moving along. Fear is the architect here.
Fear keeps us working near the ark. ~ Rumi
GM🔥 It's ten to eight. Sunday. The fire in the photo about burned down. No one awake yet. I've been up since 4:30. That's when I get up to go to work. To deliver mail.
I waited an hour and a half to start my morning routine. A cold shower, then 40 minutes of meditation.
I didn't have to be anywhere on time. So I pet the cat that purs next to my head in bed. Scratch my wife's arm. Tell her I love her. She doesn't hear me most of the time. I go in and hug my 16 year old son in bed when he's sound asleep.
It keeps the worry at bay. It gets me out of myself. Relationship. Touch. A way to be home again.
I know I need to be tough, stoic disciplined .I do that too. That was the past 6 days..
There's that voice in back of my head telling me I have "free" time. I should be doing this, that, and every other god damn thing.
Dis ease is what it is. Sometimes I think smoking weed would fix it. Drinking worked until the next morning. Then the worry would hit harder. I really could see it when I started meditating.
The worry started up again when I started working full time for the Post office. That was officially 3 years ago. But as a part timer I was going full time back in 2020 already.
I have spent my whole life trying to understand this worry. Because there's something inside of me that tells me it's not supposed to be there. Always concerned about a future collapse of this or that.
A coworker and I got all dystopian about the data centers and AI yesterday morning. We're both middle aged men. Our kids mostly old enough to be looking at life beyond mom and Dad.
Another coworker, a young woman of 24 listening in says, "I want to have kids, but with all the AI stuff happening now I don't know."
The only thing I could tell her after a bit of silence was I was dead set against having kids until I was 34. Then I wasn't. And it was one of the best things I ever did. Maybe the best.
That's what's on my mind right now. I look forward to being outside working around our place and helping out with our native plant nursery.
I hope you have a great day.
#gm #coffeechain
Morning Fire 217
5.17.26
