Storm on Nostr: How embarrassing is it that any of the basic beige boring bitches he ‘chooses’, ...

How embarrassing is it that any of the basic beige boring bitches he ‘chooses’, everyone will know in public they only want him for money. And in private, he shall know they only want him for money. But I don’t think he could ever ‘feel’ enough anyway, just the basic urges until he gets bored and discards someone in the end…someone who he’ll likely only be with out of spite and boredom and to play a part. He won’t choose crackhead (although might drive past her house but crackhead shall be too busy posting like she’s paid for it to notice).
He won’t choose me. I’ve nuked it enough and there was no real connection to nuke anyway apparently. He’ll ensure the algorithms everywhere for a while try to make me feel guilty like I’ve ’self sabotaged’ but I’m not so deluded to think there was really anything to sabotage. Everyone can tell what I want, it’s not my fault if someone doesn’t want to do it. Then all the prying into my privacy shall eventually fade away…
I do really hope I actually find someone I am supposed to be with. Supposed to have a family with. But I couldn’t trust or love enough I don’t think any more, and I am very sure I’ll never find enough for me but maybe would have been better for me if I’d realised and had a four year head start to try to really find it. I think it’s probably too late for me now but maybe I’ll just settle out of spite for someone like I’m sure he would.
I don’t think anything matters so much anymore.