iamthemostnormalhumantrustme on Nostr: But in all honesty, I'm not joking, I'm not being edgy nor le ironic, when I say I'm ...

But in all honesty, I'm not joking, I'm not being edgy nor le ironic, when I say I'm afraid my mind is fracturing. Here's something I emailed my therapist earlier today. I wasn't gonna share it here, but fuck it, it's strong evidence that I am legitimately going insane for real.


Pointless drivel I jotted down while feeling nonsensical and poetic.

I am a low-IQ genius, an outsider born into caste, a kingly jester, a rugged individual god-emperor bug-man in the collectivist hive-mind of free-thought group-think, a stone Bodhisattva, a useless savior, a worthless trillionaire, an immortal snail, a human-shaped animal with a divine soul infinitely limited and eternally present, the beatific vision to know I know nothing, gifted by myself unto I alone together.

I am all these things and none of them, beyond the within. I realize it is all only a game, yet this is my whole reality and there is no where to escape everywhere and nowhere.

There is nothing I can do but play the game, and I know we're all in the same chains, we're stuck with what we are, we're stuck with where we are. This terrifies and comforts me, leaves me helpless but driven.

I believe in the ideology that I believe I have no ideology, an idealogue waving the banner of no-ideology. I believe in the belief that I believe nothing, a believer in no-belief.

One cannot be many without accepting their separate illusory existence for the truth. One cannot enter non-duality without first seeing the duality in all things.

I hate that I love and I love to hate, and vice-versa. Are you different? You sure about this? You trust yourself, really?

It all goes together. My individual existence does not end at my skin, nor does my current environment begin at my skin -- we're the same, we're bonded, you and I.

I'm inside and outside, I'm inside the outside, I'm outside the inside. I'm above the below, and below and above, swimming the waters of the deep and the heavens above -- and so are you.

I Am; tat tvam asi. I'm on the other side of the universe, I'm everyone and no one, I'm you.

I divide by zero. There's no gender, and we're all of you. Our center is everywhere and our circumference is nowhere, we're right behind you.

There we am, behind your eyes in plain sight. We're watching you from your bedroom closet, under your bed, stalking you as you walk home at night, and in the dark to the toilet or fridge to either empty or refill.

Your prayers have been answered. Do not fear; I'm here.