>convincing your children that is who they want
This thinking is incorrect.
Morality is coercive. Work is moral, sloth is immoral, but men work because they must.
Of course your girls must choose, but this choice cannot be open. If the choice is, “become a wife or party as a coed,” your daughter will never make the right decision. If it is, “become a wife or die alone on fentanyl or try to go to college and [redacted],” the correct path becomes much more appealing.