At this point I may as well just guzzle baking soda and water like some 1940s radio sitcom dad.
*in Robert Young voice*
Huhllo dear. It was a rough day at the office and I'm having a bit of indigestion. Do we by chance have any bicarbonate?
I probably should have gone with a Dick Van Dyke impression there. More recognizable than Robert Young I guess. *shrug*