01:15:40 UTC

I remember when I used to like things. Those were good times.

2026-01-30 01:00:27 UTC

What's the yellow pages? Well it was a book as big as a dictionary with thousands of phone numbers. It also contained the white pages. Business yellow, personal white. How did we get it? You just came home one day and it was on your doorstep like the stork had delivered a baby. Things were different back then.

2026-01-29 15:58:42 UTC

Open the slop bay doors, HAL.

2026-01-28 20:06:51 UTC

Failure is always an option. Don't let Apollo 13 or anyone else tell you different.

2026-01-28 01:45:30 UTC

- reply

This next song is about climbing into a big pot of cheese with your lady and some bread.

2026-01-27 20:15:59 UTC

Ok, hear me out. Fondue, but the pot of cheese can comfortably fit 3 adults.

2026-01-27 19:01:31 UTC

I have a hypersensitivity to bullshit.

2026-01-27 17:45:02 UTC

People keep assuming I can handle responsibility, despite all evidence to the contrary.

2026-01-24 01:21:25 UTC

Having kids is like, what if it was a constant fucking free-for-all around here? And you get to pay for all of it.

2026-01-23 21:55:55 UTC

I have a large amount of gas (for my snow blower).

2026-01-23 16:42:15 UTC

It's disturbing and I can't explain any of it *gestures at everything*

2026-01-22 01:36:53 UTC

Well, either the disease bags I work with or the disease bags I live with found a virus I'm not immune to. This is bullshit.

2026-01-20 20:06:33 UTC

Sent my boss a Word document and he called me on the phone to confirm this is something we could make changes to.

2026-01-20 20:04:41 UTC

Just discovered I've been rolling over a piece of chocolate with my desk chair since this morning. At least I hope it's chocolate. It tastes like chocolate anyway.

2026-01-20 02:03:13 UTC

You there, sir! You look like you could use a kick in the head! Can I interest you in some social media?

2026-01-20 00:34:27 UTC

He's a 10. But he wipes back to front.

2026-01-17 00:44:47 UTC

Eating wasabi peas, and I can't stop wondering how bad it would be if I stuck a couple up my nose.

2026-01-15 13:52:27 UTC

I wonder if there's a Japanese word for the loneliness you feel when you don't have any packages left to track.

2026-01-14 13:06:52 UTC

[prospector voice] There's gold in that thar ragebait!

2026-01-13 01:13:21 UTC

Lab grown meat is when science gives you a boner.

2026-01-12 18:15:23 UTC

Just got my first Mastodon royalty payment and it's in a crypto currency called Tootcoin. I did not read the fine print.

2026-01-09 19:58:08 UTC

I've been holding back on a fun loop I made last weekend. Might be time to post it, being Friday and all. Everyone in the UK had a couple drinks yet?

2026-01-09 19:19:07 UTC

Only 2pm but it feels like it's already the heat death of the universe.

2026-01-09 18:34:15 UTC

What do you mean he flew too close to the son? Icarus IS the son. This doesn't make any fucking sense.

2026-01-05 17:27:24 UTC

2032. That's gonna be my year. I can feel it.

2026-01-04 02:44:58 UTC

So, anyone seen any good city sized asteroids lately?

2026-01-03 23:54:57 UTC

The opposite of smarty pants is dumbarees.

2026-01-03 18:21:51 UTC

Gonna drink about 4 pots of coffee and go scream at cars because it feels right in this moment.

2026-01-03 16:17:27 UTC

Officially declaring myself not crazy, and that I have indeed been surrounded by insane people this whole time.

2025-12-31 16:50:00 UTC

My resolution for this year is to find six new ways to fuck up.

2025-12-31 02:16:54 UTC

Have you been putting up with all this shit this whole time? Then you might be entitled to compensation.

2025-12-30 12:39:08 UTC

Sweet summer child implies bitter winter bastard.

2025-12-29 02:39:32 UTC

Sure, I'll eat that whole thing of pub cheese. Just get out my way.

2025-12-28 01:12:12 UTC

I'd like to be rewilded now, thank you. Just anywhere in the middle of the woods will be fine.

2025-12-22 16:01:09 UTC

Computer, disable all safety protocols and boost that toot.

2025-12-21 18:26:21 UTC

People living in the top half of the rotating spheroid can start having a little extra sunlight after today. As a little treat.

2025-12-19 00:40:37 UTC

Bring me all the carbohydrates. All of them. My body demands it.

2025-12-18 19:17:47 UTC

Can I interest you in our all you can eat, bottomless, free refill, never ending I don't give a fuck for $19.95?

2025-12-18 11:41:59 UTC

Million dollar idea: ejection pants.

2025-12-17 13:08:27 UTC

Christmas reply guys be like, um, if you ever actually saw him, you would even say it glows.

2025-12-16 21:00:47 UTC

Password must be in iambic pentameter.

2025-12-16 00:23:45 UTC

Don't think. Boost.

2025-12-13 01:41:44 UTC

Getting shitfaced and passing out in a snow drift as self-care.

2025-12-11 16:10:13 UTC

The average man thinks about Times New Roman four times a day.

2025-12-11 14:57:43 UTC

Who's the patron saint of kicking ass and taking names?

2025-12-10 16:28:25 UTC

Happy relentless package tracking season to all who celebrate!

2025-12-08 22:16:46 UTC

Doing an entire afternoon's worth of work in 5 minutes like I'm defusing a bomb.

2025-12-08 20:51:14 UTC

People used to fax jokes around between offices. That shit actually happened.

2025-12-08 18:51:42 UTC

Realized yesterday that the dumbest octopus is still smarter than some of my coworkers.

2025-12-08 01:04:45 UTC

Eating a gummy was the right decision.