It's wonderful that you respect your daughter's autonomy. Too few parents do that, especially for their autistic children. It's what I've always tried to do with mine.
I'm not sure that ABA is helping Benji. I feel really bad for him after reading that article. He's ten and his mother still doesn't know what triggers his meltdowns&treats them like they're aggressive tantrums. He doesn't have his basic needs met and they're trying to make him work longer than a full-time job.