Joel

Francie doesn't like coffee ice-cream.

Public Key

npub1vkf94pjdtudk7lgzqmt6yf8j0fx300v20qzt9zsqmragc6ltty0qzvn34j

NIP-05 Address

Profile Code

nprofile1qqsxtyj6sex47xm005pqd4azyne85nghhk98sp9j3gqd375vd044j8spz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0dsxs9hlt

Publishing to

relay.damus.io

nos.lol

Author Public Key

npub1vkf94pjdtudk7lgzqmt6yf8j0fx300v20qzt9zsqmragc6ltty0qzvn34j

Show more details

Last Notes

2026-04-25 07:20:17 UTC

Beautiful day for a crack of dawn run. (I don't know why there's a missing pixel or glowing spot or whatever it is shhh)
https://mastodon-assets.tootr.co/media_attachments/files/116/464/128/068/261/181/original/db870d8c8069b53c.jpg

2026-04-06 07:06:38 UTC

Sorry to dreampost but it was so weird. The Titanic was back? But nobody could tell if it was like a ghost ship, or the real one, but it was taking passengers and sailing. So @npub1g6n…5std and I snuck on? And then it sunk. But we didn't drown we went to the bottom of the ocean and came out in a cave, but the cave was in the future. And we were like 'guess we live in the future now'. Robots and stuff. But then it turned out to be shitty, everyone lived underground, almost no water. Then I woke up.

2026-04-04 09:48:19 UTC

- reply

Grey's Anatomy - Hot doctors who fuck and sometimes do medicine
Chicago Med - Hot doctors who do medicine and sometimes fuck
The Pitt - Normal looking doctors who do medicine

2026-04-04 09:34:51 UTC

I saw someone saying something like 'The Pitt makes Grey's Anatomy and Chicago Med look like soap operas' and ... yes? That's what they are? They're doing different things?

2026-01-22 18:55:38 UTC

I guess I should probably watch Sinners, then, eh?

2026-01-01 19:49:00 UTC

- reply

I read it like 30 years ago and I still think about 'The dark seemed to press like wet felt upon the open eyes'. It's so evocative.

2025-11-13 20:01:03 UTC

- reply

I thought about it (also for the person who said 'Worry more about Trump the birds are secondary' when I posted a photo of a robin) but I think maybe it's gauche to tag oneself and also as you say I do not wish to be perceived

2025-11-13 19:40:44 UTC

Bluesky is so unhinged
https://mastodon-assets.tootr.co/media_attachments/files/115/544/074/777/647/165/original/e8df3d373297c066.png

2025-10-08 06:17:27 UTC

oh my fucking god I'm wheezing. I was trying to find the tweet where Heidi Klum posted her shitty NFT and asked what people thought of it. I searched 'heidi klum do you like my nft'.
This was the AI resullt.
https://mastodon-assets.tootr.co/media_attachments/files/115/337/083/500/148/016/original/21281da824c17b4e.png

2025-10-04 06:53:10 UTC

Google AI overviews suck so much.
'"Dewey Cheatem and Howe" is the name of a fictional law firm used in jokes and media as a humorous play on words, sounding like "Do you cheat them and how?".'
'Sounding like "Do you cheat them"'?!
It sounds like 'Do WE cheat them?'!!
We being the lawyers! Come on!
https://mastodon-assets.tootr.co/media_attachments/files/115/314/573/272/667/642/original/1f5bf212db38ee1c.png

2025-09-19 10:31:52 UTC

- reply

Wash it down with
https://mastodon-assets.tootr.co/media_attachments/files/115/230/433/289/644/603/original/6ec2e742e21098f4.jpg

2025-09-14 09:16:20 UTC

Dreams are so weird. My brain created a entire magazine, with a 20-page photoshoot of a model in a sunflower field, with a biography of this non-existent model, and inserts, and a perfume sample that I could *smell*? It was like a peppery honey scent, it was lovely, and I'm sad it's not real.

2025-09-13 09:17:55 UTC

- reply

Honestly Paddington As Grim Reaper is one of the most fascinating things to me.

2025-09-13 09:16:10 UTC

At least Charlie Kirk isn't British so we don't have to see people's drawings of Paddington ushering him to the afterlife.

2025-08-15 19:20:35 UTC

Imagine how peaceful it would be if the press realised JK Rowling's opinions don't matter. She has no expertise or insight. She wrote kids' books who gives a cock what she thinks? We go now to Jill Murphy for insight on Palestine. Here are Suzanne Collins' views on nuclear disarmament. Shut up.

2025-06-08 08:05:42 UTC

lol just buy a stock photo you losers
https://mastodon-assets.tootr.co/media_attachments/files/114/646/707/642/287/622/original/bd35a38a25f90041.png

2025-05-18 12:32:14 UTC

- reply

Aware?! Bitch I've *watched* it.

2025-05-14 17:05:15 UTC

- reply

Scorching drought reveals Doggerland remains

2025-05-13 16:34:41 UTC

Owen Jones saying 'Keir Starmer only cares about power and we deserve better and that's why I'm backing Zack Polanski' just made me wheeze-laugh.

2025-05-06 17:11:37 UTC

- reply

Ah, that tracks. Sounds like it'd be a useful investment.

2025-05-06 17:05:20 UTC

- reply

I thought you were still on the 'be very cautious with spending' jag?

2025-05-06 12:11:56 UTC

- reply

I genuinely do not like it! People are following me! They are going to be very disappointed!

2025-05-06 12:08:56 UTC

- reply

oh no Caitlin Moran reposted this on Bluesky and now it's doing numbers

2025-05-06 07:25:03 UTC

My favourite Met Gala look is absolutely Barry Keoghan as a lesbian-coded shipping heiress who has just returned from 'the East' in a 1940s murder mystery.
https://mastodon-assets.tootr.co/media_attachments/files/114/459/690/780/733/273/original/fdf9c39046fa5426.jpg

2025-04-21 15:45:36 UTC

- reply

Nooooooooooo

2025-04-21 08:26:31 UTC

I wonder if we'll get any Paddington Guiding The Pope To Heaven drawings or if he's only the Grim Reaper for UK people and especially the royal family?

2025-04-17 16:34:43 UTC

I've got such a disgust reflex to Harry Potter now. Not even 'It was my childhood' (I don't care) or 'I only watch things I already own' (good for you, you pussy-ass bitch), but just using it as a reference point grosses me out.
'They're like Death Eat...' SHUT UP!
'She's basically Umbr...' SILENCE!

2025-04-14 12:33:18 UTC

- reply

oh my god I had deleted Benjys from my memory entirely.

2025-04-11 17:06:50 UTC

My trans masc enby pal went to a tailor to get a jacket altered; the tailor tried to bond through 'Take my wife, please!' humour.
Pal was pleased to be passing but wished it weren't via softpedal sexism.
Tailor said 'Women, eh? Can't live with them...' and pal had to bite back 'Can't live as them!'

2025-04-05 08:55:09 UTC

- reply

Ooh, as The World's Lightest Sleeper, I could do with a good mask.

2025-04-05 07:33:10 UTC

- reply

The bias stuff is where I get thrown, I guess. Like I know it will be like 'This story is from The Telegraph, which is fash, FYI', so that's good, but I guess I'm just wary of its 'Balance is good, read things from across the spectrum' ethos. It feels a bit both-sidesy.

2025-04-05 07:22:35 UTC

- reply

Oh are you a Ground News girlie?

2025-04-05 07:16:53 UTC

A while ago, Honey the browser plugin was everywhere, and I was like 'No I do not trust that bitch' and it turned out to be a bad naughty scam, and this is not to say 'I'm so smart' but to give context that I have the same bad vibes for Ground News. I do not trust that bitch.

2025-04-04 09:54:06 UTC

- reply

THEY PUT 'HOLD ON TO YOUR VAGINAS' IN THE TRAILER!

2025-04-04 09:53:16 UTC

- reply

HOLD ON TO YOUR VAGINAS!!

2025-03-27 12:02:40 UTC

- reply

That's exactly it. I do not want to go down the path it entails. It already thinks I want 'American in Europe' videos because I watched one (1).

2025-03-27 11:16:14 UTC

Youtube really REALLY wants me to watch videos about the shitty new Snow White movie but while I might well enjoy a good takedown of it, I fear there are going to be lots of awful gross bad ones, so I will NOT be clicking.

2025-03-24 11:31:29 UTC

Professor Sir Forensic Starmer being all gung-ho about AI in everything while dismantling protections for the poorest and most vulnerable is all very 'If you stand for nothing you'll fall for anything', ain't it?

2025-03-03 11:28:00 UTC

It's very funny that I've been watching The White Lotus and Cruel Intentions and looking at Sarah Catherine Hook thinking 'what a pretty face she has, she looks familiar' and not recognising her even though I'm watching them, like, hours apart, because in CI she is Blonde and A Bitch and in WL she is Brunette and Mousy And Quiet.

2025-03-03 11:22:08 UTC

- reply

I still haven't seen The Substance because I'm useless, but the whole of Anora hangs on Mikey M's performance, if she didn't kill it the entire movie would be dead in the water. And she did.
Best picture? Probably not. Needed a 15-minute trim, like most things.

2025-02-15 10:58:05 UTC

- reply

No the bird's out on a mission in the woods

2025-02-15 10:55:55 UTC

My friend got me to download a self-help app where you raise a cute cartoon bird so they could claim a mini-pet and now I'm hooked on it.
One of the tasks is 'Say something nice to yourself like a friend would' and I am BAD at that, so I keep defaulting to complimenting my own penis out loud lol

2025-02-12 12:22:35 UTC

- reply

And they always do it about, yes, someone like Taylor Swift who, whatever you think of her, is a megastar.
It's so performative. If they came across someone like, idk, Madison Beer, who could legimately be a 'Who?' for a lot of people, they'd just google it quietly.

2025-02-12 12:10:27 UTC

‪lol Noel Gallagher didn't like the Superbowl half time show.
Speaking a boring white British man, who gives a fuck what a boring white British man thinks about the Superbowl or about Kendrick Lamar?

2025-01-21 14:32:00 UTC

Midsommar (Ari Aster, 2019)
https://mastodon-assets.tootr.co/media_attachments/files/113/866/827/834/808/311/original/4798e00d125ff643.jpg

2025-01-19 15:48:22 UTC

- reply

'Shut up, Joel!' you cry. 'It's not that deep!' you holler. 'Get a blog!' you scream.
I won't and it is and I won't.

2025-01-19 15:41:09 UTC

- reply

If you must show them, have them in the background for people to spot and feel rewarded for paying attention. Don't spoonfeed 'I am done with my Diet Coke! I am putting it in the seatback pouch! Also with some Mentos!'
But nobody *does* pay attention, so we're left with this.
I hate it here.

2025-01-19 15:40:46 UTC

- reply

But if you don't show them, it's a moment of 'Oh, clever!' for the audience, rather than the audience thinking 'Okay they're going to make a Mentos/Diet Coke bomb in a bit' and just waiting for it to happen.

2025-01-19 15:40:22 UTC

- reply

But show the spies scrabbling around the car and thinking 'Aha!' and improvising. You don't need to say 'Viewers, here are a Diet Coke and some Mentos'.
Except you do. Because some people who would be like 'Where did they come from?!'
They came from the car! Because everyday items! And teenagers!

2025-01-19 15:40:15 UTC

- reply

They make a Mentos/Diet Coke bomb. It was very obvious this would happen because they show you the Diet Coke in the car, saying 'it's too early for Diet Coke'. They show you the Mentos. And, like - a family with teenage kids having Mentos & Diet Coke in the car is perfectly believable. That's fine.

2025-01-19 15:39:51 UTC

okay so there's a bit in that Back In Action movie (Cameron Diaz, Jamie Foxx, ex-spies, perfectly serviceable) that just made me really think about the modern media illiteracy and people's requirement to have stuff spelt out.
Very very minor spoilers below if you're that kind of person.

2025-01-14 16:53:33 UTC

There is nothing I resent in computers so much as 'updating' 'drivers'. Drivers? What are you talking about bitch I'll kill you.

2024-12-30 07:52:31 UTC

Hard to say this without seeming 'oh I'm so smart', which isn't the point, but the very first time I saw the Honey voucher-gathering thing I was like 'oh well that's an obvious fucking scam *somehow* I am absolutely not touching it'.
And are people just less cynical than me? More keen for dsicounts?

2024-12-23 20:32:22 UTC

I'm mostly happy or at least all right being single - which is fortunate given how immutable it seems - but sometimes I see poly people and get a bit 'you have three boyfriends and I can't even secure one' about it all.

2024-12-22 15:09:07 UTC

Was talking with friends about doing The Matrix with Muppets.
Agents Smith are played by both Statler and Waldorf.
'He says he's The One.'
'He's The One all right... OUT OF TEN!'
*they multiply*

2024-12-21 11:36:09 UTC

They're a bit naff in that 1990s, everyone liked incense and there were fifteen different candle shops in one mall, buy Christmas presents at Past Times sort of way, combined with a bit of lads' mag culture, but my favourite version of Gaudete is the Medieval Baebes'.

2024-12-17 08:38:51 UTC

- reply

If it had been all the first half - is he dangerous? what's going to happen? - I'd have been happy. But the back end is so appalling that I have zero goodwill for it.
tbh I'm not even happy for those who like it, which is my normal response to things I don't like.
If you love Barbarian I question your taste and values. I hated it that much.

2024-12-16 23:35:07 UTC

omg I just saw someone call the movie Barbarian a masterpiece.
I fucking haaaaaated that film. The beginning is good? Tense, uncertain.
Then it descends into schlocky, laughable, grossly misogynistic garbage.
Haaaaaated.

2024-12-14 11:21:10 UTC

Got served the weirdest ad for the Meta/Rayban glasses camera... thing.
It was a guy turning them on (maybe a celeb I wasn't really looking) and his friends being like 'Don't film this. That's embarrassing.'
'Buy our product! Upset your friends! Trample over their boundaries!'

2024-11-16 20:06:52 UTC

- reply

Genuinely what's wrong with it? People treat bacon with sugar all the time. Cinnamon and bacon go well together - when I ate meat I'd have bacon and berries and maple syrup and cinnamon and it was great. This is just a branding exercise of an existing concept.

2024-11-16 20:00:24 UTC

I would forsake nine (I think??) years of veganism to eat the Cinnamon Toast Crunch bacon.
https://mastodon-assets.tootr.co/media_attachments/files/113/494/404/938/281/289/original/c4df3e6ee9962e3f.jpg

2024-11-08 12:31:52 UTC

- reply

Ohhh, oof. Yeah, take some time.

2024-10-14 17:20:49 UTC

I'm extremely white but I am *not* 'listen to a West Wing podcast that finished because it did every episode but has come back to talk about "the current political climate" via the medium of discussing political movies' white. Jesus wept.

2024-10-14 10:12:00 UTC

I've seen an awful lot of baffling cookie permission pop-ups and convoluted radio buttons but this one is special.
https://mastodon-assets.tootr.co/media_attachments/files/113/305/235/897/000/493/original/56fdecb6fafacbf8.png

2024-10-12 14:53:29 UTC

I can manage about five (5) minutes maximum of looking at flats on rightmove before giving up and crying.
This is nice...Oh there are 12 years left on the lease.
This is cute...Oh the service charge is an extra £300 a month.
I could live here...Oh nope one room emanates a palpable sense of dread.

2024-10-12 06:25:13 UTC

- reply

Thing is they probably would?

2024-10-12 06:22:57 UTC

There's really no good way to DM someone you've known for years but not very well and say 'hey you were in my sex dream and now I need you to send me photos of your penis' is there?

2024-09-11 17:45:01 UTC

https://mastodon-assets.tootr.co/media_attachments/files/113/120/162/006/605/922/original/3c071e3e40724144.png

2024-08-21 11:35:43 UTC

- reply

A UK MP - maybe Penny Mordaunt? - hadn't previously been too awful on trans issues and tweeted along the lines of 'Don't worry, I don't think trans women belong out in public or in toilets or hospitals' and all the responses were just transphobes screeching 'Oh so you think they're WOMEN, do you?!'

2024-08-21 07:59:13 UTC

What's gonna be fun is when JKR has to tweet something like 'I'm sorry I said Imane Khelif was a man, she is in fact a woman' and all the other transphobes lose it and attack her and turn her into a hate figure betrayer of the cause.
Bigots always turn on each other. No hatred is pure enough.

2024-08-19 14:41:25 UTC

Just saw someone posting like 'HAhahahahaha ask a gay next time!' about a headline of 'Harris topping Trump' and like... come on. Shut the fuck up. Words have multiple meanings. That's barely even an innuendo. It had a photo of the poll numbers under it.