I love Japan, and I’m glad that so many people around the world are fans. But I think it’s common for a person coming back to the place you lived when you were a child to feel both nostalgic affection, and some clash between your way of living as the person you were in that setting, vs the person you’ve grown to be while you’ve been away.
I have really mixed feelings, actually. In a way it’s very natural to be here and I’m loving it, but it also feels super unhealthy and disconnected from the life I want to create for myself.
I crave the sun. I want to eat healthy and get strong, build a life outside of dance, make a big impact on the world, and ideally fall in love with someone who’s a good match for me. Though I’m having a great time, I don’t feel like I’m moving towards any of that here.
I’ve lived many different lives, and sometimes my past feels surreal and distant, but being in Japan, seeing some old faces, makes that part real again.
I feel grateful to be here, sad to leave. I’m going to miss everyone so much. At moments I’ve considered staying longer to push through and try to create a life that fits the new me here (mostly because I’m curious if it’s possible, and don’t want to feel like I’ve lost to my environment). But I don’t see a realistic way to do that yet, and putting myself in a more aligned setting is much easier.
As I write this I’m sitting in an Izakaya eating liver yakitori and enjoying the good vibes. My favorite (Japanese) song from when I was a teenager just came on. The drunk people are singing along. Going to enjoy every minute I have left here, and look forward to what’s next. :)
#TCK #thirdculturekid #thirdculturekids #missionarykids #japan #japantrip #visitjapan #digitalnomadlife
