With that understanding, I've tried to be compassionate and think of her, not myself. He's been in my house only because of that. I don't like him and tolerated him only because of our mother.
Because those rules still apply, even after mom's death, I hope that he will come to the memorial service because our mom would have wanted him there.
I think he's trying to cause a family fight because it would be a convenient way to excuse why he didn't attend. So, I won't let him pull me into one.