Emmanuelle Skaly on Nostr: After being tired of another game presenting nonbinary people as gender hating and ...

After being tired of another game presenting nonbinary people as gender hating and attention seeking.

Trigger warning: criticism about the nonbinary and trans community (as a nonbinary intersex person).

Fun fact: it is entirely, and completely possible, to be transgender and/or non-binary without alienating people for the crime of not understanding or even validating you.

I don't know why our gender diverse community is so insatiably busy with isolating ourselves from everyone who doesn't care about our gender identity. Why the trans and nonbinary communities literally promote social isolation and forcing people to use any pronouns or validate our gender identities.

I say my pronouns are they/them as in those are the ones I see as most fitting. But I couldn't give less of a fuck about my pronouns being misused.

And please don't give me the "well some people have gender related traumas" as an excuse to be forceful with this, you have no idea the depths of PTSD I have from gender related traumas and accumulated hurt. But unlike the absolute majority of this community, I'm not building my entire personality and identity on the basis of having trauma - which does the opposite of healing because of our psychological effect of subconsciously wanting to keep our identities (for example being traumatized) what they are if they are socially validated no matter how bad they are for us.

I've been through being jobless and crying all day for years while blaming absolutely everything on my gender and on traumas and abusers and that's a shit way to live. You know what's even worse? Being so weak that you force people to validate you obsessively instead of being strong and not let people touch you. And yes - you're gonna have to make yourself strong because no one else is going to do it for you.

My closest friends and family can often mispronoun me. I used to think I'm supposed to have panic attacks and fights over this so I did. Until one day I figured I really don't have to lol. Gender is a very important thing for me and I celebrate my gender chaos, mixing and out of the norm gender identity and expression, but it's not nearly as important as my healthiest relationships, my art, health and work - which is what my close friends and family help a TON with, probably are the ones who kept me alive at my hardest times as well and the ones who make me laugh and smile every day feeling deeply supported and capable.

Yes - the people who often misuse my pronouns kept me alive. You know what else they do? Rarely say a racist joke. Occasionally make an uncomfortable comment. Disagree with me on politics. Have doubts about some of my life decisions.

All of that is called being HUMAN. Not politically correct - but also not assholes.

I did cut a TON of people out of my life too. If someone tries to force gender norms on me or call me insane or smth for being nonbinary they are absolutely out of my damn life. Some political disagreements are too personal for me to pass on, too.

But I no longer live in absolute obsessive anxiety cutting people off over God damn pronouns lol.
I no longer cut people off because they made an out of place joke.

Most importantly - I no longer have this obsessively narcissistic trait which says my life are harder than the lives of people who are straight or white or cis, because I learned those people often have difficulties very different yet as deeply traumatizing and difficult to live through as myself as a rape victim, and a non binary intersex neurodivergent person with chronic illnesses and many mental illnesses.

Yes, you can absolutely be transgender and still have a much easier life than a white cis rich guy in many aspects. You have very very different struggles in very different topics. Empathy means being able to recognize that all humans suffer.

And honestly?
Living through war and rapid antisemitism very very directly related to me as someone from 2.5 miles away from the border - really gives some perspective on what relationships are actually good for me and what's actually important to me in this life.

I still occasionally correct people about pronouns, rarely but I do sometimes. But not aggressively. Not forcefully. And not in a way that attacks or isolates anyone. And I still stand my ground if people very rarely try to claim that I'm a woman forcefully and say women are amazing but I'm not a woman.

And pronouns obsession and an attempt to control others is not a 0.000000001 percent as important for me as being gender free in my own mind and expression.

#nonbinary #pc #pronouns