Vlad on Nostr: Let’s think of a world in which filters become the norm No user node stores any ...

Let’s think of a world in which filters become the norm

No user node stores any ordinal inscription, Bitcoin Core is dead, everyone runs the latest version of Knots

Then jpeg enjoyers decide to pay miners directly – no mempool storage is needed anymore, the mining pool just includes the transactions in the blocks.

Lesser resourceful jpeg enjoyers also hide the arbitrary data in multisigs, which Knots purity filters cannot stop.

“So sneaky!”, says chairman Dashjr. “They are cheating and raping everyone’s nodes!”

“I haven’t seen my kids in 3 days because of this crisis”, adds general Grassfed. “We must stop them, these jpeg are hurting my feelings!”

“These memes aren’t even funny”, says lieutenant Zoccola in between munching on his gluten-free panini.

Consequently, they decide to create the Knots whitelist – the ultimate virtue database. This means that, in order to prevent any kind of spam, all Bitcoin users must be personally vetted by the Knotzis.

All Bitcoin users must grant access to public keys (xpubs) to the Ocean mining team, do mandatory KYC to Jack Dorsey’s über compliant on-ramps, and write public Nostr notes to praise the effectiveness of filters.

If anyone steps out of line, they get sent to forced labor camps where they fix broken ASIC miners for Eligi.. I mean Ocean and produce electricity in order to retain its hashrate supremacy.

Heil Filters! Whitelist power! Über hashrate!

The Vatican then gives Luke Dashjr a call and asks him to replace the sitting Pope because they haven’t seen such effectiveness in punishing heretics since 1234 (which, ironically, was also Luke’s passphrase to access his wallet.dat file).

General Grassfed gets promoted to god emperor status by the node-running plebs who pray to his bearded statues while performing excruciatingly painful acts of self-flagellation.

And Matthew Krater becomes the modern day Plato, with a university where he is legally allowed to sodomize his students as long as he doesn’t post pictures of it on the blockchain. Ancient Greek traditions for university founders, can’t really argue against them. His mighty brainfarts get translated into 100 languages and everyone gets tattoos of his Chrome tabs.

Finally, Saylor buys more bitcoin and the price goes to $666 trillion. Because why the fuck not? If the chain is useless and compliant, there has to be at least some kind of happy ending.