2026-04-11T20:12:49Z https://yabu.me Herr Bischoff https://yabu.me/npub18gxl4xchml2xxq858rr4nm6v30vn9y7gr42nnzagpwvaukm0k47q028vcy https://files.mastodon.social/accounts/avatars/109/687/984/195/256/763/original/bfd2e2c026b204ce.png https://files.mastodon.social/accounts/avatars/109/687/984/195/256/763/original/bfd2e2c026b204ce.png https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsgn3e44cjjy5zyv6pe7scphnwzvme5n2rzvkf6xmya9w8up0dayhczyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcv2nss9 First run of 2026. Second one since November 7th. Had to keep it slow due to snow and ice.<br/><br/>2025 took nearly everything I held dear from me. Without #running, I may very well have perished. This year is going to be fabulous. I’m done with hiding and trying to fit it. This year I’ll be painting the walls, jumping around, dancing, loving, trying, failing and succeeding at silly shit and life-long desires. Here’s to laying the groundwork for the future, for connection, authenticity and vivacity. ❤️<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/826/482/828/747/532/original/4a00536c0000cea7.png"> <br/> 2026-01-02T16:37:53Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqspqenvtk386uf4j50pjr3avj5fymg4vmf4d6rq0nfgdtsyrydyfrgzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hc890u4v First run in, I don’t know, three weeks. Abandoned the training plan, given up hope for the future. #Running is what it is, nothing more. I’m beyond sad now. Not that anyone cared. I’m done pretending or playing a part. December will be brutal, with all that holiday shit and New Year’s. Whatever.<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/644/890/616/182/053/original/8c18f49112ff2075.png"> <br/> 2025-12-01T14:56:36Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqs8v20qcw7twn2zgkdtlc24cygnhazqv9jej4hvmnhf8t53wmcrrgczyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hc8lrkaf I’ve been out #running today, only the second time this week. 12k, whatever. Don’t have a picture, don’t feel like sharing anything. Brand new exchanged Coros watch exhibits identical Bluetooth drops the old one did. I’m still lonely. This year is just shit. 2025-11-07T14:18:38Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqswv670j2ylh8qpzc3sj49ujq8axchprxql7d449p33cy5r6ce9yvszyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcu6ttf2 In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqsw5p3ju5t4e397nqlffkymmmthv5uuf7v3xtx9z25452ngk4ql67s765rdf'>nevent1q…5rdf</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>Taking a cue from <span itemprop="mentions" itemscope itemtype="https://schema.org/Person"><a itemprop="url" href="/npub1jztp3hh20rpvmfnpnxyk7aa8xdutawg0q6df49erakmzyf07zv8qdzmatv" class="bg-lavender dark:prose:text-neutral-50 dark:text-neutral-50 dark:bg-garnet px-1"><span>woollypigs</span> (<span class="italic">npub1jzt…matv</span>)</a></span>, I&#39;m dedicating my #running today to the #NoKings movement. Fantastic turnout that was. Sending you all the love I can to resist the fascist takeover! ♥️<br/><br/>Image is the inspired artwork by <span itemprop="mentions" itemscope itemtype="https://schema.org/Person"><a itemprop="url" href="/npub19fhe8pq9vzsx03svdp0yqu3v2s0pxrrj2vr938vqkxyrazqhav3srluhfl" class="bg-lavender dark:prose:text-neutral-50 dark:text-neutral-50 dark:bg-garnet px-1"><span>Edgar Walthert :NoWar:</span> (<span class="italic">npub19fh…uhfl</span>)</a></span> that I feel can&#39;t spread widely enough. Just brilliant.<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/407/063/730/202/285/original/553861be424bf4e2.png"> <br/> 2025-10-20T14:54:05Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsw5p3ju5t4e397nqlffkymmmthv5uuf7v3xtx9z25452ngk4ql67szyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hchjwr4h Sunday’s long run again on a Monday, since I was busy taking part in a #Biodanza workshop which ran through most of Sunday. It was nice but I was deeply sad, a feeling I still can’t shake today. #Running helped somewhat though.<br/><br/>Tried the navigation of my #Coros watch. It was… alright. Not quite what I had hoped for but also more useful than not. Explored new routes through wooded areas with a fair amount of elevation gain and loss. #Trailrunning is possible around here.<br/><br/>#bloomscrolling<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/406/992/829/412/056/original/20ef7717195a5c65.png"> <br/> 2025-10-20T14:36:04Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsq8srmgnwjcvmntf73hpv06q5spwg5kpy647nxgt6mtz8mdhlfzjszyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcch8cd4 On Sunday I was too beat for #running, so I did the long run today instead. It went very well. I often pushed beyond the upper pace ceiling, doing kilometre splits in 5’02” at times, with an average heart rate barely in Z2. 44% was spent in Z1. I can hardly believe it.<br/><br/>Spent some time writing today, connected myself to love and went to the hair salon. The results need some getting used to but I think I like it. I ordered a radical change and that’s what I got. Exciting times.<br/><br/>#bloomscrolling<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/368/154/914/904/698/original/1abb44bddd60ba77.png"> <br/> 2025-10-13T17:59:04Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsww3l9ljxljkqp0qtnyzty842r2me7yrwj79cyflrwxs9s7xj8kmczyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcdt3zp3 Sadly, no #running for me today. Just had the opportunity to get the current flu and Covid shots while doing a routine checkup at my physician’s office. I count that as a net positive though. Covid cases are spiking around here yet there’s no reporting of any kind. According to the assistant, many people are surprised to hear it because they believe “Covid is over”. 2025-10-07T11:13:34Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsxdcacx284cxvufntvfc5z8afzs570yqa8ujqy24x464zcl9v7gegzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hc0h8vqq Went out #running in the pouring rain today. Wind, frontal rain, soaking wet and shoes full of water. I freaking did it.<br/><br/>In the middle of it all, a voice and feeling appeared inside of me: “FUCK YEAH, this is exactly right!” Don’t ask me why. I don’t even want to know. I take it as is. And pardon my French. It’s precisely as it was, so that’s how I report it. It felt alive, upright, present, accepting, within it, instead of struggling against it.<br/><br/>Now that I let it sink in: I am full of love. ♥️<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/316/496/497/030/839/original/b4c9d048706974ae.png"> <br/> 2025-10-04T15:01:39Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsv3p827avmylxlvstf58xeyu0a6mmea9p0uqssa57kt85mrjxp2cczyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hc4mqr7l Took an entirely different route today. Partly by choice, partly by chance. The motorway bridge I counted on being there in fact wasn’t. #Running went well despite me scrambling to find a way.<br/><br/>Five years ago, on this day today, my transformation towards unconditional love began. It’s both sad and fitting that once again I’m forced to let go what and who I don’t want to let go. That I’m somehow lonelier than I was before. 2025 took most people and almost all of my hope from me.<br/><br/>#bloomscrolling<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/304/895/063/124/946/original/07fccb8bf6639208.png"> <br/> 2025-10-02T13:51:15Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsydvpv55wtawuyg0ahj0383tpzvy4mszfslx7yr80nqsxn8fm69aszyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hc49wf8j Feeling very torn today. Decided to do a #Running Fitness Test to see if the past ~9 weeks of training had any measurable effect.<br/><br/>4k easy pace warmup, then the test and 6.4k back easy pace with the new HR zones.<br/><br/>Imagine my surprise when my threshold pace dropped from 4&#39;32&#34; to 4&#39;33&#34; but my HRmax jumped from 174 to 192, VO2max increased to 48 and my recovery HR is now &lt;136 bpm.<br/><br/>I&#39;m honestly quite shocked. I kind of feel somewhat self-efficacious for the first time in months.<br/><br/>#bloomscrolling<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/293/823/168/650/747/original/938e6e330d69fde8.png"> <br/> 2025-09-30T14:55:33Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqst83wq9pe9k872cv3enkesl7r0rwanz8mrdpkymercwhdceakqw5qzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcf5eunz In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqs2tn39v2hfj8zku4h897h9mz6ltsgw825vaujxa7dx94nfcjlam5q9f8x69'>nevent1q…8x69</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>Thank you. Being thoughtful and intelligent along with being authentic, empathetic, generous and kind sounds like someone you’d be happy to spend time with – in theory. In the real world, the authentic part in particular, means I’m apparently mostly overwhelming. I tend to trigger people’s most uncomfortable feelings just by existing at all. If you’d like to know more, I’m open to, although privately. 2025-09-28T09:45:35Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsx3yktmtmcjwx76xd77q6nwtn62hxwr5anjztuq53k68vumeq285szyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hc7e2x2u In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqsve52l706hwsrlyjcsq7rj2pncpcevz5hw59gxxkhk8kp6kqtc6qgwwhzxp'>nevent1q…hzxp</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>Succumbed to loneliness again today. Zero motivation for running or strength training. It’s pointless. I just want to be held lovingly, doing nothing, having to do nothing. But there’s no one. Still. Again. 😥<br/><br/>Thank you for just being there. 2025-09-27T17:03:32Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsf6w0g2j89fjadatpampaez8atac7ul769hhcy7tmhc7kljhttehgzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hc5zec2c The last several days since Monday have been brutal. Couldn’t get myself to run. Been out #running today. More later if you’re interested at all.<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/271/355/073/710/881/original/ec19ac4e795362b5.png"> <br/> 2025-09-26T15:41:35Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsqjafjhhwl0y4t33745fj2mmjp46ue9grrfa8n6gur0ravh7wgdfczyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcncmzvz In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqs2u9pa255yctet5kx06rjnypnadnfyjpcwnuu3kvyt7gf8ghysdnsh7huwz'>nevent1q…huwz</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>I don’t know. I’ve been writing books full of diary entries. While somehow worthwhile on its own, it never responds. I’ve been screaming into the void for so very long, I guess sharing and experiencing that anyone appears to care is kind of moving and better than constant silence. It’s likely an outlet, yes. 2025-09-24T08:39:17Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsf5u6j5epj384yrta9z2e6fe7wj6rhaydkgd0ggaqcuk0wfy23xsczyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcf6e2kw In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqs86q94kcvt8yeypx67nqg0wpqu9uyejf2k5s0j3kwhfp98vl5p2nq6epsqf'>nevent1q…psqf</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>If you use any kind of emergency care, which is the only one available on short order, they usually want to medicate you because it’s all they can do. Say I endured the search for a therapist in the state that I am in, what then? It takes half a year of weekly sessions for the therapist to even begin to grasp the scale and complexity of what’s up with me. When all I really need is people who stay, don’t run away, love me for me and actually want to be present, spending time with me. 2025-09-23T21:56:00Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqspqty628jptzj7p8wgqch6kqrs3w8l2e3mvchxwdr9dfp0usct5qgzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hc8yv267 In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqsxe2p6kd4ynaluyank7h5mnn4kg9vm78rf7xmrt8a3nt69j0mhkgsmw8ln3'>nevent1q…8ln3</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>Just to nib that therapy thing in the bud… Finding a therapist is an exercise in futility. Most are ill equipped to handle my situation but believe to be up to it. I couldn’t pay for even a single probatory session with a private one, much less regular appointments. Getting a (usually pretty bad) public one my health insurance covers takes 6-12 months minimum, just to find out they’re not a fit and start the entire process over. They only cover talk therapy which doesn’t work for me. 2025-09-23T15:01:28Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsfsn2pf95vl80aw4hpvg778mpgkdfz5gmsudtq9z67clq6fy7r69qzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hc06akuc In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqsd7uhufwq838mc2llfrxg7v6aaa89v5vwm4ntsvdanhvjlzwav07q6wsj0w'>nevent1q…sj0w</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>It takes many years for that to take effect. I’ve been through this countless of times. Meanwhile I continually get older, chances and options disappear, the life I was supposed to have lived all but disappearing. I just passed the last exit ramp.<br/><br/>Friends never stay, relationships end by rejection and running away, all while I still can’t see any purpose for existing at all. It’s pointless. A constant struggle I have lost all interest in of continuing after more than four decades. 2025-09-23T13:03:14Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqswuztd0m8n980s6js86v4acjmczk82rjzwcv4rdn65a3nqplpv43qzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcpa964l In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqs8uvs9d9yl48pltvrddg8tf5xafffrn2veqwzhdnlvsl8jwdp499qeyw9tu'>nevent1q…w9tu</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>In other words “time heals all wounds”. Well, it doesn’t. It just makes you get used to it. It never goes away. Not for me.<br/><br/>I know I can somehow go on but I don’t want to any more. I’m tired of the struggle. What for? There’s no brighter tomorrow. For a tiny, temporary island of happiness within a boundless ocean of pain? More loneliness, rejection, frustration? I’ve been trying to go home my entire life. <br/><br/>I’m done with all of this. I’ve lost all of my wishes, they don’t work anyway. 2025-09-23T07:05:45Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsxl38x5vw6qyalemv3nwzfl8s6w34dqlamwhkt4zze8lrxj72tpvszyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcn4a0pe In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqszr59ltsnthh8aj5pvwwakrfc9lddfpurzjy3xvpf3gas4vgjq78s4cx8uw'>nevent1q…x8uw</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>“Someday” isn’t good enough of a promise at 46. Three decades of pain, rejection and loneliness are plenty. I’m done struggling. Thank you from the depths of my heart for your caring. I do appreciate it entirely. At the same time it’s very clear now that I don’t belong here. My teenage self was right all along. 2025-09-22T11:02:53Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqswhsqc5tas65mk4e8f4fe4e32xxpnh5qp77cmhyvwelnuvjp5c7mszyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcfz46x7 In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqsd3u84575dccq3jnxjfpl0tlzcpqdqdxffgvlw40j0dxx9ywksavgdc35ez'>nevent1q…35ez</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>I‘d trusted life for the right thing to happen. Now there’s nothing at all. Like absolutely fucking always. 2025-09-22T06:33:54Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqszndthkkhv7nvn62xc9hrg7ea0dhp8pphfsl3sk9z677vmef224tczyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcdewlmr In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqs0rxqrkfrne8nmz40qk9aar6sszq8jjkclwchg2xlg7w6a79acrtcq9qxcx'>nevent1q…qxcx</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>You know that decisive thing I was telling about earlier that’s important to me? It happened. And it went one of the worst ways it could have gone. Despite me remaining open. I gave everything and it was not enough. It never is. And way too much at the same time. All I have left is #running and that’s not nearly enough at this point. I have nothing left to live for, to be honest. I don’t care any more. I just don’t want to wake up tomorrow. But without a doubt I will. 2025-09-22T00:49:48Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqs0rxqrkfrne8nmz40qk9aar6sszq8jjkclwchg2xlg7w6a79acrtczyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcm5p0rm Just found out that a combination of 16°C, a sunset and the “Blossom” playlist (<a href="https://music.apple.com/playlist/blossom/pl.aa28cc9ba96a4e719da7e2ddc5ffccb3">https://music.apple.com/playlist/blossom/pl.aa28cc9ba96a4e719da7e2ddc5ffccb3</a>) is rather great for me to run long distances with. I’ve actually run out of places to go for now.<br/><br/>My heart is yearning, my soul tired yet somehow #running still works. Maybe there’s still more to come after all. But why does this feel like the end of the road?<br/><br/>I need to be held, kissed, loved and wanted. But the answer to most everything I need is always running. This is not sustainable.<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/244/235/663/050/012/original/df0acf8e3cb6e142.png"> <br/> 2025-09-21T20:44:46Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqs274h5sxd5e6mgaxdt88swfsurydylwlz5uwnqyed6t4n64narclgzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hccr090t In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqstjp4unmkakgkl4ljp3rg3zy7rtd4g8vg82k4vk2k83hvxlmanswqcv49ne'>nevent1q…49ne</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>Those were different types of events, although similar in nature.<br/><br/>One is called Authentic Love Dance and focuses on getting in touch with yourself and others while being mindful of setting and respecting boundaries. Anything goes except sexual acts.<br/><br/>The other is a Soul Motion type event. It’s about free expression in dance, to move however your body wants to move.<br/><br/>Both events happen without drugs, alcohol, smoking or judgement. There’s also rules for conduct. It’s usually quite nice. 2025-09-17T08:37:14Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsypt0x4am6e3x4x5ysdlyxz2ygedmsve0c0ya4fusl3r75qksc9rszyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hccp4xj7 The weekend was filled with two days of dancing, so I decided to skip the scheduled 20k Fartlek in order not to overexert myself. <br/><br/>Today’s #running was a mixed bag. Strong head winds + rain on the out route but the same wind carried me on my way back. There’s probably a metaphor in there somewhere.<br/><br/>Will be skipping leg strength training today as I’m 100% not in the mood for it and there’s another dancing session tonight. Got to be kind to myself and allow for some wiggle room.<br/><br/>#bloomscrolling<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/213/584/556/473/532/original/7931f4c488e86ac2.png"> <br/> 2025-09-16T10:49:48Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsyj384unjyzl5tgph8gml8g4w4dst8h3w2he7nerqdfldxzdsyyhqzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hca0nzam In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqs98mq3xxkz2reu9h88m75rmlc02la0qdwlvnsh20kxjhth4ln5xec9n6dns'>nevent1q…6dns</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>Nice pace, well done! 2025-09-14T08:47:12Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqstctxq6d7pdxlxtxx7flnuccqd0f4g6dyf40c4dlvysf5tffra28czyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcehsfgn At 18°C, #running takes a lot less effort than at 28°C. Went really well today plus many of the people who were out and about were quite friendly. The plurality of them even greeted me. Either it’s my aura or there’s something in the air. Recently learned a tiny little bit about Mayan portal days. Maybe today’s one of them.<br/><br/>Other than that, I’m still feeling sad and exhausted. Will meditate later and then go out dancing at a place without drugs, alcohol and smoking but with human connection.<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/196/771/051/964/303/original/8bc0bd522e7ce307.jpeg"> <br/> 2025-09-13T11:33:54Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqs9pm6ecwr3wurr02svmfdyjchva4uc2hq8qesqwqrh7wcpqlz86lgzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcrpy50a In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqsggrg4frzskucnzq5kue4m6ztkvkz2es0xn290xnt97dm27yhg2msupnfuh'>nevent1q…nfuh</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>Thank you. I sincerely hope so. I’m going to accept whatever happens, even if it tears me apart for good. I’m done with trying to avoid anything. I’d love it if you had some energy to spare to send my way on occasion. 2025-09-13T06:12:30Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsyqgwqrpw6yshvq5vjpv4a5vtzwft8wsdefnqt5759qukywlfummszyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcl2dus2 In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqszvmpk453nu7swulf80drrfe0exf23a4fpcxtzpg03y2zwnpg9l8q2l49ru'>nevent1q…49ru</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>I’m fighting with all of this for my entire life. It’s been brutal again since December 2024. Thank you for your wishes though.<br/><br/>There’s a likely upcoming crucial point sometime later this month. I’ll happily take any and all positive energy to aid a favourable outcome. I feel I finally deserve it. Everything is in flux and possible right now, from major catastrophic collapse to fulfilment of my fondest wishes – and everything in between. 2025-09-12T16:26:45Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqs8e5zx3hcs5x3jvvk8mngy9jzqe4gc20g9ttlr39gt4funygtwg7qzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hc8u9tzy Just some quick #running today to warm up for core strength training. I’ll see how that goes. I’m lacking motivation.<br/><br/>I don&#39;t know what&#39;s with me today. I&#39;m feeling like crap for no obvious reason. It&#39;s been lingering since yesterday. Sadness, exhaustion, feeling lost, adrift. I&#39;m avoiding meditation. Being calm but stressed at the same time.<br/><br/>I guess I miss being held, feeling wanted, spending time with someone I’m close to just because it feels nice to be around each other.<br/><br/>#bloomscrolling<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/190/569/040/038/906/original/82279ec0ad3d71e0.jpeg"> <br/> 2025-09-12T09:16:38Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqs2m3tmmlslpnt9s6j4cta3evz4angnushfn7j2xsl7yy0cwsce73szyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcw7e3hf 10k easy #running today, followed by 3.7k low-intensity trail and leg strength training.<br/><br/>According to my physician, I’m using running as a form of therapy. Maybe that’s the case, maybe not. In any case, I’m doing it. I don’t really feel it but in its best moments it’s a form of meditation through movement for me.<br/><br/>I’m surprisingly calm. I don’t need to know what happens next. I have an idea of sorts, a touch of an intuition, that I’m supposed to use this time to sort myself, inside and out.<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/175/410/912/094/966/original/28e246df8b24c6a1.jpeg"> <br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/175/411/286/799/972/original/b226044d6622d0ab.jpeg"> <br/> 2025-09-09T17:01:50Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqstxkxuefyywuz97hx5kwum7hm582jvrml9q68950nyrf92stsdh5czyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcwh5uaa Sunday’s #running finished. At up to 28°C, which is completely normal for this time of year…<br/><br/>I’m feeling calm today. Resumed meditation, which unsurprisingly doesn’t come easy. Writing keeps me in touch with myself, even if most of it is sad, painful and lonely. Behind the pain is love, I’m sure of it. It’s there. ❤️‍🩹<br/><br/>I want to believe that broken things can form new possibilities. Not to be repaired, not mended but something new built from the best fragments that remain. A new way. It’s hard.<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/163/099/493/624/376/original/f49163b510b61e15.jpeg"> <br/> 2025-09-07T12:50:46Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsd24yf2jft056lc2mq8xy6mlxypedggexm0j9k27zlg4hx8n2046czyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcwcxppn In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqsy6e9eva0ax5sq3uqkwwgdx52dq30u8n50syc7dr95gnv3upxf5escyxtmg'>nevent1q…xtmg</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>The question is: hope for what exactly? If you adjust your expectations down to “anything is better than this” then yes, there’s always hope.<br/><br/>Anyway. Thank you for the sentiment in any case. I appreciate your continued interest. <br/><br/>A sub-60 *19k* would indeed be rather spectacular. With a pace of 3’06”/km, I could run close to Kipchoge. 😜 2025-09-06T13:44:13Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsfzzqlatrgtn5vs5we9rlapgf66mmu3m4mzham9zpy695d7lzx2eszyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hc2rtrs4 In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqsw7787htc4usvjn73n78th8htjsnq3js8qndvlzep05gsseuwzlfqxetc82'>nevent1q…tc82</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>Unbelievably I’ve done it. 99% completion, very exhausting. But I’ve completed all 4 sets of 8. Now I have a strange craving for jelly bananas of all things. #running #strengthtraining<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/157/535/724/565/587/original/83b9c6f8a9f32612.jpeg"> <br/> 2025-09-06T13:15:50Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsw7787htc4usvjn73n78th8htjsnq3js8qndvlzep05gsseuwzlfqzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hc50jeqz Something is different today. There’s… hope? A tiny little bit, like there’s still a chance for things to become how they’re supposed to be, however small.<br/><br/>Did today’s #running in trail shoes plus 3k trail. Now I’m doing core strength training, which I may or may not finish successfully. We’ll see.<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/157/128/308/761/214/original/1954078c636bbdfd.jpeg"> <br/> 2025-09-06T11:32:13Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsw83e2mxfjtlh4sumhckwy6s3fyaagm8ujndrcftsh4lqchr7ljngzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcqpjl7m First run since Sunday’s half marathon race. Went quite easy, even the strides.<br/><br/>I still don’t feel it. I’m sad, flat and empty. I guess the neurophysiological effects of extended loneliness are kicking in again. I don’t care anymore. I’m tired of fighting.<br/><br/>A thank you to all those among you who are at all interested in me sharing. I’ll try to keep up #running and challenging myself. But what I really need is love and warmth and the feeling of actually being wanted.<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/146/136/457/613/480/original/e39588363fb7a613.jpeg"> <br/> 2025-09-04T12:56:51Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsrdjwq3m63xzg3qegnmp43t2fhr2v5dehwzhexmvyta2292rsuavczyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcyv4pah In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqsv4pf7ssdshm8jmq53c583mnk6eh8rhj2yzrktuccapzuv9lcd4acckkm5j'>nevent1q…km5j</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>Well, I did it. Not as well as last years’ instance of the same event but I guess it’s still something given how 2025 went for me. Official time is 1:46:56. Last year was 1:42:52. I was further along in my #running training last year as well.<br/><br/>I’m not feeling it though. Maybe once I’m shovelling snacks and pizza into me on the sofa, I’ll get in touch with what it means to me. I just wish there was someone special here to share this moment with.<br/><br/>Thanks to all of you who replied.<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/123/504/756/264/366/original/97caecc5d17ad358.jpeg"> <br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/123/505/059/165/273/original/e120d5bf4e06a479.jpeg"> <br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/123/505/411/964/992/original/e070c6b8d0616b72.jpeg"> <br/> 2025-08-31T13:01:29Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsv4pf7ssdshm8jmq53c583mnk6eh8rhj2yzrktuccapzuv9lcd4aczyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcxf963n Alright, half marathon race day. The first and probably only race for me in a year full of setbacks, trauma, pain and loneliness within a world out of joint. It’s a small miracle that I’ve come this far. I don’t know how much more I can take before finally giving up. I’m broken. All the usual #mentalhealth crap does not work for me. But hey, for now I’m here, I’m still #running, still crying, still existing, persevering. Yet, I really couldn’t say what for. Wish me luck or something. 2025-08-31T05:48:34Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqs8djupgnczl5g58u4e5c9hf3rqvya3u3skk23detmthketlcwn22qzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcfmdrjp Last #running workout before the half marathon race tomorrow morning.<br/><br/>I feel fall approaching in ever larger steps. It’s the season of melancholy, introspection and decay. I know it all too well. Still, I don’t belong here. Yet another lonely weekend in an endless string of lonely weekends. I wish my life was very different. It should be different. It isn’t. It never was. It likely never will be.<br/><br/>I hope you’re better off and able to enjoy some #bloomscrolling.<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/117/680/569/529/579/original/ded2d1fb365e1a34.jpeg"> <br/> 2025-08-30T12:20:08Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqs983c6rce6s3whlecqxvrp8dqry37e0an9pe298jyldtkpz4ysvhqzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hccsp0vk Short run today plus core strength training. Got through three sets, then had to call it quits. Tomorrow is an off day with two sets of upper body training. On Saturday a quick 8k and strides, then on Sunday the 21k race. We’ll see how that goes. I have very little expectation regarding my #running<br/>performance.<br/><br/>Otherwise feeling as blue as the cornflower pictured.<br/><br/>#bloomscrolling<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/106/666/966/479/782/original/c65337922dec9fb8.jpeg"> <br/> 2025-08-28T13:39:14Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsx5ev4ghty7dxh5qv9xf67f5gw4ma9l7lshvwcxldcz3pushtf6kgzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcz4fm63 In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqst2pwlfj2swudzxq5ujn99p5mr43h2mtefww7cgge2qfw7yyk78zgceq9sj'>nevent1q…q9sj</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>I admire your confidence in me and my life’s circumstances. In any case, thank you. 2025-08-28T10:02:49Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsv3x5lx5zcm2ppq77c2hynkg77r6cwzfxs578mmpjrdhg4cddf9dszyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hc6p0hvu Yesterday’s run was alright, nothing to write home about. Did four sets of leg strength exercises following it and went dancing in the evening. Today was rather hard. 27°C ambient temperature, stale air and matching excessive heart rate.<br/><br/>Decided on short order to sign up for a 21k race next Sunday. I have no idea how it’s going to go. But something in me wants the medal. Possibly as a symbol that I’ve survived 2025 this far. <br/><br/>#Running has indeed become the main focus of my life for now.<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/101/501/345/746/489/original/217aba3631e7a685.jpeg"> <br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/101/501/687/283/861/original/8c9edf04206002e1.jpeg"> <br/> 2025-08-27T15:45:39Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsfltfegjzlfmfvr0p7ryyashqmdjhdygmv396shk208w4dzyzx3yqzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hc3suphm Another lonely weekend all by myself. It’s hard when there’s no one to spend time with. People are so very busy. I wish there was someone in my life who’d want me – to spend time with, to let in, to truly connect. But alas, I’m nobody’s priority and self-care and self-love only get you so far.<br/><br/>#Running is all I have. Went really well today, so I had to make sure not to overdo it since I’m doing 20k tomorrow.<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/079/692/202/651/085/original/59c77b59777a11a9.jpeg"> <br/> 2025-08-23T19:19:12Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsyd77vec9lawrj4c69kk2e7237ehf5wtkd8z28sk4xq6suz8myexgzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hc4g40t3 Well, Sunday felt like something special might be imminent but so far the universe remains enigmatic. I’m still here, still #running, still brokenhearted. At least I felt like snapping this one today.<br/><br/>Did 9k easy pace followed by 3.5k low intensity trail and leg strength training. First time this year I managed to get through all four sets. Was hard but I guess it’ll be worth it to stick with it.<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/054/924/468/234/086/original/85364db7e0c3db60.jpeg"> <br/> 2025-08-19T10:20:26Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsp3852gpcr8z5yvtyrdtzemv3zqxjq52uxac289f4nc3sy3sattgszyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcf2v0m3 At 29°C, #running gets a bit challenging at times. And now that that’s done, all that’s left is another lonely weekend for me. No plans at all despite trying repeatedly. I keep shrugging inside and collapse just a little bit more every day. It is what it is.<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/114/998/802/775/399/956/original/f446a2c621b71ce6.jpeg"> <br/> 2025-08-09T12:27:57Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqst3nrjlc60qd6fadvvkhgu20p3xvqlw9vsh8hf3gee0pu25j7p4lszyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcwa4k9a In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqsx7hcjwpvxxnrgeltz8fnzua69q4kwq860wmx8xmcvdr38keyftyqks5eqe'>nevent1q…5eqe</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>I guess, thanks. At this point I just don’t know what for. 2025-08-03T21:18:29Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqst5pygrs9mfmlt8t95knqymmdtfx5kr2wn47uakw6t9qq4dqwwtzszyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcd57z9p Still raining, still #running, still existing.<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/114/965/785/708/797/002/original/4959ec50643c5e47.jpeg"> <br/> 2025-08-03T16:31:17Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsq8nt3m2spwpj3yg3jtu00srcnavc7uvc69cljepvzt9v0gnagfjszyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hc7w7wtk It’s raining every day almost all of the time. I’m still #running although I really don’t know why. It’s probably that having no actual friends and being unable to work for #mentalhealth reasons provides me with more time than I know how to fill without feeling extremely lonely. So I’m running through the rain, to feel something resembling being alive without having to cry all the time. Ain’t life wonderful.<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/114/960/249/200/229/565/original/0cbcb1a87b6baf00.jpeg"> <br/> 2025-08-02T17:03:17Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsgch5jj5awqtzj68c9cxvh77ffp20mkpnseg8uaf4yyg0v7kc83fczyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hc5jxemj Despite almost constant and at times torrential rain, I managed to get today’s #running workout in. Met a single other runner. We smiled at each other with a simultaneous thumbs-up.<br/><br/>All of this is good for my severely strained #mentalhealth.<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/114/948/612/026/146/679/original/e9c40307bb493a86.jpeg"> <br/> 2025-07-31T15:43:47Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsvpdlvkfe269qmjyjgfxhluyse4vrp2regj27h2cssflrhq3eg0rczyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcxuyy7n #Running, a hernia operation and a broken heart don’t mix well. Did a longer walk today instead. Lonely sunsets are pointless.<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/114/207/438/366/437/153/original/6d2f6dbd774ea4c2.jpeg"> <br/> 2025-03-22T18:13:31Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsxtlcplxh30nhxp57gcek7s4xgcwjzzrq9z9m6ygrtfdv50apm0sqzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hc53wh00 #Running when the first signs of spring start to appear is something special. Makes doing it with a hernia that much more bearable. I’ve got an operation appointment for next week and afterwards need to take it easy for a time. I take everything I can get in without stressing out my body and my mind.<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/114/126/666/550/744/738/original/ccfc94d1fa6bfed3.jpeg"> <br/> 2025-03-08T11:52:11Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsg5pwd92uq3jtd2kvf7h7shhldq3hgk83um3j2npwwn38ysxgnrzgzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hckllzxs #Running while it’s snowing is just the best. Tried out my first pair of #trailrunning shoes I got Friday (Saucony Xodus Ultra 3) ever on terrain which could probably best be described as “light trail”, including mud, snow and finally rain. They performed admirably. Even extended stretches of road can be run comfortably in those shoes. Plus, they kept my feet warm and dry, despite the cold and not being waterproof.<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/776/810/716/374/732/original/baee7f997b1d7959.jpeg"> <br/> 2025-01-05T16:59:15Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsdal4tamg4vvf23qxsntmvqr74myc5us89hknp9wwg9cf550esgfszyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hc84ur8w Well, I’ll be spending New Year’s Eve alone again, involuntarily, like so many times before. If you don’t like noise, alcohol and stupid waste, it’s the most trying time of the year. Whenever I make plans for spending it with someone else, they fall through, without fail.<br/><br/>I guess it’s all about priorities. When you’re nobody else’s priority, you have to be your own. I still feel lonely though.<br/><br/>Will try to get up early and greet the new year with a little bit of #running. Maybe that helps. 2024-12-30T17:59:25Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsdveqtp85xhmf3gh5a4p9xr5zsn8pp9nglku8t5pp6cxwvvdudgnszyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hc634kuu In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqstc4dq8rvz70cdssq75tu4dv2n226stndcukrey6y64tyc2jmkj5sy89qxq'>nevent1q…9qxq</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>I quit tech. I’m never going back to this bullshit. 2024-12-17T08:39:15Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqs07t6ymhz256s6wszvvv9jl7edz873rujrfajtsnvhgyv6vnnurmczyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcw7qxju Wohoo! 🙌 First slow and careful run after the fibula stress fracture. Worked out well so far. Let’s see how my muscles and tendons take it. Let’s hope I’m back to #running for good now, even if I have to consciously make me go slow with low effort for short distances. Still, 4.4 km for the first run in three months is quite alright.<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/589/265/184/493/328/original/377613852b7cb148.jpeg"> <br/> 2024-12-03T14:03:57Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqspt3amfryczsl2fmwtxlkhh72lmdp933sd2dngzl2j02ukns0w40szyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcg045lv Damn, it’s now been almost three months since I had to stop #running due to a stress fracture of the fibula. Knee is apparently alright again but as luck would have it, I caught a nasty cold the moment I could have started again. Not much I can do except wait. I try not to think about it too much but had to let a sigh out into the world. I fscking sucks. On the bright side, I found out that I can be stable within myself even without running, so that’s a win. 2024-11-24T10:09:50Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsz2ea944x0rkhmj2ruyunstlveavr3xecn2sa44gyw7ad4z0h6g3qzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hc26xxqe In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqsq2lmvcp6nyyrxcd0pqlfhrv946u4va3ghl3zyacfv538rjvvgj8cswym2x'>nevent1q…ym2x</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>Got the MRI report today. As already feared: “Stress fracture of the proximal fibula with corresponding environmental reaction.” Shit. Next week I will get to know what kind of additional downtime that means. If it means no more #running this year, I’m going to lose it. 2024-09-23T18:10:58Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqs0sem45sp3d39whndgnjfm0rctuu0u9xehn58x7drlndhzawt6ewqzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcqm7eyu Didn’t even bother with reading the full changed Terms of Service. The mere mention of “exciting AI features” means my data will at some point be used to feed yet another private #MLM, guaranteed. Downloaded all my #running data and deleted the account. Goodbye, #Strava. We’re done.<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/177/706/665/713/419/original/59c1334686c64bda.jpeg"> <br/> 2024-09-21T21:39:13Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsq2lmvcp6nyyrxcd0pqlfhrv946u4va3ghl3zyacfv538rjvvgj8czyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcfnmn7t In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqsrrqeu8553u5qrk8dvtmwazx9uyecucrx0ut5gcvtganuu239anfc8m4k4m'>nevent1q…4k4m</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>It’s not looking good. Currently sitting in the waiting area to get an MRI. A second orthopaedist diagnosed a potential fatigue fracture. I’m inching myself closer to the realisation that the October race is going to happen without me. #Running is off for now as well. Shit. Will need a lot of hugs going forward. 2024-09-20T09:15:24Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsrrqeu8553u5qrk8dvtmwazx9uyecucrx0ut5gcvtganuu239anfczyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hc8khtyh In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqsv69e4yvmll3f8lhyz8ljkskkhjh822eqcqy8xna5asnfvvhq95gc8gw0gu'>nevent1q…w0gu</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>Managed to get a physiotherapy appointment for tonight. Never been there but the orthopaedist recommended them. They called back and told me about their guiding principle of helping patients become their own therapists. Will be expensive but probably worth it. I really don’t have the money, potentially need to borrow it, but whatever, can’t put a price on hopefully quickly being able to start #running again and do the upcoming marathon. It&#39;s an investment in (mental) health, maximum priority. 2024-09-13T09:32:37Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsv69e4yvmll3f8lhyz8ljkskkhjh822eqcqy8xna5asnfvvhq95gczyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcpsnq3p In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqsgfleynwfkztrak0xh94zxl63g44uql0rxyepzka2u72kl8nmlkasmn2zwh'>nevent1q…2zwh</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>Alright, we’re getting somewhere. The orthopaedist immediately diagnosed a block of the fibula cap in the right leg. Manual therapy and ibuprofen is indicated. With privately paid (of course) manual therapy this should be done in a week’s time. Until then, no #running workouts. Diagnosis took 30 seconds. Waiting for an appointment 4 days. Something went off the rails in my life at some point last week. Feels like this is an extension of something I should have given more attention to. 2024-09-12T17:26:11Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsgfleynwfkztrak0xh94zxl63g44uql0rxyepzka2u72kl8nmlkaszyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcvp5n0g In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqs8kktyygcpztvp6v03zhhcchrk4wtfm60wgc0n8hfwhcjpyztdp9gf5xkuc'>nevent1q…xkuc</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>Tried #running yesterday evening, couldn’t even manage to get to recovery pace. My right knee is not stable. Today I have an orthopedist’s appointment and hope to get any kind of help. I already feel how much running stabilises my #mentalhealth. It’s challenging for me right now, on many fronts. The October 6th marathon is my main focus for months. If that goes and I have to pause more, I’m toast. Let’s hope for the best. 2024-09-12T06:18:14Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqs8kktyygcpztvp6v03zhhcchrk4wtfm60wgc0n8hfwhcjpyztdp9gzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hc4h78ld In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqsqa0ezalh5txxlhmjh8p54deekzdzq7yvkmun5246z4ashl56623qafn4pj'>nevent1q…n4pj</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>Got my prescription and meds today. The combination of metamizole and ibuprofen appears to work. Pain is not gone but manageable. Will wait until tomorrow before attempting an easy pace #running workout, in order to have a full course of meds in me before I do and hopefully a night of sleep without waking up before my alarm. 2024-09-10T09:01:28Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsqa0ezalh5txxlhmjh8p54deekzdzq7yvkmun5246z4ashl56623qzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcw5nq6n In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqsxv6ucf9ez05e42pq68gn65wssdem9jg6vssl6aqa6afnt9t3yjwsykx74a'>nevent1q…x74a</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>Getting doctor’s appointments is ridiculously involved, even with acute pain. The orthopaedist’s office sent me to a hospital ER. Like they don’t have more pressing matters to deal with. Still did it, to clear up whether something truly bad had happened. Leg is fine, pain-adapted training load is apparently uncritical, tomorrow I get pain killers to manage the limp. Will pause #running until Wednesday, then try a short careful workout assisted by drugs and see what happens when they wear off. 2024-09-09T16:38:23Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsxv6ucf9ez05e42pq68gn65wssdem9jg6vssl6aqa6afnt9t3yjwszyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcqx9m02 On the way back #running the 30k today I managed to pinch a nerve located at the right outer calf, just below the knee joint. At least that’s what it feels like. Muscles and tendons are fine, nothing hardened or cramped, it‘s just this one location. And it’s painful. Had to stop at 28.34 km and kind of limp and hobble back home. Now I’m a bit grumpy but already treated myself with cola and lime flavoured water ice at a gas station. Here’s to hoping it will calm down by Tuesday. #bloomscrolling<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/101/944/427/772/700/original/c8944a08f1c4e139.jpeg"> <br/> 2024-09-08T12:31:53Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsw97queqsvqt5vv0ulr3330jdhfzavz4h3f5t9fenu9tk8cv7r5aqzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hc24gnky Today’s run was emotional. Human connection is such a wonderfully precious thing, to treat it with abandon, to handle it with carelessness, can be deeply hurtful. I am hurt. I need to heal. Got in touch with yet another part of me: the warrior. Strong, enduring, persevering, stubborn and passionate. He knows how to pace himself. I believe he can help me with many things, #running included. #bloomscrolling<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/084/454/341/001/847/original/0938f71cd60403a1.jpeg"> <br/> 2024-09-05T10:23:55Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsq7eum7vn8x389axzcwz63w6ge5hmlerfqk860hwdl3q887k3j9pczyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcaqsz05 Phew! This one was kinda hard. Ambient temperature topped 32°C, so my heart rate just wouldn’t come down after some threshold intervals. Decided to skip the last 5k home and walked them. Correct decision. I think I will start #running at night while temperatures stay in this range. Now hydrating with a cold non-alcoholic Hefeweizen beer and some salty snacks. Fantastic. #bloomscrolling<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/044/985/346/758/143/original/f5f8165ae0c2255b.jpeg"> <br/> 2024-08-29T11:06:26Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsgnwsp7uclzrlc9qus4my8958ymc0mqd0r3gjt4xrcf7f55zxcvzqzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hc3lkgl6 #Heldenlauf is done! Official time is 1:42:52, which is a new personal best. It’s also my first HM race ever. Completely by surprise, I scored first place in my age group (M45)… 🤯<br/><br/>I felt like I could’ve continued #running on, around that same pace, so I take this as a good sign for the full marathon on October 6th.<br/><br/>Still pumped by this achievement without really pushing myself, since I’m in the middle of the marathon training plan.<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/022/918/600/194/967/original/74a6dbed8e1aa486.jpeg"> <br/> 2024-08-25T13:34:34Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsd7u8fnuulhm9ss7gqgeauu2s494qqfdwsexwtm7cs0kcxrd3rd2gzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hclxa08r In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqsg9xud0gl4zkan9rgh7wmr6h5see2qltuctze7jdhks2gk3kvkfrclu3txd'>nevent1q…3txd</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>I see, thanks for responding. You’ll have your reasons for sharing what’s going on that way. Whatever it is, I wish you all the best, perseverance, heart and strength for what’s ahead. ❤️‍🩹 2024-08-24T14:58:18Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsp6kw3jrrwkg3a4vjxnjgea0ylns4ex55n2640v5mkjnjgfyp38pczyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hc587l6f In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqs2x66660gee9x97z242306c0s89mt2fngldrf5saq3ltwvls5zfjqvtx50w'>nevent1q…x50w</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>“In the light of recent events”? 2024-08-24T12:32:20Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqstxc9we5wyefgceckvxu47y4lp2s265zyghq6xxr9lazqm3374trgzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hc9hp45l In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqszvsqqfxlpzuywsv9jm8tukh0wt2fxx563v3t0fq0qgurvxz3n76cc0r2r3'>nevent1q…r2r3</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>My main goal for now is running a marathon under 3:30 and a 21k in under 1:30. After that I’ll be focusing on ultra marathon distances and trail running. 2024-08-17T16:03:43Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqspkh759dexq4xmhhnd3tk9r0z66vnuhwqj2k7kc6z4jrs0e8jgwugzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcemrl77 In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqsgmsms26p2s4z08z8hwne436gphrlg5ew3gc93g77qcmms909n77q2mkcrv'>nevent1q…kcrv</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>I guess it depends on many factors, including weather, personal fitness, physiology, psychology, intensity, type of exercise, and so on. So far, I have never needed to bring more than 200-300 ml of water on a run and only on the hottest days. I hydrate before going out and regularly do 21k+ runs without taking any fluids with me. When doing races, I drink at every aid station though. 2024-08-17T11:12:51Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqswyfyxqlkepses2vc62utddlafsar5yjcp84qxcmgt0syszwkn7pgzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcuz8nqx In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqszxq40jtzv8pdtr6xdcktxahhmjxtkktgw88kg8c4mr4nnmracphc55fl69'>nevent1q…fl69</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>I for one have two upcoming races: a 21k at the 25th and a 42k at October 6th. Will be treating the 21k as a marathon pace training run as it’s too close to the full marathon. Going all out would shred my marathon training plan, seeing as I’d have to take a recovery week at the beginning of my peak training phase. 2024-08-17T10:26:42Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsw6ejg6v2u8zxzf7y7f5ecefs2lv5wpt8ftef24v79dqjt07ugd2qzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hchfek42 In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqsp9jsljwxjya0prh4pmdaa68tmsf56exmdfefllf7pqg2wpx2dh9ggugsdq'>nevent1q…gsdq</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>Probably. I just feel conflicted about the ever-growing technological buildup that not only happens within the elite running field but also casual runners. Feels unnecessary somehow, like providing industrial-strength equipment to regular households. But maybe I’m just old and grumpy. 😉 I&#39;ll be running my next races in carbon shoes after all… 2024-08-16T20:06:01Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsfj49ztxz7nw8ndjedtyhc25606ndvga36k6qe9l9krxn24ey3xnqzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcjjsu9j In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqsf8muz9spd74ynp9ketne645hqcj387j4dehze8kz6tuju57s4kucdeh23m'>nevent1q…h23m</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>Well, everybody does. But should speed really be the main goal with running? 2024-08-16T19:40:19Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsy84xu25acwtektey5zsn3fj5xklmxp5muahegt9nk3f79mlycrrczyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hct77s2q In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqsvhtrcg05nj9j7zv46cny34tw9flmfkh38jlqlfu0s36cq850ncuc3d8s7n'>nevent1q…8s7n</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>I’m curious: I get why you’d like carbon-plated shoes, having recently run in a pair of them. However, how do you figure those are “a must have” for a casual runner? 2024-08-16T14:52:48Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsdtqyy5u53rkqx3ezlkpcr6gn0lcwvtluqnlyvdtxyggf3l9xymwczyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcsvu3aw In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqsty5fdxpfjecdc0kmujdewtdcyhf7ue2j20d0upzxaln3n54uxm8grakjma'>nevent1q…kjma</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>Did I understand correctly from the spec sheet that they have a 24 mm drop and a rocker shape? It would appear they almost run by themselves once in motion. I wonder what kind of speeds I could achieve in them. 2024-08-16T13:47:36Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqszm3gz058ummpnqkdn9l5rx2z842kmfaxf3mk2csws4svuve0s47qzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcy8mzfr In reply to <a href='/nevent1qqst2qk7uyaywgmr89zac5e4cj48jvp75ztw4mez9gsaj8lysuyd6kq639p2p'>nevent1q…9p2p</a><br/>_________________________<br/><br/>Running shoe stack size has officially entered ridiculous territory now. I mean, the only ones with soles that thick used to be Buffalo platform shoes. 2024-08-16T13:29:02Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsyuvvee508ysy0vkwuhm43k0hy50t3d7fn0c3zuz2xrz8y5lmh8pqzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hc0xda07 Going back to regular shoes after #running in carbon plated ones feels like wading through sand grinding on asphalt. Very interesting. I can see how they could quickly get addictive. #NoteToSelf: limit use to speed workouts and races. 2024-08-09T17:14:25Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqsfjsc0yvuamrqjhszql09fcq4tyjtyth4jcv4luszzw49ah2rc0zczyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hc5s4yhu Since my original #Brooks Hyperion #running shoes decided to destroy my compression socks due to a manufacturing defect, I asked the retailer for a warranty replacement. Since the original colour (fire coral) is no longer available, they agreed to provide me with a successor Hyperion 2 instead. I’ll be testing them tomorrow.<br/><br/>Anyone in Germany looking for a reliable online retailer, I can recommend Runmarkt.de for its excellent customer service. They even replaced the affected socks at no cost.<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/112/908/753/971/376/291/original/5ea5b23fdbafdebc.jpeg"> <br/> 2024-08-05T09:41:00Z https://yabu.me/nevent1qqs9xnkafdpy4advj2q2dpfg0e8z7g026k4mgkpa9agfe88r4tr08yqzyqaqm75mzl0agccq7suvwk00fj9ajv5neqw42wvt4q9enhjmd76hcrdq5jw Last month was a great #running month, despite the constant heat.<br/> <img src="https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/112/886/611/464/530/958/original/498d58d71ed84633.jpeg"> <br/> 2024-08-01T11:49:52Z