Alice McFlurry :bc:

Mostly one-liners at my own expense

Awkward AF

Midwest to West Coast

Please direct any and all complaints to the anthropomorphic hotdog that manages this account.

Pixelfed photos: @Alice

♾️

Public Key

npub1uzmnvz0gqwwmdkuha03xzyudc476044n2ch3knf32l2zjlnngu2sk6z77h

NIP-05 Address

Alice@beige-party.mostr.pub

Profile Code

nprofile1qqswpdekp85q88dkmwt7hcnpzwxu2ld866e4vtcmf5c404pf0ee5w9gpz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0dssxzshd

Publishing to

relay.damus.io

nos.lol

Author Public Key

npub1uzmnvz0gqwwmdkuha03xzyudc476044n2ch3knf32l2zjlnngu2sk6z77h

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Last Notes

2026-04-12 19:21:27 UTC

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@nprofile…qtpp It's a custom amp by this company called Silktone. I got it for @nprofile…ry84 as an anniversary present last year. It has a really beautiful sound!
https://www.silktone.org/store/c3/Amps.html

2026-04-12 18:16:21 UTC

I bought some Sander Patelski prints for the living room so I moved the building photos to the bedroom and took some photos for my dad so I figure this is a good time to document what my little apartment looks like on April 12, 2026.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/393/101/246/186/550/original/995bab8dbfb983e6.jpeg

2026-04-05 14:56:06 UTC

This movie theater gives you free "butter" and bowls/boats to hold it!
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/352/677/639/996/579/original/49d2aac3106e392e.jpeg

2026-03-27 05:15:17 UTC

A lot of people don’t know this, but the J.C. In J.C. Penney stands for Jesus Christ.

2026-03-25 00:07:17 UTC

Dyed some Easter eggs! I like to mess up the colors so I can pretend like they're dinosaur eggs.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/286/897/273/472/974/original/14a91827bb830f4d.jpeg

2026-03-09 02:49:04 UTC

Happy International Women's Day!
And I guess honorable mention to all of my fellow women who haven't been able to escape their backwards countries like the present day United States, for example.

2026-03-08 22:42:45 UTC

Everyone should have known Veruca Salt was a bad egg the moment she started growling and demanding a bean feast because who would actually want that nonsense?

2026-03-07 13:36:04 UTC

I just met you
and this is crazy
but here's my number
so please ensure you only use it to text because I absolutely will not answer if you try to call.

2026-02-27 16:06:52 UTC

This page intentionally left blank
for doodling.

2026-02-23 14:02:10 UTC

It's a sketch about a crazy aunt, but this aunt is REALLY into genealogy and she dramatically gathers the entire family to see her life's work and rolls out this super long scroll to reveal a family tree that is eventually found to have nothing to do with her own family members but instead breaks down the history of the Coppola family.

2026-02-23 04:50:20 UTC

I always wanted to be cremated because I think being buried is super selfish but now I’m thinking it would be super cool to hang around and haunt some burial grounds.

2026-02-23 04:27:41 UTC

My parents had one night stand but then they had me and were able to push me into child acting so they could eventually afford two night stands.

2026-02-23 01:08:06 UTC

I'm always creeped out whenever people reference the "naked eye" because I'd prefer to picture an anthropomorphic eyeball wearing a cute little outfit with coordinating sneakers.

2026-02-22 02:13:58 UTC

I want to show up to a local brewery or coffee shop's game night with an elaborate roll out mat, a fancy robe, and a decorative deck of cards just so I can start emphatically explaining how to play something like Go Fish or Uno.

2026-02-22 00:06:11 UTC

I was watching the Olympics and this event came on called the Biathlon where people shoot rifles and then go cross country skiing and I've been pondering the origin story ever since.
Were they like "shooting a dumb gun isn't a real sport so let's add some slow-ass cross country skiing to the end just to make it qualify" or were they like "cross country skiing is BORING so why don’t we add a part where they're all shootin' some guns just so it's not completely mind numbing" or was it something else in general?

2026-02-21 21:01:09 UTC

Hey, babe. Let's kiss under the cameltoe.

2026-02-17 23:54:23 UTC

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This photo is from a "series" of photos of what I can only refer to as "anti-bathroom selfies" where I was making fun of the idea of bathroom selfies by specifically posing with toilets.
Here's a small sample.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/088/660/681/617/420/original/06d0fc88b3e5b1d5.png

2026-02-17 19:27:55 UTC

My company requested a "headshot" and this is the best photo I can find.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/087/614/576/503/340/original/76ba6c5469afbc90.jpeg

2026-02-16 22:21:58 UTC

The IRS already has our tax info so I don’t know why they make each of us fill out the equivalent of a numerical MadLib every year.

2026-02-15 04:11:01 UTC

I was talking to my husband about how he has really nice dark and thick eyelashes, similar to the smoke show that is Richard from LOST, and he was like"STOP! you're going to make my confidence hit the ceiling!" and I was like "Babe, you're already up on the skylight with your balls slapping against the window like an agitated baboon" so don’t tell me I don’t know about romance.

2026-02-07 20:46:58 UTC

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Warning: Everyone is probably going to be drawn as an anthropomorphic hotdog.

2026-02-07 20:01:24 UTC

Can everyone please stop with the AI generated profile photos?
It's absolute slop and it's killing the environment.
If you want a profile pic that's grossly exaggerated and looks nothing like you, I'd be happy to draw a bad caricature for free.

2026-01-31 04:45:29 UTC

The best thing about being in my forties is being able to decorate like I’m fourteen and nobody can stop me because I’m the one who pays the rent.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/987/888/730/567/365/original/8893b51fa94692b8.jpeg

2026-01-30 03:56:48 UTC

Someone tried to be polite by telling me I had nice teeth and I panicked and responded by saying:
"Oh, that's just...
how they grow...
out of my skull."
So apologies in advance to anyone that tries to have a conversation with me.

2026-01-26 16:19:38 UTC

I don’t know why anyone is surprised to find that all of the ICE agents are incompetent bullies on unwarranted power trips.
Where else were all of those security guards supposed to go when the malls shut down?

2026-01-14 05:18:09 UTC

Shoutout to my hair stylist for referring to my mass of grey hairs as my "natural highlights."

2026-01-13 06:28:09 UTC

As a person who was a child in the 1980s, I wonder how mid-twenties bartenders feel when they ask me for ID.
Do they feel like they're interacting with Thomas Edison's neighbor or the person who started World War I?

2026-01-11 21:11:38 UTC

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I forgot that I actually took a photo of a painting at the museum and I absolutely love it and I want everyone else to see it!
The World's Greatest Parking Lot by Ethel Greene.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/878/520/196/822/497/original/20fe0b599f524f25.jpeg

2026-01-11 20:28:16 UTC

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Some other "art" I saw at the museum!
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/878/349/235/180/345/original/e77d31192177aec6.jpeg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/878/349/318/495/117/original/9a85ef6b63b33fb2.jpeg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/878/349/547/719/604/original/a3c531cf14dd37ec.jpeg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/878/349/691/267/506/original/247b1663eae6cfb1.jpeg

2026-01-11 17:25:36 UTC

Went to some museums and saw some stuff!
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/877/631/203/977/381/original/34de9fe8744645d9.jpeg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/877/631/311/135/922/original/2b193d6443f4305b.jpeg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/877/631/396/847/604/original/2b233f6c732cfa66.jpeg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/877/631/471/824/457/original/5232c1beb8e10b9a.jpeg

2026-01-10 05:21:21 UTC

This apartment is located diagonally across from mine and I have been obsessed with it since the day I moved in because it seems really tidy and the bed is always made, but I have never seen anyone in it and I've been making up elaborate reasons for why I've never seen the occupants like they work opposite schedules or they're so short they don't even reach the window sill, but my husband just broke the news that I've been diligently monitoring a vacant model unit the entire time.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/869/121/242/398/879/original/4e8be90aa1e8bb75.jpeg

2026-01-08 21:39:49 UTC

My robot vacuum must think it's getting paid by the hour because it wastes SO much time aimlessly wandering over places it definitely already vacuumed while taking random breaks to hump the corner of my area rug.

2026-01-07 17:22:21 UTC

My company awards point for things like work anniversaries and you can redeem those points for things like gift cards or random items and it's honestly a bizarre assortment of items with illogical point values, so it will be like...
Items available for 500 points:
5-piece luggage set
Hamster cage
Cheese grater
Virtual massage
(Okay, virtual massage is fake but there are a lot of virtual "experiences" on here that are like wahhhhhh?)
Anyway, I’m using this as an opportunity to terrify my husband about the things I may potentially be bringing into our household, like "It looks like I have enough points to get a hamster cage and a gift card to Petco!!! I wonder how many hamsters we can get for $100?"

2025-10-17 19:21:18 UTC

Sorry about all of these boosts of super old posts. I was way deep in the archives looking for something that wouldn't show up in search and ended up stumbling upon these random things that I barely remember writing.

2025-10-11 16:09:38 UTC

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No disrespect intended toward those who have gluten allergies because I imagine that shit sucks, but if you are gluten intolerant, I'd probably just avoid gluten free bread altogether because every version I've tried has tasted like cotton balls mixed with sawdust.

2025-10-11 16:03:10 UTC

Ceci n'est pas un peepee.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/356/374/804/225/309/original/72a179c684dc90c9.jpeg

2025-10-11 02:49:03 UTC

It's not that I think I’m better than everyone, it's just that Facebook continuously reminds me that there are so many people who are worse than me.

2025-10-10 23:41:47 UTC

I was at work and someone criticized me by saying I need to stay in my lane and I just feel like some people don't understand how hard it is being a school bus driver.

2025-10-10 17:08:30 UTC

I don’t like how Mastodon posts are called toots because it sounds kind of lowbrow so I propose that we rename them to queefs.

2025-10-10 15:28:29 UTC

Every so often, I'll pull up an old post that did fairly well and then I'll edit it and replace the text with some of the ALF erotic fan fiction that I wrote in middle school just to make the people who liked it look like they're really into that shit.

2025-10-09 22:09:54 UTC

I just did this and it was super easy and now I’m following a lot of funny people that I didn't even know about. 10/10. Would recommend. Tell your friends! https://beige.party/@gregthemiller/115341031770926327

2025-10-09 16:41:19 UTC

My life has been so much better ever since I created a filter to auto-delete any requests that include anything even remotely similar to "kindly do the needful."

2025-10-09 16:04:33 UTC

I figured I'd be nice and compile all of my dying wishes into one post so that you don't have any excuses for forgetting any of my demands.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/345/040/365/844/553/original/24bb4bd76d751edd.png
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/345/040/377/924/643/original/c00d07ca387bf789.png
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/345/040/378/533/319/original/6ec8ce69e556c975.png
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/345/040/407/782/592/original/e7b255f57e2c97e5.png

2025-10-08 12:32:46 UTC

Inside of you are two wolves and now you're questioning the life choices that lead to you agreeing to shoot this Teen Wolf parody porn in the first place.

2025-10-08 11:56:02 UTC

If at first you don’t succeed, suck on deez nuts instead.

2025-10-08 00:19:35 UTC

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@nprofile…3nsk People can reply, as long as one of those items applies.

2025-10-07 20:55:07 UTC

I'm reviewing a business proposal to potentially integrate an AI tool into our system and the first line literally includes a warning that says "AI-generated content may be incorrect."
You can't make this stuff up.

2025-10-07 14:40:37 UTC

Hi Mastodon people!
We have a lot of new people on here, so this is my desperate plea for the pedantic people on Mastodon to pause before responding to anyone's post and ask yourself:
Is this actually funny?
Am I adding value?
Do I REALLY need to say this?
I think that additional check should help welcome the new people and make Mastodon a better place overall.

2025-10-06 22:36:17 UTC

Welcome Bluesky people!
The funny ones should head over this way and the annoying ones should stand on the X that I placed over that trap door.

2025-10-06 20:12:20 UTC

Does anyone else get super judgmental the moment anyone casually mentions hanging out with friends during the start of the pandemic?
Llike, why TF were you going out to dinner in the summer of 2020, you selfish idiot?

2025-10-06 01:27:40 UTC

All of my high school friends are posting photos of their babies as if we've never seen undercooked dinner rolls before.

2025-10-06 00:27:43 UTC

I hope I die in a vehicular accident because cemetery plots are expensive but fake flowers and cheap stuffed animals strapped to a pole are free.

2025-10-03 22:43:46 UTC

Just trying to make Adele eat this gummy worm.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/312/651/453/215/505/original/99cc1257e1b12ee7.jpeg

2025-10-03 19:38:45 UTC

I just realized that I can record audio with my Apple Watch so now I can torture everyone with the weird phrases that get stuck in my head that I can't stop repeating at completely inappropriate times.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/311/923/696/241/246/original/94cff07303542357.mp3

2025-10-03 03:26:02 UTC

If I die via spontaneous combustion, I hope my remaining Converse Allstars make my racist and homophobic/transphobic evangelical Christian aunt believe I was raptured so I can hold that shit over her head for the rest of her miserable life.

2025-09-06 01:43:16 UTC

I want to be buried in a gigantic floaty pen so that my fake floaty swimsuit will disappear if my floaty pen coffin is tipped to a different angle.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/154/812/628/563/655/original/94854724cd1e1d4c.jpeg

2025-09-06 00:35:17 UTC

If you think everyone around you is toxic, maybe you're the toxin.

2025-08-26 04:15:47 UTC

Does anyone know how to get around this error message on JoWordle? It seems to happen when I guess the word on 2 or 3 tries and it bums me out since I actually guessed it quickly but then I can't even submit my score.
@nprofile…r6jy, do you know?
#JoWordle
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/093/126/886/063/986/original/6b5380f676e071cb.png

2025-08-25 13:09:03 UTC

I'd be way more into Westerns if they came in better pasta shapes than Spaghetti.

2025-08-24 02:41:58 UTC

Shoutout to @nprofile…40q5 for buying my friendship with a Denny's coupon because that shit is about to get redeemed!
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/081/433/332/817/080/original/a0519039bf0ef5cd.jpeg

2025-08-24 01:14:37 UTC

Tag yourself! (I’m the little goblin on the elephant's head)
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/081/089/914/860/695/original/2a8af52dc43f5dbc.jpeg

2025-08-23 00:57:57 UTC

These birds were feasting on a dead bird and I don’t think I'll ever recover.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/075/361/999/970/725/original/7fbe08645420c819.jpeg

2025-08-20 23:31:35 UTC

Good news, everyone! If you purchase a cat figurine, it comes with one of these "pedestals."
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/063/697/858/389/040/original/f38a1cdcaba693ed.jpeg

2025-08-18 21:29:44 UTC

Run away, little chickens!
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/051/894/056/592/036/original/b94f887c0b7d478e.jpeg

2025-08-18 19:34:57 UTC

I saw a man sitting by a window in a big building and I loved that he just looked so chill and relaxed so I stopped to take a photo and I ended up capturing the stages:
1. My first sighting of him
2. Him maaaaybe noticing I was taking a photo
3. Him definitely being more aware and almost...posing?
4. Me waving to him and him waving back!
Now I’m pretty sure we're besties.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/051/442/517/512/077/original/eb687323666f7ab6.jpeg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/051/442/711/188/558/original/e8cc5e0c084466c7.jpeg

2025-08-18 02:35:33 UTC

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Consider this an invitation to write your eulogy about me now because I'd honestly prefer to read it before I’m dead (as long as it's nice).

2025-08-18 02:34:50 UTC

I was waiting for a Lyft and the driver approached from the opposite side of the street and then abruptly crossed over into oncoming traffic to pick me up from my side so, if I die, I want everyone to know that I love all of you and please say nice things about me in my funeral home's online guestbook.

2025-08-17 18:42:09 UTC

I have a theory that the Dubai chocolate trend is the result of some rich dude from Dubai winning a pistachio farm in a poker game and now he needs to unload all of those damn nuts.

2025-08-17 05:46:24 UTC

I'd like to see a study on the phenomenon where the people who insist on building a toilet paper donut on the toilet seat of public restrooms are somehow always the same people who are incapable of ensuring that mess completely flushes before vacating said public restroom.

2025-08-17 04:47:19 UTC

I want to open a bar where all of the tap handles are the wiggliest dildos you've ever seen.

2025-08-17 00:57:10 UTC

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Profanity, drugs, booze, sexual content, Twizzlers, and Duck Hunt
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/041/384/751/710/456/original/f379deef4a42c736.jpeg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/041/384/968/592/538/original/aac170db49e151be.jpeg

2025-08-17 00:45:58 UTC

I have a great group of friends who have put up with a lot of my ridiculous ideas for "photo shoots" and I was just reminded of this ridiculous photo shoot I did for a fake Craigslist ad.
(I'll post some photos behind a content warning in the comments. You'll see why.)

2025-08-16 23:40:45 UTC

What's up with the trend where all of the twenty somethings are dressing like Weird Al?
I’m not sure if it's a west coast thing or a Gen Z thing or a combination of the two, but it's a sea of dudes in Hawaiian shirts with greasy shoulder-length hair and pubestaches.

2025-08-16 16:44:21 UTC

Coworker: It will be quicker if i ask my questions over the phone.
Maybe for you, but I'll still need to type out the instructions I gave to you over the phone, so just type your question here instead.

2025-08-16 16:18:25 UTC

Just remembered my old hobby of calling businesses just to hear how they pronounce their company name and then immediately hanging up.
Looking at you, Wacom.

2025-08-15 21:09:26 UTC

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@nprofile…4lh8 She hot?

2025-08-15 20:47:28 UTC

This guy in my neighborhood asked me if the carpet matched the drapes and I immediately walked away because I don’t understand why a guy who sleeps on a mattress on the floor of his mom's basement would be asking me about interior design.
On the other hand, if his hot mom asked me the same question, I'd let her know that I had the carpeting professionally removed years ago.

2025-08-14 14:43:42 UTC

You can't insult me by responding with "What do you want, a cookie?" because—yes. Yes I do want a cookie. That sounds nice, thank you.

2025-08-12 19:20:32 UTC

Is it January 20, 2029 yet?

2025-08-12 18:46:15 UTC

My buddy, Nick, made a great shirt and it's on sale for $13 (through 8/13) and a portion of the proceeds go to the ACLU.
You can get it here:
https://yawns.threadless.com/designs/crazy-pills?fbclid=PAQ0xDSwMIamxleHRuA2FlbQIxMQABp2JrPpT52wApnwMygE8dRfvvaE5UTWE62VcmzQ-8n-WjEXm8mQaers_rNxT4_aem_7aW69hsLMNA_-7wn9XD3_w
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/017/277/384/726/384/original/3d560f141e50922a.jpeg

2025-08-12 02:51:40 UTC

Gen Z has been embracing '90s music, but they seem to have gotten a lead on the WORST songs from the '90s and Kev and I were at a wine bar where the person in control of audio was blasting a playlist of these songs, so it would go from like John Tesh to Prodigy's Smack My Bitch Up and I was pretending to be nostalgic and was like "Aw, I haven't heard Smack My Bitch Up since our wedding" and my husband said "I remember it. The daddy-daughter dance." 😂

2025-08-11 22:07:19 UTC

Check out this cute little cannibal!
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/012/405/693/543/082/original/5de64ce83912625d.jpeg

2025-08-11 21:39:50 UTC

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There seriously was NO way we would have even bothered looking under the bed in a hotel room were I not so desperate to turn off the TV and all I can picture is that couple getting home from their vacation and gearing up for some activities and realizing they're in possession of the hotel's TV remote instead.

2025-08-11 21:32:07 UTC

We checked into a hotel on Saturday and the TV had the typical thing where it was like "Welcome, Alice!" along with a loop of obnoxious ads about the hotel chain and my hotel ritual is turning that off ASAP, but the remote was nowhere to be found.
At that point, my husband started looking behind and under everything and essentially crawling around on the hotel room floor until he found the remote under the bed.
It was really small and basic, but I also have a Roku remote that's kiiiiind of similar so I started smashing all of the buttons trying to turn off the damn TV, but nothing happened and it was at that moment that everything clicked and I was like "oh no is this a remote for someone's sex toy?" and then Google lens confirmed my theory.
I immediately placed it in a tissue and went down to the lobby to tell reception what I found and to trade that remote for a real TV remote, but I can't stop thinking about what I may have been doing to the poor person in possession of the other half while I was smashing all of those buttons.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/012/267/296/360/994/original/83901f2243c00185.jpeg

2025-08-11 16:03:39 UTC

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Related to this post, Kev and I were in a Lyft last night and I could see on the driver's display that he was in the middle of a call with someone named Simone and I was like "you can put Simone on speaker if you want" and HE DID so then we were all talking to Simone who was apparently breastfeeding their baby because (1) she told us and (2) we could kind of HEAR it and I kept repeating "slurp it up, buddy!" in my head and I could see Kev staring at me with his eyes saying "Don’t say it, Alice. PLEASE don’t say it!"
I am happy to report that it was a short ride so I was able to keep it inside long enough to make it out of the car without telling their baby to slurp it up, so maybe I’m maturing?

2025-08-11 00:22:41 UTC

Overheard in this bar:
Bar patron: what's on the TV?
Bartender: It's a compilation of Kermit doing the news.
Bar patron: Oh, I thought you said Kermit in the nude.
Bartender: "Well, Kermit is always nude, so that too..."
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/007/275/638/256/909/original/fb5501cc40de219f.jpeg

2025-08-10 22:36:34 UTC

I don’t have Tourette's but I do have this thing where I'll latch onto a phrase and then repeat it and this is compounded by the fact that I have a LOT of weird stuff sloshing around in my head so the phrases are often weird AF.
A little bit ago, I was on a brewery patio and there was one of those little squishy faced dogs (like the type where they look like they've been misbred to the point where their nostrils are like one cocktail straw's distance away from their butthole) and this dog was trying SO hard to drink out of this bowl but it could barely reach because it had a short fat neck like a high school bully and I was just cheering it on like "slurp it up, buddy!" but now this phrase is locked in, so I’m living in perpetual fear of saying this whenever I see ANYONE drinking water, so apologies in advance if I appear rude while you're trying to get hydrated.

2025-08-09 13:38:19 UTC

I was raised Catholic, so "guilty pleasure" is a redundant term.

2025-08-09 03:15:29 UTC

I just learned that I’m not allowed to drunk dial and ramble about nonsense to a group of serious gamers playing an online game from 6pm–8pm Pacific time tomorrow, so please drop your number here if I’m allowed to drunk dial you instead.

2025-08-08 16:35:33 UTC

"Ackshually, the proper term is 'unhoused'..."
Oh, okay. Well, I’m sure that makes the person who doesn't have anywhere to live feel MUCH better. Now, what are you doing to help improve their situation?

2025-08-07 17:55:30 UTC

I like my women like I like my coffee...
Hot and spilled all over my lap.

2025-08-05 13:12:28 UTC

It's a good thing @nprofile…lwnh drew this terrifying cartoon image of us on our calendar to remind me that today is our 14th wedding anniversary.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/114/976/328/730/436/259/original/ec1d7120123a54fa.jpeg

2025-08-03 22:04:29 UTC

They really blew it when they didn't name these "Just the Tip!"
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/114/967/096/072/078/160/original/1bc5f68a8be51e81.jpeg

2025-08-02 15:00:20 UTC

There was a place in Chicago called Let's Pet Puppies so there's no point in opening any other places because the best name is already taken.

2025-08-02 14:21:33 UTC

I saw one of those maps that shows how people in different regions voted with red being Republican and blue being Democrat and the majority was sadly red, but someone commented by saying that the blue area is where most people live and the red area is where cows shit and it was 100% accurate.

2025-08-01 15:07:24 UTC

Whenever I think of a truly terrible joke, my inner monologue sounds like it's channeling a pet owner trying to train their puppy.
Leave it.
Leeeeaaaaave It.
LEAVE IT!

2025-07-26 23:52:11 UTC

I made the mistake of wearing overalls to a train museum and random kids started asking me questions as if I worked there so I just made up a bunch of random stuff to hopefully teach them that they should always ask for credentials moving forward.

2025-07-26 16:04:23 UTC

FYI on the latest scam going around. https://beige.party/@TheEddieShow/114920359799903494

2025-07-18 14:37:03 UTC

Whenever I poke my head outside of the Fediverse, I immediately retreat back into my little shell because the rest of social media looks like this:
Why I voted for Trump (and will do it again in 2028)
I lost 50 pounds in one month by only eating those sponge dinosaurs that come in tiny capsules
20 child stars who grew up to be way less sexy than we'd hoped

2025-07-16 00:29:41 UTC

Throwback to shortly after I got "fully vaxxed" but when I was still completely terrified of everything.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/114/860/082/851/222/594/original/2ec654e490f55dd3.mp4