helen on Nostr: my dad and i are similar at the core of this. we do not have what i would consider ...

my dad and i are similar at the core of this. we do not have what i would consider ambition in a worldly sense.
my mom was the opposite: she was extremely driven and which made her very successful in the business world.

growing up i tried to be what my mom and what society wanted of me; i was basically a straight a student and incredibly competitive in sports.
my sisters rebelled and were not traditionally successful in school or competitions.
to me, this was the childhood dynamic of how to handle family expectations playing out.

in adulthood, i have come back to my center and realized that that stuff just does not appeal to me.. i have children and i have a garden and i have a home... “driven” is not my word.
i definitely burnt out in childhood. i saw that the route i was running was not fulfilling. the flame was artificial to me - from borrowed fuel...
both my sisters are now traditionally successful - good jobs, continue to be promoted through the ranks, and take great pride in it... for one it is clear this is completely natural. this is her living her core out in adulthood. she likes what she does, she is good at what she does, and she wants to be the best.
in the other, it is not so clear... is it learned and she is now trying to gain some mom points in adulthood? is it necessitated by lifestyle wants and the needs of existence? is this her natural state?...

i think the core burns for what brings it purpose and for me - that is not drive or ambition... it is a quiet hearth in the center of my home... but based on my family, i see it as a blend of conditioning, genetics, and circumstance. there was a timeline where i continued to deny my core - my genetics - and fought through to be SUCCESFUL. and i believe that people do that, too.