Accoustic, You're totally right that I'm making an ...

2025-03-04T21:03:11Z

In reply to nevent1q…3gwe
_________________________

Accoustic,

You're totally right that I'm making an assumption. I'm hoping with all my heart....

....which brings me to this post, which will probably a long dull Gavin-style post wherein I will explain myself and use language as anodyne as I can and then show myself the door. It is not my purpose to attack, defend, or engage in any other sort of debate-ish activity. I wish only to be understood. If I'm sympathized with by people, so much the better, but if not, that's okay to; what will be will be.

I accept that there are some innate differences between men and women that come from biology, not many, but some. We have structural stuff, skeleton, muscles, etc. And we have normal-range hormonal and chemistry stuff which probably usually affects how we feel about our lives in the moment. Because and thoughts are in a feedback loop with each other, this also means that women will think a bit differently than men, second by second.....

...and that's pretty much it as far as I know and as far as I desperately hope. I have made two "gender essentialist" style comments that I believe are generally true although not absolutely true. I don't WANT to live in a world where it goes much further than that. I don't WANT to live in a world where anyone can possibly decide that because I am male, that there's something in me that is inherently dangerous or bad or flawed because if there is, my size and strength makes me inherently dangerous and flawed.

The normies have already destroyed my life because they caught me with cp and know I'm a MAP. They already believe that I can't be anything but a terrible predator, worse than a murderer or a nazi. If it turns out that science shows that I'm something alien to women, something that widens the gulf between myself and women, that's not just repugnant to me, it's also terrifying insofar as it lengthens the odds that I'll ever be seen as good again. How can I possibly be good? I'm MALE and men are more likely to just be horrible and frightening and dangerous and violent etc.

They're likely to be like the men I was drowning in when I was in jail. Less so, prison, but most definitely jail. There were days when I honestly thought I was going to lose my mind.

Anyway.....

....so, uhhh, I do creative things. I write, I do 3d stuff, I'm involved (to the extent that I can be while still keeping myself anonymous and safe) with web3 creative stuff. I call it my work, but I rarely make any money. I masturbate a lot and love porn. These are two things that I do that fall outside of the rest of my daily existence. Bio maintence, (eating, sleeping, etc) also falls outside of what I'm all about, now.

What I'm really about, ever day (including holidays), year after year, from waking, to sleep, is trying to survive and to work toward a day where I can provide MATERIAL assistance to competent and productive elements in MAPWorld to make our cause stronger.

Why am I one of the only pedi citizens that ever talks about crypto in a positive way? Because, at its best, crypto was designed to move social and economic power to the people. This is populist and everything thinks that's just a polite word for "fascist," but there's left populism as well. There's also liberal populism. Crypto, at its best, is a technology that erodes and weakens the centralized power of the many to enforce norms and conceptions of social reality on the few. Weakened hegemony might mean deathcamps and pogroms for MAPs OR it might mean tremendous opportunity for MAPs. To speak figuratively, the cracks and gaps in "the system" become wider, maybe WAY wider which gives lots of room for the few and the weak to flourish when they couldn't before.

Crypto at its worst, is a giant hyperfinancialized gym sock for greedy social parasites to have a circle jerk with and squirt their jizz into. And this is why I'm not just an occasional poster about Ethereum regenerative solarpunk techno-hippy shit, but have ALSO been teaching myself how to trade the markets. I understand that the amassing of wealth will go far to protect me in the short term while increasing my odds of working "the system" to become good again in the longer term. Furthermore, while I'm doing this, I can also, as I said, provide material assistance to teams of MAPs who have their shit together and are actually doing stuff. MEDAL and Bt+ are both examples of orgs that I would strongly consider giving money to if I had a lot of money. B4UACT, insofar as they engage in actual truthseeking science about MAPs is a more established org that I'd also consider. etc. etc.

The books I read. The youtube videos I watch every day, most of the day, the thoughts I think. The long dumb posts I write on pedi....almost all of it is either directly or indirectly about advancing the cause of MAP liberation and dignity because I know without those things, my chances of becoming good again are almost zero.....

...and eventually, I'll die if I can't be good again. Anything that makes my chances of being good again smaller is a temptation to suicide either fast or slow.

This is existential for me. It can be nothing less.

*

So yeah, do I think it's possible that pedo is mostly a man thing? Yes. Am I assuming that it's not? Yes.

If it turns out to to actually be overwhelmingly a man thing, assuming I can handle that aspect of a reality I already find rather horrifying, my next option, other than suicide would be to become uber transhumanist and look forward to when I could upload my mind and get rid of my man-body all together. I want to be good again much more than I need to be a human or to have a penis.

Am I mono-maniacal? Uhh, probably.
Am I mentally ill? Probably. I believe I have good reason to be.

Okay, that's it. I'm done. I'll go buzz off now. :)

I expect that newer research will, over time, begin to ...

2025-03-04T19:16:56Z

In reply to nevent1q…jvc0
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I expect that newer research will, over time, begin to progressively show that older research was wrong.

You're really smart and really great to see in my feed every ...

2024-09-16T14:30:08Z

In reply to nevent1q…q2t7
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You're really smart and really great to see in my feed every day, Sofia. When you say you actually honestly want all of us to be happy, I believe you and, I think you might already have skills to start making that happen, to say nothing of what you'll look like in 2-5 years.

I've already said this before, but I'll say it again, because I think it bears repeating.

Where MAPWorld is right now is a place of fear, defeatism, and extreme risk-aversion. Because of this, attempts to even discuss building tech to help us come together offline, to BETTER come together online, and to be happier and healthier are always met immediately with commentary from people about how difficult or overly risky these projects would be.

So, step one for us is to be able to change our fear/hope balance and to start becoming a bit braver and more ambitious. We can't even begin to get serious about community, infrastructure, and wealth until we get to a place where we seriously believe those things are even possible.

You want to help all of us be happy? Start thinking about how to give the people that push in the right direction. What can be said, and what small things could actually maybe DONE to begin to uhhh, to fertilize our mental soil so that we can start growing more hope and belief and less fear. :)

Nostr notes by GavinPrynne

Accoustic, You're totally right that I'm making an ...

I expect that newer research will, over time, begin to ...

You're really smart and really great to see in my feed every ...