FemaleIsNotAFeeling on Nostr: Trans Women Breathe a Sigh of Relief After Latest Mass Shooter Turns Out to Be Just a ...
Trans Women Breathe a Sigh of Relief After Latest Mass Shooter Turns Out to Be Just a Regular Muslim Terrorist
By Gabe Owners, Senior Relief Correspondent
"WASHINGTON — Trans activists across the country popped champagne and exchanged relieved high-fives Tuesday after federal authorities confirmed the latest mass shooter was a garden-variety radical Islamist and not, for once, a 19-year-old with fresh top surgery and a manifesto full of they/them pronouns.
“Oh thank Goddess,” said local trans influencer @GlitterGlock19, dabbing happy tears from her mascara. “We’ve had such a rough streak this year. Another one of us and people might start noticing a pattern. This is the best news we’ve had since that guy in Nashville turned out to be… well, you know.”
According to preliminary reports, the shooter yelled “Allahu Akbar,” praised ISIS on social media, and had a copy of the Quran duct-taped to his AR-15 — the kind of old-school terrorism that lets everyone relax and go back to pretending the previous six shooters this year were just “mentally ill individuals who happened to identify as women.”
At press time, trans advocacy groups were already drafting strongly-worded statements demanding that no one connect this incident to Islam while simultaneously begging the media to keep calling the other shooters “cis white males” for at least another 48 hours.
“Finally,” one activist sighed, clutching a rainbow flag and a “Pride Over Prejudice” sign, “a shooter we can safely blame on toxic masculinity and colonialism instead of our own community. Mazel tov to the caliphate, I guess.”"
Published at
2026-03-04 19:42:03 UTCEvent JSON
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