Authenticity

This is something that has been on my mind for a little bit; a thought that came from another thought that came from a self-examination; you know the way navel-gazing goes.

Let's set the stage.

1. Everyone lies.
2. Reality isn't real.

What does this leave?

1. Actions are real.
2. Emotions are facts (but only at a point in time)
3. Our entire experience is complete. There are no missing parts. Time doesn't work that way.

I can go more in depth on any of this, but for now, just mostly wanted it here, because looking at things from this perspective has a lot to do with how I view authenticity.

Shall I define authenticity? I've struggled with this, but I think when someone is authentic, their actions are consistent with how they present themselves as a person. There is a sense of integrity about them, in the way they are perceived.

This is an observation that I am purposefully making from an external viewpoint. If I were to view authenticity from an internal viewpoint, I think I would consider it integrity.

When everyone is lying to you, whether intentionally or not, all that leaves for you to observe is their actions. If those actions are consistent, then you can consider them authentic to that person, even when that person is lying to you. A person can be an authentic liar, jerk, inconsiderate, petty human. A person can be kind, compassionate, accepting, honest - but if actions indicate otherwise, they may be inauthentic.

What use is this? It is a way to look at someone else externally. Maybe it is a way to judge. Let's look at reality not being real. I see this in the following way - what we experience for ourselves as reality is like what we experience as our smartphone screen or computer desktop. There are icons there that have meaning, but they are not actually the things that are real. Behind the icon is an application. Behind that application are lines of code. behind those lines of code are binary electronic pulses, zeros and ones. Those move around circuitry in all kinds of ways. Electrical pulses are energy. How real is energy? I think maybe the only thing holding energy as real is time, and how real is time? This is not the same as the theoretical implications of The Matrix, but those are possibly more in line with this than any other concept of reality.

However, we all experience whatever the stuff of reality actually is, in useful constructs. Things like matter, energy - these are useful to explain what we experience. We can attempt to measure these things in ways that we can compare to others' experiences. However, if I held a rock, and tried to describe the experience of holding that rock, it would NOT be the same as your experience holding that same rock, even if we could agree it was the same size, weight, color, etc. What does reddish orange really mean? What does a kilo mean - to you, when you hold a 1-kilo rock in your hand? I don't assume that it would mean the same to me.

Since I am basically saying that how we experience reality is entirely subjective, and it is impossible for me to experience your reality in the same way you do, all I can do is observe your actions. Speech is an action. Inaction is an action, as a response to something else. I wrote about an economy of emotion that goes further into the opportunity costs of acting and feeling.

But emotion is a little different. Emotion isn't an action. Emotion is fact, but only subjectively. My decisions will be based largely on emotion, in my opinion, and so will yours. We try to assert that we act logically, or mindfully, or even instinctively - but as humans, I believe we first and ultimately act emotionally. Even controlling your emotions will still allow emotions to partially inform your action. Your emotions inform your experiences, your memory, all your perceptions, both sensory and extrasensory. We want to deny this, to build some reality construct that makes sense, that we can apply as a template for ourselves and others - but this simply isn't true. Emotion is still there. Emotion may be the one thing that keeps us as humans separate from AI.

Emotion is only true at a point in time, though - so the action you took earlier today based on your overall emotional state at that time might not be the same action you would take right now, as your overall emotional state will have changed.

And I don't think we see emotions as nearly as complex as we could. I've read books on emotional intelligence, and when they bring up some color chart, I laugh. I see my emotional color chart as a tie-die kaleidoscope, changing like an active heat map. Chaotic, sometimes perhaps, or sometimes mesmerizing in its own patterns. And this is what ultimately sits at the controls of my human action.

I am not saying that emotions cannot be influenced by other factors; of course, they can - but whatever the effects of the influences, your action at a particular point in time will still be informed by your overall emotional state at that point in time.

How does this work with authenticity? If I see someone displaying consistent action, and I understand that action is informed by emotion, then maybe I can infer something about the consistency of their emotional state.

When you don't believe you are being told the truth, and reality isn't real, small inferences like this make a big difference in how you reconstruct your overall world view. I could not say if someone had integrity or not. Only they could believe that about themselves. I could, however, observe their actions and believe them to be authentic.

And how does this relate to interpersonal relationships in general? What hope is there for an interpersonal relationship when there is no trust? Well, trust can be built through authenticity; in fact, I could say that any trust must be built through authenticity, and inauthentic action is what destroys trust.

I struggle with many things, being an extremely analytical person, and coming from a past that did not reward many of the actions that most take for granted as good. It also taught me early and often that permanence was not to be expected. Some of this led to some serious issues with self-esteem.

I can write a lot more about self-esteem, but one part of having low self-esteem is an emotional state that feels insignificant or less important relative to others. This is extremely general on purpose, but this can include people that never feel good enough to meet their parents' expectations, or even the expectations of a god-figure or savior. The person with low self-esteem is always seeking that external approval, while also always feeling judged.

I struggled with my share of that. For some time, I believed that the perceptions of others were more important than my own reality, and lived to create a perception of myself that would serve me well. This will never be authentic. This is like the person who when asked who they are, responds by asking who you want them to be. In fact, when asked to "be yourself", that is not immediately possible, as you are just a mirror or a prism, reflecting off whatever you think will show you in the best possible light. Then this immediately becomes cyclical, as you feel that emptiness, and the emotional toll of inauthenticity.

One of the first observations I had when confronting my self-esteem was that I needed to restore my own integrity, but that wasn't immediately easy to do, because I also needed to establish authenticity and become consistent in action. This meant accepting emotion, and learning to harness the power of emotion when acting. A lot of that is just accepting the emotion that is there. Some of that is removing obvious external factors. I no longer feel any need to drink alcohol, although I may do so socially from time to time. I think it contributes to inauthenticity when viewed externally, and does nothing to preserve integrity in my own thoughts and emotions.

Remember, authenticity is an external construct. Integrity is a similar internal construct.

Once I was on the path to fixing myself, I wanted to start looking at what I could do to build a social network. I've never believed I had friends, although I am a social enough person, have no problem going out, talking to people, etc. But this is again the damage done by low self-esteem, having no trust in permanence, no faith in people, no belief in my own authenticity, even when I was acting with integrity.

The way I found out of this is to use authenticity as a useful construct. I can use it to build trust in others, and see it as a way they can build trust with me.

This is way different than living in the shadow of their perceptions (or at least my concept of what their perceptions must be). I've done plenty of that, what I initially considered buying friends - being the guy to pay the bill. Being the guy that had what they needed, that cared about what they were interested in, would help them with whatever they were doing. Spending my money at times, but ultimately my time, to hopefully make them think well enough of me to maybe consider I might belong as a friend. But that would never make me feel that I belonged, and why should it? I was never actually sharing myself, so anything that would belong would not even be myself.

Now, it is more important to first understand myself, construct my reality, accept my own emotions, and then share freely with others, hoping not for their approval or acceptance, but only that my authenticity allows them to trust me enough to share their own authenticity. This isn't something that can be bought with my time or money, but only my own work to make my actions as consistent and authentic as possible.

No, this is not easy. It may be simple, but not easy - but then again, nothing worthwhile is ever easy, although it may often be simple.

I think it becomes easier with time, though. Finding your own inconsistencies, exploring what seemed to you to be contradictory in your own actions - That is something that takes time, and resolving those inconsistencies can be tough, but ultimately rewarding. Building your own self-esteem, finding out and exploring who you are, and what you want to construct your own reality to be - that is the most important building you can do, and worth every moment you attend to it. It can never be someone else's reality, someone else's perception, even if that person may mean more to you than anything else you can think of, even yourself. It must be yours, and you have to build it. Anything less, and you are just another NPC in the game of life.

The key to building is small, intentional actions, done repeatedly. We see that in this network. Small notes, sent intentionally, done repeatedly. Building the most authentic network we could imagine, where inauthenticity is disincentivized. But back to life. This isn't about forming habits, although those will happen. It may be about breaking habits. Intentionally. Repeatedly.

Focus. Simple. Intentional. Repeated. This is the path to Authenticity. Authenticity is where true relationships are formed between people.