Truth be told, I'm incapable of "living the moment". I can't stop worrying that at some point, I won't have any food to eat left. I don't have a job yet, but I'm already worrying that when I do, I'm going to lose it soon. And if I have to buy something, I immediately start worrying that it won't last long. Long story short, I worry about the future all the time.
It may sound absurd, but at the same time, I don't have any real plans for the future. I'm not saying that I'm not expecting anything good. I have some general ideas, on one hand of things that would be less or more nice to me, on the other hand of the useful things I could still do. But that's nowhere near planning your future.
I'm not expecting to retire at some point. I'm not trying hard to find a way to pay the retirement fund fees. Perhaps it's just my excuse to justify my situation (long-term lack of job and insufficient income to pay them), but I'm not really convinced I'd live to see my retirement.
I don't want to be all negative, but all things considered, I don't let my thoughts wander far into the future. Between the political situation, the climate crisis and my health — let's just say I don't want to assume that I can postpone things far into the future.
I'm worried about things that can affect me directly, and things that can affect the society as a whole. I'm worried that something could hurt me or my loved ones. I'm worried I won't be able to get medicine or food. I know that these hot spells will only get worse — and I will have to choose between staying at home and seeing my diabetes get worse; or going out, and taking greater and greater risks. And I'm afraid that I'm going to be left all alone one day.
And so, I'm a walking contradiction: a person who can neither "live the moment", nor think of the future.
#ActuallyAutistic
mgorny-nyan (he) :autism:🙀🚂🐧
npub1xc…t2zan
2024-08-29 13:48:27 UTC
Author Public Key
npub1xcf8c45mvdddthcrfzdh066wlrp5t0hqy9kr27ey02h2n9vsk2rqnt2zanPublished at
2024-08-29 13:48:27 UTCEvent JSON
{
"id": "c8486eb8989e9ec0671f9d2323f9cb3322bcb40a1b487a95d54892d79182b541",
"pubkey": "36127c569b635ad5df03489b77eb4ef8c345bee0216c357b247aaea99590b286",
"created_at": 1724939307,
"kind": 1,
"tags": [
[
"proxy",
"https://social.treehouse.systems/@mgorny/113045622434365658",
"web"
],
[
"content-warning",
"Autism spectrum condition, \"living the moment\", personal and gloomy"
],
[
"t",
"actuallyautistic"
],
[
"proxy",
"https://social.treehouse.systems/users/mgorny/statuses/113045622434365658",
"activitypub"
],
[
"L",
"pink.momostr"
],
[
"l",
"pink.momostr.activitypub:https://social.treehouse.systems/users/mgorny/statuses/113045622434365658",
"pink.momostr"
],
[
"-"
]
],
"content": "Truth be told, I'm incapable of \"living the moment\". I can't stop worrying that at some point, I won't have any food to eat left. I don't have a job yet, but I'm already worrying that when I do, I'm going to lose it soon. And if I have to buy something, I immediately start worrying that it won't last long. Long story short, I worry about the future all the time.\n\nIt may sound absurd, but at the same time, I don't have any real plans for the future. I'm not saying that I'm not expecting anything good. I have some general ideas, on one hand of things that would be less or more nice to me, on the other hand of the useful things I could still do. But that's nowhere near planning your future.\n\nI'm not expecting to retire at some point. I'm not trying hard to find a way to pay the retirement fund fees. Perhaps it's just my excuse to justify my situation (long-term lack of job and insufficient income to pay them), but I'm not really convinced I'd live to see my retirement.\n\nI don't want to be all negative, but all things considered, I don't let my thoughts wander far into the future. Between the political situation, the climate crisis and my health — let's just say I don't want to assume that I can postpone things far into the future.\n\nI'm worried about things that can affect me directly, and things that can affect the society as a whole. I'm worried that something could hurt me or my loved ones. I'm worried I won't be able to get medicine or food. I know that these hot spells will only get worse — and I will have to choose between staying at home and seeing my diabetes get worse; or going out, and taking greater and greater risks. And I'm afraid that I'm going to be left all alone one day.\n\nAnd so, I'm a walking contradiction: a person who can neither \"live the moment\", nor think of the future.\n\n#ActuallyAutistic",
"sig": "c154eb434e9fd65de50f9ffe0bdff1ed0cd0ab7776525e417bf229a0ae936621c9f610d16ed913351641cec41c92ef124cf41995e755b6d0af1c0b1a1c048aea"
}