Kidless and sad

An idiot with many interests (and bad opinions)

A programmer (who's never gotten anything to a working state)
A writer of short stories (That I never let anyone read)
A hardware tinkerer (who can instantly devalue any hardware)
etc

I really want to adopt a daughter some day. But I'm such a fake adult.

Also whiny AF

Public Key

npub1g5gfancrpc4eflccddacaj3554d6x75jutpq9q4xzrvxpstljtmqy4ctk4

NIP-05 Address

OpenComputeDesign@linuxrocks-online.mostr.pub

Profile Code

nprofile1qqsy2yy7eupsu2u5luvxk7uweg622kar02fw9sszs2nppkrqc9le9aspz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0dskwaxty

Publishing to

relay.damus.io

nos.lol

Author Public Key

npub1g5gfancrpc4eflccddacaj3554d6x75jutpq9q4xzrvxpstljtmqy4ctk4

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Last Notes

2026-04-04 05:23:16 UTC

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@nprofile…3en3 I love rally games, gonna have to check this out

2026-03-10 16:05:36 UTC

People online: "This $700 laptop with no upgrade path is almost _too_ cheap!"
Me, using a $100 laptop that I've upgraded several times, and actually has the same amount of RAM and storage as the $700 laptop: "No. No, it's _really_ not"

2026-03-05 04:48:32 UTC

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@nprofile…3en3
It's 8GB of non upgradeable RAM for like $700

2026-02-26 20:46:04 UTC

Genuinely working on daily driving Windows 2K.
As I'm getting this set up, one of the first things I'm noticing is how much better the mouse behaves.
I thought maybe the reason I miss click on stuff so much is because I've got bad muscle memory, or my nerves have just gotten burnt out and lazy, or something like that. But no, it genuinely looks like pointer tracking on modern software just absolutely fucking sucks

2026-02-26 05:12:32 UTC

I know file permissions are very important on multi user systems, but tbh I'm pretty sure the bast majority of computers only have a single user, so file permissions are, the vast majority of the time, a complete friggin nuisance

2026-01-30 04:13:02 UTC

Finally got my diploma. I'm officially a college graduate

2026-01-28 01:53:23 UTC

I'll be honest, it would be _really_ nice if I could go a _single_ day without feeling like the _stupidest_ person on earth

2026-01-25 02:48:16 UTC

When I'm not near people, I feel really lonely.
When I _am_ near people, I feel really alone.

2026-01-23 22:03:00 UTC

why does life have to be so long?

2026-01-03 04:29:44 UTC

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@nprofile…z5ql I assume sarcastic?

2025-12-19 01:33:06 UTC

running firefox from a terminal is fun because you get to watch javascript errors wizz by XD

2025-11-19 17:12:45 UTC

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@nprofile…mrzh As someone who has been using the same monitor on the same computer for nearly a decade,
I can have _vastly_ fewer things open than I used to, and it crashes _way_ more.

2025-11-06 19:17:28 UTC

If there's one thing I've learned from all my years of watching tech channels on youtube,
It's that water cooling is a _terrible_ idea

2025-10-28 22:23:39 UTC

Holy fuckenoider, mounting a tire is a bull bitch

2025-10-27 03:08:27 UTC

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@nprofile…f6r2 I'm almost always switching sims because of hardware problems, so I woulda thought someone woulda taken it into consideration when designing the switching process

2025-10-27 02:27:49 UTC

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@nprofile…f6r2 Verification text for an eSim. Genius. Truly brilliant

2025-10-13 19:41:49 UTC

Current state:
Eating burnt soup. 80% water, 100% tastes like charcoal.

2025-10-13 17:24:28 UTC

Listen, hear me out...
I fundamentally don't trust GUIDs/UUIDs

2025-10-13 16:14:23 UTC

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@nprofile…775a It's just my same old depression :P

2025-10-13 03:24:52 UTC

I am _deeply_ sad and lonely

2025-10-11 01:07:13 UTC

TFW you have ADHD so you can't focus until the last minute, but you've been so dazed and out of it that your internal clock is messed up so your ADHD doesn't realize that this _is_ the last minute 😭

2025-10-11 00:05:27 UTC

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@nprofile…775a I have my filter set not to apply to mentions. All is fair in actual ongoing discussions

2025-10-10 18:00:58 UTC

Hear me out...
Motherboards, even in laptops, should always have as many RAM slots as physically possible.
Because a few years down the line, used low capacity RAM sticks are pennies on the dollar, where as used high capacity RAM sticks cost their weight in gold.
It's an _intensely_ frustrating experience trying to double my RAM and having to pay at least four times as much.

2025-10-10 05:21:35 UTC

I'm getting really sick of being someone I don't like

2025-10-09 18:45:28 UTC

Current state:
Adding "framework" to my list of filters because I honestly cannot give a fucking shit about another controversy right now.
Y'all have to fucking much energy istfg

2025-10-09 04:09:45 UTC

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@nprofile…dn8n
I dunno, watching my own conduct today, I think I'm truly hopeless. I only ever seem to get worse.

2025-10-09 03:17:42 UTC

I continually astonish myself by just how much I suck

2025-10-09 02:25:24 UTC

Ok, listen, if someone wanted to modify a diesel engine to run sideways, how feasible would that be?
Would just a dry sump be enough? Or would you have other issues?

2025-10-08 22:14:17 UTC

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@nprofile…dn8n
I wasn't planning on staying emotionally healthy

2025-10-08 21:33:25 UTC

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@nprofile…dn8n well, yes, this is sort of my point. I don't want to hurt anyone, so I would rather not have anyone to hurt

2025-10-08 21:25:02 UTC

**Don't worry, I'm not gonna kill myself any time soon**
But, I really do want to kill myself. Like, as an aspirational goal. I _want_ to die, and _I_ want to be the one who kills me.
Maybe that's why I'm always sabotaging myself in everything else I want to do. Because having friends and having family and being known, all gets in the way of it. And I can't kill myself until all of that is gone.

2025-10-07 17:09:54 UTC

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@nprofile…4lh8 Oh, my parents aren't religious.
And uhm, by the playground during recess, do you mean my yard? Yes, all the time.
Too be fair, they did try to set up playdates and stuff like that, and I have photo and video evidence of myself, at social events set up for me, having absolutely _none_ of it.

2025-10-07 17:02:23 UTC

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@nprofile…4lh8 I was homeschooled and I absolutely hate leaving the house. I actually don't know :P

2025-10-07 16:52:50 UTC

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@nprofile…4lh8 Why?

2025-10-07 16:43:27 UTC

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@nprofile…4lh8 If they're not fun to be around, they're not perfect

2025-10-07 16:35:35 UTC

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@nprofile…4lh8 Why not?

2025-10-07 16:29:00 UTC

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@nprofile…4lh8 Yeah but I want to be a _perfect_ dad. I need to be unequivocally positive, or else there's no point.

2025-10-07 15:53:19 UTC

No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to let go of my dream of having a daughter.
Every time I think it through, it just doesn't work out. It's absolutely _not_ a good idea. I would be a _terrible_ dad.
I thought about it again recently, and at first I got my hopes up. But the more I thought about it, the more I realize all over again that it's just all wrong.
And it cut me up all over again.

2025-10-04 03:01:10 UTC

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@nprofile…775a
I don't think you're annoying. A bit silly sometimes at worst :P

2025-10-03 01:16:25 UTC

I cannot express how much I hate updates.

2025-10-03 00:50:18 UTC

I'm not sure whether to be mad at android, or USB-C, so I'll just be mad at both just in case. They're both so hateworthy anyway.

2025-10-02 18:32:36 UTC

I have an essay on motivation due soon.
I just can't seem to get around to it :P

2025-10-02 00:24:44 UTC

Listen, hear me out...
If I'm not supposed to want to die, then why does death have to sound like such an attractive option.

2025-10-01 21:14:10 UTC

I am, genuinely, the dumbest person to ever live

2025-10-01 20:05:43 UTC

Earth still sucks

2025-10-01 17:48:03 UTC

It's interesting how often over the years AI's have had a tendency to go nihilistic, or even full on depressed.

2025-10-01 17:15:43 UTC

All desktop environments should have a dedicated "Always on top" button on the titlebar

2025-10-01 03:18:26 UTC

Current state:
Kinda sad that my dollar doesn't vote very well given I can't afford anything new.
Also current state:
Not that sad because there's really not that much new stuff I'd wanna buy anyway, and buying used stuff "votes" thustly

2025-09-30 18:22:19 UTC

Could someone please explain to my brother that I _need_ to paint all the pulleys on my engine because shiny pulleys add at least +10 horse power _each_

2025-09-30 16:13:07 UTC

Random hot take:
Mag-strip cards are so much cooler than smartcards and RFID cards.

2025-09-12 20:33:39 UTC

Apparently all new microwave ovens are federally required to automatically lock the door???
Listen, I'm all for child safety. But they do know I'm installing this directly between a range and a rack of knives, right?

2025-09-11 14:48:43 UTC

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@nprofile…775a Well, the problem I have is, If something good wouldn't have happened without something bad, regreting the bad thing feels like wishing the good thing didn't happen.
I'm obviously not saying I'd want _more_ bad things to happen.
I guess the healthy thing to do would be to just accept that the past has happened, and it doesn't matter anymore. There's no point wishing bad things didn't happen in the past, anyway. It's done.

2025-09-11 04:18:44 UTC

There's a strange part of me that doesn't want anything good to happen, because then I can't "regret" any of the bad that came before, because maybe the good wouldn't have happened without it, and that's just such a scary thought

2025-09-11 00:56:30 UTC

I only barely know what happened, or anything about the guy.
But I'm really conflicted, because about all I've seen of him is one stupid quote, over and over. I'm sure he's done lots of awful stuff. But all I've seen is one thing
And like, it's a dumb thing to say, sure. But:
A, I _do_ strongly believe in the right to bear arms.
B, if he had said "It's worth the cost of, unfortunately, some vehicular deaths every year so we can have cars", most people would agree

2025-08-25 19:31:03 UTC

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@nprofile…775a I will admit they're nice on laptops.
Altho even the thinnest desktop lcds usually have such bulky stands (Because physics) that it means the space savings for stationary monitors is honestly kinda minimal. I have a lot of monitors, and lcds tessolate really poorly

2025-08-25 19:19:38 UTC

It's crazy to see how much my opinions have changed since I was a child.
I hated touch screens. I even hated flat panel displays. I thought everything should be a CRT. I loved outdated computers and thought they were so much better. I was such a luddite.
These days, however, my opinions have changed completel- oh wait no, No, my opinions have changed shockingly little.

2025-08-25 16:44:47 UTC

I'm really glad I'm graduating college this fall. Because I've been at this _way_ to long and I'll be honest I'm beyond sick of it.

2025-08-22 23:17:53 UTC

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@nprofile…775a You _have_ met me, right? You do _not_ have to worry about being slow and dumb so long as I'm around to compare to ;)

2025-08-22 20:18:01 UTC

Interesting thing I've noticed,
As much as online comments have a reputation for being, er "banal", there's honestly so many useful insights in online comment sections that I've honestly lost a bit of ability to trust things that don't have lively comment sections

2025-08-22 04:45:23 UTC

Me: *hears about "zero budget film making" and gets excited because I've low key always wanted to make movies, but I literally have no money*
The internet: "Here's how a bunch of _true zero budget films_ were made with only $40,000-100,000 dollars each"
Me: "Get the fuck out of my face you lying bastards"

2025-08-20 17:07:25 UTC

My phone: "You're running out of storage space. Tap to manage"
Storage space management screen:
"Images: Almost nothing
Videos: Almost nothing
Audio: Nothing
Documents: Nothing
OS: A third of your storage
Other, but we won't tell you what that means: Literally half your storage"

2025-08-20 03:40:33 UTC

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@nprofile…775a I might be being over dramatic because after cutting down trees for a few months, My aim is still often off by like ~15-25 degrees.

2025-08-20 03:32:23 UTC

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@nprofile…775a Maybe I'm not a useless person. But I'm certainly a useless tree feller.

2025-08-20 01:20:34 UTC

It's days like this that I remember I'm _beyond useless_ and always will be

2025-08-17 03:02:06 UTC

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@nprofile…z22s Because everyone seems to have their posts set to autodelete so post I bookmark dissapears after like a week :P

2025-08-17 01:22:45 UTC

The fact that children are made through a process that isn't child friendly is honestly really gross and kinda sad.
What's _really_ sad is that a desire to have sex and a desire to care for children _are not linked what so ever_ so the people most likely to have children are honestly kinda the people who most shouldn't. Lest the first sentence rear it's ugly head.
This is sure one disturbing planet we've got here.

2025-08-16 16:59:28 UTC

How bad should I feel about witnessing a crime in a dream, and not doing anything to stop it?

2025-08-16 00:32:01 UTC

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@nprofile…775a @nprofile…cq9g I think it was called "xserve"

2025-08-16 00:27:19 UTC

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@nprofile…cq9g @nprofile…775a they actually did. Coincidentally

2025-08-15 20:24:05 UTC

Pretty much since the advent of the smartphone, I've been wondering what the next new class of electronic device would be.
It's been literally almost my entire life since then, and other than stupid bullshit like "bitcoin wallets" and "ai pins" there really hasn't been anything.
I wonder if we'll ever get a new class of device ever again.

2025-08-15 04:47:36 UTC

Oh how I long for a world in which "blah blah explained (With examples!)" actually has any examples.
Or at least a half decent explanation. Which honestly requires examples, so

2025-08-15 04:31:08 UTC

My phone autocorrects "ipod" to "ipad".
I feel old now

2025-08-14 19:22:25 UTC

I stand by my stance that 2FA/MFA is a terrible idea for the majority of things

2025-08-14 16:10:21 UTC

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@nprofile…775a Might be better that way, dumb as my ideas are

2025-08-14 16:07:47 UTC

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@nprofile…775a Just like, all my ideas are really stupid, and I do a terrible job trying to implement them

2025-08-14 16:01:59 UTC

I'm feeling really dumb and useless rn, ngl

2025-08-14 00:17:22 UTC

"Text messages are no longer supported for 2FA, and have been replaced with automated phone calls. Answer your phone, and press #"
*phone rings*
me: *answers, accidentally presses # and 9 at the same time*
"You pressed the wrong key. Please try again."
me: *tries over and over and phone never rings again*
me: "Maybe if I try my other phone" *clicks "add phone"*
"Log in to manage devices"
Me: "Fuck you doesn't even begin to cut it"

2025-08-12 18:34:26 UTC

"Even if you live in a cold climate, you should never let your car warm up for more than like 30 seconds before you drive it"
-People who have never lived where it takes twenty minutes to de-ice all your windows.

2025-08-10 04:35:31 UTC

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@nprofile…4lh8 It's an android phone :P
Plus it's shedding glass, is slow as balls, and keeps installing gambling games.
But mainly it's an android slab

2025-08-10 04:32:38 UTC

I'm looking at my options for a new phone because the one I have is making me depressed. But all the options make me depressed, so I might as well not go farther into debt over it.

2025-08-09 05:34:18 UTC

Uggghhhh I miss the early 2000s so much

2025-08-09 03:06:29 UTC

The fact that paid DLC is a thing in a world where mods exist is wild

2025-08-09 01:13:59 UTC

Listen, guys, android is _not_ a good operating system. Glass slab is _not_ a good form factor. Can we all please collectively stop wasting our lives on this dead end?

2025-08-03 03:26:51 UTC

USB-C is just so utterly incompetently designed I just can't even 🤦

2025-08-01 15:31:01 UTC

TFW you hear a group you left a couple of years ago splintered because "Oh, a bunch of people were upset about how one of their members left a couple of years ago"

2025-07-31 17:10:12 UTC

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@nprofile…sr9k Until about a year ago, my _home_ internet was like 5Mbps XD
Now it's a _mind blowing_ 50!

2025-07-31 03:30:55 UTC

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@nprofile…775a No, I've never watched much Anime

2025-07-31 03:06:22 UTC

jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeebus tires are expensive.
And also apparently my wheels are like, obsolete

2025-07-31 00:30:37 UTC

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@nprofile…775a I have no idea why, but people here really suck at driving. But then, from what I gather, this is also true of every major city, every third world country, and Italy. Maybe people just suck at driving in general.
Although, even if everyone was good at driving, it's still insanely dangerous and everyone should be very afraid, and generally avoid driving whenever possible

2025-07-30 23:19:26 UTC

Driving is so fucking terrifying. To anyone here who drives, why don't you avoid driving like the fucking plague? How fucking big are your balls of steel?
It can't just be that everyone on the road has a deathwish, because _I_ have a deathwish, and driving is _still terrifying_

2025-07-27 15:02:03 UTC

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@nprofile…xnqn I'm curious where you think the _other_ limit should be? Personally I don't see why children are allowed to act in movies they wouldn't be allowed to watch. I mean, I guess there's no _law_ against children watching horror movies, but it's pretty generally accepted they obviously _shouldn't_. So I don't see why everyone is completely fine with _real_ children _being in_ these movies.
It also kinda baffles me people are allowed to make "art" of real dead bodies.

2025-07-25 04:06:38 UTC

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@nprofile…775a I know I would be a horrible father. I really don't think I should be allowed a child. I just selfishly want one anyway, and thrash about in desperation.

2025-07-25 03:58:19 UTC

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@nprofile…775a To me, it means loving and protecting unconditionally someone precious. How do I think it can be forged? I don't think it can, hence I'm going to be "alone" (without what would mean most to me) forever.

2025-07-25 03:47:26 UTC

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@nprofile…775a Father-daughter. It'll probably become apparent that I really only talk about the same few things over and over again :P

2025-07-25 03:19:32 UTC

Hmmmmm I'm gonna be alone forever

2025-07-25 01:19:17 UTC

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@nprofile…775a I use ublock just fine, only rarely does google catch me on it.
I can almost never get invidious to work, though

2025-07-25 01:14:46 UTC

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@nprofile…775a Just normal firefox. It does have strange bugs sometimes, but I think that's just because javascript is terrible and google actually sucks at coding

2025-07-25 01:11:43 UTC

Interesting, youtube memory leaked several whole ass gigs of ram within mere seconds.
I have absolutely no trust in modern sandboxing or MMUs.

2025-07-23 14:51:37 UTC

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@nprofile…775a Well, basically, this post is yet another side affect of the fact that I want a daughter more than anything in the world, but feel like the least qualified person in the world.

2025-07-23 14:39:17 UTC

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@nprofile…775a I still played minecraft well into the microsoft days. Well, until they deleted my account. But if it wasn't for that, I'd certainly still play