{"type":"rich","version":"1.0","title":"Derek Ross wrote","author_name":"Derek Ross (npub18a…tp424)","author_url":"https://yabu.me/npub18ams6ewn5aj2n3wt2qawzglx9mr4nzksxhvrdc4gzrecw7n5tvjqctp424","provider_name":"njump","provider_url":"https://yabu.me","html":"Introducing Ditto Self Sovereign Zaps:\n\nHow to Accept Zaps on Nostr (99 Easy Steps)\n\n1. Buy computer parts because pre-builts are fiat\n2. Assemble computer (don't forget thermal paste this time)\n3. Install Ubuntu Server because you're not a degenerate\n4. sudo apt update \u0026\u0026 sudo apt upgrade (pray)\n5. Configure static IP on your router\n6. Forward port 8333 (call ISP if CGNAT, they'll say no, cry)\n7. Install Bitcoin Core from source because you verify everything\n8. Wait 3 days for IBD (initial blockchain download, not insomnia)\n9. bitcoin-cli getblockcount (compare to mempool.space, panic if different)\n10. Wait 3 more days\n11. Create bitcoin.conf with txindex=1 because you'll need it later\n12. Install Tor because privacy isn't just for criminals Karen\n13. Configure Bitcoin Core to use Tor hidden service\n14. Install LND (Lightning Network Daemon)\n15. Create lnd.conf with bitcoind backend\n16. Generate wallet seed (write it down, NOT in a .txt file on your desktop)\n17. Wait for LND to sync (another day of your life, gone)\n18. lncli getinfo — confirm channels = 0, feel empty inside\n19. Send BTC to your LND wallet on-chain (pay $4 in fees)\n20. Open your first Lightning channel (pay another $2 in fees)\n21. Channel is pending. Wait 6 blocks. Go outside. Touch grass.\n22. Channel is open! You have 0 inbound liquidity. Cool.\n23. Open MORE channels with balanced liquidity\n24. Buy inbound liquidity from a peer because of course that's a thing\n25. Install RTL (Ride the Lightning) to manage your node\n26. Configure RTL with LND macaroons\n27. Generate a Tor hidden service for RTL\n28. Now install LNURL\n29. Clone lnurl-poole repo from GitHub\n30. npm install (it works first try, you lucky bastard)\n31. Configure LNURL with LND backend\n32. Create LNURL-pay endpoint\n33. Set up Nginx reverse proxy\n34. Install Certbot for SSL (Let's Encrypt, not your Let's Not)\n35. Configure DNS records (A record, AAAA record, TXT because why not)\n36. Wait for DNS propagation (1-48 hours, spin the wheel)\n37. Test LNURL endpoint (it fails)\n38. Debug for 2 hours\n39. It was a typo in the config\n40. Test again — it works!\n41. Now install Nostr Wallet Connect (NWC)\n42. Clone nwc-payserver or use Alby's NWC implementation\n43. Configure NWC to connect to your LND node\n44. Generate NWC connection string (this is the magic string)\n45. Format it as nostr+walletconnect://...\n46. Copy the string\n47. Open your Nostr client (Damus, Amethyst, or whatever)\n48. Settings → Wallet → Connect Wallet\n49. Paste the string\n50. It doesn't work\n51. Check LND logs\n52. Check NWC logs\n53. Check firewall rules\n54. The port was closed. Open it.\n55. Try again\n56. It works!\n57. Post a note on Nostr\n58. Someone zaps you 21 sats\n59. You cry tears of joy\n60. The lightning invoice settles\n61. Check your balance — 21 sats!\n62. Channel management: rebalance because all your liquidity went one direction\n63. Install Balance of Satoshis for rebalancing\n64. Run bos rebalance and pay more in fees than the zap was worth\n65. Install HTLC insurance (this is made up but you'd believe it by now)\n66. Watch your node 24/7 like a newborn child\n67. Set up monitoring with Prometheus + Grafana\n68. Configure alerts for channel closures\n69. Set up backup script for channel state\n70. Test backup restore on another machine (you won't, but you should)\n71. Update Bitcoin Core (compile from source again, 45 minutes)\n72. Update LND (another 20 minutes)\n73. Pray the updates don't break anything\n74. They broke something\n75. Roll back, try again\n76. Successfully updated\n77. Someone zaps you 1000 sats!\n78. You made $0.77!!!\n79. Calculate ROI on the $500 computer, $10/month electricity, 40 hours of setup\n80. At this rate you'll break even in 7 years\n81. Worth it\n82. Write a shitpost about the experience\n83. Get zapped for the shitpost\n84. 2100 sats\n85. NOW we're talking\n86. Configure auto-rebalance cron job\n87. Set up watchtower for backup channel monitoring\n88. Install charge-lnd for automated fee management\n89. Realize you've become a full-time Lightning Network administrator\n90. Quit your job\n91. Start a Lightning node management consulting business\n92. Charge 10,000 sats/month per node\n93. Get 3 clients\n94. 30,000 sats/month revenue\n95. That's $23\n96. But you're your own boss\n97. And you can accept zaps\n98. Copy paste one string\n99. Satoshi's vision achieved \n\nOr you know, use Spark. \n\nnostr:nevent1qqsvwk80hva2zn0s4vumzzxfjkfq2nsv57gmv4zymgnwh6mm8wglr0qpz4mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduhsyg8qjgwkzrhx25uke7kxexg8k6k3ruapmhjhwqpfuy5yum9wplnm65psgqqqqqqszru9ut"}