1. I didn’t go to Brown
2. Don’t know anyone at Brown or anyone who attended
3. Not my state
4. Not my town
5. I don’t shoot people
6. I’m not scared, sad, upset, or otherwise emotionally involved in any way
7. Doesn’t change my life or the lives of anyone I love
8. I should probably take a long break from the news as this probably should evoke some sort of emotion, but it doesn’t
9. Check, please.