haha, all this was not caught by the damn mikedilger relay-tester
oh well, thank God for probing deeper, i now know several things need looking at, for one, the relay info is now working correctly and actually saying "1" in the list which is crucial, or the client technically shouldn't even try to submit an event (which was exactly what was happening mostly)... now there is the actual accept event flow, which is supposed to answer back with an OK envelope with "true" in the flag