hmichellerose on Nostr: I love bold, raw people and I think I understand why. I’m not witty, my face ...

I love bold, raw people and I think I understand why.

I’m not witty, my face betrays what I’m thinking, lying gives me overwhelming anxiety, I don’t often read between the lines well. All of this creates some difficulty in relation with others who expect a layer of pretense over all their interactions.

I can figure out the pretense. I can be good at picking up on what others are feeling. I've studied people. I’ve studied psychology. I can read people. But I don’t respect it. It’s exhausting. It’s wasteful.

I don’t want to live with a layer of pretense draped over me. It’s heavy. It slows me down.

I want to be free of the pretense, but doing that is a bit like being a dare devil. You can’t just wear your heart on your sleeve, you have to rip it out of your chest, throw it on the ground and pray no one steps on it. You have to be willing to watch the expression on people’s faces fall when your words hit like a dagger to the gut.

But if you want to be free there just isn’t any other way to be.

Bold raw people stomp on my heart and yell at me when my words cut them. But their boldness and rawness gives me license to be the same. It gives me license to just be and saves me from the slow smothering death of pretense.