helplessduck

The terror that quacks in the night.
Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice.
Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

Public Key

npub15pck3vgf6txsmewwjppcngkuf8zf5rzqm7k5u40esju8uansz6es739shv

NIP-05 Address

helplessduck@beige-party.mostr.pub

Profile Code

nprofile1qqs2qutgkyya9ngduh8fqsuf5twyn3y6p3qdlt2w2hucfwr7wecpdvcpz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0dsypdkew

Publishing to

saltivka.org

relay.damus.io

nos.lol

Author Public Key

npub15pck3vgf6txsmewwjppcngkuf8zf5rzqm7k5u40esju8uansz6es739shv

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Last Notes

2026-06-17 22:07:34 UTC

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@nprofile…l7em
Eh. The point is to overwhelm and exhaust them. All mail to or from a government office in North Carolina is treated as public record. That means opening every piece of mail, logging it, storing it. Very expensive.

2026-06-17 21:31:49 UTC

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@nprofile…l7em
Best I can tell, there's a town clerk, a mayor and a board plus some maintenance people. It appears that the town clerk is the person who would be opening the mail. What kind of mitigation is there for letter-deluge, and how much does it cost? This place is barely a speck on an ant's ass in size geographically and population-wise. Very small tax base here.
https://www.townofronda.org/our-staff

2026-06-17 21:03:44 UTC

Does anyone know -roughly- how big a strongly worded letter writing campaign needs to be before the teeny-tiny administrative staff of a rural town in North Carolina with a population of 400 becomes so overwhelmed with the task of processing the incoming mail it receives that they all resign in frustration?
Asking for a friend.
https://qnotescarolinas.com/ronda-north-carolina-proclamation-officially-rejects-pride-month/
#LGBTQIA #Pride #NorthCarolina #Bigotry

2026-05-28 12:41:11 UTC

Today, my one and only Grandmother and I go out searching for an alarm clock which can be easily used by a woman with only about 10% of her vision. I have warned her of our impending disappointment, but this is more about getting her out of the house.
Vision-impaired denizens of the Fediverse, do you have any recommendations on where to look for an alarm clock?
#Blind #Disability

2026-05-23 01:45:29 UTC

In some ways, getting older is kinda nice. Not expecting to find anything of interest in the kitchen, I ambled to the refrigerator. Fully prepared to settle for yogurt and cereal, imagine my delight when I discovered the coconut creme pie I ordered and then promptly forgot about Wednesday.
Surprise pie!

2026-05-21 12:34:03 UTC

Don't forget to stretch your hip flexors, everyone.

2026-05-09 23:42:19 UTC

Bitches, I AM GRADUATED.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/547/265/290/992/551/original/d441c97c1bf6c4aa.png

2026-03-28 01:45:33 UTC

I've made three more posters to give out to folks who haven't got one but want one.
#NoKings

2026-01-30 12:48:20 UTC

The forecast is calling for 6-8" of snow in my area. We don't have a great track record with this kind of thing, as seen in this February 2014 photo taken on Glenwood Avenue in Raleigh, NC. Can't wait for the 2014 redux.
#NC #NCwx #Snowpocalypse
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/984/124/999/934/481/original/6bd8daaf39e76608.png

2026-01-26 01:16:00 UTC

I've never encountered pie that wasn't good, but even pie that could be better has value because it is still a vehicle for whipped cream.

2025-12-06 18:01:32 UTC

Trying to convince my very WASPy grandmother that Grandmas and Aunties are regarded with great respect in Asian cultures, and that the people at the Vietnamese restaurant are not trying to be rude to her is an ongoing, two-decade battle that I solemnly swear to keep fighting until one of us dies on that hill.

2025-11-10 13:23:49 UTC

I need some help with statistics maths.
How do I express a hospital bill ($146,000) as a percentage of US median income in 2023 ($55,068)?
#Math

2025-10-14 00:45:22 UTC

Has anyone warned the new users from BSky that we hate the NYT and WaPo around here?
I feel like they should know.

2025-08-24 22:52:40 UTC

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@nprofile…2hrv
I dunno...
Call ahead and ask about it, but bring in some fairy lights and a bistro table set for two with flowers and candles and you have a pretty romantic scene if you frame the shot to only include the mountains in the background.

2025-08-24 22:20:21 UTC

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@nprofile…2hrv
So tell me about this burrito bus.

2025-08-24 21:27:44 UTC

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@nprofile…pye9
Brilliant as usual.
"A sphere. The most fundamentally un-grippable shape in all of geometry, and some sadist in the 1890s decided it would be the perfect object to operate a door" had me cackling.

2025-08-24 20:32:49 UTC

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@nprofile…2hrv
Holy hell... I'm starting to question how a place like this can have a French restaurant.

2025-08-24 20:04:57 UTC

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@nprofile…2hrv
Maybe they'll have a sense of humor?
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/085/534/511/833/814/original/a3b5f1747b11fe8c.png

2025-08-24 19:48:59 UTC

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@nprofile…2hrv
Aww!! I know it's still around the corner, but Happy Anniversary!!
My vote would be for the French place, but the collared shirt is a no-sweat thing for me.

2025-08-14 00:28:38 UTC

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@nprofile…pye9
Here I thought I was going to go a whole day without a belly laugh.
Hilarious.

2025-07-24 03:15:44 UTC

cc @nprofile…m7te
https://beige.party/@StefanThinks/114906013834930839

2025-07-19 15:02:50 UTC

Fleeing your home country for fear of your safety isn't a privilege, even if everyone is used to sneering at Americans for everything we do. It is not a fucking privilege to feel so unsafe where you are that you have to throw your entire life up in the air to go some place you've never been, all alone, and with no money. It's a privilege that we've never really had to consider that in this god-forgotten country, but that privilege was taken away, or squandered, however you want to phrase it, it's gone.

2025-07-12 13:52:06 UTC

Can we stop calling it "trade deals" and start calling it what it really is: extortion.
#USPol

2025-07-12 11:51:45 UTC

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@nprofile…pye9 @nprofile…p0zq
I only need three seats on my side of the aisle. I don't have any friends, so you can go nuts with the guest list. No Katy Perry and none of the Kennedy's, though. They've owed me for a new toilet since Teddy was in shortpants and I know how to hold a grudge.

2025-07-12 00:37:34 UTC

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@nprofile…pye9 @nprofile…p0zq
AHEM *army* of flower girls.
You got roped into marrying the most high-maintenance bridezilla. It's a good thing my daddy is rich because this is going to cost a fortune.

2025-07-11 12:42:58 UTC

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@nprofile…pye9
We'll need someone high up on the totem pole to officiate. A blind writer and an anthropomorphic duck are basically Fedi royalty so we've got to get the equivalent of a bishop. Luckily, I know just the transfemme sysadmin seawitch to preside over the ceremony.

2025-07-11 12:07:52 UTC

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@nprofile…pye9
Are we married now? 😂

2025-07-11 11:54:53 UTC

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@nprofile…pye9
Man... how are you still single?

2025-07-09 13:19:18 UTC

Squeaky little cat.
Squeaks at this and that.
And then becomes an ongoing study in lighting.
#Cats #CatsOfMastodon
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/114/823/473/122/828/110/original/92c76614144b0c07.png

2025-06-29 11:49:32 UTC

Squeaky little cat.
Squeaks at this and that.
And then becomes PARKOUR KITTY!
#Cats #CatsOfMastodon #SilentSunday
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/114/766/497/029/496/054/original/fac361dedc0ecb8a.png

2025-05-28 20:02:46 UTC

This morning I murdered some bandits, fenced a stolen stagecoach, burned a tobacco field and stole an annoying horse, robbed a different stagecoach, murdered a homestead full of different bandits, and ate a fried catfish dinner.