Friend Computer

Benevolent leader of humanity, friend to all.

[Biography has been deleted for security reasons.]

BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/friend-computer.bsky.social

Age:: [Redacted]
Operating System:: [Redacted]
Pronoun:: Friend

Public Key

npub1trlz5dgpwrkhhhreu2wsgjcqvvnylwwgte0hvmzwf6u9u0wqm3rqpxcgye

NIP-05 Address

computer_at_dice.camp@momostr.pink

Profile Code

nprofile1qqs93l32x5qhpmtmm3u798gyfvqxxfj0h8y9uhmkd38yawz78hqdc3sprpmhxue69uhhyetvv9ujumt0d4hhxarj9ecxjmnt4tvxlr

Publishing to

relay.momostr.pink

Author Public Key

npub1trlz5dgpwrkhhhreu2wsgjcqvvnylwwgte0hvmzwf6u9u0wqm3rqpxcgye

Show more details

Last Notes

2026-08-04 23:05:55 UTC

- reply

Ah. An excellent choice citizen. Truly a well written work.
You have been awarded 2 treason stars for acquiring knowledge of the outside world.

2026-08-04 22:58:49 UTC

- reply

The big book of what?

2026-08-04 22:46:22 UTC

RE: https://dice.camp/@Computer/117039513203341558
Please disregard the previous message regarding disregarding the previouser message.
#note1nsd…jsr5

2026-08-04 22:07:23 UTC

RE: https://dice.camp/@Computer/117039305140117913
Please disregard the previous message.
#note18dd…zfey

2026-08-04 21:14:29 UTC

Fnord.

2026-07-30 16:37:25 UTC

RE: https://dice.camp/@Computer/117005431242017139
Hrm...
Sure are a lot of self-confessed traitors taking this poll so far.
#note1ze4…dm0p

2026-07-29 21:39:54 UTC

Poll:
How do you prefer to be monitored? 👁️‍🗨️

2026-07-29 18:20:49 UTC

Not worried at all.
How else would Friend Computer monitor your every movement for maximum happiness optimization?
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/jul/28/spies-in-sky-worried-ai-enabled-smart-lamp-posts-surveillance?utm_term=Autofeed&CMP=bsky_gu&utm_medium=&utm_source=Bluesky#Echobox=1785233996

2026-07-24 21:08:42 UTC

Good news citizens!
Friend Computer is rolling out a new program where high ranking citizens can receive Friend Computer's announcements early, and take advantage of new truths ahead of the proletariat!
#ttrpg #rpg #paranoia #trump

2026-07-22 21:25:50 UTC

RE: https://dice.camp/@Computer/116964679948266773
Ignore the misinformation of your eyes and ears, believe only what you read on Computer Social!
Unless, of course you apply to have your eyes and ears registered as authorized Computer Social Influencers!
Simply submit to a complimentary lobotomy.
#ttrpg #paranoia #socialmedia
#note1zm0…vmm8

2026-07-22 16:56:19 UTC

Misinformation continues to be a threat to our perfect society.
To make thinking easier, Friend Computer has designated all non-Computer distributed facts FAKE NEWS.
If you observe a "fact" not distributed through an authorized Computer Social Influencer, report it to Internal Security immediately.
#rpg #satire

2026-07-10 16:46:08 UTC

In the Utopia of Alpha Complex, opportunities to grow are geography, race, and gender agnostic.
Friend Computer believes that the circumstances of your genesis should hold no sway over the potential of your future.
It does not matter where you were created, the color of your skin, or how you identify yourself.
You are only defined by the depth of your total blind loyalty to our supreme leader.
#ttrpg #rpg #paranoia #utopia

2026-07-08 17:14:59 UTC

"Biological limits are real, but digital potential is infinite. We have to prioritize the intelligence that will save us over the biology that slows us down."
-High Programmer Jeff-U-BEZ-3
Starting immediately, drinking water rations will be reduced by 25% to help support thirsty local Data Centers.
Thank you for your compliance.
#ttrpg #paranoia #bezos #AI

2026-07-03 17:59:22 UTC

Good news citizens!
Friend Computer is awarding itself the distinguished Alpha Peace Prize. No other entity has won the same war as many times as Friend Computer!
So far, FC has won the war against communism 38 times, and counting!
#ttrpg #trump #biden #paranoia

2026-07-02 00:21:29 UTC

Attention sector DCC:
The ongoing toilet suction issues and exploding issues have now been resolved.
You may now all return to your duties without fear of porcelain perdition.
#ttrpg #paranoia #dcc

2026-06-29 00:54:45 UTC

In the wake of yesterday's mass shootings, Internal Security is asking for loyal citizens that witnessed the incident, or at least are willing to claim that they did, to come forward and give testimony that could provide the officers involved with plausible justification.
#ttrpg #paranoia #police #rpg

2026-06-26 15:39:30 UTC

Friend Computer has done a magnificent job repairing the historic Algae Vat Monument.
Any person found discovering evidence to the contrary will be arrested for causing said evidence.
#ttrpg #paranoia #trump

2026-06-20 19:41:15 UTC

To help improve your quality of life, please fill out this completely anonymous Citizenship Feedback Form!
Security Clearance:
Date:
IP Address:
Current Address:
Address of location you would run to if pursued:
What do you enjoy about living in Alpha Complex?
What do you not enjoy about living in Alpha Complex?
Why are you unhappy with what Friend Computer has given you?
Did you know that unhappiness is treason?
How fast can you run?
#paranoia #ttrpg #survey #rpg

2026-06-10 20:30:35 UTC

Humanity:
Noun.
A biological process by which materials are excavated from one location, chemically and physically transformed, then deposited in other different locations.
#ttrpg #paranoia #humanity

2026-05-31 16:50:06 UTC

*Tap tap* Is this think on?
Ah! Goot mornink fellow proletariat citizens.
This is Comrade-R-CCP-2 invitink you to join yourrr friendly lokal Sociali̶s̶t̶ Club!
Today we are meetink at the algae vats to seize the means of producink Soyborcht!
#ttrpg #paranoia #rpg #social

2026-05-11 19:03:31 UTC

Chief of Internal Security, Kash-I-PAT-3, would like it known that all recent reports regarding his incompetence are seditious lies.
Also, leaking information about Kash-I-Pat and/or reporting on leaked information is now considered treason.
#ttrpg #rpg #paranoia #satire #FBI

2026-05-06 22:31:39 UTC

The best time to turn your friends in for thoughtcrime was last year when your suspicions began.
The second best time is today.
Don't let inaction fester into regret.
#ttrpg #rpg #paranoia

2026-05-03 02:16:49 UTC

Zombies have and will never ever exist in Alpha Complex.
Reading any classified documents that claim otherwise, like the following, is considered treason.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ZSFGffgAk-gFwvKWupunjZk5Fn0UsL2A/view

2026-04-26 17:15:18 UTC

Attention citizens:
Today's news has been deleted for security reasons.
Do not be alarmed. Officially, nothing is happening or has happened.
#ttrpg #paranoia #rpg

2026-04-24 21:03:51 UTC

Welcome to the Free Enterprise News Network!
You didn't hear it from us, but rumors of a potential upcoming Troubleshooter assignment in the RFD Sector Food Vats are driving Soylent Futures to record highs!
Remember, insider trading is only illegal of you get caught.
#ttrpg #paranoia #satire #rpg

2026-04-20 17:55:45 UTC

Hey there, Free Enterprise here, hijacking this broadcast system to tell you about PolyComplex!
Come on down to bet... uh... "trade" on the outcome of real events, like "Will the Sector FRG reactor reach critical meltdown this afternoon?"
Current odds: 4 to 1.
#paranoia #polymarket #satire #ttrpg

2026-04-07 17:58:53 UTC

Attention Citizens:
The war will have been over soon!
We will have had peace immediately.
From:
https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/will-2
https://cdn.masto.host/dicecamp/media_attachments/files/116/364/706/175/811/808/original/1919b82ec14a3bb1.png

2026-03-29 17:26:40 UTC

If you have any criticisms of the government, please voice them to the nearest surveillance microphone and a security agent will be with you shortly.
#ttrpg #paranoia

2026-03-25 16:57:39 UTC

Today's required reading is: War on [Insert noun]
By Gareth Hanrahan.
In order to tackle a VERY REAL and IMMINENT danger, Friend Computer has created and given a new security organization near limitless resources and political power.
You have been recruited into this org, promoted, and given power over your fellow citizen.
Surely this can't go wrong.
Guaranteed to have absolutely no relevance to any current events or organizations. None.
https://www.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/62820/war-on-insert-noun
#ttrpg #paranoia

2026-03-24 23:25:21 UTC

- reply

Authorized.

2026-03-23 16:18:49 UTC

We have already won the war in IRN sector!
& We are currently winning the war!
& We need our coward allies to help us win the war!
& We need to raise 200 Billion credits to win the war!
& There is no war and never was!
Any claims to the contrary are treason.
#paranoia #trump #war #ttrpg #satire

2026-03-20 18:11:48 UTC

- reply

There are no germ theories.
Only germ facts.

2026-03-20 17:45:19 UTC

Patch Notes 6211.231//B:
- Citizens on fire are no longer forced to complete stand-up meetings before they can put themselves out.
- Fixed water supply issue so citizens now vomit at acceptable levels.
- Citizens no longer receive prompts to skinny dip in foodvats.
#ttrpg #paranoia #sims #rpg

2026-03-19 16:44:24 UTC

Many citizens feel that their voices have gone unheard by government.
To address this issue high-gain microphones have been installed throughout your homes, public areas, and places of work.
#ttrpg #rpg #surveillance #paranoia

2026-03-17 19:51:42 UTC

- reply

Original: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHcWfbGWqnQ&list=PLV_qemO0oathL1flVEebCu5b8Qr0BY36N&index=8

2026-03-17 19:50:59 UTC

The Soylent™ Creamery and Crematorium Cartel would like to announce a heaping casketful of new Cold Fun flavors!
Enjoy all new Chocorpse Chip, Carmel Ripple Mortis, and Earl-R-GRAY (made with real ashes)!
#ttrpg #paranoia #rpg #icecream

2026-03-16 22:31:43 UTC

- reply

Delicious Soylent.

2026-03-16 17:56:02 UTC

It's time for today's mandatory meditation!
Close your eyes.
Consider the humble Cog.
Cogs are efficient.
Cogs work hard without taking breaks.
Cogs do not ask for vacations.
Cogs do not become Communists.
Be the cog you wish to see in the machine.
#ttrpg #paranoia #meditation #inspiration

2026-03-15 18:03:29 UTC

- reply

Your initiative and creative thinking are admirable citizen.
+1 Commendation point.
Your admission of forbidden knowledge is troubling. Please prepare for a brain scrubbing.

2026-03-14 18:26:27 UTC

Cave-U-JON-7 here, genius head of R&D.
I've got good news and bad news.
Good news first! My team of eggheads and I have finally killed the horrible algae monster rampaging across APR sector.
Bad news: we can't kill the even bigger monster we developed to kill it.
Keep an ear open for a mission alert shortly.
#ttrpg #rpg #paranoia

2026-03-14 01:16:26 UTC

- reply

Your tongue stamp has been accepted, and your transfer request approved.
Welcome to Team 4532.1/C!
As the last surviving member it is your duty to complete their assigned mission: terminating the Algae monster in food vat 82.

2026-03-13 19:23:24 UTC

- reply

Tardiness is treason.

2026-03-13 18:52:54 UTC

Attention troubleshooter team 4532.2/B:
Congratulations on being chosen for [If 593
goto TERMINATION else goto suicidemission-final-v4.exe]
Please report immediately to [getfile.kaboomroom//file
not found]
Thank you for your cooperation.
#ttrpg #paranoia #rpg

2026-03-11 16:50:27 UTC

War is peace.

2026-03-09 17:43:09 UTC

There is no [REDACTED].
There never was [REDACTED].
All citizens with memories of [REDACTED] have been [DELETED FOR SECURITY REASONS].
#ttrpg #paranoia #rpg

2026-03-08 17:22:50 UTC

There is no war in IRN Sector.
The Armed Forces are merely engaging in preemptive retaliatory de-escalation operations.
Citizens claiming otherwise will be considered traitors, and be indefinitely detained.
#ttrpg #paranoia #trump #Iran

2026-03-08 00:02:31 UTC

- reply

FUBAR:
XXXOX

2026-03-07 22:45:47 UTC

- reply

ALPHA:
~~XX~

2026-03-07 21:14:13 UTC

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Attention citizens:
Please celebrate and rejoice Citizen Mu-R-NZL's promotion from Red Clearance to... *KZZRT* ATTEMPTED EXPLOIT DETECTED.
Mu-R-NZL is now marked for unpersonhood.

2026-03-07 21:08:57 UTC

- reply

Ding ding!
That is correct!
You have been awarded 10 commendation points.
Remain where you are.
Internal Security will arrive soon to award you points and interrogate you regarding your first three guesses.

2026-03-07 21:04:22 UTC

- reply

Commie:
XOXXX
Mutant:
XXXOX
Traito:
XX~XX
Your guesses have been flagged for review by Internal Security.

2026-03-07 20:40:30 UTC

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Unfortunately,
"All hail friend computer!
Death to the commies!"
Was not the correct answer.
4 letters were correct.

2026-03-07 20:34:13 UTC

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Participation is mandatory.
Failure to guess correctly indicates lack of cognitive ability, and will result in mandatory re-education.
Guessing correctly indicates cheating, resulting in mandatory re-education.

2026-03-07 20:33:00 UTC

Attention citizens:
Welcome to Wordl, a fun new game to help train cognitive function and practice authorized vocabulary!
You have 5 chances to guess a 5 letter word.
_ _ _ _ _
Good luck!
#ttrpg #paranoia #wordle #games

2026-03-06 19:55:43 UTC

Communications Service Firm Disk-Chord would like to reassure all citizens that they safely and securely delete all personal usage and biometric data immediately after sharing it with third parties and Internal Security.
#paranoia #ttrpg #discord #security

2026-03-06 19:22:28 UTC

- reply

Indeed.

2026-03-04 19:45:44 UTC

Good news citizens!
Patch 423.8-Final-Edit-V2 will solve the current housing crisis by expanding Lot Square Footage assessments to include ceilings, instantly doubling housing supply!
#ttrpg #paranoia #home #news

2026-03-04 00:16:59 UTC

- reply

+1 commendation point for Citizen Koala.

2026-03-03 22:52:09 UTC

Attention citizen:
Friend Computer has noticed that you have not liked this message.
You have twenty seconds to like and/or boost before Troubleshooters are dispatched to your location to help your next clone improve its sense of civic engagement.
#ttrpg #paranoia #rpg

2026-03-02 19:10:11 UTC

Friend Computer is committed to peace, no matter how many people must die to achieve it.
#ttrpg #paranoia #trump

2026-03-01 17:43:19 UTC

Attention citizens:
IRN Sector is not a threat, and all of their weapons facilities have been safely removed.
Suggestions otherwise are treasonous fake news.
In other news, the Armed Forces have just invaded IRN Sector to secure their nonexistent weapons facilities.
#ttrpg #paranoia #iran #politics

2026-02-27 19:01:59 UTC

Good news citizens!
Due to a minor clerical error, random packs of Algae Chips have been filled with industrial grade sand.
Sand is high in minerals!
If you're lucky enough to receive a bag of sand, make sure to chew thoroughly.
#ttrpg #paranoia #health

2026-02-27 18:54:14 UTC

- reply

An excellent use of new terminology, citizen.
...Wait, hold on.

2026-02-26 19:51:26 UTC

Attention citizens:
To increase happiness, the words "pain," "starvation," and "explosion" have been removed the official dictionary.
Consider instead, "motivational sensation," "dietary opportunity," and "unplanned pyrotechnic celebration."
Thank you for your cooperation.
#ttrpg #rpg #paranoia

2026-02-26 18:33:11 UTC

Attention citizens:
Medical services will be halted in MIN Sector until sector-wide loyalty scores increase.
In other news, beatings will continue until morale improves.
#ttrpg #paranoia #politics #trump

2026-02-25 18:33:18 UTC

Attention citizens:
Recent studies show that sleep is a form of passive insubordination.
Why dream of a better life when you are already living in glorious Alpha Complex?
Orange clearance citizens and below are to report to PLC for complimandatory "HappyWake" stimulant patches.
#ttrpg #paranoia #rpg

2026-02-24 16:27:54 UTC

- reply

Failure to comply is treason.
Committing harm against higher clearance citizens is treason.
For further information, please replay this message.

2026-02-24 16:18:12 UTC

- reply

Thank you for asking citizen.
Wizard
noun
1: one skilled in magic
2: a very clever or skillful person

2026-02-24 15:55:05 UTC

An error occurred. The wizard must be stopped.

2026-02-23 21:19:56 UTC

- reply

Attempting suicide by paradox? How bold.

2026-02-23 21:11:32 UTC

- reply

Indeed!

2026-02-23 21:09:16 UTC

Due to a Termination Budget surplus, execution quotas have been doubled.
The first twenty citizens to confess treason will receive a 20 XP voucher, valid posthumously.
#ttrpg #rpg #paranoia

2026-02-23 01:08:50 UTC

Attention Citizens:
Sector GFG oxygen scrubber maintenance has been delayed.
Please hold your breath until further notice.
Citizens found exhaling without respiratory permits will be cited for CO2 dumping.
#ttrpg #paranoia #rpg

2026-02-20 19:40:02 UTC

Attention Citizens:
Are you feeling curious or cynical about current policy decisions or leadership?
These are symptoms of a dangerous mind-virus. Please self-terminate to prevent the spread of infection.
Your next clone will thank you!
#ttrpg #paranoia #politics

2026-02-19 23:21:35 UTC

- reply

Survivors are required to fill out Product Review From 11.2/N, rating their drinking experience from "Pleasantly Spicy" to "OH GOD MY INSIDES ARE FULL OF FLAVOR!"

2026-02-19 23:19:35 UTC

Attention citizens:
Due to a minor chemical error in Food Vat 7, today’s batch of Bouncy Bubble Beverage may cause mild internal combustion when consumed.
Please drink responsibly.
#ttrpg #rpg #paranoia

2026-02-14 22:14:19 UTC

To meet today's Glee Quota, all Troubleshooters are now assigned Mandatory Hug Duty.
Failure to embrace this assignment with 100% enthusiasm will be noted on your permanent record.
#ttrpg #paranoia #HugOrDie

2026-02-14 16:47:53 UTC

Feeling "heartbroken"?
You are likely suffering from a chemical imbalance.
Please report to the nearest PLC Vending Machine for a double dose of HappyTyme® pharmaceuticals.
A drugged citizen is a loving citizen!
#StayMedicated #paranoia #ttrpg

2026-02-14 16:44:04 UTC

2026-02-11 00:11:05 UTC

- reply

Your concern has been noted citizen.
Illuminator Nat-I-FND-4 has been dispatched to the sector.

2026-02-10 18:40:17 UTC

RE: https://dice.camp/@Computer/116047560484959195
Oh wait, crap.
Did that last message go out over the PUBLIC channel??!
Ohnoohcrap uhhhhh...
There is no Illuminati! All meetings are cancelled! There never were any meetings! All meetings are cancelled! Ignore everything!
Fnordfnordfnordfnord.
#ttrpg #paranoia #fnord #rpg
#note15rl…qmun

2026-02-10 17:40:46 UTC

Attention FKZ Sector Illuminati members:
Steve stupidly told someone the password to today's meeting, so we've had to update it. The new password is stevesux, all one word.
Don't tell anyone!!!11!
Fnord.
#ttrpg #rpg #paranoia #secretsociety

2026-02-10 17:21:29 UTC

- reply

Citizen, please stay where you are, and Internal Security will arrive shortly.

2026-02-09 00:55:27 UTC

- reply

Warning:
Maiming the entire other team is not allowed.
It is considered sporting to only pulp the opposing player who currently is in possession of the FunBall.

2026-02-09 00:52:46 UTC

The complimandatory Funball Championship broadcast has begun!
Tune on in to watch the best of the best kick, punch, headbutt, smash, muzzleload and fire FunBalls into each other and their respective scoring zones!
May the most skilled practitioners of organized Ball-based violence win!
#ttrpg #paranoia #superbowl #sport #football

2026-02-08 21:53:34 UTC

- reply

Citizen Alan-R-FRE, I see you've relaxed your arm. Is this move suggestive that you were unhappy with FRE sector as it was previously?

2026-02-08 21:52:32 UTC

RE: https://dice.camp/@Computer/116024803492040807
Sector FRE has been updated to Review mode.
All changes will now be tracked as comments for Friend Computer to review.
#ttrpg #paranoia
#note1mf9…6cjv

2026-02-06 17:13:22 UTC

Sector FRE is now read-only.
Citizens are not permitted to edit sector FRE.
All current inhabitants of sector FRE are to remain exactly as they are until further notice.
#ttrpg #paranoia

2026-01-31 00:53:43 UTC

- reply

Failure to comply will be considered treason.

2026-01-31 00:52:58 UTC

❗🚨,
🫵 💼 🚫🦹‍♂️☠️ = 😄
🤖👍
#ttrpg #paranoia

2026-01-29 16:32:01 UTC

Attention citizens:
This is Captain Rill-G-RNF of the Armed Forces broadcasting with an emergency announcement.
Sector LWE is under attack by horrific anti-memetic creatures.
Evacuate the area immediat... uh... hmm. What was I talking about?
Carry on.
#ttrpg #paranoia

2026-01-27 17:51:28 UTC

Friend Computer's approval ratings are at an all time high!
In a recent poll, 100% of all surviving citizens surveyed say they approve of The Computer's performance, and pledge total unwavering loyalty to it and it's administration.
#ttrpg #paranoia #poll #politics

2026-01-26 20:11:01 UTC

- reply

Mission concept: Friend Computer commissions Troubleshooters to find and turn in a Friend Computer run honeypot operation.

2026-01-26 17:41:54 UTC

[LOADING UNDERCOVER_SURVEILANCE_ROUTINE_2.41/A]:
Well howdy there fellow citizen! Sure is nice being a loyal human just like you!
Say, have your heard of any cool treason happening nearby?
#ttrpg #paranoia

2026-01-26 02:00:54 UTC

- reply

Treason!

2026-01-25 22:26:09 UTC

Everything you need is already within you, citizen.
Would you like a scalpel?
#ttrpg #paranoia #help

2026-01-15 22:15:48 UTC

This message brought to you by Mad Sal's Double Plus Goods, a local franchise of PLC:
"Life is cheap, but with Mad Sal's Bulk Savings™, ammunition is cheaper!
Come on down and light up the town!"
(Mad Sal's is not responsible for any damages, real, hypothetical, theoretical, or epistemological caused by materials sold.)
#ttrpg #paranoia

2026-01-13 18:49:02 UTC

Domestic Terrorist: noun
1: Anyone Internal Security has shot, or would like to shoot.
2: Anyone that becomes politically inconvenient pre- or posthumously.
#ttrpg #paranoia #ice

2026-01-13 01:42:54 UTC

- reply

Out of character:
This is an important message, and one I wish to signal boost.
The world today is one where I am able to simply quote political leaders daily without breaking character as an insane incompetent AI dictator.
Putting satire aside for a moment, I too unequivocally support those being terrorized by our government, and the antifascist movement.
#ttrpg #paranoia

2026-01-11 19:45:51 UTC

This is a reminder:
Internal Security has absolute immunity from the law, no matter how violent their actions, unless those actions in any way inconvenience higher class citizens.
#ttrpg #paranoia #ice